It is not in the stars
by KeelieThompson1
Summary: When an enemy discovers Merlin's secretly a girl, a plot begins that threatens to undo all that she has worked for and destroy Arthur. Story begins between series 2 and 3 during the search for Morgana. Read AN's for warnings!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin!

Summary: When an enemy discovers Merlin's actually female a plot begins that threatens to undo all that she has worked for and destroy Arthur. Warnings: dark themes later on - there will be warnings at the beginning of the appropriate chapters so please pay attention to ANs!

This is slightly AU in that some things that happen throughout the series would be changed as Merlin is a girl – see "Masters of their fate" for some of this which is the back story to "It is not in the stars".

_**AN – 07/10/11 – Just to let previous readers know that this is a revised chapter as it was so god awful when it was first posted! I will be updating the fic on sundays from now on and will be rewriting the chapters when I have the time. The content won't change too much, just the style and hopefully spelling and grammar! I will make a slight note at the top of the revised chapters so you can see when it's been changed.**_

_**Please enjoy.**_

* * *

It was far too dark and far too cold. After months of riding and camping out in the middle of no-where, Merlin was starting to dread the coming winter. No longer were they sitting out through the warm summer nights and swapping light hearted stories to chase the shadows away. Instead, looking around the camp-fire where Arthur sat, all of the man had turned sombre, serious. As if they all were starting to realise the futility of their search and the utter determination of the Kind to continue it no matter what.

And, seeing their pensive faces and feeling the pressing silence, Merlin just wanted to hide from them all. If they knew what she knew they wouldn't be searching. Morgana didn't want to be found and Morgause would not let her be found. The entire thing was pointless. And as the winter set crept in the task became more and more dangerous.

In the half light cast by the flickering fire Merlin fumbled with the bags upon the horse, struggling to undo the buckles with numb fingers and shivering hands. They'd found nothing all day and had stayed on the horses for so long that Merlin was half amazed her feet had remembered what to do when they touched the ground again. She hated riding like this. But it wasn't as if she could leave Arthur to it.

No. If left to his own devices Arthur would probably end up surrounded by evil sorcerers or being chased by the only magical creature for a hundred miles. He was like a magnet for magical mayhem...any mayhem actually Merlin corrected herself as he muttered something to his men that made them chuckle.

Not that she was much good in the camp. As it was there were so many people about she couldn't use much magic at all out of fear someone would hear the low mutter of a spell or see the flash of gold in her eyes. She didn't even dare use it to undo the buckle, despite the trouble she was having with it.

"Do you need help Merlin?" Arthur called out from his place by the fire, his voice laden with sarcasm. "Is the task proving to difficult?"

"No." She added the silent _prat_ in her head, knowing from the looks she'd received previously that the the soldiers and knights wouldn't approve.

"Then what's taking so long?"

"It takes as long as it takes," She just about restrained herself from snapping back.

There was a mutter from a certain prince and then sniggers of laughter again.

Well, at least she was keeping them all amused she supposed.

"When you manage to win what I'm sure is a very trying battle with the buckle, I'll be in my tent."

Merlin glanced over at the tent that the scouts had finished putting up just before the rest of them had arrived. Once and only once had Arthur told her to ride ahead with them. He'd never asked again after her sudden bout of clumsiness.

"Fine." She said looking back down at the buckle, sure that she must be missing some trick with it.

She could almost feel Arthur's glare at her response.

"You shouldn't let the boy talk to you like that." One of the knights muttered from the fire. Merlin allowed herself to glare a little at the older knight and wished that they'd been able to remain with Sir Leon's squad for a little longer. But Sir Leon had been called back to Camelot in the absence of Arthur and the threat of the weather not allowing a quick recall of troops should it become necessary.

"It's only Merlin," Arthur replied with a nonchalant shrug as he walked towards the tent, "He's always been a little strange."

Merlin took a deep breath and with a final tug the bag suddenly gave way and came off. Merlin glared at it soundly before hoisting it up with the others and carrying it inside.

* * *

The prince had a whole tent to himself. It was the only redeemable feature to the endless roaming they were undertaking. Not that she had too much of an issue sleeping on the floor; she'd done it enough times growing up, but she slept so much better in a tent. More importantly Arthur always slept better when he was in a tent. The prince became terribly surly after a few days of interrupted sleep and she was sure that, if the entire camp was asked what provision was the most needed, the princes tent would be the top priority.

And he always shared it with her. No matter how much she'd genuinely annoyed him or how much he seemed to glare at her for making the slightest bit of noise when he obviously just wanted to think, he always had a slither of floor space for her to curl up in.

Out of the chilling wind Merlin had to bit her lips to keep the contented sigh from bursting out of her. It was so much warmer in the tent and she could feel her toes curl in anticipation of warmth.

Arthur nodded in greeting at her and the pack and then continued to strip off once the tent flap was closed. In a well practised manoeuvre, Merlin avoided staring at him directly and simply busied herself with unpacking for the prince. It was times like these that the whole pretence got really, really hard. Arthur mocking Merlin's bravery was annoying but bearable, the chores and such were frustrating and back breaking and everything else but it was this stuff more than anything that made Merlin the most uncomfortable.

Most of the time it was pretty easy for Merlin herself to forget that she wasn't a boy. Even Gaius seemed to forget half the time until there was a sudden awkward remembrance and he got a little strange and stuttery with her and then made some mumbled excuse to leave. But that wasn't half as bad as living on the road with a group of men who, to be fair, saw absolutely no reason not strip and change and generally discuss things that Merlin really didn't want to hear about.

Or serving Arthur who seemed to have no problem walking in to his quarters or room or tent and ordering her about as he changed and bathed. Thankfully he had never engaged her in a discussion like the ones that he had around the camp-fire. Apart from that one conversation about Lady Vivian and that had been more funny than anything else.

Arthur was a terrible poet she had discovered.

And so she pulled out the supplies and searched for Arthur's shirts. When the rustling of clothes stopped she glanced over her shoulder, confused at the lack of noise.

Arthur had stopped and was staring past the stump that acted as a table for the large, and far too ornate, map that Arthur used, his face lost in thought. Hesitantly she grabbed the shirt and stood up, walking over to him.

"I know you like showing off, but put some clothes on before you catch your death," she told him holding the rumpled fabric out to him. "In case you haven't noticed it's freezing"

He took it slowly, his mind still elsewhere. "How long has it been now Merlin?"

"Six months." She didn't need to ask what he was talking about. Morgana's disappearance was the main topic of discussion no matter where they went.

"Seems longer" Arthur muttered.

Not for the first time Merlin wondered exactly how Arthur felt about the dark haired Lady that had caused so much trouble. But then Arthur seemed to flit between love and friendship for women quicker than he dressed. One moment he seemed only interested in friendship with Gwen and the next he was watching her with a certain look that made Merlin want to roll her eyes at him. Then Morgana would be the object of his affection but the day after he'd be teasing her like a sister. And that wasn't even mentioning half the other noble women that he came in contact with.

Arthur was possibly the most fickle man that Merlin had ever met.

"Did the messenger have any news?" Merlin asked picking up the discarded clothes from the floor. Would it really kill Arthur to occasionally throw them into a pile rather than scatter them about him like breadcrumbs for ducks?

Arthur's jaw set itself and he raised his eyes to the tent top before nodding, "Oh yes Merlin, he came and told me exactly where she was and who was holding her but I decided to stay here and talk to you instead."

Merlin narrowed her eyes, "I was only asking."

"Yes, well" Arthur stood up with ease, "Sorry, I forget that you tend to ask ridiculous questions at the most annoying moments," he stared at the shirt and then sighed, "You have no idea what I'd do for a bath now."

Merlin shrugged and looked down at the clothes she'd picked up. "The lake's only a few minutes away," she suggested with an evil smile.

"Well at least I wouldn't get burnt by it." Arthur huffed and Merlin had to bit her lip to stop herself for snapping at him. He was determined to never let that go it seemed. "You can go out in the morning, first thing, and check how cold it is for me," he continued, his tone sounding as if he was intentionally trying to get on her nerves.

"Of course." Merlin agreed with a bite in her tone. "I'll hop off down and come straight back to tell you how quickly I'm dying of pneumonia."

Arthur nodded seriously as if that was what any good servant would do. "See that you do." He sighed and stretched out his arms, reminding her of just how tall he was and how much space he could take up. As she watched him his expression turned slightly sour as he spotted something and frowned.

"Merlin."

"Yes?"

Arthur pulled that face, that slightly stilted face that usually meant that Merlin had done something irritating. She'd recognised that expression within about three days of working for the Prince.

"I think there may have been something that you have forgotten to do."

Merlin glanced around, "Really?" she asked surprised and starting to go over the mental list in her head.

"What am I standing on?" he asked in that bored and weary way of his.

"The floor...ah." Merlin shifted from one foot to the other, "I suppose you want your bedding laid out for you sire." She flashed him a half guilty, half amused look.

"That would be helpful" Arthur said a little too nicely, "Unless you're too tired from all the...work you've done today. Cowering behind a hut must have taken it out of you after all."

His voice had a little more venom than it usually would and for a second she couldn't tell if he was actually enjoying their battle of the wits the way he usually did or whether he was actually angry with her. Inwardly she sighed, knowing the pressures that he was under and that they had been riding hard and fighting equally as hard for far longer than anyone wanted to. "Not at all Arthur, I'll do it straight away," she said without a hint of sarcasm in her tone.

"Aren't I lucky" Arthur muttered. "Try to have it done by the time I get back."

Merlin nodded and started to spread the things out as Arthur stormed off out of the tent. There was a rumble of voices outside as Merlin made what could only be described as a little nest for the Prince. She shook her head as she started to lay out a much less comfortable bed for herself. Perhaps tomorrow they'd both be in a better mood.

* * *

The prat was true to his word. At the first hint of light in the morning Merlin found herself roughly shaken awake from her cosy spot nestled with a cloak.

"Wake up Merlin," he muttered with a quiet annoyance.

She sprung up, honestly believing that the only way that Arthur would wake before she did was if they were under attack, "What...Arthur...?"

"Go see how cold the lake is," he ordered her, the still shadowy figure sitting back down.

It took a few seconds for the words to register and even longer for her to turn them over in her head to find their meaning. Blinking in confusion she screwed her face up in what she thought was his direction.

"What?" she asked, too tired to hate how idiotic she sounded.

"The lake," he started to lie back down, "I have decided that I really fancy a swim. I need to know if it's unbearably cold..." there was a long pause, "Although what's unbearable for you might be luke warm for the rest of us," he added, his voice sounding a lot lighter and far more teasing than it the night before.

"Maybe you should wait for the sun to warm it," she suggested, hopeful that if she didn't give him too much cheek he might let her get another half an hour in the warm tent.

"We won't have time for that," Arthur told her, "Just go"

She nearly sobbed into the scrap of material that she'd used as a pillow.

"Merlin" Arthur's voice took on an indignant tone, as if he couldn't quite believe that she hadn't made any move yet. "Go"

Absolute and complete prat!

* * *

Outside was cold, just as she'd feared. She had briefly entertained the idea of running back into the tent and telling him that she was a girl and a sorceress to boot just so that he'd arrest her and let her forgo the lake. A few of the soldiers were moving around the camp, dismantling certain things and packing the horses once more. They sent her a withering look that told her news of her bravery yesterday had spread quicker than she would have liked.

The path beyond the camp was eerily silent, not even a bird made a sound as she walked it. The trees swayed in the faint breeze making that almost water-like-whooshing sound and adding a creepy quality to her mission. Normally she would have delighted in it, loved the mist that rose from the ground and smiled at the feel in the air. She loved the times in between night and day, it felt like the time for magic, the time for secrecy and power.

Now it was just the time of day that she shouldn't be up for. She utterly ignored the beauty, the atmosphere, the quiet and stomped on furiously.

Slowly the path opened out and suddenly she was upon the lake. It stretch out like a great glass mirror, not a ripple in sight. The sight of it calmed her down somewhat, but not enough to stop her from muttering to herself.

She crouched carefully down by the bank and dipped a finger in so quickly that she barely felt the wetness of the water, let alone the temperature.

Of course his royal pain in the backside wouldn't exactly be happy about that. Huffing and glaring up at the heavens, because of course this was their fault with the whole destiny thing. Resigned, she dipped her hand into the water and yelped.

It was cold! Freezing. She yanked her hand out with such force that she ended up toppling over and landing flat on her back on the grass.

As she lay there, winded, cold and fuming, a face appeared in her eye-line. A strong chin, a hint of a nose and blond hair above.

"Graceful as ever!" Arthur muttered with an exaggerated, disapointed sigh.

Arthur did not look as good as he usually did from below. She glared up at his chin as he ignored her and stared out towards the lake. She scrambled back up to her knees and then to her feet to stand beside him.

"Well?" he asked her.

She frowned in confusion and blinked owlishly up at him. "It's cold," she told him.

He huffed and walked closer to the lake, she matched his pace, walking with him, "I know it's cold Merlin, I'm not an idiot. Is it too cold though?"

"Too cold for me." she told him wondering exactly how long he'd keep babbling until she could leave.

"Mmm" he said thoughtfully getting a little closer too, "I imagine it would be very bracing. Certainly would make us alert."

_Do not kill the Prince, Do not kill the Prince._

"Possibly" she said, slightly resigned to the fact that no matter what happened she was probably going to have to dip something in the lake again. "Why don't you check for yourself?"

He turned to her with a wicked smile. She had just a second to realise what the pig was about to do before he did it and let out a shriek that was far too girly for her masquerade to allow. Before she knew it he'd grabbed on to her and sent them both hurtling into that icy cold lake.

The cold took her breath away, numbing everything to the point of pain. The water crashed as they tumbled through the surface, bubble racing past them both and forcing her body back to life. She was certain that had it not been for his arms stil around her, dragging her down and then back up to the surface, she would have simply sunk to the bottom before remembering how to breathe and swim. Arthur didn't seem to have any difficulty at all as he propelled them both upwards and let out a satisfied gasp when they got to air.

And then the rush of the water disappeared and instead all she could hear was the wind and the birds twittering for dawn. Then Arthur's laughterr broke through the blessed stillness, too loud and gleeful to be appreciated. She smoothed her arms through the water and pushed away from him, kicking at him as she swam away.

"Can't use sleepiness as an excuse today Merlin," he all but chortled at her, seeming utterly unfazed by her attempts.

She ignored him and started to swim for the shore, job be damned.

"Merlin," the prince singsonged at her. She heard him starting to splash and before she knew it he'd managed to catch up with her annoyingly quickly. "We really need to improve your swimming technique," he told her solemnly.

It was hard to shoot a death stare at someone when you were cold, swimming and trying not to drown; Merlin was pretty sure that she failed miserably at it. Still she pulled some expression that made him laugh.

"Where's your sense of fun?" He complained turning on his back and still managing to keep pace with her.

"Far away from you," she snapped making him laugh again. He shook his head and started to swim away from her.

"Go tell some of the knights and soldiers to come in if they want to. You're really no fun this morning Merlin."

When she finally got to the point where she could start to stagger out of the lake and she turn to glare at him he was lazing away as if he did't have a care in the world.

Even as she turned away again she could feel her anger evaporating a little at the sight of him like that. Instead she huffed at the wind as it whipped through her and tried to work out if she could convince enough of the soldiers and knights to join Arthur so that she could practice for a little. So many months without her spell book made her worry that she was growing rusty.

She was so focused on her plans that she didn't hear the tell-tell sounds until it was too late. She froze when she finally recognised the clash of swords and the shouts of battle.

They'd been found.

Eyes widening she turned, intending to flee to Arthur to warn him when, out of nowhere, a hand wrapped around her mouth and around her waist.

"It's that manservant of his," a voice behind her hissed. "The Prince can't be far away. Find him."

Merlin struggled but, unable to see how many where behind her and exactly who they were, she risked signing her own death warrant by using magic. It didn't exactly help matters when a sharp pain echoed from her head and she had the very odd sensation of being awake and yet not being awake as she started to slump in her captive's arms. The last thing she saw before she slipped into unconsciousness was the backs of three men going towards the lake.

_Nowhere near enough men,_ she thought before it all went black


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognise as being owned by other people!

Summary: When an enemy discovers Merlin's actually female a plot begins that threatens to undo all that she has worked for and destroy Arthur. Warnings: dark themes later on - there will be warnings at the beginning of the appropriate chapters so please pay attention to ANs!

* * *

Opening her eyes seemed like the most stupid thing to do the moment she did it. At once her vision swum and her head throbbed as if she'd been at the ale too much. Coughing made the headache worse but at least it managed to get the awful taste of copper out of her mouth.

Gasping she tried to collapse to the floor, confused as to why she was still standing. But thick ropes held her solidly in place, strapped to the wooden pole that held the tent up at the centre. Her hands felt heavy and there were cold bands wrapped around her wrists.

Panicking she looked around. The dull brown fabric of the tent was thick and let no light in...though maybe it was dark and that was why she could see no light through the weave. It was certainly warm inside, too warm for a tent...

Twisting her head she managed to catch a glimpse of a fire out of the corner of her eye. Confused she looked around, and then up seeing that there was no gap for the smoke...

...and that there was no smoke.

Magic.

Arthur.

Dragging in a desperate breath she glanced about again, knowing even as she scanned the tent in front of her again that Arthur wasn't there. With any luck he'd escaped...

"Awake at last I see."

The voice came from behind her, just as it had last time. Merlin tried to twist around, to see who it was and if she recognised him and if she could risk using her magic...

Slowly the owner of the voice walked into her line of vision. The man was huge; built like a bear with long dark hair and eyes that looked far to triumphant for her comfort. Merlin tried to keep her chin jutted out in defiance even though inwardly her heart was racing with fear. Magic or no this man could do some serious damage. And she was tied up. And he was just plain huge. Even his face seemed utterly solid with a very square chin and a nose that had to have been broken a number of times.

His lips were turned up, a half smile that worried her more than anything else. Nonchalantly he pulled a stump from the side of the tent with one hand and sat himself down on it, facing her and letting his eyes roam.

She wanted to curl up and away from it, but the ropes and chains held her steady and simply waiting under his gaze.

"Are you not going to ask after your Prince?" he asked eventually, settling himself back as if satisfied about something.

"You haven't got him." She snapped, almost sure of what she was saying. "If you had you'd have more of a fuss about it."

Snorting in amusement the man nodded, "Your beloved Prince wasn't as easy to capture as you it seems. He and a few of his men escaped. Fled." He smiled cruelly. "In fact, you have the honour of being my only prisoner."

Merlin blinked in confusion and then down at the ropes that kept her immobile. "Why? I'm a servant. What could you possibly hope to get out of this?"

No reply was given. Instead he watched her still; that long, low assessing look that made her feel like a prize piece of meat hanging in the butchers shop. In the end he leant back, folding his arms looking ever so calm. He seemed to be considering his words.

"It's strange," He mused, eyes locking with hers, "Every single attempt against that castle has been foiled in the past few years. The only time amazing coincidental events don't happen seems to be when Arthur isn't in the castle. And then of course there was the Dragon. The Dragon that flew away to die and yet was spotted not three days ago." He leant forward, that look of triumph growing and his voice lowering as if her was about to tell her a great secret, "Two people faced down that Dragon, two people are always around when these miraculous things happen. So it stands to reason that one of these two people...has magic."

Merlin didn't let a flicker of expression show on her face. Instead she tried to paste a look of polite confusion on. Yet it didn't seem to dissuade him in any way; still he leaned forward and still he continued on. "Personally I would bet that person is you." He finished with his smile almost bursting his face.

"It's an interesting theory" Merlin said trying to stay calm and flexing her fingers trying to find some way of escape.

"Isn't it?" He took off a boot and then started to remove the other one. She watched him trying to work out exactly what he was going to do. Any enemy of Uther's tended to be magical so perhaps she would be safe from execution...

...perhaps she could still convince him that she had no more magic than Uther himself.

"Who are you?" Merlin asked watching him.

The man smiled and glanced at the fading fire. With a muttered word and a flutter of his fingers the fire burst into a rich, happy flame. She swallowed feeling even more unsure of herself; she usually used her hands for magic and they were strapped behind her, bound tightly. Yet the strangeness of the situation stayed her hand from even trying to use it. Usually she knew exactly where Arthur was because the person she was facing was trying to kill the prince. Now she hadn't a clue where Arthur was and how to predict the man's movements because she couldn't quite tell what it was that he wanted.

"My name is Griffith," he told her. "And as you can see it appears we have something in common."

"We really don't" Merlin snapped.

"We shall see." He said still unruffled. "It was my original plan to interrogate you and demand your allegiance. But then guess what I discovered?"

Merlin glanced up at the tent's top almost wanting to laugh. "I have no idea."

Suddenly his face was far too close to her and she resisted the instinctive urge to flinch back at the proximity.

"Oh I think you do."

The smell of sweat and blood and stale breath hit her and she couldn't suppress the wince from it. Swallowing tightly she tried to avoid breathing out of her nose...or even breathing at all.

"See I have an unusual gift with magic. I can see it, see spells and such. You have a spell that keeps...shall we say "certain things" bound." He glanced down at her chest leeringly.

She glanced down with him and nearly yelped in surprise. The bandaging around her chest which usually kept her breasts from being noticed had been freed. She glanced wildly back up at him, panic starting to mount.

"The manservant is a girl servant," he cackled with delight and moved away much to her relief. "Does anyone know?" he asked with glee. "Or does Arthur have you service more of his needs than we all thought?"

She felt her mouth drop open in shock.

He moved back up close and she tensed again feeling completely off balance. He stroked her cap of hair and she felt pinpricks in her head and that tugging feeling that she used to know as a child when she pulled a knot out of her hair with a brush. She felt stray tendrils tickle her shoulder as he stroked longer and longer.

He was growing her hair out.

Great. How on earth was she going to explain this to Arthur if he turned up to rescue her.

If.

Griffith stepped back, eyes roaming over her. "Everyone always said you were a pretty boy." He hissed, "You're not a bad looking girl either." He smiled at his own joke. "I tell you what sweetheart, I'll give you a chance."

Long strands of midnight hair tickled her eyes as she attempted to glare at him furiously. Flexing her fingers she tried to do a spell as she had done before she came to Camelot; without words or sound.

Nothing happened. It was all too clear that if she wanted to do magic she would have to make it obvious exactly what she was doing.

And even then it might not work.

"You're loyal to the Prince." Griffith walked over to a bag in the tent and studied it. "Why?"

"Because...because." She huffed. "He's Arthur."

The dark eyes turned towards her and she couldn't decide whether he seemed pleased or annoyed. "He's Uther's son."

"But not Uther." She argued. "He should not suffer for his fathers crimes."

Griffith tilted his head to the side, "Uther's had a few...miraculous escapes from death as well since you arrived in Camelot."

"He..." She hesitated, not knowing what to say and whether she wanted to drop the pretence that she had no magic. "He's lucky." She settled for saying.

"More than he deserves." Griffith looked down at the bag and what was within it. "Is it pointless then? To ask you to agree to work against the Pendragon line? To bribe and buy you?"

"It would be pointless." She murmured, hoping beyond reason that he might just let her go.

And then he rounded on her suddenly, so suddenly it was as if a candle had just blown out. In his hands he held a knife that was instantly against her cheek, it's cold weight threatening her skin.

Dragging in a terrified breath, she stared up at him with huge eyes.

"Any friend of the Pendragon line is an enemy of mine." He hissed, all semblance of the calm man vanishing.

This was it. This was how she was going to die. She sucked in a breath, about to whisper words that would give her a fighting chance when the knife lowered.

"But there's a way with this." Griffith stepped back as if calming himself, "A way that I can use it."

"Wait." she tugged on the chains trying to follow where he was going with her eyes, "What are you going to do?"

"Plan." he said with a dangerous smile, "I'd better do it fast though because Prince Charming on his way." He sneered at the mention of Arthur as he disappeared towards the tent entrance behind her. She allowed herself to relax a little.

Hands grabbed her waist and he was suddenly behind her and the pole, his mouth close to her ear causing her to instantly tense in fear. "So no magic sweetheart because he could turn up any moment and then where would you be? He probably wouldn't even recognise you." He snickered, and she tried to hunch her neck as she felt spittle fly into her ear. "But in the aim of having a good plan I suppose I'd better ask, "he added after a moment of groping, his hands stroking her sides gently sending shivers down her spine. "If Arthur were here, on that pole opposite and I was about to run him through would you stop me?"

"Yes" she whispered trying to keep away from his mouth and keep an eye on his roaming hands.

"With magic? Would you risk exposing yourself to the man who would potentially order your execution."

She swallowed unsure if what answer to give him. His nose nudged at her neck and she tried to pull away but a hand came up and held her head steady.

"Yes." She barely heard the word herself.

The smile on his lips brushed against the skin on her neck making her shudder, "Do you love him?" he murmured as almost sweetly.

"No" she answered instantly, horrified at even the idea of it.

She felt him laugh, "You would die for this man who would kill you and yet you do not love him?"

"No it's Arthur" she said as if that explained everything. And in her mind it did. Arthur was Arthur.

Annoying, arrogant and stubborn and Arthur-ish.

"Oh sweetheart" Gripping her chin tightly he turned her head towards him and stroked her hair, "You're going to love what I have brewing for you." He bit her ear causing her to wince and struggle again, his grip as hard as iron "Because I'm right and you're utterly wrong."

Then he was gone.

* * *

"I," Griffith announced striding back into the tent like he was on top of the world, "Have figured it out."

"Fantastic" she told him watching him carefully and hoping to anything that he kept his distance from her this time.

A chant left his lips and his eyes flashed. It took her so much by surprise that she didn't have time to listen to the words he spoke and she didn't recognise that ending of the spell. Fearful, she narrowed her eyes worried. So on edge and scared of what he might have done she almost didn't notice the effect the spell had.

The tunic and leggings of her normal outfit had changed, merged into a dress. She gaped down at what she could see through the chains and what she could feel on her body. Uncomfortable and strangely trying to work out the last time that she'd been in one she wriggled and glared. The dress wasn't an elegant one, not like Morganna used to wear for certain. But it was a dress and she felt awkwardly feminine in it.

"Much better" Griffith crowed. He stepped towards her looking thoughtful.

All of a sudden his hand came flying out towards her and he backhanded her with a surprising viciousness. One of his rings caught her cheek and she felt the skin tear a little from it. Another hand gripped her throat and was unnerved to realise dimly that one hand could squeeze her throat quite happily. She gasped up at him.

"Now, I think it will be much better for all concerned if you follow me on this," his hand squeezed to emphasise his point. "Merlin escaped. You have been captured from one of the villages and you saw him leave. Understood."

"What?" she gasped looking at him with confusion.

"Arthur is on his way." Griffith smiled, "I knew he would. Poor boy must be ever so confused." He winked at her, "Or maybe as deep in denial as you."

She scrunched up her face, not understanding one word of what the idiot was saying. It made him laugh even harder.

"So, you get to play damsel in distress," He told her, suddenly ripping at the skirt of the dress and showing a good deal of her leg in the process. He scratched at her collarbone and pulled a little at the front putting her cleavage worryingly on display. A knife edge flickered against her leg causing pain to erupt as he created a shallow gash oh her thigh.

He pulled away and she stared at him wide eyed. He muttered something again and the chains surrounding her vanished into smoke. The ones on her wrists remained behind her and around the pole.

He stepped back, admiring her handiwork and tilted his head to the side.

"Can you not start crying" he asked her with irritation.

"What?" she asked in disbelief, "No".

He glared at her and then came in close forcing his lips against hers.

It was terrible. In the back of her mind was the echoing disbelief that this was how she got her first kiss! From a half mad sorcerer who seemed to be trying to set some kind of weird scene. His breath hadn't improved since the last time he'd been this close and she desperately tried to squirm and escape it. He stole her breath and she found her eyes watering from the smell and the lack of air.

Somehow the kiss kept on going, his tongue trying to squirm inside her mouth and his teeth bruising her lips. She started to feel light-headed. How did people enjoy this? It was horrible.

Finally he pulled away and she gasped and spluttered, eyes watering. She looked up at him and saw him frowning.

"That will have to do," he huffed.

Then he left.

She stood in disbelief.

"Ah, almost forgot." he said popping back into her line of vision once more. "Here."

He wrapped a scarf around her mouth that she recognised as her own, effectively gagging her. She made an angry noise at him as he stepped back.

"Start thinking of a name sweetheart." he winked.

* * *

With great relief she heard the clattering if hooves not too long after Griffith and his men departed. For a long time she tried over and over again to use her magic with no success. She didn't want to risk screaming the spell out to compensate for the lack of hand movement in case there were those nearby who would hear.

Knowing her luck that day it would probably be Arthur.

Annoyed at the helpless feeling Griffith had stirred within her she struggled with the bindings in the normal, painful and unsuccessful way. By squirming and wriggling her wrists until they became sticky with blood and sweat. The rope continued to dig in and she felt her eyes smart at the pain it caused.

She felt like such a pathetic thing, waiting for Arthur to comes and rescue her and crying like some poor damsel in distress. If Arthur knew the truth he'd probably be laughing for days on end.

She still struggled when the noise of the hooves stopped. She insanely hoped that perhaps if she got loose she could avoid everything and foil Griffith's mad scheme, whatever it was, at the same time.

A blast of cold air hit the back of her legs and she winced at how cold she felt when the wind wooshed up her skirt a little. Torn between turning her head to try and see who it was and trying to hide into the wooden pole behind her, she simply froze and did nothing.

"What the..."

Arthur. Of course it had to be Arthur.

He came into her field of vision slowly, his back to her and sword naked. Working his way round slowly, he seemed to be under the impression that someone might jump out at him any moment. "Are they still here?" he asked, looking around the tent with his back to her.

Typical bloody idiot!

When he got no reply she saw his back stiffen in anger and he continued to make his own sweeping search of the tent. Once he was satisfied he turned to her and only then did he see the gag. To her surprise, and frank astonishment, a slight red flush hit his cheeks as he realised his error. Then the blush was gone and a myriad of emotions flittered across his face; there was anger, worry, hesitation and something else that she wasn't sure about. Then she saw panic.

Slowly and carefully he removed the gag from around her mouth. She hadn't realised how much it had hurt her until it left her mouth. It felt like she'd been chewing on sand-dust her mouth was so dry. She swallowed forcefully again and again to get some form of moisture.

"Better?" he asked in a gentle voice, one she barely heard him use.

Not trusting her voice she settled for simply nodding to him.

"This scarf" he said a little more urgency in his voice. "Have you seen the boy it belonged to?"

She nodded "He escaped" she managed, surprised by how much her voice hurt her and the sound of it now that Griffith had removed those charms too apparently.

Arthur actually looked annoyed and shook his head in irritation, "Why can't he just stay put?" he muttered glaring at the tent. He suddenly seemed to come back to himself, "Um...sorry lets get you undone."

It surprised her that she flinched when he touched her wrists and she couldn't see him. A hiss of sympathy and the ring of a blade was all she could hear and then, miraculously her hands were free. She gasped in relief and tried to turn around to thank him or scold him for being so stupid as to go after an enemy with what had to be a very depleted amount of men.

To her embarrassment her legs gave way, unused to moving after such a long period of time. Arthur actually caught her as she stumbled and swept her up into his arms.

Four days ago he'd watched with a raised eyebrow and half amused smile when she'd fallen. Now he encouraged her to put her arms around his neck and acted the dashing and gallant hero. She hid her face, unsure whether to laugh or cry at the entire situation.

Not many of Arthur's men had survived the attack on the camp, five actually it seemed. Those that remained all stood by the horses looking disappointed and a little aimless.

"Any sign of the boy?"

"No" Arthur's chest rumbled as he spoke. "According to this young lady he escaped."

"Typical" One of them muttered.

She glanced at the man who had spoken unsure if they'd even spoken with each other. Did people think she was that much of a coward?

"Shall we ride on?" one of the men asked.

Arthur stood still for a moment as if her weight wasn't even a problem for him. "They've fled for whatever reason and it's getting dark. It would be best to take advantage of the camp."

"Very well"

The man started to busy themselves with duties and Merlin glanced up at Arthur who still stood looking as if his mind was elsewhere. He slowly came back to himself and looked down at her.

The camp that Griffith and his men had set up was small but well laid out. There were three tents in all and they'd left enough food for Arthur, his men and Merlin. Without asking she knew that Arthur wouldn't so much as sniff it. Whether it was self preservation and suspicion of poisoning or whether it was arrogance and sheer noble mindedness that he wasn't scrounging food from others she didn't know.

Arthur walked them into the smallest tent that was there. It was the same ugly brown that she had been staring at for hours on end and had a fire still burning merrily. Thankfully the spells that suppressed the smoke were still holding. It was warm and it was dry and she got to sit down. It was all she could ask for.

Perching her on a log Arthur knelt before her and pulled a bag open. With surprising competence he started to get out the healing equipment that had survived the raid. It was on the tip of her tongue to snap at him at one point that he was holding the wrong jar but she sat back in amazement when he corrected himself and took the right jar out instead. Popping the lid he dipped his fingers in before reaching out to touch her cheek.

She flinched back from his fingers before they could connect. It was stupid she knew. Arthur was Arthur; he wouldn't hurt her. She didn't know what to do when she saw his eyes widen in surprise and he sat back a little.

"I'm not going to hurt you" he said quietly, his voice sounding appalled that she'd even think such a thing.

"I know" she whispered, "I just..." she shook her head and to her own mortification finally felt the tears that Griffith had been so desperate for trickle down her face slowly.

"You're safe" Arthur promised edging closer slowly. He reached out and brushed away a tear with his thumb. "Now I need to make sure that your cuts are cleaned and we start to heal them. Many of my men died in a raid so I'm afraid your stuck with me as a healer." The apologetic shrug was probably meant to make her smile, but she didn't feel like smiling at all. She nodded miserably instead.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, barely trusting herself to speak.

He shot her a confused look as he reached out once more with the salve. "What for?"

"Your men. I'm sorry they died."

Arthur shook his head dismissively, "Nothing to do with you," he said dabbing her cheek with paste. She could feel a slight tingling as it was absorbed.

She sighed and shivered. Drawing back he studied her thoughtfully and then knelt up and removed his riding cloak.

"Here." he said, wrapping it round her and fastening it. "Better?"

There was nothing else she could do but nod. Besides, she did feel a lot better; warm and cosy and cared for. Part of her wasn't surprised at the way Arthur was acting. Still a larger part of her wanted to her him berate her for being so stupid as to not listen out for the sounds of battle when walking down a path on her own.

"Can I have your hands?"

She held them out to him and surprising herself at the mess she'd made of them. There were deep abrasions around her wrist and blood seeped from various spots that the rope had cut into from her struggling. Slowly and carefully he cleaned and laid salve on them as well, not saying a word.

The world blurred and shifted. Embarrassingly a tear dropped out and down her cheek travelling down in a path that seemed to take forever. More followed it and soon she was crying silently and hoping that he wouldn't look up. Since the day she'd started work for him she'd sworn that he wouldn't see her cry.

For ages she got away with it but then he glanced up, for some silly reason, and she felt utterly mortified when his face softened in pity and then tightened in worry.

"Am I hurting you?" he asked, pulling away quickly.

Shaking her head she tried to smile, "No, just been a bad day."

He flashed a small smile at that, that disappeared as quickly as it had come. Soon the world started to blur and she realised that she was crying in earnest now and there seemed nothing she could do to stop it.

A hand placed itself lightly on her shoulder as if unsure that it should be there. Without thinking she turned into it and sobbed her heart out on his shoulder. After a while she heard him shift a bit and she was sat next to him, head in the crook of his neck and hand winking his shirt.

She had no idea why she couldn't seem to stop. Maybe it was the dress. Maybe it was something about Arthur being there and the freshness of him, the clean smell that made her want to never let go and insist that he go hunt Griffith down and make sure she never had to have him near her again.

"Is everything_" a man's voice asked.

"It's fine" she heard Arthur reply. "Long day." He added.

It seemed like it took an eternity but eventually she started to calm down. The heaving racking sobs disappeared leaving her feeling tired and utterly embarrassed with herself. She tensed in his arms and as she did he let her go.

She shifted back a little, determined to look anywhere but at him. Warm fingers tilted her chin up gently and she found herself staring into a pair of blue eyes.

"My Lady," he began, "I'm afraid I need to ask..." he shifted uncomfortably, "Did he take anything?"

Take anything? She blinked up at Arthur in utter confusion. "No" she said slowly, "It's his camp," she told him, a little worried that he'd lost his mind with all the stress he'd been under.

Arthur shifted a bit more, "No I mean...was...were any of your capturers inappropriate?"

She nodded and she saw a quiet fury start to bubble in Arthur, "Their leader, Griffith"

"I'm so sorry," he whispered to her. "I'll make him pay for what he's stolen I swear."

For not the first time she wondered if they were having two different conversations. "He didn't steal anything, he kissed me."

Arthur stared at her in disbelief, "He kissed you."

She nodded firmly, "It was horrible."

He let out a slightly strangled laugh, "Wait...that's what he did that was inappropriate?"

"Yes"

He started to laugh.

"It's not funny," she huffed, "He's the first person to ever kiss me and it was utterly awful. I don't understand why people like doing it so much."

Arthur raised an eyebrow, his mouth curving slightly though he was obviously trying to hide it. "He probably didn't do it right." He slipped off the log and back onto the floor in front of her. "Let's see to that leg."

She felt more relaxed now, yet Arthur suddenly seemed to get tenser. As he cleaned her thigh and put the salve on he looked as if someone had wound him tightly with a wire and he was about to snap. She watched him confused.

"There" he said sounding very stiff. "All done."

Wide eyed she stared at him and looked down at her leg, surprised that he'd done such a good job and that it had been so quickly dealt with. Arthur was actually quite talented. As she looked back up he was suddenly closer than she'd realised. His azure eyes were far too close and that look was there. The one that he reserved for whatever woman had caught his fancy that week and she nearly squeaked with shock that it was being directed at her. Very slowly he cupped her cheek and stroked his thumb against her skin.

"If you like, "he said softly, "I can show you how it's meant to be done."

There was a rushing in her ears and she could only stare at him. For the first time since he'd rescued her she didn't need him to clarify what he meant; her head nodded on it's own accord. He leaned into her and slowly touched his lips to hers.

Gently he touched his lips to hers, a soft peck that was gone before she even really felt it. Then there was another like it and another before he firmly started to kiss her without pulling away. He was soft and gentle and ever so, ever so careful, unlike Griffith's forceful lips. Slowly she started to respond, catching onto his movements and feeling a gentle something start to stir within her. The more she matched him the more he showed her until before she realised it she was opening her mouth and his tongue was sweeping in; warm and silky. And suddenly it clicked and she was just about to get the hang of it, just about kissing him back when he pulled away.

He looked flustered. Face flushed, lips red and swollen from what they'd been doing. Narrowing his eyes and he gave her a long, hard look, as if trying to decide what to do next. Slowly she touched her lips with her fingers, surprised at how warm they had become. As she blinked up at him she realised that she'd never quite seen him at this angle before or maybe it was the firelight. He looked like something out of the fairy tales that her mother used to read to her as a child.

But it was Arthur...and that confused her, unbalanced her until she felt the world was spinning. That was two kisses she'd received now, one had made her want to swear off the action for life and the other seemed to be turning her life upside down.

Was Griffith that bad or Arthur that good?

"Um..." she begun not even knowing what she felt let alone what she was going to say.

Whatever expression was on her face must have decided something for him because he suddenly became alert and created an all but visible barrier between them. With a polite nod he stood.

"You'll be safe in here, we're outside of you need anything." He was suddenly all business and the stark contrast confused her. She'd never had him talk to her like that, as if she was some lord or lady that he needed to be polite to.

She found she disliked it more than the time he's thrown water on her face.

Distracted she nodded, her mind chaotic and unable to process anything it seemed. Just as he started to step out of the tent flap her mind started to catch up again. "Wait, you're not sleeping here, I thought-"

"No..." he smiled, "No, you have it. Besides I'm just a captain of the squad, we sleep outside."

With that he was suddenly gone.

She sat stunned.

What a liar!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognise as being owned by other people!

Summary: When an enemy discovers Merlin's actually female a plot begins that threatens to undo all that she has worked for and destroy Arthur. Warnings: dark themes later on - there will be warnings at the beginning of the appropriate chapters so please pay attention to ANs!

All reviewers are very appreciated as are the people who alert and favourite and read! :) Sorry for thr delay in replying to reviewers but it was a bit if a hectic week and this has been my first proper day off in ages!

Please enjoy!

_

* * *

_

It wasn't exactly that much of a surprise when she got back to Camelot a few days before Arthur did. After all his sense of chivallry probably had dictated that Arthur give some attempt at searching out not only the cowardly escape artist that was his manservant but also the ungreatful, vanishing act that was the damsel in disstress that he'd rescused. Each night that the prince didn't return made her more and more certain that he was going to be in the foulest mood when he returned.

At least this time when he took it out on her it would actually be her fault! Though somewhat sorry about her choice to simply flee she hadn't found any possible way of explaining herself. Knowing Arthur, he would have insisted that she was escorted her back to her "home" if not personally then he'd have sent a soldier or two with her.

That would have caused problems. Slipping out of the tent in the middle of the night after whispering a soft sleeping spell at the man on guard duty had caused less problems.

However it had meant that she's had to endure Gaius telling her off like she was a naughty child before agreeing to help hack off the rest of the hair that Griffith had grown out. It seemed to take forever to get her back to her normal cap of hair. Listening to Gaius try and persuade her that perhaps she should leave Camelot until Griffith was dead had been made the process about fifty times more annoying.

Four days after she'd returned Arthur finally decided to ride through the gates with what remained of his squad. Nervoursly she shifted in his rooms glancing around and trying to make sure that everything was in the right place and that the bath water was still warm.

The door to his chambers banged open and a very irate Arthur stepped through stopping momentarily at the sight of her. For a split, worrying second she was afraid that he had seen through it all and was about to out two and two together.

Instead he shook his head, "Made it back then i see?" he asked in his usual arrogant tone, not a hint of annoyance or frustration in his voice.

She nodded.

To her surprise Arthur just rolled his eyes, "Well at least you did a sensible thing for once in your life and returned here." He started to strip off his gloves.

Merlin simply nodded again, too stunned to really say anything useful.

"Don't tell me you've suddenly gone mute" Arthur said undoing his sword. "You'll get my hopes up."

"Sorry to dissapoint." Merlin answered taking the sword as it was held out to him. "I was just surprised that you thought my actions sensible."

"Yes I can see how that would be surprising." Arthur said, "But you would have been outnumbered and had no way of finding us. I half expected to have to send a search party out for you when I got back."

Arthur handed Merlin his filthy gloves and started to tug at his cloak. "You could have taken that girl with you though. The little thief stold my cloak."

Merlin put the gloves onto the table and winced as she turned her back to him. "Sorry, she was guarded."

"Not surprised." Arthur said throwing the cloak into the corner which prompted Merlin to go and pick it up. "She was better than you at dissapearing into thin air."

"She left?"

Arthur nodded, "No idea why, who knows why women do what they do," he shrugged dismissively and started to yank his shirt off.

Again.

Merlin turned gathering the shirt too and looked up just in time to see Arthur dissapear behind the screen, shirtless and starting to undo the lacings on his trousers which was causing them to dip low.

She was still staring when he completely dissapeared from view and she shook herself in surprise.

What was wrong with her?

* * *

"Griffith has me under some kind of enchantment!" she announced to Gaius a week later.

The old man peered down at her over his book, "An enchantment?" he questioned, his voice giving away little.

"Yes." She stood, hands on her hips, desperately annoyed with the situation.

"And er...what kind of enchantment does he have you under?" the book was put down and the page marked carefully.

"A...the...I'm under an enchantment" she repeated shifting uncomfortably.

"I can hear what you're saying Merlin." Gaius frowned, "I do need a little more information though."

"I keep looking at Arthur" she hissed quietly, mortified at having to say it outloud.

"And?" Gaius stood looking worried.

"And it's awful." She complained.

"Because you're looking at Arthur?" Gaius confirmed hesitantly.

"Yes."

"I see." Gaius seemed to be bracing himself for something. "Exactly what way are you looking at Arthur?"

"In a...a...an admiring way." She fumbled for the words.

Gaius's face crumpled and his eyes widened slightly. "Oh...Merlin...may i ask what happened with Arthur when he found you. When he believed you were a girl?"

"I am a girl" she huffed, "Nothing really he just..."

"He just..." prompted Gaius.

"He...kissed me." she muttered.

"Ahh" Gaius said sitting back down.

"No, don't ahh me! This is an enchantment," she said shaking a finger in his direction.

Gaius simply looked up at her with a sad and slightly amused expression. Slowly he folded his arms and gave her his patented raised eyebrow look that always conveyed so much. Slowly Merlin dropped her finger and stared at him, her expression faltering and becoming more and more nervous.

"It's not an enchantment is it." Merlin said after a moment with a sigh sitting down opposite Gaius and looking down at her lap.

"It would seem unlikely. Love spells rarely tend to be so subtle. If you recall Arthur's infatuation with Vivien_"

"Yes." Merlin sighed, "But I don't want to be looking at him like this. If nothing else it looks weird that his manservent is going all gooey eyes over him."

"It is likely that his rescue and subsequent treatment of you has caused you to see him in a new light. I am sure that over time he will cease to be your hero and will go back to just being Arthur." Gaius smiled at her. "And within no time I'll have to suffer your rants about the pratish Prince you work for or whatever insulting name you're thought of that week."

"And in the meantime?" Merlin asked unhappily.

"In the meantime you are preparing to leave in a week for another search. I am sure that he will get as grumpy as ever at the prospect of cold nights and little sleep. You'll find your admiration fading very fast indeed."

"And lack of baths." Merlin added thoughtfully.

"I'm sorry?" Gaius looked confused.

"He likes...Never mind" Merlin sat back moodily in the chair in an awkward and frankly gravity defying posture. "You're sure it will go away."

"Relatively sure." Gaius confirmed.

"Relativ...Gaius I can't have these...whatever they are for Arthur. I'm meant to make sure he becomes King and unites lands and things like that. I'm not meant to be trying to catch him in states of undress!"

Gaius went a rather interesting shade of red and actually squirmed, "Merlin_"

"No. Ok, I know who his true love is and it isn't me. What if i become bitter and twisted and join Morgause and Mordred and Morganna. I mean it would fit wouldn't it. All M's together. M for magic and misery and...and..."

"Merlin you are being unreasonable." Gaius cut her off, mouth tightening in annoyance at her little rant. "It will fade. Even if it didn't I could never believe that you would become bitter and twisted."

Merlin huffed and rested her head on her hand, elbow on the table. "So my destiny might well be to watch from afar as Arthur lives happily ever after and be an old maid."

"Merlin...I have to ask what you thought your life was going to be? You are pretending to be a boy, it was hardly ever going to be the start of any great romance." Gaius pointed out with a frown creasing his face.

Merlin drew lazy circles in the water on the table. "I never gave it much thought" she confessed. "It was all going fine until Griffith..." she trailed off and sat up abruptly. "So you think i should just ignore it all and hope it goes away."

Gaius shook his head, "I don't know what else to suggest Merlin."

"I just...i was standing there this morning while he was fighting. And normally it's the most boring thing on earth to watch him showing off with people who wouldn't dare lay a finger on him. Now I can't take my eyes off of him...Maybe there's a spell_"

"No" Gaius said firmly, "Such spells have great risks. This is something that must leave your mind naturally."

Merlin glared at him, "Spoilsport."

"Once again i must ask...do you think it wise to be going out with Arthur again while this Griffith remains at large? He knows both of your secrets and_"

"And what? The fact that I'm a girl may save me from execution. I can pretend that's the biggest secret if Griffith hints at anything. And how would I get out of going with Arthur anyway? Besides you know how much trouble he gets into without me."

She saw a bemused expression cross Gaius' face. "Yes, of course, Arthur is the one in all the trouble at the moment."

She pulled a face at Gaius which made him smile at her fondly. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while before Merlin dragged one of the heavy toomes over to her and started to read, clearly feeling the conversation was done. Gaius on the other hand watched her closely, his face loosing it's amused expression and becoming more and more worried.

"What is it Gaius?" Merlin said not looking from the book.

He hesitated and then pulled the book away from her until he had her full attention. "Merlin...i hate to say this but... you didn't use magic with Griffith, he knows how to play on your deepest fears and use them against you. Can you promise me you'd actually be of any use to Arthur if you do go on the next search party?"

"If Arthur had been there_" Merlin began.

"Honestly?" Gaius suddenly caught her hand and looked at her intently. "Honestly Merlin, if Arthur stood looking at you and you had to use magic would you?"

"Of course I would." Merlin snapped.

"You wouldn't hesitate, fear the look on his face, the betrayal that you would undoubtedly see? You wouldn't keep hoping that there was some other way to save him until it was too late?"

Merlin swallowed, her heart pounding, "No." she said, her voice wobbling slightly.

"I hope you're right." Gaius said releasing her, "If not, you are putting Prince Arthur in more danger than you can hope to imagine."

* * *

She barely slept that night, Gaius's warning playing over and over in her head until she wanted to scream in frustration. Giving up she got out of bed, dressed and walked out of Gauis' quarters leaving him and his snoring behind.

She walked without really paying any attention until she found herself on the battlements, looking down at the empty fields below. The wind was stirring the trees and grass around causing ripples to flutter around the castle like a green sea. She watched and then for less than a second it all vanished and instead there were endless rows of soldiers all coming for Camelot, beating at the doors and shouting into the night.

Then it was gone and there was just grass again. She sucked in a deep breath in shock unsure what had just happened. She didn't see the future, that was more Morgana's gift.

Morgana who was out there somewhere with Morgause. She shifted unsure of her feelings towards the young noble woman. When Arthur found her, and he undoubtedly would, Merlin's life would automatically be in danger. Unless Morgana choose to be in a forgiving mood.

Merlin swallowed nervously, the weight of the world suddenly pushing down on her. So many secrets, so much to hide and manipulate, it wasn't naturally in her nature.

It was however, becoming worryingly easy to do. To plan and scheme and create back up plans. To lie to the people that she loved and harm them for the greater good.

Perhaps Uther had a point about magic users...

"I dislike it this quiet." Arthur's voice suddenly rang out.

She almost fell through the battlements he surprised her so much. Damn his stupid lightfootedness! She caught his slightly amused look and glared back at him. "What?" she snapped at him more out of anger at herself than at him.

"Don't you listen Merlin?" Arthur asked shaking his head in mock disgust, "I said it's too quiet."

"Oh."

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Arthur pull a face and mimic her. "Don't be a prat" she told him.

"Well don't be an idiot then." he replied resting his arms on the stone ledge, the wind stiring his hair around his face.

His rather handsome face.

Annoyed at herself she looked away and out as he did. "Where will we go next?" she asked.

"I don't know" Arthur answered honestly. "They're moving her around, they have to be or else we would have found her by now. I am considering going back to the place we just were, but with a smaller group of men so as to cause less of a fuss."

"But Griffith is out there" she said quietly.

"Yes, he complicates things." Arthur stared out, his mouth tight. Why was she paying attention to that all of a sudden? "Hence the indecision."

"What does the King say?" she asked.

"He believes it to be a stupid idea." Arthur's expression darkened, "He just doesn't want me out there with so few knights. As if I couldn't handle it."

"Perhaps he has a point" Merlin said carefully, "I mean if the worst came to the worst then he'd be sending out rescue parties for both you and Morgana. You might even be putting her at more risk, I mean which of you would be the better prize and have the better ransom attached?"

She could see Arthur's mind working at that, the frown and the slight narrowing of the eyes telling her more than words ever could. Eventually he gave her a suspicious look.

"Sometimes Merlin you really do surprise me with your grasp on these things."

"I'm sure a lot of things surprise you Arthur." she muttered without really thinking.

He gave her another one of his looks, the one that was meant to be scolding but actually came across as rather amused and annoyed. "I was attempting to be nice." he said between clenched teeth. "After all it isn't as if i can complement anything else."

She beemed at him, "You complemented my escape plan and my plans after that."

She actually caught him rolling his eyes to the sky. "Only you could be complemented for running away." Arthur huffed.

"I do it with style." she grinned even wider.

Arthur merely shook his head, "That i cannot argue with" he said, though his tone implied her style wasn't the best in the world. "You'll be ready to ride out the day after tomorrow. We'll return to the first place we looked."

Merlin nodded, "Yes sire."

Arthur shot her a confused, if amused look and nodded before taking her leave.

The good natured expression fell off her face as soon as his back was turned and she looked back over the fields around Camelot unsure what had disturbed her the most about that night. Her manipulation of Arthur's plans, the battlefield vision or the fact that she had tried everything she could think of to make Arthur smile.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognise as being owned by other people! Merlin and co belong to the BBC

Summary: When an enemy discovers Merlin's actually female a plot begins that threatens to undo all that she has worked for and destroy Arthur.

Once again thank you to all who have read the story and i hope you're all continuing to enjoy it. :)

* * *

After hours of heavy riding they allowed the horses to rest a little by setting a gentle walking pace. Arthur rode at the head of the squad and Merlin took her place beside him, no longer surprised by just how painful it was to sit on a horse all day. It could be worse she supposed, she could be Arthur's horse carrying him and all of his armour.

Or the pack horses with the tents and supplies.

Arthur had been quiet throughout the ride and the walk which was pretty unusual. Every so often she would glance over at him to check his expression which always remained stony, eyes fixated on the forest and fists clenched.

It was going to be a long and boring day if Arthur didn't snap out of his current mood. There were a lot of things that Merlin would put up with but boredom was not one of them.

"Are we actually aiming for a certain place or just meandering around?" She asked pulling a musing face.

Arthur gave her a quick glare, "I do not meander Merlin. There is a plan to this."

"Ahh" Merlin said allowing her tone to be purposefully doubtful. "Well if you say there's a plan_"

"Which there is" Arthur protested.

"_then i am unconcerned." Merlin finished. "Though i feel it is my duty to point out that the last plan you had me carry out ended up with me being captured by bandits."

She could almost feel Arthur look up at the sky in irritation. "The only problem that plan had was that you somehow found your way back."

She smiled to herself, it was so easy to wind him up. "Had you hoped to come charging to my rescue sire?"

He shot her an odd look, "I only came looking for you to kill you myself for not giving me adequete warning. I had to steal a sword off of one of my attackers. It was not dignified in any way."

She nodded and waited until he turned his attention away from her.

_Had you hoped to come charging to my rescue?_

What was wrong with her? Too many comments like that and the knights and Arthur and everyone would start giving her funny looks.

It would not do if the manservant was thought to be in...infatuated with the Prince.

She shook herself and mentally scolded her brain. There really had to be a spell to fix this. And if she died...well at least it would spare her the shame of dying from embarrasment.

Like Arthur would even look at her if he knew...

He wasn't ever going to know, she argued with herself. Under no circumstances was Arthur ever going to know that she was a girl. She needed to stay close to him and this was the only position that she could reach to remain at his side.

So she shouldn't even think about it. Or fantasise. Or wonder if he could kiss like that every time.

She was actually starting to annoy herself. Arthur was right, she really was talented at being an idiot.

When Arthur got off his horse she suddenly froze unsure what he'd said before he'd dismounted. Had he told her to do something or given any indication of what he was looking at? Knowing that she was about to make herself look like the worst manservant ever she twisted in the saddle to glance at the men behind her for a clue.

Every single one of them was looking at her expectantly.

She turned back and saw Arthur looking up at her from his know kneeling position, now equally expectantly.

"Any time today Merlin." He snapped.

"Oh," she scrambled off the horse. "What do you need?"

She actually saw him draw in a deep calming breath which he never did. "Just hold this."

All too aware that she had never seen Arthur trying to be calm with her, she knelt next to him and looked at the item he was pointing at.

It was a familair looking piece of jewellry.

"Is that Morgana's?" Merlin breathed.

"I believe so." Arthur squinted at it and holding it in the light. "But then she tends to have all sorts of things in her hair."

Hair? Morgana had jewellry for her hair...and Arthur noticed that it went in the hair? Nobles were funny creatures at times. "Oh!" she said for lack of anything else to add.

"We're closing in." Arthur said to the men standing. "They've been here since last we came. Not long ago either, else this would have been long gone." He held the jewellry out to Merlin. "For the third and final time, will you take this and put it somewhere safe." he snapped, his tone turning instantly from musing to snappish.

Merlin took it hastily, "Arthur, you know someone could have taken this and dropped it? It might mean nothing," she said hesitantly.

"I know" Arthur said climbing back into his saddle with a practiced ease that Merlin envied. "But if we think like that then we'll have nothing."

Merlin nodded and pulled herself back into the dreaded saddle, not quite as gracefull as Arthur but still with far more ease than she used to have.

"We need to fan out" Arthur announced to their party, "See if you can find anything, any trails to indicate where a party of ten to thirty strong would have gone."

Merlin watched as the knights and soldiers spread out.

"I didn't need to get back on this horse did I" she asked after a while.

"No" Arthur's gaze was focussed on the men as they moved through the woods, "But it's always amusing to watch you struggle your way up there." To her relief a small smile played across his full lips.

She blinked and looked away, determined to stop noticing stupid things that were of absolutely no help to her.

* * *

They followed their best guess for days before the trail inexplicably vanished and they were chasing a dead end. During those days it had seemed likely, more than likely that Morgana would be found again and all those days of endless rising and searching would be over.

And Morgana could announce that Merlin had tried to kill her.

But, to Merlin's guilt, she couldn't stop the relief that hit her when the trail suddenly just stopped.

Arthur was not pleased. He kicked the tree and rested his hands against it, bending over and trying to collect himself before he turned back to the men. He stood as if to say something but paused as if unsure in himself, or unwilling to say what he was about to say. He looked so tired that she felt guilty all over again.

"We'll bed down here for the night" he announced eventually. "We'll return to the clearing as soon as possible and see if there is anything else of value to be learned there."

As men begun to unpack the horses Merlin made her way to Arthur.

"Their magic makes it hard to track." Arthur said quietly, his hand resting on his sword and gaze fixed into to the woods below them.

She nodded, "We may still be on the right path."

"But with no idea of the direction they headed in we're travelling blind. We won't be able to tell if they met with reinforcements or anything. It's not worth the risk." Arthur's gaze travelled out across the woods and hills, clearly wanting to look anyway.

She watched him for a long moment, "What you said, about having a smaller squad_"

"It's a little late for that don't you think" Arthur snapped, "Besides both you and my father made excellent points..." he started in surprise, as if surprised at what he said, "Or rather my father made an excellent point and you just paraphrased it well."

Merlin nodded, "But what if, just tonight, we went further?"

Arthur raised an eyebrow but didn't jump straight to calling her an idiot. It was a small mercy.

"I mean they won't expect it. What if the trail stopped suddenly because they knew we were close."

She could see she was tempting Arthur, "When you say a small squad...?"

"As small as you'd like my lord. We can always come back if we find anything."

Arthur gave her an assessing look a small smile forming, "And i have noticed Merlin that you are very good at running away from things. Do you think that you would be capable of taking a message with you as well?"

"If it was absolutely necessary" she said. But it wouldn't be, she'd make sure of it.

He smiled, "Inform one of the knights that i have gone for a short walk to clear my head. They are to keep a vigilant eye out."

"Of course" Merlin bowed a little and found someone appropriate. Turning back to the direction that Arthur was in she felt a momentary flicker of confusion at her own actions. Why was she goading Arthur into continuing ibto even more danger for someone she didn't want to be found.

Huffing at herself she made her way to Arthur's side. Just because she'd get in trouble when they found Morgana didn't mean that she should stop him looking. She wasn't that catty. Yet.

Besides her actions with Arthur in the last week hadn't exactly been all that logical, she admitted as they fell into step together. Stupid hero worship!

* * *

The woods were silent as they walked. Well...almost silent. As it turned out Arthur was really good at keeping quiet when he wanted to. He barely made a noise upon the ground as he walked. Merlin on the other hand, while she walked silently enough, found it rather hard to stay quiet.

"Which way now?" she whispered as Arthur peered through the bushes.

"Will you shut up?" Arthur asked turning back to her, "This is getting daft Merlin. If i'd known you would talk this much i'd have brought someone else with me."

"Sorry" she whispered, probably too loudly. She tried to remain quiet without talking, even counting in her head how long it took. "What do you see."

She saw Arthur's shoulders fall in defeat and he fianlly answers her question. "There's a trail, the same amount of people again but I can't see any signs that they have a prisoner with them."

"So it's not them?"

"It may never have been the ones that captured Morganna." Arthur conceeded. "But at least we now know i suppose." But he looked thoughtful as he stared in the direction Merlin assumed the party had gone.

"Arthur?"

"They may know something though." Arthur seemed unsure. "Do we keep chasing them?"

Merlin shrugged and Arthur rolled his eyes, "I wasn't actually asking you."

Arthur stared ahead for a little "Let's go."

Merlin nodded and started to head back the way they came.

"Not that way you fool." Arthur hissed.

"Sorry sire?"

"We need to see how close they are."

"Arthur we've been walking for half the night," she protested, "Any further away and you'll be in too much danger."

"You were the one who suggested this." Arthur pointed out.

"Yes but...but now it's dangerous." Merlin stuttered out halfheartedly.

"Then you go back and tell the men to catch me up." Arthur suggested and turned to carry on.

Merlin watched him go, torn and damning herself for being so stupid as to believe that Arthur would leave well enough alone. Frustrated she ran to catch him up.

"Decided to come after all then?" Arthur said as if he'd known all along the choice she'd make.

"Couln't leave you all alone now could I?" she replied, "There's no telling what danger you'd get yourself into."

They came across the camp soon after dawn, which made it harder for them. By now the camp would have realised that they weren't simply going for a walk if they'd ever believed it at all. Merlin was hopeful that the man could track Arthur and her and would catch up soon.

She'd ignore the fact that Arthur had proved yet again to be the most talented tracker of the bunch.

They hid, watching the seventeen strong party pack up the nights things and prepare to move out from a ridge above.

"There's something familair about them," Arthur said thoughtfully, "I've seen these men before."

Merlin frowned looking down. "I think you're right."

"You recognise them?" Arthur asked sounding surprised, "Well that narrows down the list somewhat."

Merlin stared down at one of the men, sure that she could place him...it was a tickle in her mind, the place that she'd seen him before eluding her.

A large bulking figure stepped out of a tent and Merlin froze in disbelief.

"Arthur, Arthur we need to leave."

"What is it?" Arthur asked looking annoyed.

"Him, he's Griffith, the leader of the men that attacked us before."

Arthur turned in surprise and she could see him trying to catalogue the face to remember it again.

"Arthur" she pulled at him.

He nodded without a word and they begun to make their way back across the forest floor, hurrying this time to get back.

As they started to climb up an incline, grabbing onto twigs and roots for support they came face to face with what had to be scouts from the camp below.

"Well look what we've found." One announced aiming his sword at Arthur's throat, a large grin spreading across the ugly face.

Merlin narrowed her eyes and the tree root that the scout was standing on gave way before him and he slipped. Arthur danced out of the scouts path and drew his sword in one fluid move.

The scout tumbled past Merlin and she watched him fall as Arthur started to fight the other one. Her victim rolled to the bottom of the slope and used the momentum to raise himself up into a crouch. With a snarl in her direction his hazel eyes flickered. She didn't hear exactly what the scout said but she felt the effect. It was like a foghorn ringing out magically.

He'd sounded some form of an alert.

Wincing at the sound she struggled up the incline and stopped when she saw Arthur fighting two men instead of one. There had to be another with them that she hadn't seen. Dimly she was surprised to learn that when Arthur said there were twenty men he actually meant twenty exactly.

Her pause proved to be the undoing of her, a beefy arm wrapped around her and tugged her back down the incline and she let out a startled yelp as she went.

She didn't land of the floor as she expected but intead into two pairs of hands that grabbed her. Before she could even think of a spell something was forced around her neck and suddenly she felt empty.

She couldn't breath from the shock. She'd never realised what a constant presence her magic was until it wasn't there. It was like loosing one of her senses, the world seemed to be darker, less clear and sharp. She could barely focus on what was going on around her. Dimly she was aware that the ground was suddenly a lot closer to her than she'd realised and when she scrunched up her fists in protest against the sudden numbing agony, she clenched around sharp leaves and damp soil.

"What have you done to him?"

Arthur's voice rang out but she felt far too disorientated to work out where it was coming from or even name a direction that could be of use. All she could feel was that icy cold that madeher want to scream out and beg for them to stop.

She opened eyes that she hadn't realised she'd closed and stared at booted feet and a pair of knees that she was sure was Arthur. Annoyance struggled slightly within her at the idea that Arthur was being forced to kneel for these bandits but it dampened quickly as she bit her tongue to stop herself from begging Griffith to tell her what he'd done to her.

"Come now Arthur, we haven't even been properly introduced. My name is Griffith and I have captured you. I knew you wouldn't be able to resist my little trail."

"You left that?"

"Yes, wickedly difficult to follow aren't I?"

She heard Arthur's exhale of disbelief. "You're mad."

"I did however leave a little suggestion upon that bit of sparkle. The urge to follow and follow until you caught up."

Merlin gasped, the ability to breath suddenly starting to return to her but the empty feeling still remaining. She glanced up to see Arthur held on his knees at sword point opposite her and Griffith strutting inbetween them. Arthur caught her gaze and gave her a questioning look. She let out a ragged breath and simply shook her head, unable to find a lie that would explain what had happened.

She barely understood the truth of it.

Somehow, someway, the cold metal that she could now feel around her neck had taken her magic.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognise as being owned by other people! Merlin and co belong to the BBC

Summary: When an enemy discovers Merlin's actually female a plot begins that threatens to undo all that she has worked for and destroy Arthur. Warnings: dark themes later on - there will be warnings at the beginning of the appropriate chapters so please pay attention to ANs!

Story so far: Merlin has been pretending to be a boy and she and Arthur are still searching for Morgana months after the end of series 2. Merlin was captured by a bandit sorcerer named Griffith who, after finding out her true gender and hazarding a guess at her magical ability let her go while brewing a plan. Arthur and Merlin seemed to have stumbled into his trap and Merlin is suddenly without her magic thanks to a collar.

_AN - Sorry for the delay in this chapter, originally this was meant to be a lot longer but it's prooving quite difficult to write and a bit heavy so i split it up! The next chapter will be the darkest thematically and deserves the M rating just to warn you all! I therefore apologise as this was meant to be the longest chapter and will end up being the shortest._

_I apologise for the delay in replying to reviewers too. Having two jobs and applying to teachers training is prooving terribly frustrating at the moment but the application has gone off so thats one less thing to do and more time to spend of writing again (yay!)_

* * *

It took a few hours of riding to reach Griffith's intended destination for them. Arthur's hands were bound and he was forced to follow one of the men's horses. Basil, a sharp nosed man and dirty fingers seemed to take great pleasure in urging his horse faster than was strictly necessary over the tricky terrain.

She was on a horse and thanked whatever diety had prevented Griffith from making her join Arthur. Her head was beating a rhythm to match Basil's horse and she felt utterly drained. Griffith rode beside her, smiling as he watched Arthur in front and giving her the occasional smug look that she despised.

As they rode her head started to clear and the ache started to fade and be simply replaced with a nagging emptiness that made her want to scream if she thought about it too much. Distracting herself she watched Arthur instead, watched how he was tiring and found it harder not to stumble across the uneven ground. At one point her nearly fell and she caught her breath in worry.

"Stubborn, isn't he?" Griffith muttered to her, leaning in close.

Swallowing tightly she refused to reply. Instead she squinted up at the sky, greatful that the sun was starting to dip and the weather was getting cooler.

It would be easier for Arthur to continue in the gentler evening heat than the scorching sun of the day.

Over the hill she saw a camp by a stream and caves. As they neared, it was obvious that these men were part of Griffith's group as they continued to potter about as if it was the most normal thing in the world to have the crown Prince arrive at their tents bound and exhausted.

It was only because she knew Arthur so well that she the relief in his shoulders and the slump of his head when Basil finally brought the horse to a stop. Griffith raised his eyes questioningly but she obstinately wriggled out of the saddle on her own, even more graceless than usual thanks to her bound hands.

At swords length Arthur was marched towards the caves and Griffith bowed mockingly towards her.

"After you."

Flickering her eyes in his direction she shot him a death stare and raised her head in a way that she'd seen Morgana do when she was annoyed. For a second Morgana's tear stained, shocked face filled her mind and she shoved against it, unwilling to focus on that now, if ever.

The caves were dark; torches burning at the sides ensured that she could stumble her way in and down, even if the caves were cast into dreadful shadows. As much as she wanted to keep her eyes focussed on Arthur's back she had to keep glancing down to avoid stumbling in front of the men that lead them.

Eventually they came to an opening. Thick, heavy chains dangled from the ceiling and barely seemed to move they had such weight. To the side there was a winch and torches to keep the light. Wind whistled through from some unseen opening and made her shiver.

For the first time in hours she saw Arthur's face as he was marched to the chainst and forced to turn around. He looked unfazed and almost bored as they shackled him and caught her eye with his "i'm not impressed by this" gaze.

She found a little bit of comfort in his act and and returned it with an "Oh well, tough. Put up with it" shrug and saw a hint of a smile.

A man with crooked teeth started to work the winch, the machine squeeking as it turned and dreadfully slowly raised Arthur's hands above his head and into the darkness above. She watched, feeling terribly small and helpless as Arthur glanced up above him and his mouth tightened in a way she knew he wouldn't have allowed.

"What do you want?" He asked, his voice terribly well controlled.

Griffith behind her was unusually quiet. Whatever he did made Arthur's gaze narrow.

She really hated Griffith's habit of standing behind her.

They continued pulling him up until he was almost on the balls of his feet. Arthur went up on tip toe and wrapped his hands around the chains giving them a testing tug. The chains rattled and echoed deep up into the cave.

There was no telling how high the ceiling was.

As Arthur looked up it struck her suddenly how wide he actually was like this, arms taut and chest open. She blinked it away but some part of her was still slightly surprised as to how much sheer space he could take up. Curious herself, she looked around to try and find something of use of the cave and the tip of her chin brushed the metal around her neck. A constant reminder that she was without her magic and without the ability to help Arthur.

She wondered at their form of binding him, she of all people knew that Arthur had a wicked kick on him when he wanted. It wouldn't get him free but it wouldn't leave them unharmed either. Eventually Arthur gave up trying to rattle the chain free and glared behind her shoulder, where she could only guess Griffith was standing.

"Do I have your attention?" Griffith asked in a rather theatrical voice.

"These wont hold me for long" Arthur told him in his usual arrogant tone. Merlin almost rolled her eyes at his confidence. Normally he would be right. Normally she could whisper a spell under her breath and turn her face to the side so that no-one saw her eyes and by a stroke of "luck" the chains would suddenly collapse.

Stupid collar.

Griffith walked her foward so that she was about two feet away from Arthur, keeping her in front, she could only assume to protect himself. Arthur's eyes narrowed suspiciously but he kept quiet, waiting, his blue gaze occasionally flittering to her face.

She felt a cool sharp presence at her neck and knew without looking down that Griffith had drawn a knife on her.

"You coward" Arthur suddenly erupted. "Fight me properly."

The knife didn't move from her throat, "You have an objection?" Griffith asked far too nicely.

Merlin tried to catch Arthur's eye.

"He's got nothing to do with this." Arthur stated firmly refusing to let her catch his gaze. "You've got what you want, now let him go."

There was a long pause and as it grew Merlin started to feel more and more worried. "Who?" Griffith eventually drawled and she cringed at the amusement in his voice.

Arthur's brow creased momentarily, "My manservant, he's an idiot. Just let him go; he'll be more trouble than he's worth."

"Hmm." Griffith said thoughtfuly. Slowly he circled her, the blade never leaving her skin. As he momentarily walked in front of her he smiled and she suddenly couldn't take her eyes off the grinning man.

When Griffith left her vision she drew in a shaky breath and looked at Arthur's wrists. They already looked red and raw from all the pulling he'd been doing.

Arthur wasn't going to get himself free from this.

The knife ended in the same place that it had started. It was a testament to Griffith's skill that he hadn't once pierced the skin even though she'd been moving.

"Enough." Arthur snapped with authority. "You wont get anything out of me until he's gone. Bad enough that you might get Camelot's secrets without him getting it as well." Arthur shuddered dramatically, "God only knows what damage that fool would do!"

She was almost sure that Arthur was being even more prattish than usual because he was trying to get her out of the caves.

Almost.

"I think, Arthur Pendragon that you are the fool here." Griffith's voice announced calmly

"Yeah? And why's that?" Arthur asked, his tone careless and his eyes narrowed on the blade.

"He really doesn't know" Griffith stage whispered in her ear. "I mean, all of that time together, all of your adventures and trials, all of his blustering protection for you and he hasn't a clue."

Fear clogged her stomach and dried her mouth. Terror, worse than the collar flooded her system and she almost swayed with blind panic. Dimly she saw Arthur suddenly snap his gaze to her face, his expression insistant and tight. This time it was she who avoided his gaze.

"Your manservant is a girl."

He said it so easily, so fluidly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Her stomach felt as if someone had dropped a stone into it and she froze, caught between relief and fear.

To her amazement Arthur's mouth twitched in amusement, "Certainly throws like one," he said lightly, eyebrows raised in a challenging manner as if expecting her to laugh as well. And suddenly Merlin couldn't look at him anymore. She knew it would happen eventually, she knew that slowly the reliastion would slide onto his face and the humour and hidden smile would vanish. In it's place would be...some other emotion. Hate, anger, annoyance, disgust...whatever his reaction would be. She honestly couldn't guess.

She studied the floor in the following silence, knowing that more than anything her own reaction told the truth. But somehow she couldn't muster of the state of mind to pull off the annoyed exasperation that Arthur probably expected.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked his voice sounding hoarse and disbelieving.

She couldn't, wouldn't look up at him. The sandy floor of the cave was suddenly the most fascinating thing in the whole world.

"Lets get rid of some things shall we?"

She made a sharp movement as he chanted behind her and she suddenly felt colder. To her relief she was still clothed, but now only in the oversized shirt that Arthur had given her that morning when she'd accidently caught her sleeve in the campfire flames while retreiving the porridge pan.

There was nothing else.

She closed her eyes as some of Griffith's men wolf whistled and she could hear Arthur's chains moving as he tried to do something. A clammy hand wrapped around her elbow and she tried to flinch away from it but it gripped far too tightly. The knife tip pressed against the back of her neck and she allowed them to push her forward like a rag doll until her nose bumped into a very familiar shirt. A shirt that she had spent hours with in the laundery room before they'd left.

Arthur was very particular about his shirts and didn't like the new royal washer...

She tried to clear her head, aware that she was in shock or something and that she needed to keep her wits about her. They had undone the rope around her hands and were trying her wrists behind Arthur and attatching them to his empty sword belt so she couldn't wriggle down and free.

Arthur hadn't said a word.

She didn't dare look up at him, terrified of what she would see in his face when she did. The men moved back and Basil winked at her in a way that made her shudder. She kept her gaze on him, well aware that she was staring in fear rather than the haughty way she typically would. Slowly all the men disappeared from view and the caves grew quieter and slightly darker.

They stayed silent for a long time. She simply stood there, as much space in between them as possible and yet still closer than normal and her mind was utterly blank.

Another gust of wind whipped through the caves and she shivered, suddenly aware of how little she was wearing and greatful for the shadowed light that hid her.

"You idiot." Arthur's voice suddenly rung out with sheer frustration.

She whipped her head up to stare at him angrily not really taking any of his expression in. "Sorry?"

"Good" Arthur snapped, glaring up at the chains. "Because you really should be."

She looked away and glared at the wall once more.

"I mean what were you thinking?" He asked, his voice suddenly raising and utterly outraged. "Did you even think at all? Do you have any idea the danger you were in?"

"I'm not useless." She huffed.

"No you're worse than useless, you're a liability. It's a wonder we've made it 'till now for it to be a problem." She could feel Arthur shaking his head, "What on earth were you thinking?" he yelled, his voice echoing thoughout the caves.

To her mortification her eyes started to fill and the world blurred. She scrunched her face up and glared at his shirt, not wanting to pull away too much in case he saw her face and not wanting to get too close because that would be wierd and he might feel her tears.

"You should have told me immediately." Arthur continued to yell, "Do you have any idea what this will do for Camelot's reputation? How weak and foolish we'll seem? My father will be the laughing stock for making you my manservant."

A traitorous tear fell from her eye and she tightened her face even more, barely breathing out of fear that any breath would become a sob.

"Are you even sorry?" His voice cracked slightly.

Instinct had her opening her mouth, to scream back at him or to beg for forgiveness she didn't know. The sob that she'd been dreading burst out of her, barely noticable after his shouting but picked up in the silent caves nonetheless.

She could have kicked herself. She instantly bit her lip and looked down, her forehead brushing against his chest and so ashamed of herself that she half believed she could melt into the floor and escape that way.

Underneath her she felt him tense as if in realisation and then forcably relax. She felt her hair stir as he drew in a deep breath as if to steady himself. Swallowing down another sob she found herself almost shaking with the effort it took not to just burst into tears right there and then.

His chin scrapped along her head and he shook his and the chains rang out as he rattled them. He drew in breath what felt like a thousand times, clearly preparing himself to speak and then thinking better of whatever he was going to say. After an age he finally huffed out a breath and rested his chin on her head sighing. Oddly the movement relaxed her and she felt herself starting to calm, the urge to cry finally passing.

"Why?" he asked eventually.

"Because...Gaius' assistant had to be male. I didn't realise that i'd be roped into being your manservant as well. And then...i didn't want to get fired and exiled..." She shrugged not sure what to say to him or how to explain.

When he didn't immediately start to berate her she risked looking up at him. In the shadows he looked suddenly unreadable and devastating. His eyes searched hers and she met him stare for stare.

With a snort and an irriatated shut of his eyes he shook his head. "You idiot" he said once more, but with less venom.

They remained quiet for a while, Arthur seemed to be thinking, probably starting to try and work out where the clue's had been over the past few years. She let him think and slowly started to move closer to him as night started to fall, the air cooled and the wind picked up.

"You're shivering" he muttered with some surprise after a while.

"Cold" she said apologetically.

He made some movement up above and she glanced up in time to see irritation cross his face and his arms flex as he tried to find some give in the chain.

"They'll come back soon" he told her quietly.

"That's not comforting"

"You really are_" he broke of his voice suddenly deep with anger. "You should have told me before i borught you along. I told you what they did to_" he froze, she actually felt it as if he'd been hit by a sudden spell. For a good second she honestly thought that he had been.

"Arthur?" she looked up to see him staring down at her looking shell shocked. "What?"

He opened his mouth a few times, "When did Griffith discover your little secret?"

Merlin pulled back a little, "Um..."

His eyes widened even more, "Did i kiss you?" he asked sounding horrified.

However much she fully intended to lie when she opened her mouth absolutely no sound came out. Instead she stared apologetically up at him even as she felt as shiver of hurt flash through her at his reaction.

* * *

Let me know what you think! I'm really enjoying the reviews and actually had a pretty pathetic sulk when i saw that the reviews were at 29 (for some childish reason i really wanted it to get to 30 and it never did :(

In all seriousness I'm loving hearing from people so let me know if you loved it, hated it, spotted some daft spelling mistake or want to offer helpful advice.

**Important question: where are people getting spells from? Are they making them up, is there some website or are we just guessing from the way it sounds on the tv? I keep sort of glazing over it by saying that so and so mutters a spell but it's already starting to annoy me! If anyone has any answers please let me know!**

Thanks for reading :)


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognise as being owned by other people! Merlin and co belong to the BBC

Summary: When an enemy discovers Merlin's actually female a plot begins that threatens to undo all that she has worked for and destroy Arthur. Warnings: dark themes later on - there will be warnings at the beginning of the appropriate chapters so please pay attention to ANs!

**WARNING!**

Elements of non con in this chapter and i can't give away more than that without spoiling the story. So if you don't want to read or are underage ignore what happens after the third break line and i will post a summary in chapter 7 so that you can still follow if you want to.

AN - Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and suggested the translator. I actually found an old english translator and then became horrified when it offered like a hundred words for grow all with very specific meanings of growing. But I think it's a lot better to have the words in the fic so thank you to those who suggested :)

And for your entertainment pleasure the first bit is from Arthur's pov!

* * *

A girl!

Merlin was a girl!

Somehow he could accept that statement. Merlin was a complete girl at times. He would fuss and winge and point things out and go for hugs.

She. She would point things out and winge and go for hugs.

She.

His back was aching something fierce and his shoulders were screaming in protest but he refused to sag in the chains. The cave had enough shadows that someone could be still be with them watching and there was no way that he was giving them the satisfaction.

Merlin was shivering. Even at the best of times that would have annoyed him but Merlin was a girl and he had a double layers on and a cloak. Everytime he thought about it his frustration would build all over again and he would give the chains an annoyed rattle just to see if he could get them loose.

He'd used her as a practice dummy. Even thinking she was a boy he'd felt the occasional flicker of guilt when Merlin had walked in after a long day at a much slower and careful manner than usual and had looked too exhausted for their usual battle of wits.

People were going to howl with laughter at this.

Her arms tightened around his back and she came even closer, obviously eager to soak up his warmth. If he craned his neck and shifted a little he could see her bare legs.

He glanced towards where he thought the cave opening was. There was a flash of rememberance in his mind of a girl with wild hair and disaproving eyes tied in a tent with scratches and torn clothes. He'd never found out the extent of what Griffith had done to Merlin but he'd seen her face in the walk to the cave and when he was strung up. Merlin was scared of him, terrified and nervous.

He wanted to...reassure her. It frustrated him to no end that he couldn't. He wasn't good with words and he couldn't even sling an arm over her shoulders in a good natured half hug that he'd done before.

The fabric of his shirt tightened and he felt a rush of confusion before realising that she was fisting his shirt in her hands. She'd gone rigid again which, if last time was any indicator, probably meant that she was trying not to cry again.

"It's going to be ok, stop it." He said after a while.

He felt her nod wordlessly.

"Honestly." Arthur pressed on. "Look they're going to slip up soon, they have to. The second that they do, we're out of here."

Finally she raised her head. Her eyes were wet and red but her expression was...familiar. It was odd seeing her face at the moment.

Merlin ws a girl. He could see it now in the face that Arthur had simply, amusingly found too be too girly for him.

_For her_.

Instead of letting her know his inner rant he grinned disarmingly, "Are you doubting my abilities Merlin?"

Her gaze flickered up and around at the cave. "Not at all."

Grinning he rested his head on hers. "Good."

They stayed like that for a while, almost comfortable with each other again.

"Can you get some sleep?" He asked eventually.

She shook her head against his chest, "Everytime I start to nod off I start to fall. I'm not strung up as comfortably as you."

He snorted, "I'll shout to them that we should swap then should I?"

Huffing out a laugh she stood a little bit closer.

"Merlin...just relax."

"What?"

"Relax. You know..." He glared up at the chains for doing this to him. "Relax on to me."

For about a minute she stayed where she was and looked up at him thoughtfully.

"You wouldn't let me do that if you still thought I was a boy." She said eventually.

Arthur shrugged, "But you're not a boy are you. Besides if we try and escape and you're to miserable to keep up then i'll have to leave you behind and that'll make me look even worse."

It took a while for her to fully relax against him. She turned her head to the side and snuggled it into the crook of his neck, resting heavily against him. It put a little more pressure on his wrists but he ignored it.

"What do you think they're going to do?" She asked in a small voice.

"Nothing." He said firmly, "We'll be gone by the time that headcase has thought of anything."

"Arthur..." She sounded desperately unsure of herself, "He let me go that time before and he keeps talking about having a plan-"

"Well he's really putting it into action now isn't he?" Arthur huffed, "He's an oppertunist Merlin. He saw that you had a secret and that with you on your own it meant nothing. He's just trying to worry you and is probably pacing somewhere trying to work out what to do next."

She remained silent and he could practically feel her doubt oozing off of her.

"Merlin..." He bent his neck as much as he could manage so that he could catch her eye. "I won't let them do anything."

Shifting she glanced away.

"I promise." He whispered and, surprising even himself, pressed a soft kiss into her hair. "Stop worrying."

They stayed that way until he felt the tension start to ease out of her. But knowing Merlin the way he did...or at least the way he thought he did, Arthur racked his brains for a way to distract her.

"So at exactly what point did you think that, as a simple country girl, interefring in a knights...a princes practice, would be a good idea?"

"You were making the poor boy into a running target." She protested.

"He was worse than you which really is saying something."

"You really are a prat!" She muttered in a very familar way.

He hid his grin and started to enjoy the way she shifted in embarrasment.

Besides, he really should know how many times she overheard campfire gossip and how many of the maids she'd had to politely turn down.

* * *

By the time Griffith and his men appeared hours later Merlin was starting to feel a very familar rise of annoyance. Once Arthur had started he hadn't seemed to stop. It was as if he was going through all the events that they had shared together and was determined to get it all straight in his head.

She had yet another reason to never tell him about her magic if this was how he reacted. It was like being interrogated.

As if she needed to add to that list.

"I still can't believe I got in a fight with a girl." Arthur complained under his breath.

"You fight with Morganna all the time." Merlin pointed out snuggling into him embarrassingly for his warmth.

"That's different." Arthur all but whined. "I actually shoved you around."

"You didn't know" she said for the hundreth time.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me," he muttered. Again.

She was seriously considering begging Grifffith to gag Arthur.

"Thank god I always put you in empty cells, i mean can you imagine the outrage_" Arthur broke off all of a sudden, his teasing vanishing instantly and replaced with a very tense wariness. She didn't need to look behind her to see who had entered.

"How are we this morning?" Griffith's voice echoed from behind her. She straightened annoyed. Every single time the man appeared in her life he did so from behind. It was getting annoying.

Arthur simply let out a huffy breath and she could feel him shake his head in exasperation.

"Have you told the lying little bitch off then?" Griffith asked his expression suddenly turning as cruel as his words.

Arthur's arms flexed again as he instictively pulled on the chains. "Don't call her that." he hissed.

She could feel Griffith behind her, he had come that close. She pressed even closer into Arthur, if that was possible, to try and reduce contact with the man.

"Fascinating." Griffith muttered his voice far too close. "You're still rather protective even knowing the truth." His hand went to her hair again and this time she heard the whispered "forþgelædan" against her neck. He started pulling and she almost huffed at it knowing what he was going to do.

There wouldn't be a reason to cut it again. Arthur's questioning had made it quite clear that he was horrified at having a girl as his manservant.

Griffith didn't pull it as much as he had last time, enough that her hair suddenly got in her eyes and tickled the base of her neck. Slowly his hands moved and smoothed down her shoulders. She tried to wriggle away from him even though there was no place to go.

"She's not the worst looking, she was always too pretty as a boy." Grifith muttered his hands starting to travel down her sides. "I simply can't manage to do anything when she still looks like the manservant otherwise I wouldn't waste the magic." He sounded as if he was giving a lecture as his hands rested worryingly close to the bottom of the one piece of clothing that was covering her.

"Remove your hands" Arthur snarled.

Surprisingly Griffith did as he was told and actually backed away from her. She kept close to Arthur her situation suddenly becoming terrifying. Griffith had made it clear what he wanted time and time again and she had absolutely no way of fighting him off or protecting Arthur.

She was helpless.

It was utterly unfamiliar to her and she felt her body start to tremble in fear and an overwhelming urge to suddenly burst into tears. She tried to steady herself but she had no idea how to stop herself from panicing.

She felt Arthur's mouth press another gentle kiss on her forehead, this one a lot more comforting, "Shh" he whispered so softly that there was no way Griffith and his men could hear it. "It'll be alright. Remember I promised."

She closed her eyes and tried to get herself back under control. Griffith had either left or was being unusually quiet and she hated that she didn't know which it was.

"What do you want?" Arthur said eventually, his voice steady and strong.

There was a long silence and eventually Merlin pulled away to look up at Arthur who was staring at a fixed point with a challenging look in his eyes.

"That collar around her neck can be used to kill her with two simple words."

It didn't surprise her but she felt Arthur stiffen and and saw his face freeze slightly.

"I wish to talk to you Pendragon. Understand that if i release you and you try anything her life will be forefit."

Arthue nodded and Merlin glared up at him. He must have felt the look because he looked down at her for the first time in what felt like forever.

"What?" he asked quietly, confusion in his voice.

"Do not even think of sticking around for me." She hissed up at him.

"Don't be an idiot" he replied his voice easy and almost uninterested.

She felt a flash of hurt and he must of seen it because he rolled his eyes at her. "You have just about destroyed any hope I had of having a chivalrous reputation. If I leave now I have no chance of ever redeeming myself."

She stared up at him. "I'm hardly going to tell anyone." she snapped. "Go when they release you."

He simply shook his head looking almost amused at her protestations.

Arrogant prat!

* * *

They removed her hands from about his waist first and pulled her away from Arthur. She bit her lip to stop from whimpering like she was utterly pathetic. It was so cold away from him and there had been some safety in being able to hide in his shirt.

Arthur winced slightly as they finally released his arms, he had to be in pain after having his arms up like that for so long. She could clearly see the stiffness in his arms as he faced Griffith, his eyes cold and angry.

With an evil look Griffith smiled at her and then turned to Arthur, his tone far too quiet for her to overhear. Whatever he was saying was getting Arthur agitated very, very quickly. In fact within two minutes Arthur looked like it was sheer willpower that held him in place and every so often his eyes would flicker over to her and the man stood beside her fully willing to kill her at any second.

She should have used her magic the second she saw Griffith and be damned with the consequences. For all she knew that was exactly what Griffith was telling Arthur now.

But it couldn't be because the only reason that Arthur wasn't killing Griffith and making his bid for freedom was her. Stupid Prince seemed to be unaware that it was she who was meant to give her life for him and not the other way round.

Suddenly she saw Arthur freeze and a look of terror actually crossed his face. His full attention suddenly focussed on Griffith who had stopped talking.

The two men stared at each other for a long time, Griffith looking triuphant and Arthur looking increasingly desperate. Slowly Arthur's gaze slid over to her and he seemed to be asking something as he locked eyes with her. She stared back unsure as to what would help him.

Arthur's blue eyes slid shut and he nodded jerkily. Griffith's smile grew

"The Prince seems to agree! Bring her here." He announced looking utterly delighted with himself. The hands that had been holding her started to push and pull and Merlin found herself being yanked over towards them.

"Remember, one spell and she is dead." Griffith said calmly backing away a little.

Arthur nodded and didn't open her eyes. Griffith's man, whoever it was that was holding her suddenly gave her a violent shove and she found herself hurtling towards Arthur. Arthur who simply reached out and opened his eyes, steadying her and keeping her at a distance that frankly confused her. His eyes darted around the cave as if miraculously an exit would suddenly appear.

"Arthur." Griffith warned.

Arthur's eyes flickered back to Griffith and after a moment, to her horror something in Arthur gave up, and his shoulders dipped. Slowly Arthur came closer to her and he cupped her cheek the same way he had weeks ago. He seemed uncertain and almost afraid. She'd seen him nervous and unsure before but so rarely had she ever seen him afraid.

It scared her more than she could say.

"What? What did her say to you?" she asked him her voice betraying her with a slight wobble.

His blue eyes slid past her and she knew he was looking at their tormenter. She was so close she could see when he swallowed and seemed to steel himself. Gently he raised her face and slowly started to kiss her.

She almost couldn't believe it when his lips touched hers. Right until the last minute she was convinced he was about to do something else. And it wasn't a kiss like last time. This one was controlled and measured. Terribly gentle as if she was something that might shatter into a thousand pieces. She didn't know how to react. Part of her wanted to sped it up; the slow and almost reassuring feeling of the kiss was starting to worry her. The other part of her wanted to shove at him and demand that he do somthing more useful than kiss her.

She started to pull away when she heard the lewed comments. He let her break the kiss but his thumb moved and he suddenly held her firmly, fingers splayed on her cheek and thumb on her chin.

"Ignore them." he whispered, "Just focus on me."

"Arthur?" she whispered suddenly terrified.

His smile was weak, trembling and weak. "Pretend," he said so softly she almost could swear that he mouthed it at her.

He kissed her again, just as gently. His free hand and arm wrapped around her waist pulling her closer to him. She felt suddenly tiny and helpless and desperately unsure. She felt a tear spill out of her eyes and hit his fingers.

He tensed so tightly that she thought he would start to shake from it. He pulled away and she caught a brief look at his tormented expression before he pulled her close, almost as if trying to merge them together. "I can't" he muttered, cupping her head and smoothing her hair.

"Your choice Arthur." Griffith's voice rang out behind her.

She could feel his heart thudding away beneath her ears and his hands start to shake. He buried his face in her hair as if trying to escape from the world.

"Arthur." She strained a little to speak as close to his ear as she could, "What did he say?"

She felt a tiny tremour run over him and he shook his head, "You don't need to_"

"Arthur" she protested gently.

"I get to choose," he replied after a while, still holding her in the desperate hug. "I choose who..." he shook his head.

"You choose what?" she asked.

"Who rapes you." His voice sounded hoarse and she felt herself tense up in terror. She tried to turn and look at the men behind but Arthur tightened his grip on her, refusing to let her look.

"Who?" she asked, barely able to make the noise for the word.

He gave her a long look, eyes suddenly bright and a flicker of a sad smile crossed his face before he winced as if in pain. "I...he offered that I..." He broke off and looked away, "If I do it then it wont hurt you as much..." he said his fingers clenching and unclenching. "Merlin I'm sorry..." he looked around wildly, looking for another way out.

She didn't know what to say.

"I'll swap if you like!" A man called out from gehind her. "I've heard about this thing called fisting that I want to try." His statement was met with catcalls and sniggers.

Never before had she seen anyone go from horror to fuming as quickly as Arthur. His entire manner changed and for a second he looked like he would be quite happy to kill the man where he stood.

She instinctively moved towards Arthur wanting to hide in him somehow.

"I'm sorry" he whispered in her ear and then his fingers curled under her chin, thumb resting on it and he lifted her face to his once more. "Merlin I..." He leaned for a kiss, hesitant and nervous now. She let him kiss her, but made no move to respond, her panicked mind going numb with fear. She felt him tense too and he rested his forehead against hers and bumped their noses together stopping the kiss.

She didn't know what to do, she knew she was making it worse for him and she certainly didn't want him to stop and have someone else in his place. But she couldn't relax, not when she knew what was coming.

Slowly he ducked his head and she almost jumped when she felt small soft kisses at her neck by her ear.

"Close your eyes." he whispered, "We're in my quarters at Camelot. You've finally managed to clean the floor properly." She smiled weakly at that. "I've just beat all the knights senseless and have returned to reward you for doing such a good job."

"Arrogant git" she muttered softly and felt him smirk against her skin. He nuzzled her throat and raised his head up again to kiss her.

This time she kissed him back feeling some of the tension ease up from her and he seemed to relax a little too.

"Get on with it" someone behind her yelled and she jumped a little.

Arthur's mouth went to her ear again, his voice sounding so strangely calm and gentle. "There are some criminals outside that will soon be arrested." he told her, "Just ignore them." His hand started to travel up her side sending shivers down her spine. Slowly and deliberately his hand moved to the front of the shirt and started to undo the laces.

He kissed her mouth again and suddenly his hands dissapeared all together. Before she really had time to wonder about it she felt something settle across her shoulders, something warm and heavy. There were groans and shouts behind her that were quietened.

Arthur had wrapped her in his cloak, hiding most of her from their view. She smiled against his lips greatful not just for dignity's sake but because she'd been cold for so long it was like a gift from the gods. His hands returned to her shirt laces and pulled a little fiercer until the front lacings came undone and the top gaped.

She gasped, more from surprise than anything else when his hand dipped inside her shirt and cupped her breast. He slowed the kiss down a little, everything about him screaming that he was waiting for her to relax again.

After a few minutes his other hand started to stroke under the shirt, pushing it up as his hands met the flesh on her hip bones and waist. She was suddenly imeensely greatful for the cloak again as she realised what the view the men would have gotten if Arthur hadn't out it on her.

Why had they let him?

She frowned against his lips confused and unsure exactly what it was Griffith was getting out of this.

"Stop thinking so hard" Arthur whispered against her lips. "You manage fine most of the time."

The insult was so half hearted it was pathetic, yet weirdly it calmed her down. Deciding not to question her luck and perhaps get on with it before they took the cloak she pushed against him, kissing him fiercely.

It took him aback a little but not for long. As if taking advantage of her sudden interest his hand under her shirt moved down and she flinched as it touched somewhere that in her mind it had no right to be touching.

"Shh" Arthur soothed. "Relax"

Now she found it hard to listen to him as a finger pushed gently but firmly inside and she heard his breathing change slightly. She suddenly felt miles apart from Arthur and utterly alone in this. It wasn't painful exactly and she knew that it would have been so much worse with one of Griffith's men or, heaven forbid, Griffith himself, but it was still terribly uncomfortable and so alien to her that she couldn't help but tense and try to squirm up on her toes away from it.

"Merlin" Arthur whispered, his voice sounding so utterly wretched, "Please, just calm down."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and he buried his head in her shoulder. It could have been a passionate embrace but she was clinging to him terrified and he sounded as if he was about to cry on her shoulder.

"It's fine" she muttered fiercely, determined to stop making this so difficult for him.

His head whipped up instantly and his hands stilled. He stared into her eyes, his own eyes wet but angry.

"Don't" he hissed at her. "Don't do that."

Speechless she nodded and the anger drained out of him as quickly as it had come. He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and his hands started back to work again.

She gripped his arm fiercely when he added another finger and it hurt.

"Sorry" she whispered trying to release her grip.

Her gave her a strange look and kissed her gently. The hand on her breast dissapeared and she could feel him moving it down somewhere on himself.

He continued them like this for sometime and she couldn't quite work out what it was he was waiting for. She could feel his hand moving rythmically between them but had no idea what it was doing.

Suddenly he pulled away and she blinked in confusion. He took the cloak from her shoulders and suddenly avoided her gaze.

"Arthur?" she all but wimpered feeling almost naked without the cloak protecting her from those behind her.

He spread the cloak out on the floor and gently guided her onto it until she was sitting down. He started to kiss her again, pushing her backwards carelfully until his body was flush against her, her legs open and his in between.

Her shirt had hitched up and she moved her hands away from him to push it down. When he caught her hand in his they both stilled. They both stared at it for a moment and suddenly the reality of the situation hit her. Arthur was poised between her legs and she could feel...something nudging her. She really didn't want to think about it, yet she was underneath him.

He was pinning her hand down.

Suddenly nausea swarmed and she was aware that there were other people with them again. She couldn't see any of them but she could hear them as if she were underwater.

Arthur was pinning her hand down.

Arthur's mouth tightened and he looked like he was thinking about saying something but seemed to decide against it. He continued to avoid her gaze and he seemed fixated on a point around her shoulder. Closing his eyes he pushed.

It hurt.

The more he pushed the more it hurt and she bit her lip determined not to give them the satisfaction or Arthur the guilt.

She hated it. The act itself wasn't horrible. It wasn't exactly something that she wanted to repeat but it was just about bearable. What she hated was the feeling that Arthur was suddenly some stranger. That she was nothing to him but...this. She hated that he couldn't look at her, that he was probably imagining it was Morgana under him or Gwen or Vivian or one of the other scores of women that he usually imagined. She wanted to ask him to move slightly to the left as he was trapping one of her hip bones uncomfortably against the floor but she suddenly didn't want to ask him anything. She wanted those soft whispers of reassurance, the knowledge that he was just as scared as she was, the knowledge that no matter what happened they would still be Arthur and Merlin as always.

Somehow she didn't think that would ever be true again.

Arthur's breathing started to change and his hips moved faster and with more force. She watched him feeling detached as he started to reach some pleasure that she couldn't even begin to fathom and for a second she bearly recognised him.

Then there was the strangest wet feeling and he collapsed on top of her.

She lay, utterly unsure of what to do and trying to ignore the growing throbbing feeling. He pushed himself up almost immediately and she felt him pull the shirt back down, hands now shaking as they did.

Behind them both the sound of a slow clap started.

"So how did we enjoy stage one of my plan?" Griffith's voice rang out in glee.

* * *

_AN - i am boring myself with saying this but there is a reason and a plan!_


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognise as being owned by other people!

Summary: When an enemy discovers Merlin's actually female a plot begins that threatens to undo all that she has worked for and destroy Arthur. Warnings: dark themes later on - there will be warnings at the beginning of the appropriate chapters so please pay attention to ANs!

**Summary of last chapter**: Having captured Arthur and Merlin Griffith revealed Merlin's true gender to Arthur who was not pleased to say the least. After leaving the two alone for a while Griffith returned with an offer for Arthur - that the Prince could choose who raped Merlin. Arthur choose to do it himself to spare Merlin the pain but has actually seemingly played into Griffith's bizzare plot. Arthur feels guilty and Merlin, while upset, hates that he feels guilty.

Thanks to all who reveiwed - over 50 now yay! They brighten my day and I'm pretty sure i've gotten back to all of you now :) Also thanks to alerters - i got my first authors alert the other day and squeeked! :)

PS - It's been suggested that i get a beta - i've never had one before but if anyone knows a good one or wants to volunteer then send me a message. Thanks :)

* * *

Arthur hadn't given her a chance to say anything to him. Instead he had gathered her into his arms and wrapped her in the cloak again, pulling her so tight to him that she almost stuggled to breath. He wouldn't let her look at Griffith or his men, instead he stroked her hair and she could feel the rumble in his chest as he spoke in muted tones to Griffith.

They were escorted to yet another cell. This one tiny and cramped with barely enough room to swing a cat. Arthur kept manouvering her as far away from their captors as possible and for the first time ever she let him without complaint. His hand wrapped around hers tightly and no matter what happened he never let go while they walked.

Timidly she stood behind Arthur as he and Griffith exchanged words. She didn't really focus on them, instead she looked around the cell, utterly confused by her reactions. She felt dazed and unsure. Scared and sick.

"Merlin?"

Arthur's voice was smaller than she'd ever heard it and he stood in front of the now closed door looking like she felt.

She looked around again and wrapped her arms around herself, so greatful for the cloak. "We're never getting out of here are we?" she asked.

He took a step towards her hesitantly. "We will."

She nodded and stared at the floor.

"Merlin...are you...you should sit."

She nodded again not really paying attention to the meaning of the words. Her hand fluttered up to the collar and back again.

"Merlin" he said suddenly closer. She jumped in surprise and he instantly froze when she flinched. Terribly slowly he reached out and pulled her hand down from the collar. His blue eyes roamed over her not meeting her eyes.

"Can you sit?" he asked quietly.

This time she understood what he was asking her to do. She looked around her feet and started to sit down.

It hurt. Not a sharp and sudden pain but a dull throbbing ache that made her stiffen and slow. She could tell that he'd seen it from the way that his face tightened and his hand clenched but they both said nothing.

He sat opposite her close but not touching. It felt like an eternity passed with them just sitting facing each other and not saying a word.

He had to be cold she thought after a while. There was a sharp wind in the cell coming in from who knew where and it made her huddle tighter under the cloak. He seemed to have his gaze fixed on her foot that was peeping out from the cloak but it was obvious his thoughts were a mile away.

She let her fingers trace the emblem on the cloak as she clutched it to her. The gold stitching was raised slightly and was silky under her finger and she lost herself just thinking of nothing while stroking it.

"Why did they let me keep the cloak?" she heard herself ask steadily, her voice shattering the heavy silence.

Opposite, Arthur stirred and blinked at her as if coming out of a daze, "Huh?"

"The cloak. Why didn't they take it when we were...when we were standing?"

He shook his head, "I have no idea, I half thought they would but..." he shrugged and shifted a little.

She frowned down at the cloak tyring to puzzle out Grifith's mind.

"Merlin?"

"Mmm" she said still thinking.

"Are you...you were a bit dazed earlier." His voice was gentle again and she looked up to meet his rather fierce stare.

"I know...I think i was just...I don't know." she shook her head. "It all seemed a bit too much."

He nodded. "Are you...are you in a lot of pain." he asked visably steeling himself.

"No, not really. Just sore to be honest." She could feel his gaze assessing her, trying to tell if she were lying to spare him. After a while he nodded in acceptance.

"Arthur are you alright?" she asked watching him closely.

He huffed out a bitter laugh, "You shouldn't be asking that."

"Arthur_"

He simply shook his head, his blue eyes suddenly damp and bright again. "I'm sorry" he whispered so softely she almost couldn't hear him.

Sitting up she ignored the sudden throb of pain and reached out for him. His hands curled around her and pulled her close, his head burying itself in the crook of her neck. Determined, she did her best not to stiffen at having him so close and after a few seconds felt herself calm as he started to shake, his body tense and obviously straining to get himself control. She shifted them both a bit so that she was leaning against the wall as he held on to her.

For what felt like an eternity she stroked his hair as he refused to cry.

* * *

Hours later the lock slid back on the door and Arthur didn't so much as stir from his position on her. As Griffith walked into the room he raised an eyebrow at the sight before him.

"How sweet." Griffith said as the door locked with a clang. "Did he get a little upset?"

She said nothing glaring up at him stonily.

"Bet you wish you'd used your magic now little witch. Some say that women loose their power once they give themselves to a man. I wonder whether you'd still be a threat if we took that off."

"You could try it and see." she snapped at him feeling Arthur start to stir.

Griffith rolled his eyes, "You're just a common little peasant girl whore with ideas far beyond her station."

Arthur woke up and moved quicker then she'd ever seen him. One second he was frowning in a sleepy daze and the next he was standing in between her and Griffith one hand fanned out behind him and in front of her as if he could magically shield her with it.

Griffith actually looked a little surprised by it.

"Your highness." He said bowing slightly, "How did you sleep?"

"Let us go or i swear_"

"What?" Griffith asked cruelly, "What possible leverage do you have boy?"

Arthur stood uncertainly for a second. "We'll get out eventually."

"Possibly." Griffith said with a smile, "Depends."

"And when we do" Arthur continued as if Griffith had never spoken, "I will kill you for what you've done."

Griffith eyed him thoughtfully and then let out a rather huffy breath, "Of course you will." He said patronizingly "áþiddan"

Merlin yelped as Arthur went slamming back against the cell wall, pinned by magic. Griffith barely spared the Prince a glance as he advanced towards her and yanked her up by her arm.

"Don't_" Arthur began to shout, struggling wildly against his invisable bonds,

"Enough." Griffith roared. "I will exmaine her." He sounded like some petulant child who was about to have his toy taken away.

With a quick tug he spun her around so the she faced Arthur and her back was against Griffith's chest. One hand held her arms pinned behind her and the other went to her stomach. She tried to catch Arthur's gaze but he was too busy glaring at his arms, struggling to free himself.

"ácýðan bearn" He muttered, his hand almost becoming a claw. She struggled in his arms, not recognising the spell and terrified when Griffith started to cackle with delight. Arthur finally foccussed on them both and his eyes narrowed at the man holding her.

"Well aren't you two lucky." He said letting her go gently and patting her on the head, "And fruitful." He started to let Arthur down slowly. "You should look after her." He told Arthur solemnly and then went to the door.

Merlin blinked utterly confussed and looked to Arthur expecting him to share her bewilderment. But Arthur had gone ashen and was staring at Griffith in utter horror.

"Ahh the Prince catches on quicker than the servant. Well I suppose that is to be expected, after all you're probably spent you're whole life been told how fruitful you must be."

Fruitful? She glanced at Arthur who now seemed to have voluntarily frozen in place. What was he on about?

Arthur had certainly understood whatever Griffith's message was. Slowly, dreadfully slowly Arthur's gaze turned to her and seemed to search for something. He snapped his gaze back to Griffith with some anger.

"You're lying" he whispered.

Griffith paused in the doorway, "I suppose if you're that reluctant to believe i should keep you locked in here until you believe without a shadow of a doubt."

Arthur's breathing was ragged, "What are you trying to do?" he asked staring at Griffith as if he were a mad man. "What the hell is your plan?" he roared at Griffith

Griffith just smiled and reached behind him. He turned back to them and placed a plate of food on the floor.

"If you don't want to go through it again then I suggest you start looking after her Arthur. Otherwise you could both be in here for a very, very long time. Oh and here, eating for two now aren't we!" Griffith shoved it a little towards them.

Arthur didn't even move as Griffith walked out and the door rang shut. He stood as if turned to stone just staring at the door without really seeing it.

"Arthur?" Merlin whispered.

It was as if he hadn't heard her. His mind was clearly racing, working through what she had yet to even realise.

"Arthur?" she repeated, this time louder.

He blinked himself out of whatever thoughts he'd been having and stared at her as if he'd never seen her before. He looked utterly lost and confused.

Huffing at him she strode over to the door and to the plate of bread and cheese. It wouldn't be enough for the two of them but she supposed it was better than nothing. Plus it might make Arthur start to complain which would make things less strange. Turning back to him she shoved the plate in his general direction. He looked at it as if he'd never seen the like before.

"Eat what you want." she told him sitting back down in the corner. "I'll finish what you don't have."

She half expected him to eat the whole thing without really thinking. It wouldn't be that much of a problem. Out of the two of them he was the one more likely to break them out of this place and she was the one more familiar with going without food.

Instead he shook his head and held the plate out to her, "You need to eat" he said hoarsely.

She let out an annoyed sigh, "If you're too weak to swing a sword we'll be stuck here forever."

"I'll be fine." he said a little more firmly. "You need to eat, Merlin."

Something weird was going on. She frowned up at him knowing that she was missing something. "Did you not hear what i just said?" she scolded him. "You need to stay strong."

"Did you not hear what he just said?" he asked her looking disbelievingly at her. "I can't believe that you're not that bothered."

"I heard what he said." she snapped, "But you two decided to talk in some bizare code that i wasn't party to."

"Oh." He looked down at the ground and then at her as if trying to decide something. "Right...it's...it's not important right now."

Shooting him a disbelieving look she shrugged and waggled the plate at him. Hesitantly he took it and looked at the plate of food as if it was the worlds greatest puzzle.

"I'm really not hungry." He said after a while.

"Really? You eat like a horse Arthur."

His mouth tightened in annoyance and he glared at her, "You're so stubborn." He hissed.

They glared at each other. "Arthur_"

""Just eat it Merlin" he yelled, "For god's sakes let me do something..."He broke off and shook his head looking away from her, "Just let me do something." He repeated in a far quieter and less together tone.

She swallowed and stared at the food, "Ok."

He gave a sharp nod and started to examine the walls of the cell. She watched him quietly while eating even though it tasted like straw in her mouth.

* * *

She couldn't tell how long they spent in the cells. Arthur was moody and sullen and kept giving her looks as if she might suddenly turn out to be a fish or something. Everytime food came in he made her eat first and then would finish it. More often than not he simply refused to eat at all.

When she slept she could sometimes feel him edging towards her and just staring. On the occasional times that she cracked an eye open she could see how exhausted he was. It seemed as if he carried the world on his shoulders and didn't know what to do about it.

They talked about silly meaningless things. Once when she mentioned Morgana, Arthur paled and looked deeply uncomfortable.

"Do you think my father is looking for us?" He asked.

"Of course he is." She replied giving him a look, "Otherwise he'll be stuck doing those broing patrols."

Arthur didn't roll his eyes or hide a smile the way she hoped he would, "Do you think he'll look for me at the expense of Morgana?"

Merlin hesitated, "Arthur_"

He shook his head and leant back, "Don't."

They never talked about what had happened between them, it was a silent agreement to never mention it.

* * *

They'd had to have been in the cells for weeks by the time Griffith came into them once again. She woke to the sound of Arthur's voice rumbling in unhappy tones.

"What could you possibly seek to gain from this?"

"Is the poor prince struggling to figure it out?"

"Enough!" The sudden snap of Arthur's voice dragged her to alertness. "Are you just trying to play us, mess with my head?"

"You, you , you, you, you." Griffith chanted, "It's always about you in your mind Arthur."

Arthur snorted, "You want me to believe it's about Merlin? Did she monumentaly annoy you when you kidnapped her the first time?"

"It's about me!" Griffith continued as if Arthur hadn't said anything. "I want power, I want to use magic without fear and I want a say, to be a player in this game."

She could imagine Arthur's expression at that. "Game?" he asked acidly.

"You see Arthur I have her in a death grip and, now that we've gone through this, I have your child as well."

"You can't hold us here forever." Arthur hissed.

"I have no intention of holding you here. In fact you're free to go tomorrow...as soon as i'm far enough away that i can ensure you wont be able to follow. I'm relatively sure the bitch and your future whelp will act as enough insurance but you can never tell with those of Uther's blood."

She heard Arthur start towards him, "How dare_"

"Your child will be a bastard. Your manservant will be ridiculed and hated and you will never be able to give this child your name and protection, you'll have to view it as a threat Arthur, because that's what royal bastard are, threats to the throne. Boys especially though personally i'm hoping for a girl with her mothers eyes. You could be my father in law!"

There was a thud and Merlin risked opening her eyes to see that Arthur had been pinned against the wall again but this time he looked utterly livid.

"I will always play a part in this child's life Arthur Pendragon. Your child will have magic and your child will have to seek me out, if for no other reason than to free mummy dearest. You will have to watch and know that your father and his rules caused all of this." Griffith stepped close to him, "It's my revenge Arthur, because either you have to kill your father or your child will be the death of you."

Arthur shook his head, "No. You aren't going anywhere near_"

"Oh...rats...it completely slipped my mind." Griffith laughed in delight, "In all the excitment I meant to tell you...the reason Arthur one of the greatest reasons why your child will hate you. I mean you despise its mother and you will obviously hate it too."

Arthur's brow wrinkled in confusion, "I don't hate_"

"Your lying manservant is a sorcereress." Griffith stepped back and locked gaze with Merlin in pure joy. "And her child will be exactly like her."

* * *

AN - Um...sorry about cliffhanger? And I did intend to write the month that they'd been in the cell but as it was i couldn't have them talk things through yet so it would have just been pages and pages about rather mundane things which wouldn't have been fun for anyone.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognise as being owned by other people! Merlin and co belong to the BBC

Summary: When an enemy discovers Merlin's actually female a plot begins that threatens to undo all that she has worked for and destroy Arthur. Warnings: dark themes later on - there will be warnings at the beginning of the appropriate chapters so please pay attention to ANs!

61 reviews! Yay, thank you so much :) Sorry about the cliffhanger, but it did seem like a really good place to leave it. See AN at the bottom when you're done reading :)

* * *

The necklace burned against her neck. Griffith stepped away and she felt numb. Her thoughts whirled around wildly with no real focus.

A child.

Arthur's child.

Arthur knew.

Arthur hadn't said one word since Griffith had announced her secret so gleefully.

Not a word.

There had been no protest from him when Griffith had stepped close to her and changed the collar to the simple necklace that she now wore. He hadn't stormed over to them once he was let down from the wall. Instead he'd stayed where he was released staring at something that she couldn't see.

He'd done and said nothing.

Stepping back to admire his handywork with the necklace, Griffith tilted his head thoughtfully, "You know maybe if it's boy we could marry. By then you might actually be begging me."

Reacting on pure instinct she slapped him. Hard; before she was even aware that her hand was moving. It barely seemed to have any effect apart from the way it made his eyes narrow. Without looking bothered, he backhanded her right back, the force of it lighting up her cheek with pain and making her stumble.

Arthur still didn't interfer. He still seemed lost in in thought and shock. She touched a slightly disbelieving hand to her cheek and stared at Griffith who was working on the doors of the cell, probably setting a spell in advance. Quiet hisses of words rung out from Griffith and she saw Arthur stir slightly, his focus returning. She watched as Arthur dragged his eyes to Griffith and the door and then to her with a guarded expression, his deep azure eyes hard and unfathomable. They locked gazes for a moment and she opened her mouth sure that the words would come. But nothing did and she shut her mouth again feeling ever so lost and alone.

What was she meant to say to him?

Uncomfortable she looked down and away from him, her eyes drawn to her stomach of their own accord. Suddenly the endless nights in the cell waking up to Arthur's hand hovering lightly on her stomach made some sense to her. She'd thought...hoped...feared...that he...She shook herself unwilling to really analyse that trail of thought. Why hadn't he told her that Griffith's plan had been to impregnate her? A child. She wondered if she would have been able to feel it with her magic and hated Griffith just a slither more for taking that away from her as well. Her own hands fluttered down to her stomch now, unable to feel any difference and wondering how long it would be until she felt the truth of Arthur and Griffith's words.

She'd be willing to bet that this had never been mentioned in the prophecy's before.

She was going to have a child. Be a mother, though how on earth she was going to do that she had no idea. She'd probably be the worse mother in the entire world, she barely had enough free time as it was...

A painful jolt reminded her that she wasn't going to be Arthur's man servant anymore. Panic flooded her as she realised that she had no job, nowhere to stay, no money. Gaius was probably in danger because there was no-way people would believe that hehadn't known she was a girl no matter how persuasive the man could be.

And that was assuming that Arthur didn't tell anyone that she was...that she had been...

Sickness welled within her. What if he did? She watched dimly as Grifffith stepped close to Arthur and said something quietly with glee. What if the second they were released Arthur dragged her back to Camelot and to the executioners block.

But he wouldn't. If absolutely nothing else Arthur couldn't do it while she carried his child...right? He'd been obsessive about making sure that she ate, that she was warm and comfortable, that she didn't worry. He'd treated her as if she were made of glass while they were in the cells and while part of that may have been from the guilt he was feeling, another part surely was concern for their child.

Their child.

She swallowed nervously at the flutter she felt at that thought.

So maybe he'd wait until the baby was born...but Griffith had said the baby had magic...what if...

She couldn't even bring herself to finish that train of thought.

The two men were still talking in muted tones; Arthur still stood absolutely still, rigid with fury and she couldn't really see if he was responding to Griffith or not. It wasn't that big in the cell so she suspected that there was some spell at work to aid Griffith in his quiet little chat. Her hands dropped from her stomach as she watched, trying to gauge Arthur's responce. He was definately angry, furious even, if the tense lines of his back were anything to go by. But he still wasn't making a break for it, still wasn't risking her life for the sake of his freedom. Surely it meant that he had some concern for her still...

...or maybe he just didn't care anymore and it was easier to just wait for Griffith to leave of his own accord.

Maybe she was safer with Griffith around.

Apart from somehow managing to ball his fists even tighter, Arthur didn't react when Griffith walked away from him and towards her.

"I gave him the keyword to the collar" he said almost gently, "I told him that it was binding you. He seemed terribly worried."

She tried not to glance over at Arthur and wince at the sarcasm in the large man's voice.

"Unfortunately, you know how these spells work, intent and all that. He has to mean the words, otherwise they wont work and he had to _say_ the words."

"What does he have to declare his hate?" She snapped quietly, knowing that Arthur couldn't hear.

"No...that would be far too easy." Griffith smiled, "He simply has to declare his love."

She felt utter horror seep through her, "What?" she whispered breathlessly.

Griffith smiled, "Baby pendragon is going to adore you." He whispered, "How could it not. And poor Mummy is going to be so helpless, so alone in the world and it's going to be all Daddy's fault, because he couldn't bare to love a sorceress" He laughed stepping away from her, clearly delighted with the chaos he had created. Turning, he made his way to the cell door and paused, looking back at his captives "Do enjoy the rest of your stay."

* * *

Arthur didn't say a word. For a solid hour it was as if he couldn't even bare to look at her. She didn't dare go near him, not wanting to risk igniting his temper and tried to melt in with teh shadows feeling thoroughly pathetic. After a while he begin to pace. Back and forth, back and forth until she felt she would go dizzy just watcing him. He paced in front of the door like a guard dog, waiting for the instant it opened.

She half expected him to march out and never looked back when the locks finally clicked back, she wasn't sure that she could even blame him if he did. Eventually though she could feel his gaze on her occasionally. She opened her mouth to say something, to beg for forgiveness or explode with the frustrated fear that she felt for Uther but Arthur made a disgusted noise and returned to his pacing. So she remained silent.

"What did he say to you?" Arthur's voice rang out, shockingly loud after their hurt quiet. His tone stung her; it was demanding and official, there wasn't a hint of frustration or teasing in it.

"Um..." She stirred herself and sat up awkwardly. "Just what he'd told you about the collar and basically what he said earlier about making sure the...you know, that it grew up hating you because of all of this."

His eyes narrowed and he looked as if he might start on something else but then his mouth tightened and his eyes burned with fury.

"Liar."

It was like being splashed with ice. She could hear the blind rage that he fed into that one word. "I'm sorry?" she breathed.

It wasn't like last time, there was no frustrated teasing, no vague amusement or diebelieving bemusement.

"Why would he bother saying the same thing twice? What did he say to you?" Arthur's voice rang out not particularly loud but increadibly forceful and violent in its intent. She almost huddled backwards against the wall, sure that she had never seen him like this.

"_You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar_"

She remembered that shout echoing in her ears from the throne room. The one and only time that she had seen Arthur a complete mess because of betrayal. Suddenly her heart ached fierecly and she wanted to beg him, to promise that she had never meant to hurt him, never meant to make him feel like this.

She should never have listened to Killgarrah.

Nervously she shook her head "I don't...What I said! I don't know why Griffith...he was just trying to get a few digs in." She watched him carefully, trying to determine if trying to explain would just make it worse. As it was Arthur didn't look convinced. The silence streached on and on and Arthur's expression seemed to be getting darker and darker.

"What do you want me to say?" She asked after a while, her voice sounding rusty and disheartened even to her own ears.

"The truth," Arthur snapped, "though i suppose that's a foreign concept to you." he added with a slight sneer.

It hurt, being on the receiving end of this. His face was completely serious, without humour or fondness or exasperation. He must have caught the expression on her face and looked away shaking his head, "You think i'm being cruel to you?" He asked with a touch less venom.

"That wouldn't be unusual either," she snapped and regreted it when she saw him flinch violently at her words. He turned his back to her and paced once more.

"They'll have to let us out soon." He said eventually, though it sounded more as if he was talking to himself. "His master plan will go arse over elbow if he leaves us too long."

She didn't say anything, but let her head lean back against the cell wall and stared up at the low ceiling.

"Could you get us out?"

Surprised she tilted her head back down to him, "What?"

"With your magic, could you have gotten us out of this?" He didn't look at her and his tone was dangerously light, as if what they were discussing was of no consequence.

Hesitantly she glanced around at the cell, at the door. "Yes."

He gave a long nod and stopped in front of her. She stared up at him waiting, unsure of what he was about to try and do.

"I..." he swallowed deeply and concentrated, his face screwed up in disgust and he shook his head, "It won't work."

Though she hadn't expected it to she couldn't help the hurt that welled up within her. That he couldn't even try to say it, that the idea of just saying those words filled him with disgust.

"I hate you." Arthur gave her a long assessing look, shook his head with anger and turned away.

* * *

The cell door opened hours later. The locks slid back with a deep echo and both she and Arthur snapped their attention to the door. Slowly and with a loud squeek it edged it's way open. Arthur stood, marched over to the door and kicked it the rest of the way unwilling to wait.

"You should get up, before another one of your lot gets another genius idea."

She stood silently and followed him as she was clearly expected to. It wasn't overly hard to find the entrance and Arthur must have been paying attention at all times when they were taken to be able to find his way out as quick as he did. Not once did the man take a wrong turn or even hesitate.

Or even glance back.

They'd left two horses outside for them, saddled and grazing without a care in the world. She strode towards the horse with utter determination and noticed Arthur had stopped and was looking around them thoughtfully.

"Ealdor isn't far from here." He said eventually, squinting over at her.

She didn't say anything but instead reached out and stroked the horse.

"We can be there by nightfall."

She just nodded, knowing that she should feel relieved but intead feeling utterly numb.

* * *

The village looked the same as it had when she had left it.

Small.

Arthur had dismounted within sight of the village and had gestured that she do the same.

"Where does your mother live?"

"You don't need to march me through the village Arthur." Merlin said with a weary sigh.

Jaw tight, he shook his head, "So i should just leave you here then?" he asked with a bite.

"Fine." She snapped her patience fraying.

Arthur rubbed his face and turned to the horse. Suddenly he yanked the flask of water that they'd been left and hurled it against one of the tree's where it smacked the barck with a deep thud. Jumping at the noise she closed her eyes and waited for his breathing to even out.

"Where does your mother live." He repeated after he'd regained some control.

"I'll show you." She whispered.

He nodded wordlessly and tied the horses. She led them on a path that kept them as out of sight as possible, a game that she and Will had played for years while growing up.

She wondered if her own child would play it here.

Hunith was outside with washing, beating it dry on the line. Merlin felt herself stiffen at the sight of her mother and bit her lip stumbling forward. Her mother looked up, purely by chance, and her eyes widened as she saw Merlin and Arthur in front of her.

Somehow she was in her mother's arms before she knew she was moving. There was that familar smell, warm bread and fresh grass that made her want to curl up like a tiny child and sob her heart out. Worn, rough hands stroked her hair.

"What happened?" Hunith asked pulling back and shooting the occasional worried glance over at Arthur, "What-"

"Have you heard news from Camelot?" Arthur asked keeping his distance.

Hunith glanced at Merlin and slowly tore her eyes back to Arthur, "Yes but_"

"How long have we being missing?"

Hunith opened her mouth and then realisation hit her, "You're Prince Arthur?" She whispered.

He nodded "How long?"

"Just over a month." Hunith replied her hands holding Merlin a fraction tighter, "What happened?"

"We should go inside." Arthur said firmly.

* * *

Arthur had been like a ghost in the house, silently watching them both and making everything a hundred times more awkward by the fact that her mother didn't know that Arthur knew and Merlin couldn't bring herself to go into any of the details as to why she was so unresponsive. By the next day Arthur was gone. He'd stayed the night though she knew that he hadn't slept. He probably hadn't trusted her enough to sleep around her again.

"I don't know if i can do this."

Hunith looked up from her darning. "Do what?"

"This." She waved at her stomach, "Raise this child all on my own-"

"You're not alone Merlin." Hunith said with a sigh, "I'm here and Arthur said he would return."

Merlin let out a snort at that and shook her head. "Arthur hates me."

"He's in shock Merlin. It's a lot of information to get all of a sudden."

"It's not just that...Griffith, the man that...he said that this child would hate Arthur, that it could be Arthur's undoing."

Hunith put down her work with a slight air of annoyance. "And if Arthur believed that he'd have marched you back to Camelot and left you to his fathers mercy. Have some faith in the boy Merlin."

"Why? He clearly has none in me."

* * *

A month later she was picking fruit from the orchard when a small child came running over.

"You seen the horses?" the boy asked, breathless and eyes alive with excitment.

"Horses?"

"Yeah, them fancy ones that knights have."

"Yes i've seen them." She replied studying an apple with deep thought.

"What from all the way over here?" The boy asked craning his neck. "Dunstan thinks they might come to the village."

Merlin froze slightly, "What are their colours?"

Shifting the young lad shrugged, "They're dressed in red if that's what you mean?"

Part if her didn't believe it, not even when she followed the excited boy back and recognised some of the party that was standing by her home. They all gave her long, thoughtful looks as she passed and she couldn't tell what they were thinking. Nervous she opened her door to a sight that she had never thought she would ever see.

Arthur was leaning against a far wall, almost in darkness. He was in his riding wear and looked clean and rich as usual. His arms were folded and she couldn't see his face.

Her mother was fiddling, it was the only word for it. She looked utterly terrified and desperate for anything to do. Her eyes met Merlin's for a brief moment of shared terror.

Directly in front of her, on the nicest seat in the house, arms resting on her mothers unsteady table, Uther Pendragon frowned up at her and flexed his gloved hands.

"It appears we have an issue to discuss."

* * *

AN - Obviously the episode with them all going to Ealdor couldn't have happened as the whole village would have given away Merlin's secret. I would just say that the raiders picked on another town and the four of them went to defend that village instead.

Not hugely happy with this chapter - i think i will have to come back to ch 7 and 8 and have another look at them at some point. Skipping pasages of time in a chapter is always really annoying so i will rework it at some point.

I think many people were hoping for a much more sympathetic Arthur and will have found him a bit cruel. So...Can anyone figure out why Griffith talked to them seperately? Also at some point i will have a flashback to Arthur returning to Camelot and a lot more will be explained then.

Hope you enjoyed :)


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognise as being owned by other people! Merlin and co belong to the BBC

Summary: When an enemy discovers Merlin's actually female a plot begins that threatens to undo all that she has worked for and destroy Arthur. Warnings: dark themes later on - there will be warnings at the beginning of the appropriate chapters so please pay attention to ANs!

**Warning: Spoilers for season 3**

I am so sorry that i haven't replied to reviews this time. Had a slightly hectic week and figured you would all prefer me to get on with the story more than anything else. I will be back to my normal replying self with this chapter. But I just wanted to let you all know that I am sooo happy for the amount of reviews and alerts this fic has recieved. Over 100 story alterts eek! :D

So sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. I would expect updates to be once every week until i get somewhat ahead of myself again.

* * *

He stared out across the battlefield and at the dead that lay stinking, with the birds pecking at them. Grimacing at what was before him he nodded the squad on.

They moved on quickly, following the trail that they all spotted. It unnerved him and he knew that a few months ago he wouldn't have even stopped to consider that the trail had been set deliberately.

Griffith had made him far more cautious than he would have ever believed.

In formation they set a walking pace for the horses and Arthur kept his eyes on everywhere as much as possible, even if his thoughts tended to stray.

It was the silence that often made him uneasy now. He couldn't help himself glance around curiously every so often with an aggravated air that Merlin had somehow gotten lost somewhere. But then his mind would screech to a halt and try to reconcile the awkward clumsy servant with the terrified girl complete with huge eyes and a growing belly.

Clicking his tongue in annoyance he glared into the trees as if they were to blame for the situation. It had stunned him when his father had suggested that Merlin be brought to the castle after hearing about Griffith's plan, minus the fact that Merlin was a sorceress herself.

He still didn't know what to do about that information.

Uther had been determined to have Merlin in the castle, had given her rooms, albeit the worse noble quarters in the castle. She was officially now under his fathers charge for as long as she needed it and Uther was willing to give it.

He hadn't seen her since they'd all returned to Camelot. It had been just over four months since he'd left to search for Morgana and this time he'd welcomed the distraction. At night Merlin haunted him with scared eyes as he caught her arm and pushed into her, sometimes she would laugh and taunt him, other times she'd cry and scream when he tried to touch her. The worst ones were the ones where he could hear a baby crying somewhere and he could hear Merlin screaming at him, begging and pleading while he just waked away from it all.

Needless to say, he wasn't getting much sleep. A tuny selfish part of him almost hoped that he would never find Morgana and could stay hunting for her and never return to Merlin and face the mess that it was.

He was a coward.

Ahead of them he suddenly could see a camp almost entirely camoflaged by the forest. In his minds eye he saw the Druids camp that he had stormed into the first time that Morgana had been take. The noise of the panicked people echoed in his head for a moment before he shook it away and was simply left with the eerie quiet of a forest that should have been much louder.

Raising his hand he called the company to a halt, all too aware that there were too few men with him should this prove to be an attack. In this terrain being on horses would probably be more of a disadvantage given the thick trees and the likely hidden dips in the ground. Giving another silent order Arthur dismounted and heard others do the same.

A heavy fog drifted over what looked like an abandoned camp and caused his already wary mood to sky-rocket.. All to often he had seen this from magic users attempting to hide and get him and his men at a disadvantage. Continuously scanning the area he gestured for his men to split off to the sides and ensure that they weren't taken unaware.

He kept low, aiming for the fire and checking the heat of the left over ash. Behind him he could practically feel the knights scanning the area for danger. The ash was warm, though not as hot as he would have hoped. They fire had been lit up until perhaps an hour ago, yet an hour was a long time for Morgana's captures to get a head start.

If indeed it was Morgana and her kidnappers that they were tracking.

He heard the sound of an arrow flying through the air and the sound of one of his men dropping. It gave him a split second to prepare before he heard the cries of men charging head first into battle.

Arthur glanced quickly at his still divided men.

"All with me." He yelled into the fog, hoping that magic hadn't split them from sound and well as sight.

And then there was no time to think. Then there was the battle and the instinct and metallic taste of adrenaline to cut through the exhaustive guilt he'd been carrying around. He blocked, parried and swung his sword at his enemies and watched as they fell before him.

Anything was better than the helpless confusion he'd been practicaly screaming from.

Before he knew it the fight was over and by some miracle they'd won, though it had been a close call with the bald headed man sneaking up behind him.

It had been far too easy as far as he was concerned and he looked around, eyes narrowing with suspicion.

Slowly the knights all gathered round silently. Three of their group were missing and the red caped bumps on the forest floor told him all that he needed to know. The blasted mist was stil in the way, still obscuring the camp from view and making it unclear as to why these men, with no obvious magical ability or affinity had attacked.

There was a noise, like stakes being driven into the ground and he snapped his attention to the depth of the mist. A stumbling figure was making it's way towards them and Arthur roatated his sword about his hand in a manner that he knew was becoming a deeply ingrained habit when he was getting himself ready.

He edged closer, sword ready and in a ready stance, signalling to the men to remain where they were. The figure looked to be female but he didn't let that deter him. He'd seen too much to view women in a non threatening manner.

But as the figure came closer the features became easier to see, though it had been far too many years since he'd last seen her with tangled hair and mud smudged cheeks.

Morgana.

For a split second he couldn't move, simply stared, half sure that she was an illusion conjured up to distract him. She looked so confused, tired and utterly terrified that he barely recognised her.

A year ago he would have rushed over to her. Now he simply stood and stared, trying to work out if what he saw was right.

"Morgana?" He whispered

She nodded, eyes filling with tears in a way that jarred with his image of her. "Arthur." She whispered back, voice shaking.

Aware that all eyes were on them he stepped forward cautiously and reached out with a hesitant hand. She fell into his arms instantly, almost bonelessly but still with some grace.

Sweeping her up he turned to the men, "Saddle up as quick as possible." he announced.

As he settled on the horse with her he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was about the whole episode that had made him uneasy.

* * *

The view from her window wasn't the best in the castle. Still, it afforded her a good angle on the gate to see visitors arriving, knights returning and peasants meandering in their daily lives.

She actually envied them for having something interesting to do. Never before had she thought that she would long for the days when Arthur asked impractical tasks to be completed in an impossible time frame. As was becoming habit, her hand strayed up towards her necklace and she flinched when her fingers brushed the stone and went numb.

Turning back to her room she sighed and returned to the work she'd abandoned in a fit of peevishness and avoided the uneven flagstone that she's nearly tripped up on earlier. Her room was an old guest chamber that had barely been used because of how far away it was from the royal quarters and those used by people at court and had therefore fallen into some state of disrepair. Evidently it was some noble born way of snubbing the guest.

And, apparently, a perfectly acceptable room to give to an ex servant, peasant carrying a child of royal blood who may or may not be used in a plot against the throne.

There was a gentle tap on the door and Merlin sighed, hating that she had to admit the servants and give permision for them to come in. She'd barely knocked when she'd been Arthur's manservant and she was starting to think that Arthur hadn't been exagerating when he'd called her the worst servant ever. She'd walked in on Lady Catrina without so much as a by your leave and the thought of it made her cringe now. She found herself actually greatful that it hadn't been the real Lady Catrina.

The girl that stoked her fire was called Alanna and Merlin remembered her as being a very sweet and quiet girl with an easy smile and infectious laugh. There was no sight of that side of Alanna now, instead the girl flashed her uncomfortable, suspicious looks and was constantly tense in Merlin's presence.

Most of theservants were. When Merlin had first arrived back in Camelot she had tried asking Gaius what had happened, but Gaius had been increadibly evasive and the entire castle seemed to be sworn to secrecy or rather threatened with the block by Uther. The later seemed far more plausible, though heaven only knew what it was that Uther was trying to keep secret. She had no idea what it was that everyone knew about her.

It was unnerving.

Uther had allowed Gwen to come into her chambers and talk with her. At first Gwen had been hesitant, overly cautious and watching her as if she would shatter. Then awkwardness had followed when Merlin had tried to prove that she wasn't as frail as everyone feared and the pair had realised that though they had been friends for years, they still barely knew each other.

Gwen hated the colour yellow. She liked Daisy's because her mother had taken her to pick them when she was a tiny child and on special rare days they had made daisy chains together. Gwen was the master at sewing, she could stitch anything back together seamlessly and Gwen enjoyed the work because she'd first learnt to darn leather together and anything was easier and less painful than that task.

It actually made Merlin feel guilty when she realised how much she didn't know about Gwen. How much Gwen chose to remain out of the limelight and simply smile from Morgana's shadow. Next to Morgana's stunning beauty many paled in comparison but Gwen was really pretty. Sweet and honest and strong.

There weren't enough words to describe how greatful she felt towards Gwen now. Without her, Merlin might have gone mad with boredom. Though perhaps experementing with how to make candles hadn't been the best idea in the world if Gaius' pained glower was anything to go by last week.

"_You're about to become a mother Merlin, you can't go around acting like a four year old_." He had complained when he'd arrived at her wax soaked, smoke filled room. "_And stop involving Gwen in your escapades_."

So they had gone back to Gwen teaching Merlin how to stitch a pattern which Merlin found to be mind numbingly tedious but anything was better than just staring into space or watching the girl who stoked the fires glare at her resentfully as she left.

"Ouch" She muttered sticking her finger in her mouth to sooth the pain and keep the blood from dripping. She glared at her finger when she pulled it out of her mouth to look at it and blood oozed once more from the puncture mark. "I'll never get the hang of this."

"You never stop complaining either." Gwen said in an all too cheerfull tone. "Just concentrate on what you're doing."

With a frown Merlin stared at her clumsy pattern and then at Gwen's emerging flowers. "Maybe I'm just not a sewer."

"You can be a staring out of the window-er" Gwen replied finishing off her thread with a practiced ease that Merlin envied. "Or I could try showing you how to knit."

Merlin winced at that remembering the one and only time they'd attempted that, "I'll just try one more time."

Gwen nodded, looking completely unsurprised. "Ok"

A gentle tap at the door surprised them both. Gwen was pretty much the only person to ever knock on Merlin's door these days and Alanna had just left. With a confused exchange of glances with Gwen, Merlin shrugged. "Come in."

She'd never, ever in a million years get used to saying that.

Gaius entered looking a little more flustered than he had in months. "I'm ever so sorry to disturb you both but I wasn't sure if you'd heard the news."

Suddenly it became apparent why these quarters were used as a way of snubbing Merlin thought, swallowing back what she was sure was hysterical laughter. Those that stayed in these chambers would always be the last to know the news and gossip of court.

"The news?" Gwen asked putting her fabric down and rushing over to Gaius, "What news?"

"The Lady Morgana has been found, returned to Camelot." Gaius smiled gently, "I just finished seeing to her."

Gwen's face took an expression of pure relief, "Is she alright?"

"As well as can be expected" Gaius edged, "She will need-"

"Of course, "Gwen reached down to retrieve her shawl and then suddenly shot a worried glance at Merlin, "Will you be alright_"

"Gwen go. She's your friend."

Gwen nodded, "I'll let you know how she is as soon as i can." She said and all but ran out of the room.

Gaius and Merlin stood in a stony silence.

"Did she seem to remember?" Merlin asked eventually, picking at the fabric in one of the chairs.

Gaius sighed, "I couldn't tell."

Nodding, Merlin gathered up Gwen's sewing...things. "How is she then?"

"She seems disoriantated, though I would expect that is in her mind as she seems to be in remarkable health." Gaius said not moving from his position in the doorway.

She paused at his tone. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

With a heavy look Gaius simply sighed, "I cannot tell whether she is scared or...or lying. What happened between her and Morgause may have gone a number of ways."

Her hands hesitated above Gwen's sewing and clenched into fists. "Am i in danger from her?"

"As long as you carry the child Uther will allow no harm to come to you. If the worse comes to the worse we will have a few months to come up with a plan."

Shaking her head Merlin closed her eyes and stared at the floor, hands on her hips and biting her lip. "Whatever Uther's...whatever has happened to him that's made him fine with this_" She gestured fiercely at her stomach, "Will not last."

"Merlin," Gaius stepped forward and then hesitated, "To explain Uther's attitude...such knowledge would be dangerous for you to have. You must simply trust me that there is a reason that he is acting this way and that reason is unlikely to go away because Morgana had returned. In fact if anything it makes that reason stronger."

Studying him Merlin let a small choaking sound erupt from her lips. "But Arthur knows everything. If Uther finds out that his grandchild is of magical descent_"

Gaius stepped forward and lay a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You are thinking about the worst possible scenarios. It may well be that she understands or cannot remember."

Merlin nodded, not particuarly convinced.

* * *

Merlin gave up pacing her rooms a few hours after sundown. She glared at the door before yanking it open and marching through it, heading for Gaius' quarters. Maybe she could borrow a boring book of his to send her to sleep. Or maybe she could try and find the latest place he'd hidden her old spell book. Ripping that apart page by page had been wonderfull cathartic before Gaius had come in and stared at her as if he couldn't decide whether he should tell her off or soothe her like some old insane woman.

She figured she could decide which to do when she got there.

The only problem was that when she swung the door open quietly, a technique that she had mastered within two months of living with Gaius, she saw a rather familiar looking head of blond hair bent over as Arthur sat in a chair.

It was obvious from the fact that he remained in his rather unguarded position that he hadn't heard her come in. Suddenly she froze trying to work out what her next move should be, whether she should leave, stay and wait for him to acknowledge her or whether she should just continue into the room as if nothing had happened.

It wasn't courage or wisdom that helped her decide but rather unfortunate circumstances. Circumstances such as the fact that while she was amazingly good at opening the door from the outside without it screeching, she still hadn't mastered opening it as quietly from the inside. And then there was the added problem that she was technically lugging around another person, no matter how small it may be, and that small person played havoc with her back at this time of night, making it impossible for her to stand still and wait for long periods of time.

"Arthur." She acknowledged as she made her way past him and towards Gaius' personal library. Given how unlikely it seemed that Arthur would willingly watch her open a book about magic she supposed she was stuck with boring herself to sleep tonight.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Arthur jump slightly and snap his gaze towards her, a frown marring his features. Opening the cabinet she scanned the book titles intently and tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that crashed through her at having her back to Arthur and being unable to see exactly what he was doing.

She tried to shake the idiotic feeling away.

The longer the silence streatched on, the more uncomfortable she felt. Part of her brain was screaming that she needed to just grab a book and leave the room as quickly as possible, yet she was worried that if she picked a book at random and turned around to walk out, it would be the most embarrasing or most magical book ever and would make things a hundred times worse.

But the more uneasy she felt the harder it was to focus on the book titles and the cycle just started all over again, even worse than before. Aware that it was starting to get painfully ridiculous she gave into her panic and simply picked one at random, took a deep breath and plastered on a polite smile as she turned back to Arthur.

She blinked in surprised when she turned around. It seemed that Arthur had mastered the perfect way to open the door silently from the inside because all she was simply smiling politely at an empty room.

She glanced down at the book in her hands and put it back with a long sigh, sat down in the chair that Arthur has been occupying not five minutes ago and winced as the baby kicked her sharply. Slowly she lay her hand on her protuding stomach and shushed the now active child gently and stared at the door.

Surely he'd talk to her eventually.

Right?

* * *

AN To sooth any worries that people may have, this fic will follow the basic same events of season 3 but with huge differences and with added things! And i am off to write some more!


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognise as being owned by other people! Merlin and co belong to the BBC

Summary: When an enemy discovers Merlin's actually female a plot begins that threatens to undo all that she has worked for and destroy Arthur. Warnings: dark themes later on - there will be warnings at the beginning of the appropriate chapters so please pay attention to ANs!

**Warning: Spoilers for season 3**

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Uther had declared that they were to hold a feast to welcome back Morgana and, in a way, Arthur. It was as if everyone had suddenly come back to life again; a whole year of mouning and tense, quiet atmospheres had caused the castle to feel like a weary and unhappy place to be. Now it was if a huge sigh of relief had swept over Camelot and they were all free to get on with life again and not worry that Uther would bring in some new law that banned smiling.

From her dirty window she could see servants running about with large baskets of food and great plates of precious metals. Flowers were hefted in, sprays larger than the people carrying them in warm welcoming colours and the rich tones that they King seemed to favour as well as so many candles that she wondered if Uther was aiming to light up the entire castle. Everything was busy again and with purpose and it was all because Morgana was back.

Morgana who she'd successfully managed to avoid even better than Arthur was avoiding her!

Her fingers splayed across the cool glass, her breath misting her view every so often until she was forced to pull back and wipe until the vision below was clear once more.

She was so dreadfully bored.

Occasionally she left her perch on the window seat and attempted the half completed sewing the she'd started with Gwen or scour the latest book that she'd liberated from Gaius' gloomy quarters. But, without fail, before an hour was out she would be back to the window again and staring out with longing.

As the day continued on the ebb and flow of servanst started to lessen and instead nobles started to appear in their fine outfits and rich colours. Great horses were handed over to stable boys and there was a great deal of curtsying and bowing to each other.

Gwen was probably busy with Morgana now, Merlin thought, sewing last minute additions to dresses and probably twisting Morgana's long hair into some elaborate braids. The pair were likely to be chatting warmly in her chambers laughing about men and such.

Turning from the window she smoothed down her own dress, plain and dull of colour. The only mirror in her room was dulled and cracked from age and she couldn't tell what she looked like. It had never bothered her before but she now had sudden longing for pretty clothes and beautiful hair that annoyed her more than anything else.

She felt a small wriggling motion within her and lay a hand on her bump. When the baby was born they would be completely reliant upon Uther's good will. What if she had a daughter? A little girl who wanted to look pretty and have all the things that Merlin herself couldn't. Or a son who stared wistfully at shields, horses, swords and armour? Was she meant to go begging at Uther's feet and hope that he'd had a good day?

The thought made her skin crawl. Maybe she could go to Arthur...but then he'd shown no interest in either her or the child. It was heartbreaking that she no longer felt confident that she would be better off if Uther died. What would Arthur be like as a provider for the illigitimate offspring. Would he even care or would he look at the child and constantly remember that the child was concieved in terrible circumstances and remember her betrayal.

Outside there was no-one left to distract her. The guards remained still and poised upon the battlements and in the courtyard. Turning back to her empty chamber she started to pace. The light from her window faded until she was only left with the two half hearted candles lighting her room.

Unable to stand worrying for any longer she strode determindly to the door and marched out and down the familiar path to Gaius.

"I want to be your apprentice." she announced as she opened the door and spoted the familiar hunched over figure.

Gaius peered at her curiously over the book he was reading, glasses balanced precariously upon his nose.

"I beg your pardon?" He said frowning in her direction.

"I want to be your apprentice, as i was meant to when i first came here."

A hard look was sent in her direction, "Merlin the entire problem with that was that you had to be a male. I hardly think you can disguise yourself again or that you would succeed." He said giving her bump a pointed look.

"Do you honestly think anyone cares about that now? I was Arthur's manservant for years, i'm a peasant carrying his child." She shurgged, "It's hardly going to shock anyone."

A long, searching look was directed at her. "Why now?" Gaius asked with a sigh, placing the book carefully onto the table and marking the page. "You've had months_"

"I don't want to rely on Uther." Merlin said stonily, "I...I don't want to owe him anything."

Gaius shook his head, "Merlin you must understand that the risk to your child is imense. A healer is at the front line, if there was a disease or a plague you would catch it instantly_"

"And what? Uther would be mad at you?" Merlin snapped.

Gaius's face clouded over with a fury that she rarely saw. "You could loose your child Merlin. Your child. Do you think i would let that happen, do you honestly believe i would allow you to risk your health and that of the childs? Uther has nothing to do with it." He slammed his fist down on the table, uncharacteristically annoyed.

It was as if he'd thrown a bucket of ice water on her. She stopped and stared at him, frozen in realisation.

"What about after the baby is born?" She asked in a small voice.

Softening he nodded, "Once the child is born then i will allow it. Maybe..."he sighed, "Maybe i could teach you about battle wounds, how to deal with them and such but i will not have you around my potions and lotions. Nor will i allow you to visit the lower town with me. Uther would have my head for that."

She nodded and remained where she was, hovering awkwardly. "Thank you." She said eventually.

"Yes, well..." Gaius shifted in his seat, "I have found it oddly quiet down here without you. It's amazing how accustomed one gets to noise."

Merlin smiled, "And i've missed the sound of you huffing over problematic pages."

He gave her a long and level look. "Get some sleep Merlin." He opened his book again, trying to look nonchalent but she detected a slight misting about his eyes, "Perhaps tomorrow we can begin some basic training."

Smiling and nodding she walked to the door and then paused.

"Gaius"

"Yes?"

"What was Arthur doing here last night?"

The old man stiffened slightly, "He had a minor injury. His father told him to see me just to ensure it was nothing serious."

"Right..." She turned away, "Good night Gaius."

As she closed the door behind her she resisted the urge to press her forehead against the smooth wooden panels in frustration.

Gaius had never been good at lying to her.

* * *

She took her time walking back to her chambers. The halls were relatively empty, with everyone of matter enjoying their feast with their servants serving them.

Never before had she considered that being a servant meant that she had been part of something. Now she just felt lonely and apart from the rest of the castle.

She mised Gwen.

And, if she were being honest, she desperately missed Arthur.

"Maybe you should get a move on." She said to her bump that was now quiet and settled, "Then i could talk to you and not look like such an idiot."

Avoiding the great hall she took a less travelled root and ended up outside, enjoying the night air.

Not really paying attention to her surroundings, she ended up running almost bump first into Uther.

"My Lord." She yelped backing up, "I'm so sorry, i didn't see you_"

Waving a dismissive hand he shook his head, "It is of no matter." He seemed to be having some trouble focussing and she could smell the heavy red wine that he tended to favour. "Are you well?"

She nodded, "I am sire,"

"And my grandchild?"

"Kicking as often as it can." She offered him a weak smile, "Though it seems to have worn itself out at the moment."

He nodded, "It will be strong." he announced to no-one in particular with an oddly uncharacteristic silly smile.

Not really knowing what else to do she nodded in agreement, "Yes, i imagine it will be." She said feeling uncomfortable as she watched him lean heavily against the wall, "My lord are you quite well?"

He nodded, "Yes, yes, i Just need some fresh air is all." He waved at her dismissively and then something seemed to catch his attention behind her.

As she turned she had a terribel image of Griffith standing behind her and felt her heart clench in momentary fear. Yet she continued to turn as Uther staggered away from her and saw that there was nothing.

Remaining where she was she glanced around hesitantly. The guards had been watching their exchange while trying to appear as if they hadn't heard a word and were now shooting confused gazes at Uthers stumbling form.

He paused by the well and looked down it, tension draining from him and he started to laugh, obviously some drunk thing she thought turning away to continue to her rooms. Doubtless he'd forget they'd even had a conversation tomorrow.

It was only when the King begun to scream that she glanced back to see Uther pulling himself away from the well and collapsing in a fetal position. Guards rushed forwards unsure but determined to help their king.

She froze where she stood, her breath misting the air in front of her and rising up like smoke. She was slowly aware of courtiers from the great hall running out from the hall to help the King upon hearing his cries.

Someone gripped at her arm and she spun to see Gaius looking panicked.

"What happened?" he asked her.

She shook her head truning back to see Arthur and another pick Uther from the floor. "I don't know." She whispered, "I think he saw something, something that scared him. In the well."

"In the well?" Gaius asked dibelievingly, "Merlin, the well is over twenty feet deep, how on earth would he see something in there at this time of night?"

"I don't think it was really there." She turned to look back at Gaius. "I don't think he'd have had that reaction if it had been."

"You think it was magic?" Gaius asked watching them move Uther inside and doubtless to his chambers.

Nodding she sighed, "You need to go with them."

Gauis nodded, "Wait for me in the halls outside his chambers, "We'll discuss it then."

And with that the old man swept away, chasing after Uther with suprising speed for one his age.

* * *

The guards remained at Uther's door so she waited slightly further down the corridoor, her back aching and the child deciding that it would be the perfect time to start practicing winced as what could only be a foot jammed itself against her kidneys.

Eventually Gaius appeared, striding towards her, his face serious. "Merlin_"

Before he could even finish his sentence Arthur appeared from round the corner. "Gaius what's happened to him?" he called, his voice rough with it's demanding tone.

For the first time in months Arthur met her eyes, though it was probably more by accident than anything else. Between them Gaius glanced at them both uncomfortably and sighed, "It's exhaustion my lord_"

"No" Arthur broke his gaze with Merlin and glared at Gaius. "No don't even think about giving me that. He was crying. He doesn't cry. Was it..." He broke off and looked at Merlin.

"It wasn't me." She hissed, temper automatically falring up, "I had nothing to do with it. Even if i wanted to i_"

"Perhaps we should continue this elsewhere." Gaius interupted loudly with a pointed look at Merlin, "If you would accompany us to my chambers my lord."

Clearly there was some internal battle waging within the Prince as he stood and glanced backwards at his fathers chambers. Whne he looked back towards them his face was expressionless. "Lead the way then." He said with an arrogant air.

When she caught Gaius' eye he looked as peeved about the tone as she felt.

Inside Gaius' chambers the fire crackled warmly and she headed straight for the chair closest to it feeling annoyed enough that she couldn't care less what either one of them thought about her because of it. Tiny fists and feet pushed against her and she rubbed a soothing hand across her belly trying to relax and hoping it would calm the child.

When she looked up Arthur was giving her a strange look.

"So, Uther?" She said feeling uncomfortable in the weight of Arthur's gaze.

It succeeded in snapping Arthur's attention away from her and to Gaius.

Gaius shot her an ungreatful look and then slipped into his chair at the desk.

"What's happened to my father?" Arthur asked, back straight and jaw clenched.

"I do not know." Gaius said sighing, "He was mumbling when we brought him to the chambers..." Gaius visabally hesitated, "He was calling out your mothers name."

Flinching Arthur shook his head, "He never mentions her."

"He claims that he saw her in the well." Gaius shrugged helplessly.

"He was drawn to it." Merlin said, surpising them all. "He heard something the rest if us didn't."

"Magic?" Arthur asked folding his arms.

"I think so..." Merlin shook her head, "It certainly seems to be more than simple exhaustion." She looked away and at the flames, confused as to her strange feelings towards this conversation. For as long as she could remember she had wanted Arthur to be included in the coversations and plans she and Gaius had made about magic. Now it was happening she just felt...

Tired.

Gaius nodded, "I'm inclined to agree. Though what spell is being used upon him i've no idea."

Arthur jerked his head over at Merlin expectantly. "Do you?"

Hurt she shook her head and turned her gaze back to the two men, "I know nothing about these types of spells, the ones that affect the mind. They aren't the sort i..." she hesitated, still not really wanting to say the words to Arthur. She shook her head at him and caught a glimpse of disapointment in his blue gaze, "I can't help you."

And it was so true that she almost cried from saying it.

* * *

AN

I'm so sorry for the delay in the chapter - the reason is on my profile and i do try to put a little message on there every week to let readers know when the next chapter will be up. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the next should be a little more action packed :)


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognise as being owned by other people! Merlin and co belong to the BBC

Summary: When an enemy discovers Merlin's actually female a plot begins that threatens to undo all that she has worked for and destroy Arthur. Warnings: dark themes later on - there will be warnings at the beginning of the appropriate chapters so please pay attention to ANs!

**Warning: Spoilers for season 3**

Thank you to reviewers, alerters, readers and favouriters (is that a word?). And i'm in the nineties with reviews! I'm soo happy with that. Maybe i'm weird but ninety odd seems so much more than eighty odd so i'm utterly chuffed to pieces!

Strangely now that the Series 3 is over i feel renewed vigor for writing and have poured out the start of another story and this chapter and now have achy fingers! Hopefully it shows as I was starting to flounder a bit. I think it's the fact that now i know the season finale i can weave my own plan in and out of canon with much more ease.**  
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Anyway hope you enjoy, especially as i caved a little and put a scene in that most of you had been asking for and strangely actually fitted in! Reviewers obviously know best sometimes!

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"Do you think Morgause has used Morgana again?" Merlin asked staring into the fire later, her hand stroking the baby absently as she simply sat.

Behind her Gaius paused in what he was doing, "Given Morgaus' reaction last time I doubt it. She is probably more aware of the dangers it would place upon Morgana."

Merlin nodded distractedly, "So then is it a coincidence that Uther falls ill days after Arthur found her?"

Scrapping the old wooden chair over to her Gaius sat on it with a heavy sigh and shook his head, "I doubt it."

Merlin nodded as Gaius looked in the fire. It was starting to die down and she sighed, it was frustrating knowing where something was and how to fix somethinga nd being unable to do it. No doubt if she mentioned the dying fire Gaius would insist that he stoked up the fire and got more fire wood. He'd grown rather protective of her in the last few months and while she caved on some things she hated the idea of him venturing out into the cold at his age to gather wood when she could so easily do it. So she simply kept quiet and refused to look at the door that Arthur had stropped out of moments ago.

"You should return to your chambers." Gaius said shaking himself alert and looking about him with some confussion. She suspected that he'd started to nod off as was becoming his way in the long cold nights but wisely she said nothing. Instead she nodded and stood up, wincing as her back protested and made her way to the door.

"Merlin," She turned and nodded at Gaius expectently, "Perhaps you would be wise to bar your door tonight."

It was on the tip of her tongue to remind him that she didn't need protecting, but then memory hit and she nodded, her frustration rising to the pont where she felt like screaming in frustration. She turned away and walked through the door, trying desperately to ignore the cool burning sensation of the necklace resting upon her throat.

* * *

Gwen stood by the window in her chambers causing Merlin to nearly jump out of her skin and scrape her hand on the door latch awkwardly.

"Gwen?" She yelped grabbing in to the door for support, amazed at how fragile her nerves were.

"I didn't mean to startle you," Gwen said rushing forward, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Merlin sucked her finger into her mouth, "I just didn't expect...I thought you'd remain with Morgana tonight."

A slight shadow passed over Gwen's face, "So did I." She admitted, eyeing Merlin thoughtfully.

"What happened?" Merlin asked letting Gwen guide her to the bed and sitting down.

"Nothing," Gwen shook her head, "She just...she dismissed me for the night and i didn't know what to do and I ended up at this end of the castle and you weren't here_"

Merlin nodded, "Sorry I was visiting Gaius_"

"No..." Gwen shook her head with some frustration that Merlin barely even saw with Gwen, "No, she actually said the words Merlin." she explained earnestly.

"Ok..."Merlin really, really wanted to understand her friend but she just couldn't quite follow the logic and frowned, "I have no idea what you're getting at."

Gwen took a deep breath and started to fiddle with her dress, "Well...When you worked for Arthur, how did he tell you to leave?"

"Usually he'd throw a really badly aimed cup towards my head or tell me to get some sleep as he was hoping i wouldn't be entirely useless tomorrow."

It was pretty amusing to see Gwen's eyes widen in shock, "It was a joke," Merlin admitted, taking pity on her friend and grinning, "You know the way we used to. He's call me incompetent and i'd call him a prat_"

Gwen nodded and started to pace, "Yeah...ok well that was what was normal for you. But for us...Morgana would tell me to get some rest, or take the night off...you know as if it was a suggestion as if I had a choice. Sometimes she's been a little forecful in her suggestions but she's never been like this before. I...I'm worried." she admitted, coming to a halt in front of Merlin.

"Worried?" Merlin pressed.

"What they did to her." Gwen said sitting with a sigh, "I can't press her to tell me, I'm her servant, but it's frustrating because we're friends as well, or at least we used to be. If she's suffering I want to help."

"Gwen_"

"I know there's nothing I can say or do...it's a price we pay for being friends with nobles. I just..." Gwen shook her head. "I don't know what to do." She bit her lip and stared straight ahead. "What would you do?"

Tilting her head at her forgotten sewing Merlin shrugged, "I...I'm unsure. We had a completely different way of dealing with each other. Looking back on it i'm amazed he let me say half the things I did. Maybe...Maybe you can encourage her to try and talk to someone? It doesn't have to be you."

Gwen nodded slowly and turned to her, eyes dipping down to the bump and Merlin swore she literally saw an idea pop into Gwen's head.

"Could you perhaps talk to Arthur?"

Merlin froze, "What?"

"I just...when he comes to see you. Could you mention it?"

"He's coming to see me?"

The two women stared blankly at each other for a moment.

"I thought...Arthur is coming to see how you and the child are doing...isn't he?" Gwen asked.

"No," Merlin shook her head, "I saw him today outside of the King's chambers while he discussed causes with Gaius but we haven't talked about..." She glanced at her bump, "About..you know."

"Not once?"

Melrin shook her head.

"I can't believe Arthur_" Gwen started, steel entering her voice as she stood up, hand fluttering, "I thought he was becoming less self absorbed and he_"

"No" Merlin hastened to assure her, remembering the way that Arthur had talked of Gwen. The last thing she needed to do was alienate Gwen from Arthur and give him yet another reason to hate her. "No it's just...I think i remind him of it." Merlin said, scrabbling to find an acceptable reason. "Of what happened to us. He's just getting used to the idea."

The look that Gwen gave her was doubtful. "You're suffering too." She said firmly, "He should realise that."

A small smile crossed Merlin's face, "Yes, well..." She cleared her throat. "You could speak to him, you're bound to bump into him at some point."

"No...I mean, I think he would listen" Gwen said, "I just don't want to betray Morgana. If I go to Arthur he may mention it; he's not the subtlest person in the world, and then she might close herself off from me even more."

Somehow Merlin found herself nodding, "If I can find a way i will." It's the least I can do, she thought silently. "So how was the feast."

Gwen's eyes perked up a little at the idea of talking about something else for a change, "Do you remember Lady Garrack? Well she..."

* * *

"The King had another episode."

Merlin blinked at Gaius' rather unexpected arrival back at his chambers and shut the old tome. "What? Weren't you in the throne_"

"Yes." Gaius hurried over to his book shelves, old knobbly fingers roaming the spines. "He was in front of an audience this time. It couldn't be missed. He had to be dragged out."

"Dragged?" She couldn't stop the twitch in her lips, "The King was dragged?"

Gaius gave her a rather scolding look but nodded, "I have no doubt that Arthur will be down here soon to demand a cure again."

"What did the King see this time?" Merlin asked watching Gaius drum his fingers across the book bindings.

"A boy, dripping wet." Gaius said softly as if that meant something.

"A boy?" Merlin asked doubtfully, leaning back and allowing the child some room. "Why_"

"During The Great Purge Uther drowned many he suspected of sorcery," Gaius turned, his eyes dark with rememberence, "And some, God help them, were children."

Merlin closed her eyes and looked away, her hand flying to her stomch and swallowing deeply as a wave of nausea hit her. It was nothing she hadn't heard before but-

"Killed for the magic they were born with. " Gaius continued, lost in memory.

Opening her eyes Merlin stared up at Gaius whose knuckes had now turned white as they gripped the shelves and whose lips were pressed tightly together as he swallowed.

And she stared at Arthur who had entered unseen and who looked ashen at Gaius's words. Slowly Arthur's gaze moved from Gaius to hers and they stared wordlessly at each other as Gaius pulled himself together. It was hard to tell what she see in that gaze. Fear, guilt, worry, curiosity, impatience even. And then the gazed dropped from her eyes to her stomach. If possible even more emotions crossed Arthur's face.

"Are you saying it may well just be guilt?" Merlin asked, her throat feeling too dry.

"Maybe," Gaius shook his head and the memories away, "Whatever it is, we can no longer hide this."

"Rumours are already spreading." Arthur said drawing his gaze away from their child and leaning against the wall, his arms folded. Gaius was visably startled at the new voice and shook himself, "We need to come up with an official explanation if nothing else. I doubt exhaustion will continue to act as a viable excuse." Arthur continued in a tight tone.

"Why not?" Merlin asked, "It's already circulating_"

"A king's hold on it's people is a very fragile thing. If people believe that Uther is so exhaused that he is becoming dillusional then they will loose confidence." Gaius said gently. "Perhaps a fever? I will claim that I misidagnosed it. They can have similar symptoms."

Arthur nodded, "And as for the true cause?"

"I'm afraid I'm no further along my lord. Perhaps_"

Whatever Gaius had been about to say was cut off as bells started to clang. Warning bells. Arthur glanced up startled,

"Wait here." He ordered them both before disappearing out the door.

"You could have told me he was behind me." Gaius said after a moment, throwing Merlin an accusing look.

"I...Sorry, I didn't quite know how to interupt. Besides I didn't see him until after you'd said most of it."

After a long look Gaius nodded and turned back to the books. "Do you think we should tell him. Of our suspicions about Morgana?"

"I don't know. You do realise if we don't and he finds out then we may loose his trust forever." Merlin said opening the book in front of her again and trying to act normal. "I'm amazed he even listens to us."

"But if we accuse her and he doesn't believe us then we may push his patience to the edge." Gaius murmered, eyes far away.

The tone of his voice startled her. Never before had she heard him speak with so much worry about Arthur. Uther yes, but not Arthur.

"I assume he wasn't happy with you when he first got back."

Gaius made a noise that could have been agreement and then seemed to shake himself out of the rather somber mood he'd gotten hismelf into. "If we work under the assumption that Morgana and Morgause are now in league with each other then we have our work cut out for us. There are any number of enchantments that could cause these symptoms. We need to find a way to narrow it down." He said as if she hadn't spoken.

"Ok_"

"Perhaps your book may give us some idea." Gaius said carefully, watching for her reaction. It was clear that he expected a tantrum of some sort.

Instead she just nodded, too weary to be upset that she no longer could access her powers. As she turned and started to get up she winced, remembering the last time she'd bene in her tiny old room with the huge old book.

"Um...how angry will you be if I tell you that I may have slightly ripped some pages?"

"Ripped?"

"Shredded? In fits of anger?" Merlin corrected bracing herself.

Gaius gave her what felt like a never ending stare. "Perhaps you could avoid doing that in future."

Merlin nodded and rose to get it.

Someone knocked on the door before she could reach her old room and as one they turned.

"Enter." Gaius called out, shutting a book carefully.

A young man, younger than Merlin stumbled in looking out of breath. "The Prince asks for your presence Gaius. I'm to take you to him."

"Ahh," Gaius swung his gaze to Merlin, "I'm afraid_"

Merlin nodded, "If you need me i'll be in my rooms." She said, resigned.

"Yes...Perhaps we could finish this later?"

Merlin nodded and prepared herself for another boring day where she got to watch people run about outside the window.

* * *

There were voices outside of her rooms.

At first she'd mistaken them for her imagination or for the sounds of the people below drifting up to her. But they were getting closer and there was now the sound of footsteps outside of her door.

She stood up from the window seat as someone knocked and then entered without waiting for permission. Ironically she was starting to find it was the thing that irritated her the most about having servant wait on her.

All protests died on her lips when she saw it was Arthur.

"What are you doing here?" She asked quietly, glancing at the door in fear, half convinced that Arthur had finally called the guards upon her.

"Have you heard from Gaius since this morning?"

Shaking her head she pulled the shawl she was wearing tighter across her shoulders.

He nodded, more to himself than anything, she thought, "A sentry was found stabbed outside the castle walls. How he survived..." Arthur shook his head in disbelief, "He was in Gaius' care. We thought he was getting better and then..." He shook his head, "He died not an hour ago."

"Oh." She said, unsure of the response she was meant to give to this news. "Why_"

"Gaius, and I, believe that there is a traitor in Camelot." His tone was brisk, the same one that he used when talking to his father in the throne room. "Whoever stabbed the man used this." Arthur held out an unfamiliar blade. "Gaius said it's used by warrior priestess' to_"

A scoff left her lips and she backed away from him, "I've nothing to do with_"

"What?" He asked looking up from the blade.

"I didn't use it, i've never seen it before. Just because I have m_"

As she spoke he paled and glanced at the door before marching forward and forcing her into a corner and pinned her into the wall. A pounding filled her ears as her heart drummed furiously at the sudden proximity of Arthur.

Then panic filled her as his rough, sword calloused hand clamped over her mouth.

Hard, so hard in fact that she suddenly started to struggle for breath.

"Be quiet!" He hissed, anger dripping from him, "The door isn't that thick."

There was nothing she could do but stare at him, trying desperately to swallow back surges of terror and not tremble.

He leant closer, far too close and her body stiffened in rememberence as his mouth came close to her ear. The sight of the world over his shoulder made her press her lips together to stop from wimpering as memories clouded her mind.

"Gaius told me about Morgana."

The world stopped suddenly and her shaking thoughts froze in shock.

"If it's her she might come for you. The guards are now posted at your door with instructions. No-one but Gaius and myself may come through. Is that understood."

Dumbly she nodded and couldn't help but relax when he pulled away from her. She didn't move from her position on the wall, almost needing it's support to stay upright. Avoiding her gaze Arthur stepped back until, thankfully, a good distance remained between them.

"What did he tell you?" she whispered, knowing that her eyes were so side they felt like they might pop out from her face.

"Everything." Arthur looked away and at the window, face and body tight and keeping that good distance from her. "Everything that you should have told me." his voice suddenly grew tighter and he looked like he might break apart if there was anymore tension in him.

Tears blurred her vision and she opened her mouth knowing that nothing was going to come out. Yet surprisingly words formed.

"I didn't think you'd believe me. I..."She glanced at the door, hesitant to explain too fully least the guards hear. "She's the King's ward."

Whatever thought went through Arthur's head made him snort and look back at her. As if his eyes had a mind of their own they travelled down to her stomach.

"Is there more?" He asked, his tone harsh and abrupt, "More that you haven't told me?"

There was nothing else she could do but nod. Arthur's face creased into an expression of anger and annoyance and he stared at the door as if he could burn a hole through it.

"The baby's quickened." She said suddenly, not even sure why she was saying it. "In case..."

"Quickened?" He asked looking confused and snapping his attention back to her.

"Moving, kicking, punching." She shrugged, "It's definately taking after..."She trailed off, not sure how he's react to her finishing that sentence. Whetever he saw in her face softened him slightly and he let out a sigh, his shouders relaxing fractionally. he took a cautious step towards her, eyes on her face as if working out how close he could get without causing her to panic.

"Everyone knows it's mine." He said almost gently. She felt her mouth drop slightly at hearing that in his voice. "I mean...you've probably guessed that by now, but it's not a secret. It's acknowledged that...that it's mine." He continued, shifting a little, yet clearly determined to get that information out.

Looking down at her bump she rested her hands on it gently and nodded, "I know I...I just didn't think you'd want to be reminded."

When she met his eyes he had an unreadable expression on his face.

Then the baby kicked. A quick glance at the window confirmed that the sun was starting to set which the baby seemed to think was perfect kicking time.

Arthur moved to come towards her and then seemed to think better of it, hovering awkwardly between wanting to help and wanting to keep his distance. "Are you alright?"

With a deep steadying breath she stepped towards him and reached out. "Give me your hand." With only a minor hesitation he obeyed and gently placed his hand in hers, his touch so light it was almost non existant.

Stepping closer she lowered his hand and saw realisation spread across his face as his hand made contact with the bump. Only a few seconds passed before their child kicked against their joined hands.

Arthur's eyes widened with surprise and the pressure of his hand suddenly became firmer. She dropped her hands leaving his alone.

Another kick and then squirming as the child decided it was the perfect time to start fidgeting.

A choaked gasp escaped Arthur's lips. "It's really moving" He said with some wonder.

Another time, not so long ago she would have teased him about that comment, but their friendship was far too fragile for that now. Instead she settled with a smile. "It streaches out sometimes too."

"Streaches out?" He asked not lifting his gaze and utterly focussed on their child.

"Yep. I had to roll it back into a curled up position the other day."

"You're joking." He said looking up startled. "It does that?"

"Not often. It's really strange when it does. A woman in the village had the same thing. Some babies are just really active, others aren't." She shrugged.

The first smile she'd seen on his face for ages spread across his lips. "Gaius said we have another two and a half months to wait."

She nodded as he looked back down and grinned at the shuffling going on inside her belly. In the fading light he looked like a portrait, his blonde hair glinting like gold and the light playing with his strong, beautiful face and deep blue eyes. The picture he made belonged in the fairy tales that her mother used to tell her.

God, she hoped the baby took after him instead of her.

Then it was ruined; he looked up and she'd leant to close to study him and suddenly they were standing with their face inches apart. His breath on her lips and his hand on her stomach.

_Too close_ her mind screamed.

They both froze.

Arthur stepped back with absolutely none of the grace that he usually possessed. "So you understand about the guards?"

There was nothing else she could do but nod.

"Right..." Arthur looked around, clearly uncomfortable. "Send word to me if...if anything is amiss."

"How?"

"My man..."Arthur broke off and took a step towards the door. "Just tell a guard, they'll find a way to get the message to me."

And with that she swore he all but ran away from her.

* * *

Any thoughts? I thought it would be so easy to take bits and pieces from series 3 and weave them in, yet it's taking forever just to get through one episode. Sigh and it's a two parter...


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognise as being owned by other people! Merlin and co belong to the BBC

Summary: When an enemy discovers Merlin's actually female a plot begins that threatens to undo all that she has worked for and destroy Arthur. Warnings: dark themes later on - there will be warnings at the beginning of the appropriate chapters so please pay attention to ANs!

101 reviews! I love you people :D I'm in triple figures!

**Warning: Spoilers for season 3

* * *

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Dark though it was, she could still make out the figure striding towards the gate with purpose, hidden by the night and unseen by the guards.

But not by Merlin.

The guards at her own door remained. They'd been unbending when she'd attempted to get past them to go and see Gaius and to simply walk when her legs ached from inaction. There was no way she could get passed them and check that Morgana's chambers were empty and that she was indeed the cloaked figure that made her way out into the night.

It was so tempting to cast a spell. Her fingers itched with the need to just try but the memory of the searing agony that had whipped through her last time prevented her from trying and stifled the urge.

She couldn't risk the child. Not when she could feel it living inside of her.

Waiting, she kept vigil on the scene below. Hours later the cloaked figure could be seen in the shadows, coming closer to the castle.

Pursing her lips Merlin whirled away from the window and towards the door, flinging it open without a moments pause.

"I need to take a walk."She announced to the guards who simply stared blearily at her.

"You can come if you like." She offered, wrapping herself in the shawl that Gwen had knitted for her. "It might wake you up."

One of the guards raised an amused eyebrow at her, "Still got a cheeky tongue then?" He asked, then his eyes widened. Clearly he'd not meant to say that outloud.

"Now you're definately going to have to come with me." She announced walking past them, hoping her bravado lasted until after this long overdue meeting.

* * *

Morgana paused midstep, obviously surprised by Merlin's presence in the hallway. In the year that she'd been gone Merlin had forgotten how stunning the noble lady was and how it made her squirm and feel utterly hideous in comparison.

Ignoring the feeling she lifted her chin, "Lady Morgana."

"Merlin." Morgana put on a rather pleased voice which was so convincing Merlin doubted herself for a moment. "I haven't seen you since." She gave a sympathetic grimace and nod towards the bump. "How are you?" she asked with what sounded like genuine interest.

Merlin glanced behind her at the guards and stepped closer, "Morgana..." She hesitated, "I'm sorry_"

"I understand." Morgana shook her head and waved a hand dismissively, "I know the choice you had to make." A weak smile was offered.

"Then stop what you're doing to the King." Merlin said so softly she could barely hear herself.

It was like a mask had fallen off. Morgana's face froze and she suddenly looked icy cold. Merlin doubted that she imagined the sudden crackle in the air as Morgana's untrained magic reacted to her mood. Looking at her now Merlin could very well believe all the warnings that Killgarrah had given in the caves.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Morgana snapped, "And I'd stop throwing accusations about Merlin, unless you'd like me to start doing the same." She narrowed her eyes pointedly, the threat obvious and clear.

"Morgana," Merlin begun, reaching for her arm, "Please_"

"Is everything alright?" The guard asked, his voice closer than Merlin had thought he would be.

The two women stared at each other. Morgana looked smugly amused and Merlin was forced to drop her hand.

"Everything's fine." Morgana said with an imperious nod that seemed to come so easy to her, "Thank you."

"Merlin?"

Shock flittered across Morgana's face as the guard looked worridly at Merlin. Her eyes narrowed and a thoughtful look crossed her face as she glanced once more at the child Merlin carried.

Wordlessly Merlin nodded at the guard who didn't look convinced but stepped away a little giving them room.

"You won't carry _that_ forever," Morgana hissed with a contemptuous look before storming off to her bedchambers.

Merlin watched her go. It was worse than before. Every single ounce of hesitation that had existed before Morgana had left was gone. Destroyed by whatever Morgause had told her sister. There was no more divided loyalty, no chance to talk.

It was done.

* * *

"You say she left the castle?"

Merlin nodded as Gaius sighed, shifting around in the chair as he sat in her chambers. "She was gone for hours Gaius, I have no idea what she was up to."

"Hmm." Gaius tapped his hands lightly on the arm rest, "It is odd..."

"What?"

"Uther has gotten worse in the night. The delusions have caused him to wreck his chambers, one of his guards smelled smoke. He'd upended a candle and was staring at something only this time the delusion didn't seem to be going away..." Realisation seemed to suddenly hit Gaius and he sprung out of his chair with far more bounce than Merlin would have ever expected, "She brought something back in."

"Back in?" Merlin questioned watching Gaius now pace out his thoughts in front of her, "What do you mean back in?"

"It's magic she hasn't mastered yet. Well of course it's quite advanced isn't it." Gaius said to her, as if she'd know and she played along; nodding with a confused face. "She needs help. Otherwise she wouldn't risk leaving when the King was in such fragile health and her plan was working..."

"That's great." Merlin said, "Really, really great, but i don't see how it's helpful."

"Well don't you see?" Gaius asked, looking at her as if she was about to experience some similar epiphiny.

"Uh...No." Merlin said shrugging. "No I honestly don't."

"Sometimes..." Gaius shook his head in wonder, "It means she must have some physical anchor for the spell. Something that had to be taken back to Morgause to be adjusted and was small enough that Morgana could carry it undetected."

"I don't think she's going to give it to us." Merlin said still feeling a little unsure as to exactly what Gaius was getting at.

Rolling his eyes at her Gaius sighed, "We need to search the Kings chambers."

"Oh." Merlin blinked, "Oh and if we find it_"

"It can be destroyed." Gaius smiled triumphantly and then frowned, "And there will be no "we" in this. You are to stay here."

"But it's boring." Merlin sighed, "And it's not as if there won't be plenty of guards_"

"You should not be around volitile magic; there's no telling how it would react to that thing." Gaius waved his hand towards her necklace.

"Gaius" She whined but he shook his head unswayed.

* * *

She sat for hours waiting for news from Gaius and had done so much walking back and forth that she swore she had created a slight rut in the cold stone floor. When a knock came at her door she almost ripped it off it's hinges in her haste to finally hear what had happened.

It was not news that she was expecting and by mid afternoon everything had changed. The guards had escorted her to Gaius and she was now helping to prepare the hospital for casualties. Gaius had given her a quick reminder about stitching a wound and dressing the bandages.

They were about to come under seige.

As she helped make beds and boil water so that all was sterilised and ready for when the injured started to arrive she shook her head at the stupidity of it all. Here she was, in the first real seige of Camelot, with Arthur aware that she had magic and all she could do was make beds. There hadn't even been a chance to see Arthur, though Gwen had gone to him earlier. She'd reported back that Arthur seemed nervous, unsteady and weighted by responsibility.

If she ever saw Griffith again she was going to kill him with her bare hands.

The hospital was deathly quiet as she looked up from the lastest bed that she'd made: Gaius was out talking to the villagers that had entered the castle, rtying to find more people with knowledge of healing. The huge fire place in the edge of the room had a pathetic little flicker going within it, barely enough to heat up a kettle, let alone the amount of water that they were going to need for the wounds. Across from the fireplace, on the opposite wall the great thick fire logs were stacked up in an orderly fashion, the servants from earlier having doen an admirable job of stocking up their provisiobs. She took a basket and started to load it up, ignoring the tiny voice in her head that said Gaius would have her head for doing this. As she lifted the weight she was pretty surprised to find herself struggling, probably due to the fact that she'd barely picked any firewood up in the last few months, Tutting at her own lack of strength she started to heft it across the room. Half way across she heard a sputtered oath and the weight suddenly become non existant as someone took it from her grasp.

Arthur did not look happy.

"What are you doing?" He asked, every syllable clearly pronounced as he attempted to remain calm, one arm holding the weight that she'd been struggling with easily.

"What does it look like i'm doing?" She snapped, her irritation with the situation chasing away any nervousness she felt around him. "I'm helping to prepare. Gaius isn't as sprightly as you think he is." She plucked one of the logs of the top and marched over to the fireplace with it.

She knew he was following her and when she turned to take another Arthur looked like he wanted to throttle her and made a sharp jerking movement. "You can't go around picking things like this up." He snapped bending slightly so that their faces were level.

"I'll do what i want." She snapped, "You've had me locked in that damned room for days. I was going mad so now i'll actually make myself useful." She went to grab another and glared furiously when Arthur batted her hand away with utter ease.

Arthur looked as if he was trying to bite his tongue, "You're meant to sit quietly, in the corner and not near anything dangerous." He snapped, actually pointing at a corner before he pushed past her and deposited the basket by the fire.

"Wood's dangerous now is it?"

"There's a fire over here. Knowing how clumsy you are i wouldn't be surprised if you tripped into it and burned to death."

Fear cut through her anger and she backed away from him, eyes widening and hands tense, ready to push him away and struggle. Shock crashed into him and he looked gobsmacked.

"I didn't...I wouldn't..." He took a deep breath and looked away. "I shouldn't have said that."

Forcing herself to untense she shook her head, "I...I know you didn't mean it like that."

He nodded, "Get someone else to do the fire." He said quietly.

"There's no one else around." She whispered, not wanting to annoy him.

Taking deep calming breaths she watched in surprise as he closed his eyes briefly, sighed and bent down, starting to build the fire himself. It surprised her that he even knew how to do it and she let herself calm as she watched him follow the standard routine.

Seeing that there was no-one alone she sat on the tiny stool close to him. "Did Gaius tell you about Morgana?"

His shoulders tensed when he realised how close she was but other than that he made no comment. "She was behind the enchantment."

"She left again last night."

Now he turned to her. "What do you mean again?"

"Well that's how Gaius and I figured it out. I saw her go out of the window."

Turning back to the fire he sighed, "You don't know it was her."

"Well I did when I went and bumped into her." She told him, slightly annoyed by his flat responce.

Arthru slammed the log onto the hearth and stared ahead, a muscle in his mouth jerking steadily. "Tell me you did not seek her out." he snarled turning to her.

"I took the guards with me."

"For God's s_" Arthur stood up swiftly and turned his back to her scrapping a frustrated hand through his hair, "Do you have a death wish?" he demanded.

"We needed to know_"

Arthur huffed out an angry laugh, "We needed the enchantment to stop. She was already in the list of suspects. It wasn't as if I was about to trust her with anything. It's not as if i can prevent my father from continuing to trust her when he recovers. All I know now is that the mother of my child can't even trust my word on how best to protect her in my own castle."

"It's not that." Merlin shook her head, "I_"

"Don't, i have things to do." Arthur turned away. "The fire should last until another comes in." He started to storm off in the direction of the main entrance.

"Do you have any idea what this is like." She shouted at him suddenly, "I could help, i could be doing something useful, anything. I could be asking a Dragon for help but instead_"

"The dead Dragon?" Arthur asked turnung around, "The one you said I killed?"

It stopped her mid rant. "Yes."

"You've got to be kidding me." Arthur shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers, "The Great Dragon is still alive?"

"I told it to go away." She said after a moment in a rather small voice.

"You told it to..."Arthur shook his head in bemusement, "I don't believe this." he huffed out a bitter laugh and looked away from her and up, out of the windows.

Her heart sunk as she looked at him, "I...I just know i could do so much more to help and i'm useless and if you die today i could have stopped it."

Arthur's hand dropped away from his face and he looked at her, his expression appearing torn. Wincing he seemed to come to some decision which chased some of the anger from his face and he stepped towards her, his tone serious and eyes earnest.

"If I die today, you carry Camelot's future King or Queen. Every single knight knows this. If i die you have to trust that they are loyal to you and only to you." He stepped even closer, "Is that clear."

"Arthur..." She shook her head, head tilting to meet his eyes as he came nearer "Griffith_"

"I don't care." He hissed out. "Promise me, if anything happens to me and my father you will run."

She shook her head and he stepped once more until she could reach out and touch him if she so wished.

"If it were the other way round." He said, "If i could escape with our child what would you say to me?"

Closing her eyes she shook her head, "Arthur_"

A tear trickled out of her eyes and she scrubbed it away furious with herself. Arthur hesitated before pulling her close and pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"I'm not planning on it, if it helps." He said gently, "Camelot's walls have never been breeched. It won't change just because you can't do magic."

She nodded and winced as her nose scrapped against his armour. Backing away she rubbed her nose and shot him an accusing glare.

Humour flared in his eyes for a second. "That will teach you to wipe your snotty nose on my chest in future."

Chuckling despite herself she flapped her hands at him, "You should go."

"Promise me." He pushed eyes becoming serious again.

"I promise." She agreed. "I'll kill you if you die, but I promise."

* * *

As the light of the day started to die the sound of the approaching army could be heard. That many men walking made a drumbeat of marching that could be heard as they came to the castle walls. Their war cries echoed though Camelot and into the hospital that she and Gaius were setting up and where they were instructing women from outlying villages.

Everything within her screamed that she should be out there, at Arthur's side but, like clockwork, the baby had come to life and was somersaulting in her womb, a sharp reminder of what she needed to protect.

Clenching hard on the necklace a sharp jolt of pain focussed her and she forced herself to concentrate on what she was doing.

Insanely she wanted to know who had dressed Arthur in his armour and was likely now doing last minute adjustments.

Brushing the thought aside she finished her lesson with the young girl before moving on.

"Merlin?"

Turning at Gwen's voice she smiled, and the smile stilted a little when she saw who was with Gwen.

Morgana.

"What can we do to help?" Gwen asked, firm and determined, a sweet but slightly strained smile on her face.

"We're still waiting for the casualties to arrive." Merlin begun.

"They'll be here soon. They've been using flamming catapults." Morgana said without a hint of guilt in her voice.

Merlin nodded, "Then take some rest while you can get it." She snapped slightly turning away from them both.

* * *

Having Morgana in the ward was good for one thing, and one thing only. If she were inside then she wasn't out causing any more damage. But it made her skin prickle at the idea of working next to Morgana, of acting out a lie in full view. Soon she lost track of all thought save one.

Stop the bleeding.

It was never ending. Soon they had more injured and dying than they could deal with and still more were coming in. Hours passed without her realising it and it was only when Gwen pushed her onto a seat and held a cup of water to her lips that Merlin realised how long she'd been working.

"Thank you." She said softly.

Gwen smiled, brown eyes concerned, "Gaius was starting to twitch when he looked over at you."

Merlin laughed, "I bet."

"I'll get back to them. Stay here for a while, you need to remain in good strength."

Merlin nodded and took another sip of the water, almost moaning at the blessed relief it gave her. She looked around and was surprised to see Uther in full chain mail with an arrow in his leg. Gaius looked up from his work on the King and mouthed one word at her.

Morgana.

Knowing it was stupid she still looked around for the familiar dark locks. Standing she put the cup down and saw panic flitter over Gaius' face.

She left before he could stop her.

* * *

Halfway to Morgana's chambers she felt it. Like a tidal wave crashing through her, everything became still and silent.

Magic.

Her own breath was loud in her ears and she was suddenly hyperaware of everything around her as if the world had stopped just so that she could feel. Sounds became blurred and unreal, as if she were underwater and the world above was screaming in the distance. She could almost see the wave as it exploded out in a way that she couldn't describe. It wasn't by touch, or sight, or sound that she could sense it but by something else, something that she had missed for months.

The feeling was elating and terrifying at the same time, like the pleasure in pain.

And then it was gone and she collapsed against the wall, sliding down it to crumple on the floor.

It took long moments for her breath to go back to normal, for her heart to stop trying to thud it's way through her chest. She crawled up to a sitting position, back against the wall and eyes closed as she tried to work out where the wave had come from.

In her belly there was a rather slow and oddly deliberate push, almost like a question. Huffing out a relieved laugh she rubbed a soothing hand while her mind tried to remember if there had been any direction to the pulse of magic.

When she finally managed to stand it was on unsteady legs and she half walked, half stumbled against the wall towards the exit. Something big had happened and she needed to...God she just needed to do something.

Outside was chaos, reminding her somewhat of the dragons attack but in the distance she could see the hunched forms of men bent over and fighting, shadowed figures raising weapons in the rising smoke and the flash of steel. Screams echoed in the air and hard shouts of war replied. Everything was harsh and blunt and brutal and the smell of blood and burning was inescapable. Fire burnt up hot and visious while people ran. Rubble littered the steps and the courtyard making it an obstacle she'd really rather avoid.

"What the hell are you doing?" A furious voice screamed out.

Typical.

Arthur was suddenly there, helping her stand. His chain mail was no longer bright and shiney but dull and soot stained. He reeked of blood and ash, his face covered in filth and hair damp with sweat. But he was there and holding onto him made her feel stronger, made her focus through her fear and weariness.

The exact opposite seemed to happen to him. He must have seen something awful in her face because his grip changed from the no nonsense marching to nervous caution. There was something to be said for the situation when she didn't so much as flinch at him wrapping an arm around her to steady her of she needed it and being suddenly so very close to her, sword out and naked, ready in case anyone came to close.

"What happened?" He murmered into her hair, holding her tightly with his arm and a testing hand resting on her stomach as if to reassure himself. "Were you attacked?"

"Magic" She whispered, "A huge wave of it. She's done somthing."

Arthur looked up and around not needing to ask who "she" was. "Aimed at you?" he asked voice rough with emotion.

"No," Merlin shook her head, trying to right herself, "No something else. A spell. Powerful, if it had the much of a reaction. All I felt was the backwash."

Arthur shook his head, "You can barely stand." he said, though she couldn't tell if the comment was in agreement with her or whether he was trying to dissuade her from leaving his arms.

"It's the damn necklace" She hissed, pulling away from him. "It..." She broke off seeing what was behind him.

"It?" He questioned, "What?" He turned to look in the direction that she was staring in horror at.

Morgana had raised the dead?

Skeletons marched towards them, swords in their hands and purpose in their stride. Between her and the skeletons, Arthur froze fractionally and whipped his head to something behind her, shouting out an order that she couldn't even begin to decipher. Turning back he ushered her backwards with a commanding wave of his hand and walked to meet Morgana's creation, his sword preparing for battle by swinging around his hand in the lazy circles that were so familar to her.

He started to trade blows with the closest one, moving quick despite his obvious fatigue. When his sword pierced through the skeleton Arthur's face showed little surprise when the skeleton stared down at the sword and shrugged.

A sword swung at her and she ducked, yelping a little in surprise when she saw another skeleton much closer than she'd thought. She scrabbled for a sword as a red cloak suddenly appeared in front of her meeting the skeletons sword with his own.

Hands pulled her up and she found herself standing in Sir Leon's grasp, the man looked utterly weary and a little peeved as he stared at his newest foe and joined in the battle with Arthur and the other knight.

She stood watching them fight those that could not be killed.

They started to back up and Arthur pulled back completely to her.

"Come on." He hissed and pulled her with him into the tower. "I need you to warn Gaius and tell him to seal off the hospital."

"Arthur_"

He grabbed her arm fiercely, "And heaven help you Merlin if you aren't inside when he does. Clear?"

She nodded and ran up the stairs, hands using the wall to help her. She froze at the sound of skeletal feet coming towards Arthur and turned.

"Don't you dare turn around." Arthur snarled not even looking at her.

* * *

She didn't even bother looking for Gaius. Instead she found Gwen.

"Tell Gaius he needs to seal off the hospital." She said grabbing her arm and pulling her away from the sick man that she tended.

"Merlin? Where have you been? What_"

"There's no time. I need you to help me find Gaius." She repeated, "There's an army inside the walls, we need to seal the hospital off and protect those we can."

Gwen nodded, "I think he was with the King" She rushed off, her flying as she darted through the hospital.

Merlin watched her go and then turned to run through the other exit, just as Arthur walked in.

* * *

She'd never been found of the underground levels of Camelot. Sigan had probably ruined any interest she'd ever had in the place but Morgana had always seemed to have a thing for it.

That alone probably should have tipped her off.

It was easy enough to gues where Morgana had gone. The years of hunting beside Arthur had taught her a few tricks and she figured broken cobwebs could mean the same thing as broken twigs in the forest. Certainly after descending to a certain depth it was the dust that gave Morgana's route away; her footprints showing clearly upon the silvered stones.

It was only when she ran into the chamber Morgana stood in that she realised how stupid she'd been in coming down alone. At the very least she should have grabbed at a weapon before charging after the witch.

"You should leave now while you still can." Morgana suggested, "You and your bastard brat." She added with a sneer that Merlin had never had directed at her. Pushing back the flicker of hurt she took a hestitant step forward.

"Morgana please, stop this." she begged,

Morgana smiled cruelly, obviosuly delighting in her plan as she glanced up at the thundering noises above. Merlin could do little but lean against the wall, exhaustion whispering over her.

"Morgana, people are dying. People you would have defended to the death a year ago." She tried again, fingers spaying against the uneven blocks to keep from slipping down.

"Before you tried to kill me." Morgana spat.

"They don't deserve to die for that." Merlin pleaded keeping her distance.

"What about me? Do i deserve to die for what I am? I have magic." Morgana threw the words at Merlin like a challenge.

Relief quaked through Merlin despite everything that was happening. Morgana didn't know, she hadn't heard Griffith's plan.

It was one small thing to be thankful of.

"No," Merlin whispered, "You don't deserve to die for that."

"But i deserve to die for something else?" Morgana snapped. "You've already made up your mind haven't you?"

Merlin stared at her wordlessly, knowing that the truth shone on her face. What Morgause had started two years ago had been finished long before Morgana had ever returned and Merlin couldn't persuade herself to feel otherwise.

"I could blame it on you." Morgana muttered, "If anything went wrong I mean. The girl who fooled the whole of Camelot into thinking she was a boy. Who everyone treats like glass because Arthur took advantage. It would be so easy_"

"Merlin"

Arthur's shout echoed down the passageways behind them. He sounded supremely ticked off and it instantly caught the attention of them both. It was all Merlin could do not to sag in relief.

Opposite her horror washed through Morgana and she closed her eyes in panic. When she opened them again Merlin could see that she'd come to some decision.

"Play along or I will make your life a living hell." She hissed and then came closer.

When Arthur burst into the chambers Morgana was helping Merlin stand up right and keeping them at a distance from the staff. Merlin clenched her fists at having the woman so close to her and, over Morgana's head, she could see Arthur blink in confusion at the sight of the two of them together. After flicking a glance at the staff he returned to them, his sword rising and falling as if he couldn't make up his mind what to do with the scene before him.

"Arthur, thank god." Morgana begun, "The staff, i can feel something as i get close to it, something terrible. You need to stay away from it"

As Morgana looked at the staff for what could only be dramatic effect Arthur's gaze settled on Morgana's hand upon Merlin's elbow and he shot Merlin a questioning look.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head before looking at the staff pointedly.

Arthur's face twisted in frustration and he huffed and stomped forward.

"Move out of the way Morgana." He said as she left Merlin's side to grab at him desperately.

"Arthur, don't. Something terrible might happen to you." Morgana begged, sounding as terrified as she had the day of the questing beast.

Arthur payed her absolutely no attention and swung his sword clean through the staff with absolutely no problem at all.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognise as being owned by other people! Merlin and co belong to the BBC

Summary: When an enemy discovers Merlin's actually female a plot begins that threatens to undo all that she has worked for and destroy Arthur. Warnings: dark themes later on - there will be warnings at the beginning of the appropriate chapters so please pay attention to ANs!

Thanks to all who have reviewed, it's been fantastic reading them all and getting an idea of your thoughts on the fic. Sorry - i know my profile said i'd update yesterday but i had difficulty with the last bit and wanted to get it right.

**Warning: Spoilers for season 3,  
**

* * *

Rebuilding Camelot took time. As she walked down to Gaius, and to the wounded there, she saw builders and carvers at various points. Uther had declared that they were to refortify as quickly as possible to ensure that no other kingdom decided to take advantage.

Personally Merlin thought he should just stop pissing people off and making them want to steal his kingdom but she suppossed that was by-the-by. It was hard though, sitting with men who were recovering from serving King and country and who were struggling not to collapse into despair because they had nothing to return to. Cendred had done a wonderful job at destroying every village his army had ridden across, yet Uther wanted the far east tower to be re-roofed.

She had barely seen Arthur since he'd all but marched her and Morgana back up to the hospital and had hissed in her ear to stay put. There hadn't really been a need to be honest, she'd been so exhausted that she'd collapsed into a chair and barely moved for the rest of the day.

The men in the hospital were all eager to get out, for many they needed to return to what was left of their homes quickly and start rebuilding before the winter truely hit. Every day that she walked down there were less and less people there until only a handful remained and Gaius deemed it unsafe for her to be down there. When she'd tried to protest he's simply had a guard escort her back to her chambers.

Apparently Arthur wasn't the only one she'd annoyed with her antics.

Life, once again was becoming terribly lonely. Gaius sent her up book after book so that if she wished she could study and learn the craft that she'd asked him to teach but she wasn't allowed to wander the castle. To make matters worse Morgana seemed to have decided that the only way that she could get to Merlin was to monopolise all of Gwen's time.

It was like being back in the prison all over again. Except this time she didn't have Arthur with her telling her all the old legends that he'd been told as a boy. The one concession that the guards offered her, or rather that Peter and Raoul offered when they were guarding, was that she could visit the library on occasion.

It wasn't as if she needed to. Had she but asked, Gaius would have hunted the book down for her and delivered it to her chambers, but it was the walk that she wanted. The change of scenary even if the stone used in the library looked suspiciously like the type used in her rooms.

Lord she was getting dull if she was comparing masonary.

It was quite by accident that she discovered the hidden room behind a dusty bookshelf. One wrong press of her foot as she slightly leant up...well ok slightly climbed up, and the whole thing swung around causing her to yelp in surprise.

The room was dusty, probably the kind of thing that Morgana would have liked but that she didn't. It looked like Arthur's junk closet that, up until the end of her employment with him, he'd still insisted didn't exist. Book shelves lined the room and it looked as if there may have been a struggle once long ago from the upturned pottery and scattered papers. The various things on the shelves looked a little like the ones that she'd seen when she first walked into Gaius rooms all those years ago, before he'd had Merlin at his disposal to help keep on top of it all.

Before she could even take a step forward she heard frantiic shouting, muffled by the bookcase behind her. Pressing her ear against the shelves she listened to distant calls and angry voices.

Suddenly feeling haughty she turned from the shelves and wandered further into the room, ignoring the tiny voice inside her head that berated her for letting them think that she'd disappeared. Peter and Raoul would be blamed, Arthur might think she had her magic back, Gaius would be beside himself and Uther would either be glad to see the back of her or would be convinced that she'd been kidnapped, as seemed his way when women disappeared out of the castle.

Walking further and further into the room she felt lighter and lighter. It was the first real taste of freedom she'd felt in over a year of she were honest. In this room no-one would smirk and sneer or treat her like she was about to shatter.

Some instint turned her as she walked until she found herself right in front of an old dusty book. A rather familiar old dusty book that was similar to the one she'd been tearing to pieces most nights that she was free.

It was a book of magic.

Trembling, she reached out her hand and hesitated before laying her palm flat on top of it. When she raised her hand off of the heavy leather cover her fingers were covered in dust and she rubbed them together, watching the dust fall to the floor like some magic powder. As if it had a mind of it's own her hand reached out again, this time to the edge of the cover to heave it open and reveal the thick, yellowing pages underneath.

It was different to the one that she had in her room. Not terribly so, she discovered as she watched her hand open the pages, but there were a few spells that caught her eye as unfamilar. It was more ornate too, obviously more time and care had been put into it than the one she had in her old room.

It wasn't until she felt the tear on her cheek that she realised that she was crying. Pulling away from the book she scraped at her cheeks to get rid of the tears and looked around at the other artifacts that littered the room.

Magical artifacts she now realised. A room untouched by Uther's purge and one that she couldn't take advantage of.

It didn't stop her from looking though. There were statues from the old religion, old, fabric bags of herbs and such things that she didn't dare open in her condition. Other books filled with knowledge that made her curl her fists in frustration and seriously consider smashing one of the vases. It was like a treasure cave that she couldn't quite get access to.

The room started to darken; clearly it gained light from some opening but it would mean going even further into what had to be a huge room. It was only when the light grew so dim that she could barely read anymore that she came back to herself.

She'd been inside the room for hours.

The thought came to her sudden and blinding in realisation. She was stunned to realise that she was starving hungry and that the baby was starting to stir, a clear indication that it was dusk outside.

Worried, she made her way to the book shelf that had taken her through to the room. Thankfully it only took a few attempts before the shelf swung open again and she was able to exit with a lot more dignity than she had entered.

The library was deathly quiet and shadows licked up the walls, covering the whole place in an eerie aura. Though she'd been on her own for hours her breath echoed in her ears and sounded far too loud.

The hallway outside was just as quiet and there was no sign of anyone.

At all.

With a sigh she started to walk towards her room, intent of finding the guards to ensure that they weren't held accountable and then getting some food. Yet, her foot on the first step, a thought made her pause.

If she went back they'd keep her in the room again. There wasn't even a guarentee that she'd be allowed to the library after this.

Her foot drew back from the step and she remained frozen where she was.

If she went back into the room she went back to boredom and Arthur avoiding her and Morgana smirking. Gwen's apologetic glances and Gaius' awkward looks. Uther with his unpredictable mood, the servants curious behaviour and the guards frustration at being stuck with, what had to be, the most boring job in Camelot.

Turning she stared down the hallway. If she followed it down she might be able to make it to the west walls which had a tiny opening hidden in the shadows that she'd snuck out of a thousand times before when she'd been Arthurs manservant.

Undecided she bit her lip. Where would she go if she ran? She might run straight into Morgause or Griffith. Ealdor was out of the question for so many reasons.

A thought entered her mind. Absurd and fleeting but growing in possibility the more she thought about it until suddenly, she was so curious she almost burned with it.

Killgarrah.

It was ridiculously easy to leave. So easy that a small part of her wondered why she hadn't done it before. A larger part of her wondered if she'd given the whole thing far too much thought. Perhaps no-one cared. Perhaps Arthur had shrugged with disinterest when he'd heard she was missing and gone back to whatever else it was that he was doing.

She walked and walked and walked. The exercise felt wonderful after all the months cooped up inside Camelot. She felt wild and fierce and almost like her old self. But there was a certain amount of caution in her now; all too aware that she had no way of protecting herself now she kept a sharp ear out and every so often paused to listen to the forest.

After a few hours she came to a clearing that she had used before. It would be impossible to roar to the sky as she had over a year ago without using magic but some desperate part of her hoped he would hear her regardless.

Needed him to hear her.

She shouted it to the air, his name, her plea and waited.

Mindlessly she rubbed her belly and repeated the call, feeling something within her shift. The baby gave an odd flutter and then calmed.

Bare minutes later she heard the beat of great wings and a huge shadow in the night sky.

Relief surged through her so strong that she nearly passed out. She watched as the great Dragon touched down to the grassy floor, a lot more graceful than he had been a year ago. Clearly he'd had time to work on his landings.

"I did not expect to hear you call young sorceress." He said, his eyes searching her and landing on her belly. "Nor did i expect the circumstances."

"Neither did I" Merlin muttered trying to pop the ache in her back out as the child started to flutter again. She glanced up at the dragon and wondered again at her reasons for calling him down when he managed to irritate her si much usually.

"This was not part of your destiny." He warned.

"It is now." Merlin snapped, her mood swinging and suddenly desperate for some kind of fight, even if it was only verbal, "What would you like me to do about it?"

There was a long silence. "Nothing."

It knocked the wind from her and the confrontational feelings instantly vanished to be replaced by shock. "Nothing?" She laughed, "I imagined you'd demand that i get rid of it, that i do anything to keep your precious destiny in check, that I_"

"Others would ask it. I will not."

"Right," Floundering a little she huffed, annoyed that the Dragon seemed to be avoiding any kind of confrontation. She threaded a hand through her hair, "Um...Not to sound ungreatful or anything but why?"

"We are the last of our kind. I will not see more of us lost."

"Oh." She let that sink in for a moment. "You see the baby as kin?"

"The child is my kin, more than you are Merlin." Killgarrah replied almost gently, "You will find that you no longer have the power to control me young sorceress."

"What?" She breathed, "Then why did you answer?"

"Beacuse you carry my kin, which makes you kin. Before there was no other to take the role, now there is. Strange as it may seem I have grown rather fond of you young one, and i will not stand by and watch my kin struggle.

"Right...wait." She pressed her hands to her stomach, "If I have lost the power then..."

"You carry a Dragon Lord."

A son. Her hands flew to her stomach and all of a sudden the fuzzy image she'd had of her child in her head grew a lot clearer. A little boy with Arthur's determination and love of swords. Or a little boy that followed Gaius around, peering into various bowls and getting told off like she did. Would he grow to one day be taller than her?

Her son.

"And when i no longer carry him?" She heard herself asking, "What will you do?"

"I do not follow," The Dragon sounded almost confused, even if it was not an expression she had heard from him before.

"Will you ignore me, return to Camelot, finish what you started?"

Killgarrah drew himself up, like a bird ruffling it's feathers, "No."

"No?"

"You could have done me much harm that day. Instead you let me go and reminded me that it was not Uther who suffered when i attacked, but his people. I attacked you and Arthur when i worked hard to keep you both alive. It will not happen again."

"Really?"

"You and Arthur are parents of a Dragon Lord. It is...unusual but not unheard of. I owe you my loyalty and my help should either of you need it to keep this boy alive until he comes into his majority."

Relief so strong it felt physical rolled through her and she nodded, "Thank you."

"And it appears that you will need my willing help if the witch is back within the walls of Camelot."

Sighing she nodded, "She tried to detroy it."

"I know, I felt the staff's power much like i imagine you did."

Merlin looked away, "She's changed so much." She whispered staring at some spot upon the field.

"As have you."

Wordlessly she nodded in agreement, hating that Killgarrah's words were true. Her hands found her belly and she rested them upon it.

"You can no longer do this Merlin. It is dangerous outside of Camelot's walls. Your role as protector of Arthur is over."

"I'm not helpless." She snapped, her attention refocussing.

"I did not say that you were, merely that your previous role had come to an end." He said with a gentleness she had never heard from him before. Looking up sje saw Killgarrah's eyes were large and glossy and oh so human at that moment, showing so many emotions that it made her uncomfortable to meet his eye. "And my new role?"

"I do not know. You and Arthur are joined but not in the way i expected. Time will tell."

"I had hoped that living in a cave was the reason that you were cryptic. That you had nothing else to do all day but gloat about my confussed face when you delivered some bizzare riddle." Merlin huffed, "I assume you're not going to give me a straight answer."

"I cannot answer because i do not know. Prophecy's can be interpretated as one wishes. I told you before, you are Arthur are like two sides of the same coin. Your exact role has changed and remains undecided."

She gaped up at him, "That's it?"

The Dragon opened his mouth to say something and then paused, as if he was listening for something. "For now."

"For now? Wait we haven't finished this_"

"Save your arguements young one. You will need them soon."

Automatically she stepped back as Killgarrah took flight and stared up at him, hands on hips and biting her lip in fury as he disappeared into the nights sky. Tapping her foot she tried to control her temper, knowing that it was no good wishing she could released a few sparks into a tree just to improve her mood.

In the distance the drum of hooves echoed with the tapping of her foot. Freezing she listened harder.

They were definately horses she could hear, coming closer at an alarming rate.

Her heart sunk as she realised there was only one person that the Dragon would have flown away and left her to the mercy of.

All she could do was sit herself on the rock and wait for Arthur.

* * *

When the horses and their riders broke into the forest clearing the drew back, allowing the leader to approach her. Staring up at Arthur on horseback always had made her feel ungainly and tiny but now, coupled with his thunderous expression, she felt like a ten year old about to get the scolding of her life.

Nothing was said as he dismounted. Behind him his men shuffled about, keeping their distance and a weary eye out for any danger to their prince.

Switching her attention back to Arthur she waited for the enivitable tirade that was coming her way. Instead he walked until he stood opposite her, an arms length apart and folded his arms, raising a questioning eyebrow and placing himself in an angry stance.

It was petty she knew but she refused to be the one that said something first. Tiliting her chin defiantly she met him stare for stare, determined to wait him out.

Minutes passed, both of them seemingly as stubborn as the other. She had no doubt that at any other time she would have caved by now but Arthur had not been practically imprisoned for weeks and bored out of his mind and then had a Dragon refuse to have an arguement with him.

She was damn well spoiling for this fight.

"You're not even sorry are you?" Arthur asked in a voice that rung with so many emotions she could barely tell them apart. "Do you have any idea what has been happening in the past few hours?"

The men behind looked exhausted she realised with a slight stir of guilt. She quickly turned her eyes away from them, unwilling to let him make her feel like this.

"Do you even care?" He asked taking a step forward and reducing the distance between them dangerously. "That my men have been scouring the countryside for hours, that the guards are in prison and that everyone has utterly exhausted themselves with horror because you wanted to go for a bloody walk?" He was starting to shout now. "Do you understand how weak our defenses are at the moment? Do you even conceive of how eager neighbouring kingdoms are to take advantage of us and with half of Camelot out looking for you it would be a perfect oppertunity to strike? How about the fact that you've just let the entire world know that if you want to cause a distraction you whould invite some stupid girl out to pick daisies or whatever it is that you've been doing?"

Swallowing she bit the inside of her mouth feeling her haughtiness and anger drain away.

"How stupid are you?" He continued, voice echoing out into the forest. "You're with child and you think that prancing around out here in the cold is a good idea? For it's own sake perhaps i should ban you form going near it when it's born."

The frustration that had been slipping away suddenly froze and sheer fury took it's place. "You wouldn't dare." She hissed at him.

"Keep pulling more stunts like this_"

Her hand shot out and grabbed his wrist and he wagged his finger in his face. "I swear to you Arthur that if you take my son from me I will unleash holy hell upon you, magic or no." She snarled, her voice low and deathly serious.

She saw in his face that he knew he'd gone to far. It was a look that she'd been familar with as his servant and had often meant that he would stick to what he was saying just so he didn't have to apologise. Arthur's eye flickered down to her hand on her wrist and she let go sharply, her fingers cold after being upon his warm skin.

He stepped back, reigning in his anger and staring up at the dawning sky. "Why did you do it?" He asked eventually, voice tight with supressed emotion.

"There was a hidden room in the library, i stumbled into it and...it felt like a release. It...I think it was a sorcerers room years ago. By the time i got out it was dark and there was no-one around."

"So you went for a walk?" Arthur asked, disbelievingly.

"No...yes...I didn't want to be shut up in my room again. I'm going mad. I wsn't going to do it, i didn't know where to go..." She hesitated and watched him carefully, unsure as to how he was going to react. "I came here to talk to the Great Dragon."

Arthur made some sharp movement and muttered something unfriendly under his breath, he actually seemed to be physically shaking with the effort of not screaming at her again.

"I wanted to know if i could still call him..."

"And?" Arthur asked, looking as if he couldn't care less what the answer was.

"No, he responded out of choice." She shrugged and looked away at the flattened grass that had been underneath Killgarrah's feet.

"I'm tracking that damn thing down once and for all," Arthur muttered darkly.

"Don't" She cried out starting towards him and then thinking better of it. Her outburst seemed to surprise Arthur, "Please_"

"It's not some fluffy bunny that you've picked up on your travels, it's a Dragon. I can't let it live because you like having a chat with it."

"Balinor was my father."

Arthur focussed on her properly for the first time since he'd stepped back, "What?" he breathed.

"I didn't know, Gaius told me before we left to find him...Killgarrah, that's the dragon, he's the last of his kind and he said..."

"He said?" Arthur asked, looking a little lost.

"I can't control it any more. I couldn't even if i had my magic. The power is passed from father to son, or in this case, grandfather to grandson."

Silence was heavy around them. Arthur looked at her as if she'd stepped out of the sky minutes earlier and was some unfathomable new creature to him. Twice, three times he tried to say something but changed his mind and remained silent.

"It's a boy?" he asked, so quietly she almost didn't hear him.

Nodding she tried to smile weakly, "Yeah."

His gaze dropped to her stomach and she couldn't see his eyes. It annoyed her, Arthur was usually easy to read with those deep blue eyes that were hidden from her view.

"A Dragon Lord?" He asked looking back up.

"Killgarrah had pledged his loyalty to our son, and to us." Merlin said gently, "He views us as kin, more than he did when it was just me. My link with him was...tenuous i suppose? The power is not meant to travel through the female line."

"He has magic then?"

Her stomach dropped in terror, "Yes." She whispered nervously, weary and preparing herself to step back away from him and take flight.

Arthur stepped towards her and she instantly stepped back away from him.

Hurt bloomed in his face, "I've just spent hours..." Voice trembling he trailed off, presing his lips together. "He will not learn magic." He said, voice firm with conviction.

"I didn't learm magic" She whispered, "I didn't know spells or potions or curses. It was instinctive, it still is-" She broke off, "It was until..." Closing her eyes she tried to focus on what she was trying to say to him, "Arthur he can never learn a spell and still might use it."

She waited, unsure if his reaction, equally expecting him to tell her to leave and telling her to go with him.

As he stepped a little closer she forced herself to stay put and watch, wide eyed, as he gently but firmly placed his hand upon her stomach.

"Do you really think," He started, anger, horror, fear amd dread all showing in his every moment, every word, "That i would really hurt my own child?"

"You father has killed children with magic before." She answered, fear racing through her so strongly she feared that she would be ill. "You believe that magic is wrong, that it is evil." She added, voice so quiet and tiny she hated how pathetic she sounded.

Part of her desperately wanted him to disagree, to explain that she'd changed his mind, but his expression didn't change and he didn't correct her. Instead he stepped away, back to the safe distance that they seemed to have agreed upon wordlessly.

"We should return to Camelot: I need to send word that the man can return."

Nodding she watched as Arthur gestured and a rider came forward, a spare horse tethered to him.

She spent the entire ride home watching Arthur's back and fighting the urge to turn the horse around and run in the other direction as fast as the horse would carry her.

* * *

AN/ Ok so that was my take on episode 3 (barely anything!); the goblin/troll thing was funny but probably not something i could replicate just on paper. If you want the justification for why he didn't start rattling about and making noise like he did in the episode then i'll say it's because Merlin didn't have any magic and he couldn't sense her.

I am planning on revisiting the room later on so maybe he'll show up later in the fic/series if you were dissapointed.

Let me know what you thought; I'm trying to be better with my responces to reviews given that as you all take the time to write them i should make the effort to respond a bit quicker. Especially given how fuzzy i feel when i read them. Constructive criticism is also welcome if anything about the writing is bothering you. Thanks


	14. Chapter 14

An

Soooooo Sorry! I took a break from it and then struggled to get back into the fic. I'm a bad author!

This chapter doesn't cover anywhere near as much as i wanted it to but i wanted to get back into the swing of things so i apologise if it isn't my best work! Thank you for everyone who's reviewed, i do promise that i wont abandon this fic. Heck, i even have a sequal planned and a few chapters from that written so you're all in safe, if somewhat delayed hands!

Spoilers for Episode 4, Season 3

* * *

There was something horribly disorientating at being woken up in the middle of the night; it had been so long since she'd had uninterupted sleep that she simply stared blankly up at Arthur's face trying to work out why on earth she'd be dreaming about the prat!

"What's going on?" She muttered trying to snuggle back down under the covers.

"Come on, get up, i'll wait for you outside." Arthur urged, being relatively careful not to touch her.

He left and she watched the door close, blinking owlishly and utterly confused. Slowly she sat up and looked around, trying to work out of she should start panicking or not! Deciding after a moment that the silence meant an attack was unlikely she reluctantly made her way out of the bed.

It took her longer than she was used to to dress; sleep made her terribly sluggish and Arthur was pacing by the time she opened the door.

"What're you doing?" She yawned at him, trying to make out his shape in the moonlight.

"Here." He shoved a cloak into her hands, ignoring her question she noticed, "Put this on."

Weary she unfolded the cloak and wrapped it around herself, following him as he turned and started to navigate his way out of the castle and to the empty practice yards where they had often stood together. At one point, when it became obvious where they were going she debated telling him that there was a quicker way that the servants used but thought better of it. There seemed little point in riling him up.

"Do you want to sit?" he asked as he finally stopped and turned to her.

It was tempting to say no, to be defiant and to not show weakness but she was tired and the baby was heavy. She sat without protest on the benches and looked to him expectantly.

Whatever it was that Arthur wanted to say was taking time. She found her gaze wondering to the moonlit sky, the night brighter than it had been a week ago when Arthur had tracked her down. She'd never came up to the practice courts when it was this quiet and this dark. It felt strange; she'd rarely seen anyone simply sitting.

Behind Arthur the castle glowed almost unearthly and magical, though she had a feeling even saying so would start a witch hunt.

Arthur faced her, taking a deep breath.

"I need to say...something and it's not easy so I would appreciate it Merlin if you could remain quiet until I finished...though I expect that to be difficult for you."

Narrowing her eyes she bit her tongue and the retort back.

"I...I can't hate magic and love my...our son." Arthur swallowed, "And I can't hate magic and worry about you." He took a deep breath, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"About?"

"About your magic?" Arthur asked.

With a long look at him she shrugged; there had been so many times that she had been tempted, that she believed he wouldn't hate her for the secrets she'd kept. And then there had been other times, times when he looked around him with Uther's expression on his face, times when he'd becomes closed and harsh and angry, times when she'd felt like she'd barely known him at all.

There was a fine line now between telling him the truth and hurting him.

"I wasn't sure how you'd react." She replied hesitantly, "Certainly I couldn't tell you whe i first arrived; you'd have had me executed by noon the first day, you threatened it when I spilled water all over you."

The faintest flicker of a smile crossed Arthur's face.

"By the time I thought maybe i could trust you it was too late. If you didn't hate me for having magic you'd hate me for not telling you."

Arthur remained silent, his golden hair ruffed by the slight breeze that came up and over the hill. After an age he let out a long breath and moved to sit next to her, his weight dropping heavily. He sat, feet on the lower bench and elbows on his knees. "I don't hate you Merlin..." Shaking his head he looked away from her and into the distance as if working out what to say next.

"You feel betrayed though."

"Yes." Arthur continued to look straight ahead, "You had two secrets Merlin, big ones. I thought we were...not friends but...something like that. I have to wonder if i even know you at all if you an keep that from me."

"That's fair i suppose." She replied looking at him and the way the moonlight turned his hair dark.

"I have to know_"

"I never used it against you, only to help you."

Arthur let out an irritated noise, "What did I say?" He huffed. "That wasn't what i was going to say to you. I...I keep going over, everything that happened, all those events that never made sense. There's one that I always wondered about...When Morgause showed me...was it really my mother?"

"I don't know." She replied her voice small, "Maybe...she has more knowledge of these things than I. It's possible."

"You know someting though, I saw it in your face the next day; I saw it in your face in the throne room with my father. You knew something." Arthur pushed.

It was her turn to look away. "What was said...your father asked Nimueh to help your conception and...he knew the price would be a life, he just didn't think it would be your mothers."

Arthur closed his eyes, "Did she do it deliberately? Nimueh? Did she target my Mother?"

Unbidden an image of the witch appeared, her eyes full of arrogance and filled with disapointment, then filled with shock and sheer outrage as she died. Shuddering, Merlin swallowed the images back. "I don't think so. What she did to you, the chalice, the poison, the questing beast, all of it was for revenge against Uther. He ignored her warnings and blamed her and magic for your mothers death."

"You lied."

Arthur said it si simply, without passion or anger and Merlin had to do a double take just to make sure it was indeed the Prince sitting next to her.

"Yes." She paused, "You're taking this calmer than i thought."

"I always wondered. Everything in your face screamed that you were lying, the only reason I..." He finally looked at her, confusion colouring his eyes, "Why would your protect him? I'd have killed him_"

"In a fit of rage Arthur." Merlin protested, "If you'd have killed him you'd have detroyed yourself in doing so. Do you honestly believe that Morgause showed you all that because she wanted to help matters?"

For a long time Arthur was silent, she could almost see his mind churning over all he'd heard.

"The questing beast? Nimueh sent it?"

"Yeah," She shifted, "her last stupid mistake"

"Last?" Arthur's head swivelled round to look at her. "She's dead?"

Merlin nodded and then hesitated, "Well, she exploded. I know that a few of them seem to come back every so often but I'm pretty sure she's gone."

"That speech you gave me...did you kill her?"

"I...a life for a life Arthur."

"You killed her for me?"

"No...i offered myself for you but she took my mother, then Gaius went to offer his for hers and then I went and killed her for Gaius."

Arthur blinked at her, "Right...that seems...a little overly complicated." His easy tone belied the fierce look in his eyes.

"Well...you know me."

"Yeah...Don't do it again."

She laughed, "Ok."

They sat in silence and, for the first time since they'd been taken, it wasn't uncomfortable. Instead she found herself relaxing, staring up at the sky and the stars above and just enjoying the peace of the night.

* * *

By the time she awoke the next day the guards were taken off her door. Instead they seemed to patrol the hallway by her door every twenty minutes or so and no-one stopped her from leaving. She had a slightly sneaky suspision that she was followed more often then not but she didn't care.

She was free of that terrible room.

And Arthur didn't seem to completely hate her any more!

Gaius had miraculously relented too, he seemed a little awkward around her at first, fumbling for some sort of an apology before sitting her down in her old room and starting to teach her about herbs and sewing wounds.

It was about three weeks after that there was a knock at the door and an unfamilar face asked for the Prince's bruise lotion.

Gaius flashed her a worried look and hurried to get the salve from a shelf. Once retrieved Gaius was surprisingly sprightly in returning to the door and pushing the salve as quickly as possible into the young man's hands. Amused, Merlin watched as Gaius all but shut the door in the poor man's confused and slightly hurt face.

"Who was that?" she asked watching him from her seat, the plant she was trying to identify placed upon the table.

"Dunstan."

Frowning she leant back, "And he is..."

"Arthur's new manservant."

"Oh." She nodded and frowned back down at the plant, "Right."

"It's early days yet." Gaius said gently and throwing an annoyed look at the door.

"Well it's not like i'm going to be his manservant again is it?" Merlin asked feeling annoyance well up within her at Gaius' tip-toeing around the subject. "Is he a warlock destined to protect Arthur and ensure he becomes this once and future King? Probably do a better job of that as well." In a childish fit of rage she threw the plant.

Embarrasingly it landed not two feet away, fluttering rather to the ground in a way she found most disatisfying.

"You're destiny is not over" Gaius protested, gingerly moving closer towards her "I believe that you will do great things_"

"Like what? Give birth? Thousands of women have done it Gaius, i hardly think that's going to make a huge difference." She glared at her belly. "Apart from the fact that i won't be the size of a cottage anymore."

"Your magic_"

Suddenly her temper peeked and she grabbed the nearest thing to hand and threw it at his head. The glass jar shattered on the wall as Gaius ducked.

"I have no magic. I have nothing" She hissed at him, standing up. "I'm back to being no-one-" She broke off and let out a harsh laugh, "Oh no wait, I get to be known as the Prince's whore. Think that will keep him safe? Make him a great King? Unite the lands of Albion and whatever else it was that stupid Dragon spouted." To her horror tears splashed down her cheeks, "I don't even know if Uther will let me keep my baby." She whispered, "I'm nothing, I have no power, no say, no influence. I'm completely reliant on Uther's mood and the second Morgana really sinks her claws into him I've had it."

Without a word Gaius gathered her into his arms and let her sob her heart out.

* * *

It took a while to adjust. Dunstan didn't seem to have her charm or her way with creative names for certain Princes who couldn't get up in the morning. He also didn't have her clumsiness, complete ignorance of armour and weaponary or her ability to get in Arthur's way.

She supposed he'd do. Especially she saw Arthur shoot him a flicker of a smile.

That was good, in fact that was perfect. Dunstan could make Arthur smile. Not laugh, or pinch his lips together in a way that always told her he was struggling not to laugh because it was inappropriate. That was her job...or had been her job.

Would be her job again she decided. As soon as he stopped hating her and she stopped getting moments of icy terror when he got too close. It seemed to be fading away...but then he wasn't around as much, his duties keeping him far away from her.

And apparently in bar fights.

Hands on hips, she stood glaring down at the bed that used to be hers and the man on top of it that reeked of alcohol. More specifically the awful ale that they served just an hours ride outside of Camelot.

There was obviously no accounting for the mans taste. Or Arthur's.

Dunstan was in the other chambers where Gaius was seeing to him and his cracked ribs so she supposed she'd let him off just this once.

Tightening her lips she marched over to the bed and yanked back the thin covers that she once used and hated. Underneath, his leg bandage had bled through and she dragged the tiny stool over so that she could tend to the wound with far more ease.

Once unwrapped she stared down at the injury. It was much better than it had been last night when Arthur had turned up at the castle looking a little worse for wear. She balanced the salve jar on her now huge bump and started to apply it onto the deep scratch that travelled up the mystery mans leg.

"It's not often i wake up to a pretty girl undressing me." The voice was lilting, teasing, if not a tiny bit confused.

She flicked her eyes up to his face. He was handsome, she'd give him that, and had a merry twinkle in his eye that warned her instantly that he would be trouble.

"Hmm." She said threading a needle, "How often does a pretty girl give you stitches?"

He sat up, clearly a little worried. "It's not that bad surely?"

She beemed over at him. "Oh but it is. Lots of lovely stitches just for you." She reached out for the leg and the torn flesh, pinching the rip together. "Keep still."

"You a physician darlin'?"

"No i just thought it would be funny to go around sewing people's legs up." She muttered focusing on her task with as much concentration as she could muster.

"i suppose it was a daft question." He muttered, "I though Camelot still lived in the dark ages and insisted all physicians were men."

"I rarely listen to insistance" Merlin replied eyeing up her stitching and wondering if she should go to Gwen for more sewing lessons.

"My kind of woman." The man laughed, "Will i live?"

"You might. Getting into fewer bar fights might help you." She said continuing on with her work.

"But then life would be a great deal more boring and i wouldn't have met your lovely self." He paused and she could feel his gaze upon her. "What do they call you?"

"Merlin." She narrowed her eyes as she came to the end of the wound and had to prepare to tie the stitching off.

"Like the bird? Dainty little hunters those things are."

Depsite herself she felt a small smile tugging at her lips. "I don't think anyone has ever called me dainty before". She started to follow Gaius' instructions a little unsure if she was doing it correctly.

"Nonsense, they don't know what they're thinking. You look dainty to me...and fierce." He grinned, "My name's Gwaine."

She glanced up and nodded, "And you helped the Prince in a bar fight."

"The prince?" Gwaine's expression clouded slightly, "Not sure i'd have helped him had i known who he was. Though the lad with him looked a little lost in a fight."

"The new manservant." Merlin said kepping her voise steadily neutral. "He's only been with the Prince a few weeks."

"Ahh." Gwaine nodded to himself, "And what happened to the last one?"

"Got kidnapped." Merlin grinned up at him. "Feeling better?"

Gwaine gave her a confused look but moved his leg gingerly. "Seems to be holding up."

"Good." She started to gather up her things.

"Either they don't think much of me or they're very trusting." Gwaine said suddenly, "Sending you in here with me, alone and unchaperoned."

"I really dont thing it's a problem." Merlin replied idilly.

"You don't think being alone in here with me is a bit dangerous?" He sent her a wicked smile and a look that probably made most of the women he met swoon.

"We're not exactly alone." Merlin said and seeing his curious look she stood up slowly. It was momentarily satisfying to see his eyes widen comically at the sight of the huge bump in front of her.

"I still say your husband is trusting." Gwaine said recovering quickly from the shock though his smile seemed a little less genuine.

"Well that would be the other reason it doesn't matter. My reputation is on the rocks as it is." When he continued to look confused she rolled her eyes at him, "I have no husband."

"Oh!" Gwaine shifted uncomfortably. "I see."

"I'll send my mentor in. He'll check the stitches and tell you whether you should go for a walk on it. I'd say your fine too but we'll check with him just to be sure." She continued, sweet as the pies her mother made when she was little.

Gwaine nodded a little dumly. "Right."

* * *

Outside of the room Gaius stood waiting and glaring.

"What?" She asked closing the door softly behind her. "He saved Arthur's life, he was hardly going to attack me."

"That's not the point." Gaius said with an irratable tone in his voice. "The only condition that Uther had was that you were to reamain safe and away from danger while carrying the child."

"I sewed his leg up. It was hardly perilous."

"There's no talking to you when you're in this flippant mood." Gaius complained sitting down wearily, "Did you at least apply_"

"The cleaning salve before stitching? Yes i did and i sterilised the needle over the fire before I went in." She folded her arms biting back the urge to say "So there!"

"Good." Gaius gave her a long and steady look. "Arthur escaped unscathed."

"Figures" Merlin shrugged, "Always manages to get everyone else into trouble and then scarpers away completely fine."

Gaius raised one of his eyebrows in his patented expression.

Wordlessly Merlin pointed to her stomach and raised an eyebrown back, fighting back the urge to smile.

"You seem to be...better" Gaius observed, his expression hesitant.

"I am." Merlin smiled, "Can't meet my baby with a frown now can I?"

"Ahh." Gaius smiled slightly, "Yes, you should have delivered the child by the time this month is over."

"I can't wait" Merlin declared sitting herself down at the table, awkwardly manouvering the bump so that she could be at least a little bit comfortable.

"Eager to meet the little one?"

"Eager to get it out." Merlin corrected, "I can't wait to have a full nights sleep again. I keep tossing and turning because it keeps using my organs as punching bags"

Gaius threw her a doubtful look and seemed to be considering saying something, but closed his mouth and nodded instead. "Have you discussed anything with Arthur...names for instance?"

"No." Merlin shrugged, "Does it matter what i call him? I hardly have to worry about the name sounding regal do I?"

"Nooo" Gaius replied hesitantly, "But Arthur has acknowledged the child as his. Even if the child is illigitimate there will still be certain expectations."

Merlin waved a dismissive hand. "I could call it "Annoying Snotbag" for all the royal family would care."

"Mmm," Gaius gave her another funny look, "May i ask...how are you finding your moods?"

"Moods?" Merlin asked getting up, sure that she'd seen an apple somewhere by the window.

"Yes...are you finding yourself swinging between moods quite abruptly?"

There had definately been an apple here somewhere, she'd seen it when she'd snuck into to see Gwaine. "Uh...no not really. Why?"

"No reason." Gaius replied delicately, "None at all. Will you watch the Melee?"

"The what?" Maybe the apple had been by the bookshelf.

Behind her Gaius huffed, "The Melee Merlin. How did you survive as Arthur's Manservant for so long."

Unconcerned Merlin shrugged, "Was there an apple in here earlier?" she asked, succumbing to having to ask Gaius for help of all things.

"Will you pay attention!" Gaius snapped, "For God's sake the apple is by the table over there." He pointed with a dismissive wave of his hands.

"Do you know you haven't yelled at me for almost nine months." Merlin asked with a large smile as she wandered in the direction Gaius pointed in.

"Yes well, you are in an insufferable mood today." Gaius muttered. "The Melee Merlin, can you focus?"

"Yes." She huffed, biting into an apple, "I'm all ears."

With a doubtful look Gaius sighed, "There are knights arriving as we speak Merlin_"

"For the Melee?" She asked sitting herself back down again and now unsure that she really wanted the apple.

"Yes_"

"Is that the one where all the knights ride around hitting each other with blunt objects?"

"I...yes." Gaius agreed looking slightly unhappy, "I thought you didn't know_"

"Arthur mentioned it once. Although he described it a lot prettier than that. You know, as being a show of honour and swordsmanship and...riding ability or something. I didn't really pay attnetion, because i was trying to leave but it sounded thrilling."

Gaius levelled her with a long look, "Sometimes I admire Arthur's patience" he sighed.

Ignoring him Merlin sighed and put the apple down, the sight of it making her feel a little quesy. "Why are we talking about this again?"

"Ahh, yes." Gaius paused as if finding the right way to say whatever it was that he was trying to tell her. "Arthur and I talked last night."

"About the Melee?"

"Among other things yes. We discussed your ability to smell out trouble from fourty leagues away."

Rolling her eyes at him she huffed and sat back her chair; folding her arms and tempted to sulk.

"As it is though, Arthur and I agreed that it might be best for you to avoid any of the guests welcomed into Camelot for the Melee."

"Gaius, you know as well as i do that every time we have an event like this, someone will undoubtedly show up with some crazy plan to kill Arthur_"

"Which is why Arthur and I will deal with it."

That made her pause. "You and Arthur?"

"Yes."

Desperately she tried not to give into the twitching at the corner of her mouth. "You and Arthur are going to "deal" with this?"

Gaius' jaw tightened defensively, "Do you not think we're capable?"

"No...but Arthur must be the least observant person I have ever met and you..." She broke off suddenly aware that there was no good way to phrase that Gaius was decidedly past it. "You...get easily frustrated by people."

The look Gaius gave her suggested that he wasn't at all fooled.

* * *

Knights seemed to be arriving from everywhere, she watched them all from her window as they rode up through the gates and into the snowy white coutyard. Arthur seemed to know a great deal of them, greeting many with a hearty handshake and most of them with a genuine smile.

She recognised a few, even from her distant window. Some that Arthur had been training when she'd first arrived at Camelot had left to patrol the borders and prove their worth. It would have been nice to have talked to them again, to have caught up.

Even if she was down in the courtyard she doubted that she'd ben able to have a relaxed, casual conversation like the ones she used to have with the knights. No doubt they'd stare at her, trying to work out if they'd seen anything before that would have given them some indication that she was a girl all along.

Once it grew dark, she grew bored and wondered out from her room, eager for a walk now that the castle grounds would be quiet with all inside and feasting. Weaving her way through the castle passages she took a route that should keep her out of the way of the nobility. The only issue was it was a quiet route, one that only the servants tended to take and most of them were all serving food.

It was dimly lit, torches only used where they had to be and smoke filling the small hallways, making her eyes water and her throat itch. In fact so eager was she to get out into the fresh air that she remained utterly unware that she was being followed.


	15. Chapter 15

Sigh, once again my aims at updating weekly have gone astray! I sort of forgot that obviously Merlin wouldn't be on BBC Iplayer anymore which made using the episodes a little tricky! Thanks to those who reviewed, alerted and favourited and i am trying to get back in the swing of replying to those of you who gave up your time to review as it's the polite thing to do! I'm glad that so many of you still seem to be enjoying it, despite the wait in between chappies!

Hope you all enjoy ;)

* * *

"Well, well, what have we here?" A voice rung out behind her.

Slowly she turned and an unfamiliar man with a long face and dark hair stepped out from the shadows, his expression instantly sending all too familiar chills up her spine.

"I'm sorry my lord, I didn't mean to..." She struggled to find a word that would help her excuse herself easily.

"To...?" He asked, stepping closer and clearly enjoying her discomfort.

"To..." Walk in front of you? It didn't sound right, in fact it sounded like one of those phrases that Arthur told her was cheeky. "To disturb you?"

Again he stepped closer and she felt a surge of protectiveness that the thing he was closest to now was her son. "But you have disturbed me girl. I think you should apologise."

"Sorry?" She tried backing away a little.

"Not quite what I had in mind." An evil smile tugged as his lips. "Try again."

"I..." Behind him she saw Dunstan turn the corner and freeze at the sight before him. "I need to be getting back."

Again he stepped forward. "No-one will be missing you." He stepped even closer, "Whore."

Her mouth dropped open in surprise. It was one thing to know that it was rumoured, but to hear the word directly aimed at her stunned her into silence and stillness. He was now too close for her to see over his shoulder but it seemed that Dunstan was going to be of no help whatsoever.

"Now do what you do best" He hissed at her.

"Lord Ozwald."

She nearly sagged in relief at hearing Arthur's voice, though the man...Lord Ozwald stiffened, his face twisting with hatred and then smoothing out to politeness before he turned around.

"Your highness?"

"The hall is that way." Arthur's voice left no room for argument.

"Yes my lord." Ozwald tipped his head and left without a backward glance.

The second she actually caught sight of Arthur she felt herself sag with relief. Arthur waited patiently for Ozwald to pass him and the two men seemed to exchange a look before Ozwald moved on and disappeared around the corner. Arthur stared after him, his gaze considering.

The wall suddenly was the only thing that managed to support her; she hadn't even realised how closely she'd been backed into it. Trembling she spread her fingers against the stones, her back pressing firmly into it as if to melt away and disappear into the castle itself.

When Arthur suddenly came near she threw her hands up to ward him off, "Don't" Before she closed her eyes she caught a look of the hurt/horror/anguish/anger on his face. "Just give me a moment." She whispered, trying to calm herself.

She felt him back away from her, still there, but at least with some distance in between them. When she felt halfway under control she risked opening her eyes to Arthur's worried ones. "Who was that?"

"Lord Ozwald." Arthur replied glancing in the direction the man had disappeared down, with that thoughtful look again.

"I gathered that." Merlin snapped. "I mean-"

"He's not himself." Arthur said suddenly sounding weary, "I assume this is something unusual that I should tell Gaius about."

Merlin simply nodded, "Probably."

"Are you...feeling better?" Arthur asked suddenly turning his attention back to her.

Not trusting herself to not cry she simply nodded and wrapped her arms around her bump.

"Merlin?" Arthur stepped a fraction closer, as if approaching a wild animal. "What was he saying to you?"

Weakly she smiled, "Nothing that bears repeating."

A slow and gentle hand touched her cheek for less than a second, enough that it made her glance up at him. Arthur was looking at her the same way he had back in Griffith's tent all those months ago.

He was looking at her as if she was his to protect.

"What did he say?"

And he used that tone, that damn tone that was going to help him so much when he was King. The tone that bent people to his will no matter how much she was determined to resist.

"Whore." She choked out, watching his eyes widen slightly at the word, "That I should ap..." Her voice stumbled over the word, "Apologise in the only way I was good for."

His jaw clenched before he looked away and she watched his hands ball up into fists. "That is not Ozwald." He muttered darkly.

She let out a strangled laugh, "How can you tell, surely it's what everyone's saying."

Arthur's head whipped back to her so quickly she thought he'd snap. "What?" he asked flatly.

"It's what they're all saying right? It's why they're all so funny with me. They probably think I warmed your bed as your manservant and I deserve what I've gotten."

Arthur's mouth opened and closed a few times as he stared at her stunned, "That is not what they're saying_"

"You saying it doesn't make it so Arthur." She hissed.

Suddenly Arthur took a dangerous step towards her, "They are not saying it." Arthur hissed, "How is it that you have no idea what happened when I got back here."

"An army attacked when you got back here_"

"Not that time." Arthur snapped, "The first time I returned. Alone."

Merlin opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to think of something to say. "Ealdor is far enough away."

Arthur's face sneered slightly, "No your mother has more influence in that village than you thought, because every single village in the land knows how the Prince of Camelot was forced to rape his manservant."

Hearing the words out-loud robbed her of her speech. Hearing him phrase it like that..."Arthur_"

"Everyone knows." Arthur hissed, "They all know what I did to you, how our son was conceived. Believe me when I say that people are not talking about you, they are talking about me. You, they just tiptoe around."

"How?" Was all she could think to ask. "How do they_"

"I told them." Arthur laughed, suddenly sounding slightly unhinged. For the first time she could clearly see the deep circles around his eyes, the weight he'd lost, the shadowed, haunted expression crystal clear. "I announced it to the entire castle. My father tried to blame you when I told him of our son. I got drunk and publicly announced that magic had turned me into a rapist."

"Arthur_"

He pulled away sharply, "Go."

"Arthur."

His hand shot out and gripped her by her arm, tightening painfully and half dragging her to him.

"You want to stay? Shall we see what else I'm capable of? Believe me, any excuse not to walk back into that hall with them all looking at me and gossiping about me would be a blessing." He tossed her from him, causing her to stumble slightly.

When she regained her balance he was staring at her with shock.

"I didn't mean to_" he begun sounding horrified.

She fled.

* * *

With all the will in the world, she couldn't go far. The baby was now far too heavy, far too lively for her to run like she'd once used to, but it was enough to get her outside and away from that hallway where Arthur probably still stood.

She almost hugged one of the great stone pillars as she panted to get her breath back.

" _magic had turned me into a rapist"_

Tears blurred her vision as Arthur's words echoed back to her. The urge to stomp out onto the forest and kill Griffith was only halted by her own sharp terror at the idea of seeing the man again and the swirling emotions robbed her of conscious thought. She simply felt in waves of anger, frustration and terror until she thought she would be sick with it.

"Merlin?"

Gwaine's voice reached her before the reek of alcohol did. Shaking her head blindly she shrugged, "I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine." Out of the corner of her eye she saw him settle himself on the half wall that made up the walkway.

It took ages for her to gain the ability to speak again. Every time she tried she worried that she was about to burst into tears. Bless the man; he simply waited and took a few sips out of his hip flask.

"I thought you'd have been long gone by now." She said eventually, opening her eyes to the night once more.

"Ahh, well, for me to find a tavern that will serve me is rare indeed. I thought i'd take advantage while I still could."

Merlin nodded feeling what could have been a small smile pass across her lips. "Right."

"Would you like me to fetch Gaius for you?" he asked after a while, shifting awkwardly.

"No" She shook her head, "I'll be fine, I just need to calm down."

"Mmm." Gwaine didn't sound convinced. "Rough night then?"

Merlin ignored him and stared out into the courtyard and over at the stables where she knew a many would still be working hard with all the extra horses from their guests tonight.

"Do you know?" She asked suddenly, "Who I am, what Arthur did?"

"Yes."

"What did you hear?" She asked, surprising herself with the question.

"Lass, are you sure_"

"What did you hear?" She repeated, voice stronger, harder, more demanding.

"Rumours," Gwaine sighed with defeat, "Most of what I really know I was told by Gaius this afternoon."

"And the rumours?"

"You don't need to hear_"

"Yes I do." Merlin snapped, turning around to face him and leaning against the pillar for support. "Tell me."

Gwaine shifted, looking desperately uncomfortable, "Some say that the Prince lied that you were captured, that he had been taking you by force for a while until you revealed you were carrying his child."

"And others?"

"Some say you seduced the Prince, others say that you were in on the plan. To be honest there's a rumour for every conceivable way you might have come to be bearing his child."

"And what did Gaius tell you?"

"That...that you were both captured and that when the bandits discovered your secret they gave Arthur a choice. He choose the one that damaged you the least and he the most."

Nodding Merlin blinked away tears, "I thought...i thought he hadn't told anyone."

Gwaine started a little at that, "Oh..."

"He told me, just now." She smiled a little, "Sort of anyway, I don't think he meant to say it. Stupid noble idiot."

"Want some?" He asked offering her his flask, "Just a little bit mind, otherwise that kid of yours may come out half drunk."

Chuckling a little she shook her head, "No, thank you though."

Nodding to himself, Gwaine tucked away the flask. "I'm not good at this stuff." He offered after a moment of silence. "But he seems to be doing right by you, as much as a prince can. And believe me, i'm the Pendragon's strongest critic."

"I think you'll find you have quite a bit of competition for that title", Merlin laughed weakly.

"Well..."Gwaine tipped his head at that, "Still. Arthur seems to be cut from different cloth than his father."

"True."

"I'll walk you back to your chambers." Gwaine announced suddenly, "You shouldn't be going anywhere alone."

For once in agreement, Merlin nodded without complaint. "You're probably right."

* * *

That night she she slept and dreamt. Dreamt of Arthur standing in Camelot's courtyard, strong and defiant yet clearly nervous, scared and worried. A pyre stood in front of him, empty and waiting and he shouted in defiance at an unseen person.

Then the image changed; Gwaine running over a hillside, scrambling over rocks and bolders. There was no sign of the careless grin and happy-go lucky attitude as he made his way up the slope.

Lancelot face flashed, then an unknown round face, a knight presumably from the armour. Another face, also unknown flashed, a man with some likeness of Gwen's long dead father. Faces kept coming at her quicker and quicker than she could keep track of.

Then Freya, the girl that she had so long ago tried to save stared at her and everything slowed. Slowed to the point that Merlin could see every feature crystal clear, see the water that surrounded her, that made her hair float and her face become ethereal.

_We are waiting_

With a gasp Merlin woke to damp, stickiness in the bed and a fierce pain in her stomach.

* * *

There was a certain satisfaction in the dull, harsh noise erupting from the practice dummy every time his sword hit it. Again and again Arthur swung at the damned thing, attempting to reign in the foul mood he'd been in since he'd talked to Merlin the previous night.

Even if he could ignore the frightened look on her face, the way she'd curled an arm around the child inside her as if to protect their unborn son from him, he was still stuck with the conversation that he'd had with Gaius and surprisingly enough Gwaine. Gwaine who'd cost Arthur a pretty penny in paying off the tab that Gwaine seemed to have set up with every tavern in sight.

_We believe that Ozwald intends to kill you in the Melee._

Again Arthur swung the sword with more force than was necessary. He knew Ozwald, knew that Ozwald may have been persuaded for whatever reason to kill him but that Ozwald would never, ever have attacked a woman the way he'd attacked Merlin last night.

Thud.

In all likeliness something had happened, something was controlling Ozwald or it wasn't Ozwald at all, despite what Arthur's eyes told him.

Thud.

The stares were on him again, though this time they were worried, afraid, wary rather than despising and assessing. Leon had come over a while ago to try and engage Arthur in conversation and had then given up rather quickly.

Thud.

"You look like you need a bit of practice." Ozwald's voice rung out.

It was tempting. Arthur knew he could just whirl around, challenge the man to a fight and then...

It was practice. He was still fighting with a blunt sword. An "accident" would be far to obvious. Oh it would be easy enough to wound Ozwald, but killing him would be nigh impossible with the sword currently in Arthur's hand.

And merely wounded was not going to satisfy Arthur's blood lust this morning.

Turning, Arthur eyed Ozwald up. The man stood with a cocky smile and easy grasp on the sword that was likely ready to swing into action at the slightest provocation.

"You think so?" Arthur asked his voice tight.

"I know so." Ozwald replied, with a smile and slight narrowing of the eyes.

"We shall see." Arthur said and started to walk past him.

"Prince Arthur, walking away from a bit of sport!" Ozwald commented with a laugh, "Is something wrong sire."

Pausing mid-stride Arthur abandoned all plans he had to simply walk away.

He strode back to Ozwald, each step controlled and measured. Not one word passed his lips until he was close to the man, close enough that no-one else in the practice yard would hear what he said.

"I would say the same to you _Ozwald" _he hissed furiously, "You are not the same man you were when you left."

"Things change sire." Ozwald said, a spark of shock fizzing in his eye.

"I'll be ready for you in the Melee." Arthur promised, "Keep your sword close Ozwald, because I promise you, you will need it."

Ozwald froze, in disbelief or fear, Arthur couldn't even pretend to care. Ozwald opened his mouth to say something_

"Your highness!" Dunstand called suddenly, voice urgent and panicked.

Reluctantly Arthur tore his gaze away from Ozwald. "What is it?" he snapped in a way that Merlin would never have allowed him to.

One look at the worry on Dunstan's face had him forgetting all about Ozwald and he stepped over to Dunstan, reaching the manservant without really knowing how he got there.

"It's...Mistress Merlin she..." Dunstan swallowed deeply, "She'd gone into labour."

Terror gripped Arthur like nothing he'd ever felt before; so many things flew round his head that he had trouble thinking. "Labour?" he repeated dully.

Duntan nodded, "Gaius sent me to find you..." He trailed off and shook his head, eyes wide and sad.

"It's too early." Arthur whispered.

A helpless shrug was all that Dunstan offered.

* * *

He'd never remember the walk to Gaius's chambers. He could remember maps and the names of every captain. He knew every peace treaty and every conceivable way of swinging a sword. He could list practice drills in his sleep and explain the way that great historical battles had been lost or won but he would never ever be able to explain how he got from the practice yard to the physician's chamber.

Gaius was pale, his face drawn, haggard and desperately showing his age. His voice shook as he explained something just to Arthur with everyone else out of the room. Something about magic and the necklace and bindings that just couldn't make sense in his head.

Merlin was going to die, just like his mother.

It wasn't real, it couldn't be. Dimly he was aware of Gwen hugging him, of Morgana looking rather unconcerned and his father, eyes shadowed with painful memories who lingered only briefly to check how Arthur was coping.

He simply wasn't.

* * *

_Emrys_

The voice broke through the fogged darkness.

_Emrys._

The world shifted and changed until she was standing on a ledge, a cliff top and staring out into the wild sea and the storm beyond. The elements clashed and whirled, free and swirling, fierce and wild.

Magic

It was tempting. So tempting to step into them and leave everything behind.

_It is not your time._

Then there was pressure, pushing down upon her. It was so foreign yet terribly familiar and strangely pathetic. Something within her roared and yelped and there was a burning sensation around her neck as if someone was trying to strangle her.

_Accept it as different_

Gaius' voice now, weak and struggling yet desperate.

A soon as she heard his voice she recognised what it was that was pushing down on her.

Gaius' magic.

Realising it, feeling the truth in it released the terrible pressure that had been burning her throat and slowing her heart. Everything seemed to speed up and she felt as if she was rushing to the surface of a lake, breaking the calm depths and snapping back to the too hot room.

Gwen's face blurred above her and there was a deep urge.

Push.

So Merlin did.


	16. Chapter 16

So sorry for the delay. Had a few issues in RL and this isn't the longest chapter in the world, but i figured this is better than nothing for you all! xxx

* * *

Tiny hands splayed out in half curled fists and a little nose wrinkled as her baby boy dreamed. Feeling so still and calm she just watched, fascinated by every breath that he drew in.

Reluctantly her eyes flickered over to Gwen, who had left her side the minute they'd seen the baby was healthy and Merlin had told her she was fine. The crumpled heap on the floor that was Gaius was gingerly helping Gwen lift himself into his bed. Something pulled in her gut as she saw his trembling frame and ashen face.

Reaching out a hand, she touched her son so lightly she almost couldn't feel him. His response was to simply give an almost unnoticeable twitch and she smiled, seeing in it Arthur's sharp movements and then grumpy glare when she had woken him for breakfast most mornings.

The noise of Gaius moving about stopped as Gwen finally got him into the bed. Merlin glanced up again, saw that he was sleeping and felt a little of her worry for him ease before she raised her eyes further to meet Gwen's.

Gwen, who was looking at her with a strange expression on her face.

And just like that, Merlin knew that Gwen knew something. Swallowing deeply she shifted, ignoring the sharp pains and dull throbs, her hand splayed out more protectively over the baby and she clenched her jaw feeling the new, foreign power stir within her. It was small, weak and rusty with disuse but still more than she'd had for months.

She tried to ignore the exhausted man behind Gwen as she felt his magic rise within her at her command.

The two women simply stared at each other, both seemingly waiting for something...

Gwen's eyes flickered down to the baby, and then back up to Merlin.

"Does Arthur know?"

Surprised at the question, Merlin nodded without thinking.

Something in Gwen's stance relaxed a little.

"Then it can wait." She said gently, turning towards the doorway. "I need to find a physician to help Gaius and alert the King..." she shifted awkwardly, "Merlin_"

"I'll explain, just," Merlin sighed and stared down at her son's peaceful face, "Please, not now."

And then they were on their own; a sleeping, exhausted Gaius barely making any noise and he remained all to still in the makeshift bed across the room.

"Hello," Merlin said softly, "I'm your.." Nervous she broke off and shifted, unable to see herself as Mummy.

But then she wasn't sure she could see Arthur as Daddy given certain of his characteristics.

"Oh baby boy," she whispered down to him, "I'm so sorry; i've messed up so many things." She smiled through her tearing eyes, "But we're going to try and fix it. I promise."

Taking a deep breath she shook away her tears. Mothers weren't meant to sob their hearts out in front of their small children.

"Right." She said drawing herself up. "Well, I suppose you need a name don't you? And Mummy had better name you fast before certain people arrive and insist your called Little Uther or something equally stupid."

A name. Merlin found herself looking around for some vain hope that she would spot something applicable or something that would give her inspiration.

Herbs, books, maps, places; none of them helped her. Her son needed a good name, something that fit him and that she liked because she'd be the one having to say it for the rest of her life.

Eventually her eyes rested on Gaius and above him, the calender.

"When you're older and can keep secrets we're going to do amazing things." She whispered softly to her sleeping boy. "I'll show you how free and connected you can feel, teach you how to call a Dragon and make flames dance. But we have to keep it secret.

If we were free I could tell everyone that my baby was born on Lupercalia. People still remember it. A time to turn away evil and purify. A time of renewal and the best time for a safe delivery." She smiled as the baby twitched. "But we're not and besides Lupercalia is a silly name, especially for a boy. But your Daddy knows it by a different name and that festival works just as well."

She sat back, feeling smug for the first time in ages. "Valen of Camelot." Stroking the baby's cheek she nodded to herself. "I think that fits you quite well little one."

* * *

"My lord?"

Gwen's voice. It broke through some of the fog he was sitting in and he nodded vaguely, whether in confirmation or for her to continue he had no idea.

He didn't really care.

"Arthur?" Gwen's voice was a lot more hesitant now and much closer. "Arthur...have you been bewitched?"

Arthur turned to her, startled out of his mood by the sheer unexpectedness of the question. "Have I what?" he asked

"I know...about Merlin. And you look so distant, I just..."

"I'm not under a spell." Arthur stood, "I'm...How's Merlin?" he asked not even wanting to go down that route with Gwen right now.

It wasn't hard to miss the undecided look in Gwen's expression.

"Gwen, I'm not enchanted." He said firmly, loosing his patience. "I...my mother died in childbirth and I nearly with her."

Gwen's face lit up with comprehension. "Oh, oh Arthur..." She smiled then, a sweet disarming smile that he loved about her. "They're both perfectly healthy."

"They'll live?" he asked breathless.

"They'll live."

Relief crashed through him so hard that he almost stumbled with it before a worrying thought crossed his mind, "There was only one child right?"

"Yes Arthur, only one. Both your son and Merlin are fine." Gwen said, seeming a little amused by him.

A smile spread it's way across his face without any effort at all.

He had a son.

* * *

Merlin looked awful. Her hair was damp with sweat and stuck to her like some sort of paste that Gaius gave him for his wounds after a long campaign. She looked exhausted and red, which was a new colour given that usually she was terribly pale.

Arthur must have made some noise as he hovered in the doorway as all of a sudden she snapped her head up from staring at the blanket clad form in her arms and rested her gaze on him.

It took his breath away when he realised exactly how long it had been since he'd seen that crooked, full blown smile aimed in his direction.

It fell off her face a second later, as if her happiness couldn't last while looking away from the bundle.

"Have they found a physician for Gaius?" she asked urgently.

Arthur shook his head and then stepped into the room closing the door. Carefully he made his way towards her, suddenly feeling like a naughty child sent for an unknown punishment.

"What happened?" he asked quietly, eyes glued to the squirming blanket. "To Gaius?"

For the longest time he didn't think Merlin would answer.

"I was struggling to give birth. My body, it needed...something magical I guess. Gaius gave his own magic to me."

He raised his eyes to look at her. It was hard to see the obvious fear in the way that she gripped their son just slightly closer to her and to hear they way her voice shook.

"You have magic again?"

"Some. Gaius' hasn't been used in so many years there's very little left. Like a muscle if it isn't exercised." Merlin shifted slightly, "But yes."

"And it saved you both?"

"Yes."

Nodding Arthur looked over at Gaius, "Will he be alright?"

Nodding, Merlin smiled weakly, "He needs rest and to be treated for exhaustion. There's not much else_"

The baby started to make a soft noise of discontent that caused both of them to stare.

"Is he alright?" Arthur asked shifting slightly to catch an actual glimpse of the baby.

Merlin nodded, "I think so. Probably just annoyed that no-one's paying him any attention." She peeked a grin up at him, "He's definitely your son.

A burst of excitement bloomed in his stomach, "Can I...can I hold him?"

For a second Merlin looked as if she would say no. "I guess...He's your son too,"

"You don't seem happy about it."

"No...i just...I like holding him." Merlin smiled down at their son and then looked up with worry. "Um...how do we do this?"

"What do you mean Merlin?" Arthur asked with some exasperation.

"I...How do I pass him to you?"

With an annoyed look at her Arthur leaned over, closer than he'd been to her for a while and felt a twist of relief when she didn't tense up from his proximity. He eased his fingers under hers, figuring that if he held their son where she held their son he couldn't go wrong.

And then the baby squirmed and suddenly Arthur was very aware that he was going to pick up a very real and very tiny baby.

Panicked, he glanced up at Merlin who was looking at him with badly hidden amusement and a raised challenging eyebrow.

Setting his chin and meeting her stare for stare Arthur lifted his son out of Merlin's arms and stared down.

The delight in managing it was quickly overridden by the surge of awe he felt as he stared down at a sleepy little face that was regarding him as if he were the worlds greatest puzzle.

He didn't realise he had moved to sit back down until his backside thudded back down onto the chair.

"We actually made this?" Arthur asked suddenly overwhelmed at the idea.

Merlin shifted closer, her hand reaching out to stroke their sons cheek. "Hopefully we didn't add your inability to pick things up when we made him!" she teased.

"Or your inherent clumsiness. No-one wants a clumsy prince." Arthur muttered back with a smile.

Merlin was close enough that he felt her tense up at his words. "What?" he asked, "You've admitted yourself how clumsy you can be_"

"Arthur. He's not...he won't be a Prince." Merlin whispered gently.

"Right." suddenly Arthur felt numb. "Right, of course."

_I'm so sorry_

"I...if it's alright with you, I named him."

Arthur clenched his lips together. No son of the Pendragon line had been named by their mothers.

No legitimate son.

But then Merlin had just given birth...and given how the boy had been concieved...

Swallowing down the familiar self loathing Arthur nodded as he shifted the baby. "What have you called him?"

"Valen."

He'd expected Will if he was honest. Or maybe Lancelot.

"Why Valen?"

"I panicked!" Merlin confessed with a smile, "Then I saw the calender."

Arthur looked up, realising that he hadn't really been keeping track.

Valentines day.

"It was the closest I could get to love without it sounding too girly." Merlin explained with a slight shrug.

"Valen" Arthur muttered, trying the name out on his tongue.

_Prince Valen Pendragon of Camelot._

"I like it." he said with some surprise as he reluctantly made a motion to hand the baby back to Merlin. "I should inform my father and see if we're found a suitable physician."

Merlin nodded, leaning back again looking tired, "Yes." she agreed with a sleepy yawn.

Leaning over Arthur stroked the tiny hand that had was streaching and curling in the air. "Good night Valen." he said kissing the baby's forehead.

"Have you seen Gwen."

Pulling back Arthur nodded, "She's willing to wait and hear the story out. I think she knows better than anyone that once an accusation is made that it's hard to take it back."

Merlin nodded, "I'll talk to her."

"No." Arthur stood, "I'll speak with her after I've seen my father."

* * *

Uther took the news with a nod and a toast to Valen as they dined in private. "Congratulations Arthur."

"Thank you father."

"And a son! I'm sure he will make a fine knight one day."

Arthur bit his lip at that and simply nodded, taking a long, deep sip of wine to keep his retorts to himself.

"I have been talking to Lord Godwyn. He's been admiring your composure in these difficult circumstances."

Arthur drank more wine.

"Not many would have been so interested in an illegitimate off-spring or taking the full responsibility for the conception."

Was that was Uther was calling it these days?

"And now the knowledge that you father boys? I'm sure Godwyn will be eager to met you once again and give you his own congratulations in person."

Stonily Arthur simply kept drinking.

"When he comes you will have to take Elena horseback riding, I hear it's one of her favourite pastimes." his father continued, an edge of steel now in his voice.

"Why?" Arthur asked, setting down the goblet and fixing his father with a challenging gaze.

"Do not be stupid Arthur. Now, more than ever we need to secure the future of this line_"

"What do you mean, "now more than ever"?" Arthur snarled.

"Illegitimate children can destabilise a kingdom. You need a legitimate heir_"

"I have one" Arthur hissed standing up from the table.

"Do not be a fool!" Uther yelled back. "You risk your son more without a stable marriage. If you allow the Pendragon line to look weak and without allies your enemies will use that boy! Think Arthur!"

Suddenly feeling exhausted Arthur slid back down to his seat, elbow on the table and forehead in that hand.

"He's my child." Arthur said into the silence that followed, "And all I can give him is the title bastard."

A long sigh echoed from opposite the table and there was the unmistakable sound of a chair been scraped back and footsteps coming towards him.

"You have given him your acknowledgement. How many will dare to attack the son of Arthur Pendragon? They know what the consequences will be. You can hear your child call you father and have the knowledge that they aren't a terrible secret to be hidden away."

Unwanted tears made their way into Arthurs hand as he refused to look at his father. "When Merlin told me his name...Prince's are named by their fathers and bastards by their mothers."

"Your mother named you."

Startled Arthur looked up at his father kneeling by his chair. "What?"

"She named you. We discussed names and I allowed her the final say on both female and male names." Uther's eyes were shadowed with memories.

"I thought_"

"I gathered." Uther reached out and stroked Arthur's hair, "I'm sorry you never knew it until now."

Arthur stared at his father's tunic, at the Pendragon symbol stitched into it.

"You said my grandson had a name?" Uther prompted pulling his hand away and resting it on Arthur's shoulder.

"Valen."

"I can acknowledge him as Lord Valen FitzPendragon if you so wish?" Uther offered carefully.

"I don't_"

"Take your time." Uther said rising. "I have reports to read tonight and early in the morning if you make a decision."

* * *

AN- The festival was something i read up on a few months ago for this chapter and it's been so long since i did read up on it that i can only hope/assume that i got it all right, or at least based it on some actual fact! Hope you all enjoyed xxx


	17. Chapter 17

Hello all, i thought i'd treat you by trying to make this update a little longer than the recent one's you've had.

Also, i have to say everyone should go to Youtube and add this to it, without the brackets (/ watch?v=8sonVKIZjik) or if that doesn't work it's a fan made trailer for season 4 by jenskii. It's amazing!

* * *

_Mist filled the world in front of her: flooded it with mystery and voices. Somehow she knew that she stood upon wet earth; she could smell it in the thick and heavy air, the softness under her feet. It was dark where she was, yet she knew there were others with her, watching. Slowly voices started to whisper to her, getting louder, racing around, surrounding her with their words.  
_

"_Come into the woods young one." _

"_You have to see"_

"_We are waiting for you."_

Merlin's eyes snapped open as a cry echoed throughout the room. It took her no more than a moment to collect her wits and get her bearings; these being the fourth rooms she had slept at while being inside Camelot's walls. Across the room the cot was illuminated from the natural light of the midnight storm, pouring through the window. She shifted a little in her bed and stuck a foot out, wincing at the temperature in the room.

With some will power she threw back the covers and braced herself for the cold as her barefoot met the stone floor. The nightgown offered little protection from April's fierce weather and the wind howled its way past her window. At least it woke her up quickly though, she thought with a wry smile.

Inside the crib her son glared up at her, waggling his toes in his frustration. Amused, she scooped him up, no longer timid and terrified of hurting him. Valen buried his head in the crook of her neck as he fussed.

"It's boring in that cot isn't it?" she soothed. "I know, I know." Casting a weary eye at the door she shifted him in her arms and walked back to her bed.

Valen stared up at her solemnly as she set him on the mattress, waiting to pass judgement. She knew it was a look that babies often had but the first time she'd seen it on him she'd genuinely started in shook because the look was a one she often saw on Uther's face when receiving a report.

But Uther's face didn't light up in delight like Valen's did when she conjured a small ball of light for him to play with. Utterly focussed, her son tried to grab at it with his soft, pudgy hands. A small hint of a smile played across his face; a smile that Gauis would probably say was only a reaction to passing gas.

Laying beside him she stroked her son's soft hair and sent a prayer of thanks to Gaius for what he'd done. She hadn't realised how...faded she'd felt until she'd had magic in her grasp again. And Valen certainly loved playing with it.

A loud crack of thunder outside broke her concentration and the ball of light dropped away into nothingness. Valen let out a loud wail, though whether because of the loss of light or the noise she couldn't be sure.

"Shh," She murmured trying to calm him, and pressed a kiss to his head. "It's just a storm Valen."

But it seemed her son was determined not to settle now. After various attempts at walking him around the room and talking to him softly she finally put him down and got dressed.

She'd been moved to an even quieter part of the castle, though a much more protected part. No longer could she see the people coming in and out of Camelot's gates. In fact, the only view she had from her window was of another wall and a little of the sky above.

It drove her to distraction most of the time. But, in the early hours of the morning when the servants were busy and the nobles were sleeping, it was good to have her little room far away from both. Wrapping Valen up in a blanket she opened her door and begun her journey around the castle.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

As happened most mornings, she bumped into Gwaine close to Gaius' quarters. For some unknown reason he seemed to have taken it upon himself to act as her personal body guard and always seemed to pop up wherever she went, eventually.

"How's your young lad this morning?" he asked, stretching and not even bothering to disguise that he was waiting for her.

"Demanding." Merlin replied shifting the baby so he could see what was happening. It seemed her son was determined to see everything the way his eyes flitted around. She met Gwaine's grin with one of her own, "And you Gwaine?"

"Grand." He nodded at the window, "Apart from the weather."

"Must make it difficult to get to the tavern and back!"

Gwaine gave her an amused, lazy look, "I never have any difficulty getting to a tavern_"

"Ahh, it's just getting back that's an issue is it? Were there no Princes around to carry you last night?" Merlin smiled at him and sat on the bench outside of Gaius' quarters.

"Alas!" He sat down next to her and shot her a questioning look. Wanting to stretch her arms she allowed him to take Valen and sit him on his lap. "Prince Arthur is out on an early sweep of the forest." He glanced down at Valen's serious face and smiled,"Are you bothering your mother again young man."

"Wouldn't be doing his job if he wasn't would he?" Merlin smiled at the baby. "I assume Arthur's taken people with him?"

"His manservant." Gwaine replied, focussed on the squirming bundle in his lap.

"Is that it?" she asked, knowing that the worry in her voice was evident.

"Arthur seemed determined to travel light. It's just a routine sweep of the forest. Bandits have been bothering some of the outlying villages again."

Nodding Merlin leant back and watched Gwaine. Never would she have imagined he'd warm to a baby they way he had. It was almost quite sweet to see the two together...

...Unlike Arthur.

Arthur who seemed so overly aware of himself around his son that Valen picked up on it and screamed bloody murder whenever Arthur picked him up. She'd tried to explain that it was probably Valen reacting to Arthur's nerves but that hadn't gone down well either.

But Gwaine, who had no worries with babies, who had no reason to be so nervous was a natural with Valen. She laughed as Gwaine then decided to move his finger across Valen's line of vision, prompting the baby to follow it with his eyes and his head.

"Do you think i'm the best fighter in all the land?"

Valen, prompted by the finger moving up and down, nodded.

"Is Uther the best King ever?" Merlin asked, merrily.

Valen moved his head from side to side, shaking it in a way that seemed very slow and solemn.

"Kid's a genius." Gwaine staged whispered to her.

"Obviously!" She laughed.

From down the corridor, in the distance, came the sounds of shouts and cries, as if the guards had been startled. Looking up Gwaine stared down into the shadowed depths and narrowed his eyes. Without looking away he passed Valen down to Merlin who took her son quickly, watching as Gwaine stood, body tense and ready, drawing a sword and stepping forward a little as if to listen to what was happening.

Then all of a sudden there was noise and movement rushing to them. Startled Merlin stood up, staring wide-eyed as the palace guards came hurtling though, carrying two bodies and Leon made his way past.

"Gaius" Leon shouted, worry ageing his face, "Gaius!"

One of the bodies that lay far too still, dripping blood, had blond hair. Merlin's stomach lurched as her mind refused to add up the facts but instead, hearing the movement behind her and the door opening, whirled to meet her former mentor who looked so much older recently. Gaius' worn eyes rested on her a moment and then looked over her shoulder at the flurry behind.

"What on earth is_" Gaius started in a fit of peevishness before he caught sight of the two in front of him. "What happened?"

"They were out on a routine border patrol," Leon shook his head, "Duncan managed to get Arthur hidden but a stray arrow..."

Merlin stared on horror as the group passed by, Arthur unconscious and dangling in the arms of a red guard.

"Set him down" Gaius urged and caught her eye as they went by. Nodding she walked into the room, heart pounding and placed Valen into his little basket that Gaius always kept for them. Turning from her son she rinsed her hands with the salve, as Gaius had taught her to do to prevent infection, trying to ignore the way her hands shook and the nausea that threatened to rise every time she swallowed.

_You weren't there_

Frustrated she shook the voice away and, seeing Gaius bend to assess Arthur, Merlin walked over to Duncan and peeled back the blood soaked bandage that one of the knights had fashioned from a cloak.

The arrow had been shot from some distance and had punctured the arm. A wedge of muscle lay between the arrow and air, but Duncan had been lucky the arrow hadn't been a centimetre or so the other way, otherwise it would have been chipping the bone and his condition would have been much more serious.

Focussing, she reached out for the broken arrow; someone had clearly snapped it to prevent the arrow bending and aggravating the wound. She would need help to keep him upright as she pushed the length from his upper arm and looked up, hoping that the guards would be willing to assist.

Gaius's mouth firmed at whatever he saw from his examination of Arthur and Merlin paused in what she was doing, waiting to see if he needed help.

"How bad is the boy?" Gaius asked peering at the wound in Arthur's back.

"He'll live. He might have some difficulty with the muscle in his arm returning but_"

"Come here." Gaius commanded and looked over at Leon. "You've patched men up in the field before?"

"Yes."

"See to the boy then."

Leon stood as if unsure, then leant over and muttered a command to the guard which made him pale but nod.

Merlin sat herself on the other side of the bed from Gaius, waiting for his instructions and trying desperately to forget that it was Arthur lying there and looking so terribly pale. Squaring her jaw she raised an eyebrow at Gaius, asking him what she needed to do.

Catching her look, Gaius looked down at Arthur, seeming to consider what was in front of him. Lips tightening he glanced back up with annoyance at the slowly emptying room.

"Take the boy to the ward in the city." Gaius said suddenly watching the guards go. "The King may want you to hunt down those that attacked the Prince."

If Leon was surprised by the sudden change he didn't show it. Instead he nodded and hefted Duncan up into his arms with perfect ease.

The second the door closed Gaius grabbed Merlin's hands and shoved them at the wound.

"I need you to repeat after me." He instructed her.

"Why can't you..." she trailed off, the knowledge hitting her. "Sorry I keep forgetting."

Gaius shook his head dismissively. "No matter, repeat after me."

* * *

They had to stop when they heard the King coming. Arthur's back was better but he was still in danger. Gaius gave her a look as Uther entered and somewhat reluctantly she drew away from the bed and walked to her son.

"Leave the boy."

Stunned she looked at Gaius in confusion. He met her eyes calmly and gave a slight nod. Without meaning to she felt her eyes drift to Valen and the rise and fall of his chest as he slept through everything.

Just like his father.

Uther turned and fixed her with a look that she knew better than to disobey. With another look at Gaius she turned and left the room, wincing as her fingers cracked and popped. The rusty magic was taking it's toll on her.

* * *

Trying to keep busy was a lot harder when you had very little to do. Merlin ended up wandering aimlessly close to the kitchens, half hoping that someone would ask her to do something and take her mind off what was happening in Gaius' quarters.

Giving up on that rather quickly she just followed her feet, dangerously close to Arthur's rooms. The castle was up and in full swing and she had absolutely nothing to do...

...but run into Gwen.

They stared at each other for a moment; they hadn't spoken since Valen's birth, months ago. Merlin wasn't even sure what Arthur had said to Gwen or how she'd taken it, other than he's said she wouldn't be telling the King any time soon.

And she hadn't.

Not really knowing how to handle the situation Merlin nodded and half bowed in a way that would have worked if she were still disguised as a boy, but as a girl just came off really rather strange. Flushing she stammered something and moved past her.

"Merlin?"

Wincing, Merlin turned to look back.

"How's Arthur?" Gwen asked, moving her pile of sewing to one hip, supporting the load and giving her arms a rest.

"He's..." Merlin shrugged, "He's going to be fine."

Gwen smiled, "I'm glad."

Smiling back Merlin nodded and turned to continue her roaming the castle nervously, hopeful that one day the strange awkwardness between them would fade.

* * *

Returning to Gaius' quarters in the evening she found all the occupants sound asleep. Arthur lay in the bed, on his back and too still for her liking. Usually when she''d entered his rooms while he'd been sleeping Arthur had been sprawled across the bed as if trying to ensure no-one else could get in. To the other side of the room Gaius was slumped in his chair, snoring and his arms wrapped around Valen who lay belly on Gaius' chest.

Quietly she lifted Valen out of Gaius's arms and placed him back in the basket, soothing his hair and stroking his cheek.

"My fault."

Surprised, she turned back to Arthur, who looked desperately pale as he slurred his words. Leaving Valen where he was, she went to Arthur's side and checked the bandages that Gaius had wrapped. They were still damp with the poultice and the blood hadn't dried or soaked them yet.

It had been ages since she had been this close to Arthur without fear or tiredness. His cheeks were warm and his forehead damp. The blue eyes that followed her were dull with pain and potions.

"What's your fault?" she asked, checking his forehead for his temperature.

"I wanted to see him."

Bewildered, she looked around and then saw where his gaze lay.

"He's your son too." She reminded him, frowning at the heat under her hand. "Where were you today?"

Arthur blinked at her.

"I need to check your memory. You have a fever, I need to see if you can talk and focus."

Accepting this Arthur relaxed a little, "We were patrolling and came across bandits. Too many for just the two of us. We ran. I didn't think they'd follow us into the valley."

"The valley?" she prompted, picking up one of Gaius' tomes for fevers.

"The valley of the fallen Kings." He explained.

"What's that?" she asked flicking through the pages.

Arthur winced, "People think it's cursed."

"That's helpful" she muttered.

"We ran." he said, drifting.

"I know." she soothed.

"I miss running with you."

Surprised, her head shot up, "What?"

"I miss you." he slurred, eyes closing. "Though i'm pretty sure we ran further than me and you would have."

"Because i'm a girl?" she challenged, putting the book down and checking the empty bottle left over from what Gaius had already given Arthur.

"No, because you never shut up when we run. Always scolding me." Arthur muttered, his voice becoming lower and lower as he talked.

"Stop doing stupid things then." She suggested, leaning back with frustration when she saw that Gaius had given him everything that could be given.

"Miss spoke to me. Asked for you."

"Who did?" She asked lightly, "Miss who?"

Arthur struggled suddenly as if trying to wake up. "Not miss, mist. Wanted to know where you were."

Merlin froze, her dream from earlier coming back in full force.

"When did the mist speak to you?" She asked, bending over to hear him easier.

"When I was shot." Arthur muttered, then frowned, "After I was shot. I think there was someone there."

Merlin clicked her jaw and pursed her lips, staring intently at the hollow of Arthur's neck and the frayed edge of the bandage that wrapped around his shoulder and back.

"Just miss you." He whispered and gave up the fight to stay awake.

Pulling away from the bed in shock, Merlin stared over at Valen, thinking. She spared a quick look at Gaius, then frowned, feeling something stir within her that she hadn't felt for a while.

Fuming she stormed out of the room and out of the castle.

* * *

The Valley wasn't hard to find. She could still remember Arthur teasing one of the new knights about his fear of some Valley when they were riding out to find Morgana. It wasn't long before she found tall, menacing statues glaring down at her from the night sky.

They did little to cower her. Instead something about those mighty, impervious figures added to her anger and she stormed her way through the dips and rises, knowing that those who waited would find her soon enough.

Determined to make a point she stopped in the clearing beyond the statues, her dress and cloak dragging on the floor behind her and fanning out to splash a deep blue on the dull, moonlit ground. The night was cool and she tilted her chin a little feeling the wildness of the air.

"You are not what we were expecting."

The voice came from behind her, which ordinarily would frighten her but not tonight. Tonight she kept her back to the voice without a quiver of worry and continued to keep her eyes shut and her magic gently floating.

"Is that why you let the crown prince lay with an arrow in his shoulder?" she asked, her voice cracking out harsher than she could ever remember.

"Do not waste your anger," The voice continued, calm and unruffled at her words, "For I can tell you that the time for his death is not yet upon us."

Opening her eyes she turned, curious.

The man that stood before her was old, but neat and tidy in his appearance; at least more than she would expect from someone in the forest. His clothes looked heavy and almost to be made out of the woods themselves.

"Who are you?" she asked, tilting her head to see if she could get a better look at the man in the shadows.

"My name is Taliesin." He stepped forward, every movement controlled and studied. "The moment of our meeting had been written for many, many years."

Sighing she resisted the urge to put her hands on her hips in frustration, "Well then_"

"And yet, it did not happen." Taliesin now circled her, as if examining a strange new picture or sculpture he wasn't sure he liked. "Thousands of years it had been written and yet it did not happen."

"Sometimes these things happen...or don't happen." she broke herself off considering this for a moment before shaking her head and returning to the point, "I'm here now."

"Yes." Taliesin still had that undecided look in his eyes, "You are here. And you are Emrys."

"I..." her hand strayed to the necklace.

"You are bound?" Taliesin seemed somewhat disbelieving of this, "Yet you have magic."

"Borrowed" she explained quietly.

"You are fortunate to have such friends." Taliesin nodded to himself as if satisfied, "I am to show you something."

"What?" She asked, thrown off balance by his attitude.

"You will find out when you follow." he said turning his back and returning the way he came.

Merlin glared at his retreating back and then up at the night sky, as if it was somehow to blame, before following.

As they entered the caves it seemed as if someone was singing, whispering, talking. It made her head burn a little and her nose itch.

"Your borrowed power struggles." Taliesin murmured with disapproval.

"What is this place?" she asked ignoring him. Hundreds of thousands of crystals hung down and speared up throughout the cave, lights catching and reflecting throughout the cavern; a beautiful but deadly view to behold.

"We are where magic began." Taliesin replied. "It is the crystal cave."

An awful suspicion begun to form in her mind, reminding her of just before Morgana left and the things that she had seen when she'd stared into a crystal. Cold, with Gaius' magic shivering at her nerves she took a step forward trying to find what she was looking for without looking.

A thick, flat surface of a crystal stuck up almost at her eye-level and, as the light shifted, it caught her attention.

_There was an audible click as the doors opened out to the throne room, the colours different to when he'd last seen it. A woman sat upon the throne, her skirts draping lilac over the deep red._

_Morgana's face appeared, a crown above and a cruel smile below._

_Arthur shouting at someone and a baby, her son, older but still with his chubby cheeks and baby soft hair crying._

She stumbled away from it, aware at once that she was gasping from the sight and tried to calm herself.

"What did you see?"

"Images, flashes..."She looked up at Taliesin, unsure what was happening. "I've seen something like this before."

"I know. You must look into the crystals, really look. Much will be revealed."

Despite what she'd seen she remained hesitant, unwilling to look further after what had happened last time. But, as if compelled by his waiting face and knowing eyes, she turned; the song of the crystals luring her in once more.

"No." she turned back, "I've done this before, I know how it ends. Knowing the future...it's too dangerous."

"You can do good with what you see." Talesin tempted her, "It is a powerful gift we are offering you."

Merlin could hear the unspoken "Do not turn it down." Nodding she turned back and, as if the crystals were drawing her in watched as the images unfolded.

___An old man on his greying throne who looked to be almost dead until he opened his eyes and stared straight into her soul._

_Smoke rose from Camelot as people screamed and ran. Soldiers, unfamilair to her prowled the streets and red capes lay unmoving on the ground._

_An old fortress stood against the sky, stark black against the moody cloudy and grey sea that sprayed it's way up the cliffs. _

_Arthur stood, facing Morgause, alone and without a sword, a determined glint in his eye told her that he wasn't going to simply kneel in defeat._

_And then a young boy, no more than four or five running, blond hair messed and blue eyes focussed. Behind him soldiers chased..._

"No" she screamed, pulling herself out of it, panting as if she'd ran to the caves.

"You know the boy?" Taliesin asked curiously. "In all the years i've waited I have never seen him. Not until last year."

She didn't look at him, instead she stared at the crystal beseechingly as if they would change the future with her plea. "He's my son."

"And the father?"

"Arthur." she said, still too distracted by the images to notices the tone of his voice as he asked that question.

A hiss of fury erupted from behind her and she whirled in shock as the calm and mystical man drew his robes about him in sheer fury.

"What have you done?" he asked, breathless with his emotion. "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"You saw_" she begun.

"I saw what should be. What cannot be now." He shook his head as if in great pain.

"Why can't it be?" she stepped forward, risking it. "I'll get my full powers back, I'll continue to help Arthur. What's changed?"

Taliesin looked up, meeting her stare for stare. "Your prince was meant to be a great King. He was meant to unite the lands and bring us all into a new age."

"It can still_"

"And he was meant to die without heirs." Taliesin cut across her protests. "You are all meant to be the last, ushering in a new age and ending the old."

Her heart froze in her chest as she stared at this man, the magic uncoiling within her, but still too dusty and cracked with age and captivity to be of any use. She waited.

"I suppose it could still happen." Taliesin tilted his head to his side. "What did you see happening to your son?"

"It will not happen." She snarled, striding up to him. "My son will live a full and happy_"

"The Pendragon line does not end in long lives and in bed deaths. It does not fade out to be continued but ends in a blaze of glory to inspire others." Taliesin said firmly. "There are many things you can change Emrys but this is not one of them."

"Watch me." She hissed and pushed past him, making her way to the entrance of the caves and back to Camelot.

* * *

AN - I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. I really do need to get a beta because i can never edit my own work. Shrug. Hope you all enjoyed and just to let you all know that i've started on the next chapter and have worked out that the fic will be roughly between 25 and 30 chapters. :)

P.S. I'm really not usually one for doing this but my thoughts are with anyone affected by the riots and here's hoping for a better night tonight. xxx


	18. Chapter 18

_AN_

_Hello all! Thanks for your reviews; i am going to get back in the habit of replying - i thought i'd get back in the habit of updating more than once every few months too. I've found a new lease of life for this fic, i'm sure due to the scattered season 4 spoilers and trailers. Eek! I soooo can't wait!  
_

_I should warn you all that Spoilers for "The Crystal Cave" are in here. I realise that i didn't post the spoilers in the last chapter but i didn't really think i gave much away in that - clearly in canon Merlin does not see Valen etc and this version see's nothing that sets up the entire episode. However this chapter has the major story progression that was seen in "The Crystal Cave" so i feel i should give fair warning. Enjoy!  
_

* * *

Merlin entered Camelot just before dawn, the past days events finally starting to catch up with her. The guard on the gates shot her a surprised, baffled look as she walked through, too tired to bother with one of the many secret entrances Morgana and Arthur had shown her years ago.

It occurred to her that Morgana could lead a small squadron through those entrances and no-one would know but her only thought after that was to sleep. Unfortunately she needed to retrieve Valen from Gaius, check on how Arthur was doing and start to find some way to get her magic back.

Sleep didn't look very likely.

Fortunately her feet knew where she was going, so she barely had to pay them any attention as she made her way to Gaius' room's yawning steadily. In fact, she was paying so little attention that she ended up walking nose first into a rather firm chest.

"Where the hell have you been?" Gwiane asked, steadying her and glaring down as she stared owlishly up at him. "Gaius and I have been searching_"

"Is something wrong, are Valen and Arthur alright?" she asked, fright chasing away her fatigue as she tried to move past him and towards Gaius' door.

"They're fine." He soothed, hands loosening from her shoulders. "We couldn't find you_"

"I went for a walk to clear my head."

"A walk? Outside of the walls?" Gwaine looked at her disbelievingly, "You should have told me. I'd_"

"I'm not a child." She snapped, "I've been outside of the walls alone thousands of times without protection_"

"How many times have you been out without Arthur?"

She gaped up at him, "I do not need Arthur to watch my every move."

Gwaine opened his mouth, no doubt to continue his ridiculous rant but stopped and turned when they heard the door open behind him.

"Merlin." Gaius gave her his look, the look that said I know you just did something stupid and magical and we need to have a very long lecture about it.

Gwaine huffed and let her go, stomping his way a little down the corridor and taking a seat in view of the door. He stretched out, boots crossed and arms folded with a petulant look on his face.

"You don't need to sit there and wait." she snapped.

"Arthur requested it." Gwaine replied with an unhappy smile.

Merlin closed her eyes and winced. "He knows?" she asked, turning to Gaius.

Gaius' eyes slid past her to Gwaine and then back to her. "We will discuss it inside." he said firmly and gestured for her to go in.

Arthur looked much better, he was sitting up, propped by pillowed and the colour had returned somewhat to his cheeks. Valen lay on his lap, facing Arthur and legs up on his chest. Arthur looked up from their son with an odd expression on his face as he saw her. His gaze went past her to Gaius and some message passed between them.

The next thing she knew Gaius left had left the room.

"You went to the Valley of the Kings." Arthur said looking back down at their son.

"Yes." Merlin replied, seeing no point in lying to him about it.

Arthur nodded to himself and stroked Valen's cheek. "And?"

Merlin stared at him stonily, which did very little to help her because Arthur wasn't even looking in her direction.

"I asked you a question." Arthur's voice whipped out with a crack that could draw blood.

"I'm no longer your servant to scold_" she begun.

"I am still your Prince." he plundered on. "And you will answer me."

Merlin stared at the top of Valen's head and for a second saw the deep gold his hair would become, the thickness of it and the way it would move in the wind when he ran...

Despairing she cut the image off, swallowing down her fear. It simply would not happen.

"This has gone on too long," he murmured.

"What has?"

Arthur took a deep breath, seeming to draw strength from the baby whose hand he now held. "My guilt at what happened makes me back down..." Trailing off he stroked a hand over Valen's downy hair and then raised his head to look at her properly for the first time since Gaius had left the room. "Gwaine has been assigned to you as a body guard. You do not leave your rooms without him. Should you wish him to remain outside of a room he will but only when he is sure he is guarding the only entrance and exit."

"Arthur_"

"You will not wander the halls aimlessly. Should you need fresh air you will come to my quarters and get permission_"

"If you think_"

"And I will accompany you outside of these walls," He continued a little louder and ignoring her interruptions, "Obviously that will not happen for some time." He flexed his shoulder and winced a little. "My father has asked that Valen be better monitored and his mother better secured."

"Uther knows?" she asked breathless with shock.

"Of course he knows." Arthur snapped, "We thought...he had to be alerted."

"I'd never leave Valen_"

"Which is why we were so damned worried." Arthur roared suddenly, scaring the baby. His expression immediately changed and he reached out a soothing hand to calm Valen.

She watched them together for a moment, marvelling at the rare sight of Valen relaxed in Arthur's arms. Arthur's face was so terribly soft as he studied the little face and traced the familiar features.

"There was a seer in the Valley of Kings." she said eventually.

Merlin could tell she'd captured Arthur's interest by the way he tilted his head as if he wanted to look up. "A seer?"

"Of sorts." She stepped a little closer, eyes narrowing at his bandages as she did, trying to decide if he's strained himself over the past few hours. "There was a cave, full of seeing crystals. The seer was eager for me to look into the future."

Now Arthur did look up, wary as he saw the expression on her face. "Nothing good I assume?"

Wordlessly she shook her head.

Seemingly nonchalant Arthur looked back down. "You don't need to be a seer to know things are going to change." He took a deep calming breath as if bracing himself. "Morgana?"

Merlin had almost forgotten the first vision, the one of Morgana triumphant and on the throne. "Yes...and more after."

Arthur shifted, "My father?"

She watched him, "I don't think it will do any good for you to know. The last time I saw things on a crystal I made them happen because I was trying to prevent them."

Arthur frowned as he unravelled that sentence but seemed to accept what she was saying. "As long as Valen is safe." he said after a while.

Merlin stared past his head and forced away the image of her son running once more.

Obviously Arthur caught his expression: he stiffened and stared at her, "Merlin_"

"I won't let it happen." She told him firmly. "I promise."

Their eyes met and Arthur's jaw clenched. "Tell me." he said, his voice commanding.

"I...I only saw him being chased. The seer implied..."

One of Arthur's sword weathered hands tightened around Valen's fist and he looked as if he was struggling to control himself. "We won't let it happen." he agreed. "You'll accept Gwaine as a guard?"

Merlin surprised herself when she nodded, "It's not for a few years yet, but yes."

"And you won't try to duck out of windows or hide until he disappears?"

"He's not you." she muttered trying to lighten the mood. Arthur's mouth didn't so much as twitch.

Silence echoed around them, Valen broke it with a few soft noises as he wriggled on Arthur's lap.

"He'll look a lot like you, you know." She offered. "He's going to have your hair and nose. I think he'll end up with your build too."

"He has your peeved expressions." Arthur muttered, shaking his head, "I can already hear the word clotpole sometimes when he looks at me." Arthur let out a deep sigh. "You scared the life out of us."

"I'm sorry. But..."She sat down, shaking her head, "I was mad and...mad!"

"Why were you mad?" Arthur asked, twisting a little to face her and screwing up his face as he did it. "Don't fuss." he muttered, obviously seeing her worried motion forward.

"The seer. He talked to you."

"And?"

"And someone who knows what I am talks to you, asks for me and yet can't help you? They just left you to give me the message." She stopped, feeling the anger well up again.

An almost smile appeared, tugging at his mouth as if he was trying hard to restrain it. "Annoying isn't it? When enemies use someone close to you callously, just to get a point across?"

It nettled her that she saw his point, "Frustrating isn't it when your caught in the cross fire and someone close to you takes responsibility for more than he should?"

Arthurs expression closed suddenly, "You did nothing to harm me in this." He shifted, as if overly aware of their position and swallowed deeply, "You should take Valen. I'm sure he needs feeding or something."

Nodding, Merlin reached out to take Valen, bending over Arthur to pick the baby up, relieved that Valen was no longer as fragile as he had been as a new born. She'd always been terrified of breaking him when he'd been very small and Gaius had made repeated warnings about supporting his neck.

As she took Valen Arthur's breathing sharpened, as if in pain. Worried, she continued to take Valen, but glanced up at Arthur's face to gauge his injury.

She hadn't realised how close she was until she looked up at him. She could feel his breath on her face and the way his eyes flared, with pain or panic she wasn't sure.

She pulled away slowly, not sure what to do, or how to act and absently adjusted her son to her arms and found a comfortable position for him.

Still staring at Arthur, who looked inexplicably...

...well, if she didn't know him she'd say nervous.

Arthur looked away suddenly, breaking whatever it was that had locked their gaze. "Gwaine is waiting for you outside." he said in the same voice he had used on her first day serving him.

It had been a long time since he had dismissed her in such a way.

It had been a long time since she'd let him dismiss her in such a way. But all she did was nod and let herself out of the room.

It was only when she got back to her chambers and had fed Valen that she realised what had stunned her so much when in the room with Arthur.

Not once had she felt scared.

Though who knew why Arthur had looked equally taken aback. He'd probably just been light headed from the blood loss and then stunned at her sudden obedience.

Thinking about it she was amazed he hadn't collapsed with shock!

* * *

Arthur, in typical Arthur fashion had exactly three days of bed rest. Gaius had prescribed a week and that had been overly optomistic, or perhaps merely aware of how unlikely it was that Arthur would stay still for anything longer than that.

In face Arthur had been lucky in all the time she'd known him. Many of his injuries had been caused magically and had been fixed pretty quickly.

It was as if he didn't know how to cope with it at all. On the fourth day he had swooped down to the practice yards, intent on drilling the knights and had seemed rather disbelieving when his shoulder reopened after a few moves.

The entire castle had been buzzing with gossip over the lecture Arthur had then endured from his father while Gaius had re-sewn the wound.

Four days after that he knocked on her door, looking awkward.

"I haven't done anything," she huffed at seeing him,

"I'm not_"

"Gwaine, tell him I haven't done anything." She peered round the door to see Gwaine watching with some amusement. "I haven't given him the slip or anything. I've been the picture of obedience."

Arthur screwed his face up at that, "I doubt that,"

"Tell him," She waved at Arthur looking at Gwaine imploringly, "I've bored myself to tears with your stupid rules,"

"I'm not_" Arthur tried again.

"Which is more than can be said for_"

"Would you like to go for a walk?" Arthur asked, leaning against the wall and watching her with a bemused look in his eyes, "You and the boy,"

Merlin stared, as if she'd suddenly forgotten what language they spoke.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked, narrowing his eyes. "If I have to hear you rant about boredom i'll go on my own_"

"No, i'm coming." Merlin hastened to assure him, glancing at Gwaine as if for some confirmation to what was going on. "Are you allowed to go for a walk?" she asked, pausing as she turned back to her room and eyeing him suspiciously.

Arthur rolled his eyes, "Five minutes Merlin."

"What...?" Merlin opened and closed her mouth a few times and then squared her chin, "How cold is it out there so I can properly dress your son?"

Arthur looked suddenly out of his depths and, to her amusement turned to look at Gwaine as if for help.

"I've been in here, watching her door," Gwaine was staring at a spot in the wall and clearly trying not to laugh.

"It's..." Arthur shifted against the wall, "Layers would be best."

* * *

From his window Uther watched as his son walked through the courtyard below. His grandson merely more than a bundle of cloth, wrapped up against the fierce wind was settled on Arthur's good arm, snuggled there and seemingly perfectly content about it. And next to Arthur walked the girl.

The distance that the pair had been observing over the past few months seemed to have shrunk dramatically.

"You worrying over nothing sire," Gaius voice echoed to him. "Arthur knows his duty_"

"He cares for her," Uther left the view and paced to the table, gripping the back of the chair tightly. "This injury will only bring them closer together."

"He is getting to know his son." Uther could hear the sudden care in Gaius' voice. "Arthur knows one day he will marry and have heirs. He may as well take advantage of the situation and spend time with Valen while he still can."

"People are talking." Uther hissed staring at the table. "They see them together and wonder..." Uther straightened, "They are eager for a Queen."

"The people are talking because it's unusual for royal illigitmate children to be acknowledged. And the circumstances..." Gaius' features darkened and Uther had to wonder exactly how Gaius had felt when Arthur had screamed about it to the entire court.

"He's being foolish, lavishing this much attention on the child. He should have more control."

"Like you did?"

"Be very careful Gaius," Uther warned, straightening.

"I'm merely saying that at least you had a guise in which to...lavish attention. Arthur has no such luxury."

"Luxury?" Uther bit down the urge to laugh, "That boy bears his name, will know who his father is. I have no such luxury. I am forced to lie, forced to have my daughter visit another man's grave and call him father. Arthur has no idea of the sacrifices it takes to keep a country stable."

"Valen already looks too much like Arthur. Given who his mother is...my Lord, I believe there was never going to be a way of hiding the boy's paternity. As for_"

"Enough." Uther suddenly found he had a headache, weary from the topic and the feelings that kept rising every time he saw his son and grandson together. "Enough Gaius."

* * *

Behind the door, still posed to knock, Morgana unclenched her fist and turned away.

* * *

AN

And there's "The Crystal Cave" spoiler! Sigh, i hated that episode. That and "Love in the time of Dragons." Bet you can all guess which old friend of Gaius' won't be paying a visit in this version of events!


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Has anyone noticed that when Arthur is told about Uther's plans for marriage in the throne room at the start that Bradley mouths "What the f_" to the camera? I nearly died when I saw it!

In the midst of moving i'm afraid, so here's a rather light chapter, not much happens but the next half should move things along next week.

Spoilers for "The Changeling"

* * *

Valen sat, seemingly quite happy with the world, and very pleased about his upright position. In fact, since the day her son had kept himself upright all on his own, he seemed determined to do it all day long.

Or at least until he got tired.

And the eating. His hand-eye co-ordination had improved to the point where he was quite eager to attempt to shovel grass, dirt and anything else he could get his hands on into his mouth. To be fair to him, the few times he'd managed to do it when she was looking elsewhere, he always offered his spoils up to her afterwards. Along with a cheeky grin that was definitely no longer just gas and, unfortunately, recognisable as all her own doing.

In fact the first time he'd done it, after getting into Gaius' pre made bandages, Gaius had turned to her with a weary look and muttered something about pitying Merlin's mother.

As if sensing her gaze on him Valen stared at her, all innocence and smile. He made some noises at her, rather imperious noises that sounded very much like Arthur, and looked at her expectantly. Then his gaze slid by and he pointed.

"Da."

Following the finger Merlin nodded, "Yes." She looked down at Valen again, "Your stupid father is showing off again,"

Gwaine, bless him, watched the training with narrowed eyes and an obvious eagerness to join in. Sometimes he showed up when she sat within Arthur's eye range during training, other times he took it as blessed time off. But the grassy mound to the side of the training ground caught the breeze nicely and offered some shade from the heat and he'd seemed content to follow her out.

A fly buzzed past, distracting Valen and he tried to follow it with his eyes, little mouth pursing in determination as he reached for it.

He was too slow, far too slow. But he seemed entertained by the game. Satisfied that the little demon wouldn't get into mischief for the next few moments, Merlin turned her attention back to the session.

Arthur's shoulder was just about back to normal now. He was working hard to get the muscle and flexibility back. His newest manservant, Fabian, sat in the shade polishing the spare weaponry they weren't using. In fact there were quite a few of them out in the sun today, trying to catch the breeze that made the day far more bearable.

On some instinct gained in the last six months, Merlin shifted her gaze back to Valen who was now staring with interest in a daisy nearby.

And the wasp on top of it.

Reaching over she scooted her hand at the wasp, just to be safe. The insect buzzed around for a moment and then hovered away.

Better safe than sorry with her son.

Eager to distract him she pulled open the book she'd been reading and curled around Valen, placing the book flat on the floor in front of him.

"See that?" she pointed, "That's the flower used in Uncle Gaius' salve."

Valen's helpful response was to slam his own palm down on the book, and then stare at the knights.

Sighing and stroking his hair, Merlin read the passage that Gaius had set for her earlier on that day. When she sense Valen getting bored again she picked the daisy from earlier and twirled it about his head, causing him to shriek with delight and reach up for it.

She managed to read two pages while he determinedly reached for it again and again while she moved it just out of his reach.

A clunk of armour distracted her and she glanced over at the knights, done for the day and moving to their man-servants or squires. Merlin sat up straight again, closing the book and handing her son the daisy.

Valen inspected it closely, as if it held the secrets of the universe.

And then tried to eat it.

"Valen," she said wearily, trying to get his soft fingers to open and release the flower rather than having it turn to a pulp that he would simply lick off his hands. "We don't eat daisy's."

Whimpering he tried to hold onto it even tighter. Frustrated she let go and stared at the belligerent boy who scowled up at her.

"I mean it young man."

Still those blue eyes glared.

"I will count to three." she threatened, not even sure why she was saying this to a child who couldn't even take part in a conversation yet.

"Da" Valen pointed again, fingers letting go of his prize.

Darting forward Merlin caught the squashed flower and threw it far away behind them.

"Yes," she rolled her eyes, "It's a great sound." Watching him she gently pressed her knuckle to his lips and watched as he sucked eagerly. "Are you hungry baby?"

Valen's eyes focussed on her and then moved upwards to whoever it was that suddenly blocked their light.

"Da."

"Did he just_?" Arthur sounded almost awed.

"Don't get excited. He called the horse, the door, the flower, the bee and you Da." Merlin pulled her knuckle away and turned her head to look at him. "How's the shoulder."

Arthur glared at her as he knelt in front of Valen, "One day I sincerely hope I will be able to practice without you asking me that question."

"But until that day..."

"It's fine." Arthur stroked Valen's hair and frowned as Valen offered him some grass. "Thank you," he said solemnly, accepting the whole lot and trying to make sure none stayed in the baby's hands.

Over his shoulder Merlin could see the looks. The wide range of soft looks to the suspicious, to the angry.

Again.

"I was just going to feed him." she said, scooping Valen up and ignoring the indignant squeak from her son. Arthur rose when she did, picking up the discarded book as she stood.

There was a frown creasing his forehead but Arthur just nodded and handed over the book. As she accepted it he did that thing with his eyes at Gwaine. The silent order look that nobility and princes seemed to be born with.

Arthur reached out a finger to stroke Valen's cheek as Gwaine stepped forward. "Good-day Valen." Arthur murmured, seeming transfixed as Valen stared back at him. "Merlin." he nodded as he let them depart.

"He's gotten so weird lately," Merlin muttered to Gwaine as they made their way to her room.

"I can't imagine why." Gwaine said smiling at Anna, one of the serving girls for the Great Hall, as she went by.

"You'd think with his shoulder being back to normal..." Merlin shrugged and looked at Valen. "When you grow up you're to stay far away from swords. Daddy clearly took too many hits to the head."

Gwaine chuckled as he caught back up with her after his bout of staring and winking at the pretty girls.

"To be fair to the Prince, it may have something to do with the arrival of Lord Godwin."

Merlin went through a mental list in her head of the nobles she'd been forced to put up with when she'd been Arthur's manservant.

"Do I know him?" she mused out-loud.

"Apparently he hasn't visited in quite some time." Gwaine explained twisting as Maggie sent him a come hither look.

"It's impossible walking through here with you," Merlin tutted.

"Jealous?"

"Of you or them?" Merlin asked, shifting Valen.

Gwaine raised his eyebrow's humour dancing in his eyes, "I should like to have a very long chat with you, if you were jealous of me."

Merlin sighed at Valen, "I've seen you drunk Gwaine. Your singing is terrible."

"Yes...we'll keep the Prince out of that one shall we?" Gwaine looked a little guilty suddenly. "Although I suppose he'll be busy once the party arrives."

"Why?" Merlin asked as they came to her room and the guards waiting there.

"He'll be entertaining the Princess Elena."

Merlin nodded, and then paused. "When you say entertaining..."

"Are you jealous now."

Suddenly uncomfortable she buried her lips in Valen's hair and tried to ignore the way laughter fled from his face and sympathy shone instead. Heaven knew the mere idea of anything like that made her shiver in fear, however much she seemed to have lost her skittishness around Arthur.

"No..." she tried to lighten the situation, "It's just every time a pretty girl turns up in Camelot, Arthur tends to get a bit...well weird. So I guess we're right on track. I had to hit him over the head once to stop him from eloping."

Gwaine allowed her to change the topic, "The Prince is clearly very sheltered. Probably doesn't know what to do with girls once he gets them."

That, Merlin knew, was not true. Even if she'd been utterly blind and stupid when she'd served Arthur, she knew he wasn't a fumbling boy.

Gwaine winced, realising he'd said the wrong thing, "I..."

"Thank you for walking me to my chambers." She backed through the door, "I'll see you...bye."

With that she closed the door and wished she could forget.

* * *

The next morning Gwen came to visit her while she dressed Valen for the day.

"Have you seen the Princess Elena?" Gwen said doubtfully the moment the door shut behind her.

Valen glared and kicked as she tried to put his tiny trousers on. "No." Merlin sighed, "I was...I didn't see their arrival."

"She's..."Gwen shook her head and paced, "She's...she fell over."

As someone who suffered from the occasional bout of clumsiness, Merlin winced in sympathy, "In front of people?" she asked as Valen wriggled once again.

"In the middle of the court introductions." Gwen seemed more and more amazed as she went on. "She fell, flat on her face as Uther went to talk to her."

"That's...poor girl," Merlin shuddered at the thought of Uther's face if she did that in front of him. But then Uther seemed to go through fazes of liking her and treating her like the most uncouth woman in the world. At least he'd probably shown some respect to Elena.

"Arthur's insisting he won't marry her," Gwen sat, "Though you should have seen his face when Uther told him. He went from utterly confused to horrified in seconds. I thought he was going to start yelling in the middle of it all."

Merlin paused in what she was doing and swung around to look at Gwen. "Marry?"

Gwen nodded, oblivious, "But he told me he wasn't. Going to marry her I mean. I think the idea horrifies him. She's...she's almost the exact opposite of Morgana."

Which was probably more of an blessing than Gwen would ever know. "How do you mean?" he asked, trying to focus of her stubborn son who seemed determined to be naked today.

"She has no grace," Gwen sighed, "Her hair looks like it's never seen a brush. I'd almost suspect she was trying to put Arthur off..." Gwen winced, hearing her own words, "I sound awful, don't I?"

Merlin finally won the trouser battle and looked up, "No, I guess she wasn't what you expected."

"No." Gwen looked lost on thought for a moment. "Are you alright?"

"Of course I am." Merlin sat Valen up to get the top on him. "Why wouldn't I be."

There was a very long and pointed silence accompanied, when Merlin looked over, by a very pointed look.

"We are talking about Valen's potential step-mother." Gwen said carefully.

"I hardly think she's going to try to steal him away." Merlin muttered and grinned as her son's head popped up from the top looking vaguely surprised.

"But she's going to have influence. Are you really not bothered by this at all?"

Merlin shook her head, "If she interferes with Valen I'll...I dunno, give her warts or something."

It took her all of five seconds to realise she wasn't talking to Gaius who was used to such jokes. Since she and Gwen had started talking again they'd both been very careful not to mention the "M" word.

At all.

Merlin stared down at Valen who seemed to be very interested in his top and how it tasted.

"How big are we talking?" Gwen asked.

"Sorry?"

"The warts." Gwen looked very calm, "I mean regular ones or can you make them really huge so they look like a second nose?"

"As big as they need to be." Merlin said feeling a huge weight suddenly lift.

Gwen nodded, "I'll remember that; there's a horrible woman in the laundry. She could do with a few warts; you should hear the awful things she says to the girls down there." She stood, "I should go. Morgana wants to have some last minutes adjustments done to her dress. I think she feels a little strange sharing the lime-light."

Merlin nodded, "Good luck with that." she winced, thinking of her last attempt with the needle.

As the door closed, Merlin looked at Valen seriously.

"Well, that went better than expected!"

* * *

"Are we ever going to walk past a girl without you stopping to give her your flower speech?" Merlin asked as Gwaine caught her up.

"I certainly hope not." Gwaine laughed, "It's a wonderful day Merlin. Good weather, good company, good women."

Merlin turned to look at him as they walked through the gates from the lower town. "Great company." she corrected him, before turning back forwards.

"But not great women? Do you not include yourself in that?" Gwaine asked, eyes alive with delight after his latest flirt.

"I'm the company, not the women." Merlin told him, as Valen pointed at something in the sky and babbled merrily.

"You can be both." Gwaine suddenly spotted something and tried to manoeuvre them through one of the side entrances. "Um, Gaius told me he needs a mushroom for something," his tone was desperate and wheedling.

Merlin turned to look at whatever it was that had turned Gwaine into a raving lunatic. Arthur and a woman, Elena she assumed, had ridden into the courtyard and were dismounting.

"Is that_"

"Yes, look shall we_"

Merlin glared at him and hoisted Valen up a little, "We shall." she said walking over to Arthur.

"Bloody_" was all she caught of Gwaine's muttered rant to himself as he followed her.

Merlin had no idea what she was going to say, only that she was determined not to feel as if she had to walk in through the side entrance just because Arthur was...entertaining...a princess.

And stopped dead when Elena gave him the most awkward hug around his middle, stooping in a very unattractive way to do so.

And then stumbled her way up the steps.

"How comes she doesn't get called clumsy?" Was all Merlin could think to ask.

Arthur started from his stare up at the disappearing Princess. "Merlin," he hissed, "Not so loud, she might hear you."

"I always heard. That never stopped you." Merlin protested.

Arthur looked back at the steps, "My father wants me to marry her."

Merlin nodded, "Okay..."

Arthur turned to her, "And you're happy with that?"

"I'm pretty sure my happiness doesn't dictate your fathers matchmaking policies." Merlin shook her head in disbelief. "Why does everyone keep asking me this?"

Arthur gave her a very long disbelieving look and then nodded slowly. "You...you'll be at the feast tonight?"

"I doubt it_"

"No Merlin." Arthur folded his arms, "You will be at the feast tonight."

"How short-staffed are you?" Merlin hissed, "And what about Valen_"

"As a guest!" Arthur raised his voice and winced when a few of the stable-hands looked up. She caught the look he gave Gwaine as if looking to share his exasperated look.

Which, when she whirled around, Gwaine did.

"I don't go to feasts as a guest," she yelped as Arthur started to walk in.

"There's a first time for everything."

"No," Merlin shook her head emphatically, "No, you make me wear stupid things."

That got quite a few stares. Arthur let out an exasperated noise and stopped in the halls to glare at her and waited expectantly, foot tapping in annoyance.

"The hat." She pointed at him triumphantly.

It infuriated her that he obviously was trying not to grin at the memory, "That was years ago Merlin, get over it."

"You didn't have to wear it."

"You don't have to wear it."

"So I can just turn up, eat and go?"

"What else would you do?" Arthur demanded, head tilted in that frustrated, unamused way that she'd so often insulted him just to see.

"With Valen."

Arthur stared at the ceiling and muttered something she couldn't catch, "Yes."

"Fine." Merlin cheeped and smiled, "See you later then...oh...wait can Gwaine sit with me?"

"Why not." Arthur shook his head threw up his hands, "Whatever it takes, just go to the feast."

Merlin turned, grinning to Gwaine who frankly looked torn between amusement and horror. "I've never been waited on before," she confided, shooting him a full blown smile. "Do you reckon we'll just get to sit and gossip about the nobility?"

Arthur's frustrated, strangled noise could be heard down the hall as he stomped off.

* * *

As it was she ended up seated in between Gaius and Gwaine, the later still looking as if he couldn't quite decide how to react.

"Would you just relax." Merlin hissed at him as he downed yet another drink, "You can stare down the bodices as they serve you wine."

Gwaine spluttered at that and glared at her. "I can't believe you just said that!"

Shrugging Merlin stroked Valen's hair as the baby sat on her lap, looking very interested in what was going in around him.

It was good food. Even Gwaine lost the sullen look on his face as he dug in. Valen seemed determined to pick up everything from her plate and she ended up letting him suck on a potato dipped in some of the sauce.

"You are far too much like your father." she chastised him.

"Ba" Valen sounded utterly unrepentant.

Half way through she noticed Gaius kept ducking his head. "What are you doing?" she asked him as he nearly made her spill her water all over Valen for the third time.

"Grunhilda keeps looking at me." Gaius looked mortified as he confessed this.

"Who?"

"Elena's nanny."

Confused Merlin glanced at the top-table and stifled a giggle at the sight of Arthur's face as he stared at Elena as if she was about to shower him in slime. It was a very concerned and apprehensive look as if he was caught in a trap and didn't know what to do about it.

Over his head Merlin met Gwen's eye as she winced in sympathy for the pair.

Sat in one of the tables closest to the royals was a round woman in what had to be a nursemaids uniform, trying to catch Gaius' eye.

"I think I need some more water." she said very quietly, "I'll just go and_"

"Don't you dare." Gaius' hand shot out and grabbed at her frantically. "You're the only thing keeping her from coming over here."

Merlin bit her lip to stop from laughing and beside her Gwaine snorted into his cup.

She rose her eyes again, Arthur was staring at his plate, deep in thought and clearly miserable.

It pulled on something within her to see him like that.

Feeling a sudden daring and mischievous mood creep up on her she dipped another potato for Valen who gave a delighted shriek.

The boy was going to end up as heavy as a horse.

Staring at Arthur determinedly she waited until he looked up and caught her eye.

"What?" he mouthed at her, looking concerned.

She flashed him a grin and then turned her attention to Grunhilda.

As soon as she'd caught the woman's gaze, which wasn't hard with the way she was staring at Gaius, she beckoned the nurse over with a smile and a wave.

Gaius stared at her as if she'd just set his books on fire.

A quick glance at Arthur showed him staring at her with incredulity and then, clearly catching Gaius' face ducking his head down as his shoulders shook with amusement.

Next to her Gwaine swivelled, making no attempt to mask his interest in what was going on.

Though his head was ducked Arthur was clearly watching. Gwen leant forward looking worried and then her gaze lifted to Gaius who was becoming more and more aware of everyone watching him.

"I'm not sure I'll ever forgive you for this." Gaius muttered as Grunhilda flashed an eager look and aimed herself at the empty spot on Gaius' other side.

"I wouldn't" Merlin agreed suddenly pretending to be occupied by Valen who was, for him, behaving rather well.

"You've been avoiding my gaze," Grunhilda scolded Gaius as she sat herself down.

"No, no...no." Gaius shook his head, sounding utterly flustered, "I'm afraid my gaze isn't as sharp as it used to be."

"That's what I thought." Grunhilda said seriously. "Is your little one alright there dearie?"

That hadn't been part of the plan. Lost, she looked at Gwaine pleadingly but he just stared down at his plate, lips tight as if he was about to burst.

"I...yeah. He likes the gravy." Merlin replied, at a loss for anything else to say.

"Gah," Valen waved the potato as if it was a sword in her direction, unfortunately splashing Gaius a little as he did it.

"Ooh, he's a charmer." Grunhilda pulled what Merlin could only assume was meant to be a baby friendly face at her poor child.

Merlin nodded and glanced over at the top table where Arthur had sat back and raised his eyebrows as if to say haha!

"I thought i'd come a bit closer for you," Grunhilda said to Gaius, miraculously turning her attention away from Merlin. "All the better to appreciate me!"

Next to her Gwaine abruptly turned his body away from them, shaking his head. Seeing him Merlin raised her left arm to try and cover her face from Grunhilda as she struggled not to laugh.

Gwaine was making it so much worse.

"I..uh...are you having a good evening?" Gaius tried to change the subject.

"I intend to!" Grunhilda said so earnestly that Merlin thought she might die if she didn't breath soon.

"Can we leave yet?" Gwaine asked, voice shaking with suppressed laughter,

"No," Merlin almost cried back, "We have to finish the meal,"

"Please hurry up!"

* * *

I'm sorry, I just loved that scene so much.


	20. Chapter 20

Once again apologies for the late posting! I'm now a month into teachers training and I should so be reading a book for class next week. But last night's episode made the call of fanfic irresistable!

I hope you all enjoy this. Spoilers for 3x06 "The Changeling"

* * *

"I thought Gwaine and I were going to collect your herbs_"

"After last night I don't trust you with it," Gaius glared at her, "And you don't deserve the excuse to leave the castle."

"Is Grunhilda not your type?" Merlin asked with false concern, "Maybe_"

"Leave." Gaius called as he walked to the door. "I expect an attempt to look mollified when I return."

Merlin nodded, "I suppose that would be fair," She said trying to be serious. "After all I was laughing at you and your beloved_"

"Out!"

Giggling Merlin almost skipped out the door and shrugged at Gwaine who held an expectant looking Valen. "No picking herbs for us today."

Gwaine shrugged, "Figured."

* * *

Arthur tracked them down after lunch while Merlin read at a benched table and Gwaine chatted to some of the traders just outside of the inner city walls.

"He considers this safe?"

"He's bored." Merlin corrected as Arthur picked Valen up. "Gaius revoked our herb picking privileges."

"I'm not surprised after last night," Arthur ticked Valen lightly on his belly. "I thought he was going to murder the pair of you there and then."

"Ahh, but then he really would have been stuck with Grunhilda!" Merlin smiled as Arthur took a seat opposite her, balancing Valen on his knee.

"As I am stuck with Elena."

The mirth quickly bubbled away from her. "You can't think like that_"

"I can." Arthur sighed, "My father is waiting eagerly for me to announce my intentions to propose. It is expected."

"Arthur if you're really that against it_"

"What? Wait for something like Lady Catrina, Sophia or Vivian to turn up next." Arthur shook his head, "At least Elena's harmless."

"To others," Merlin agreed, without really thinking.

"Indeed." Arthur let out a deep sigh, "Elena couldn't be more different than Lord Godwin. I've never seen him fall about or with a hair out of place."

"Maybe she takes after her mother," Merlin replied, noting her page and shutting the book.

"I never met her. She died when Elena was born."

Merlin watched the thoughtful bloom in his eyes as Arthur lost himself in his private world, staring down at Valen.

"That can't have been easy." she said, watching him and suddenly feeling for the two small children that Arthur and Elena once were.

Arthur shook his head, eyes shadowed.

"Perhaps you've more in common than you think." Merlin smiled hopefully as she saw his face struggle in some internal debate. "The horse-riding, the blatant disregard of rules,"

"What?" Arthur suddenly jolted back.

"The table manners and the burping and eating everything in sight." she continued.

"Hey!" Arthur glared at her.

"Good sense of humour," she pretended to weigh it up. "No, no, you're right, you've nothing in common."

Arthur glared at her and threw Valen's boot at her. She caught it easily. "Poor aim," she added to her list.

"Shut up Merlin," Arthur glared at her, but his mouth was smiling. It quickly fell away though as he studied her.

"Do you think I should marry her?"

Merlin sighed, "I...only you know that. Do you think you could care about her? Love her?"

Arthur stared at the table, "I...I'm not sure."

Merlin opened her mouth and then frowned when she saw Gaius trying to catch her attention.

"I should go. I've annoyed him enough for this year." She moved to take Valen but Arthur tightened his grip.

"Father wants to see him." Arthur stroked Valen's head, "As do I."

"Ok." Merlin bent down to look at her son, "Be good for your father."

Valen stared at her with a beaming smile.

"And if possible throw something at daddy or Grandpa." She added looking at Valen intently.

"Mmm." her son picked at his toes.

Arthur stared at her, "You do realise you're creating a monster."

Merlin shrugged and smiled at him as she went to meet Gaius, Gwaine following her like a faithful shadow.

* * *

"Pixies?" she asked for what felt like the hundredth time. "Are you sure?"

"There's no mistaking it. Grunhilda is a pixie."

Merlin leant against his desk, shaking her head, "And her tongue is really that big."

Gaius nodded, "And purple."

Merlin crinkled her nose in disgust. "Imagine...imagine if she kissed you." she said outraged at the idea. "Ergh" the mental image made her shudder.

"Merlin!"

Flashing him an apologetic look she ducked her head as he continued.

"Pixies are the servants of the Sihde. Elena could be very valuable..." Gaius paused and turned back, "In fact...I think Elena might be a changeling."

Gaius said it in a revelatory tone. Merlin tried to look contrite as the term meant nothing to her.

"Changeling?"

"Inhabited by a fairy at birth." Gaius explained, "It would explain the clumsiness."

Merlin shuddered at the idea, "And Elena...she has no idea this thing's inside of her?"

Gaius shook his head.

Pained at the idea Merlin sat back, trying to imagine what that would be like.

"And when the time comes, it will possess her entirely."

Merlin chewed the inside of her mouth, considering all that Gaius had told her, "You think that time is now?"

Gaius nodded sadly.

* * *

The potion that would rid Elena of the fairy was long and complicated and had all kinds of arcane names for creatures. It was taking almost as long to discover what the ingredients were as it had taken to find the book about the potion in the first place.

Her head was starting to hurt.

A quiet knock at the door heralded Arthur as he came in, a sleeping Valen curled into his neck looking like a sleeping angel. Watching the two together, something twisted uncomfortably inside of her.

"Has he eaten?" she asked, standing and holding out her arms to take the baby. But Arthur shook his head and seemed to tighten his grip on Valen a little more.

"Yes." Arthur dipped his head and nuzzled their son, pressing a firm kiss into the cap of blond hair. "It's getting him to stop eating that's the problem."

Smiling in agreement, Merlin sat back down, pushing the book to one side. "Was he alright?"

Arthur nodded.

"Are you alright?"

Arthur's hand stroked the back of Valen's head as he sighed and slowly sat in the rocking chair. "I..." He closed his eyes and started the chair moving gently as if to lull not only Valen but himself too. "I don't want to marry her."

"Arthur_"

"I don't." Arthur shook his head, "I don't want to listen to my father telling me that I need to do it to secure a legitimate Pendragon line. I don't want to hear the unspoken slights against my son and suffer Lord Godwin looking at me with concern as if i'm going to snap any second. I don't want to marry her. I don't love her and I never will."

"Arthur what happened?" Merlin asked.

"I...We all had dinner together." Arthur shook his head, "Apparently I'm marrying Elena whether I like it or not. I'm to propose tomorrow."

"Arthur if you really don't want to_"

"My father said that Valen is in danger for as long as I remain unmarried." Arthur stared at the window. "I don't love her but at least..." Arthur shook his head and stood suddenly, startling Merlin. "You should take him."

Fumbling a little she let Arthur transfer the sleeping child back into her arms, marvelling silently at how much better he was at this since being forced to rest after his shoulder injury. And, just for a moment as they both held their son, she could feel his breath on her forehead, the warmth of his arms and chest and that distinct smell that was all him. Slowly she could feel him leaning in, closer and closer until he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"Please come tomorrow." He murmured, so softly she almost didn't hear. "I...I need you both there."

Wordlessly she nodded.

* * *

The following night she could barely sleep. Arthur's wooden voice as he proposed to Elena haunted her every time she closed his eyes. The determined look in those blue eyes as he had stared at his son made her want to scream at him.

But what did she know about politics.

Unbidden Griffith's voice echoed through her _"you'll have to view it as a threat Arthur, because that's what royal bastard are, threats to the throne."_

Giving up on sleep she stood and walked over to Valen who was sleeping as deeply as Arthur always used to. It seemed so strange that there was once a time when Valen hadn't been around. It was like another lifetime.

A sharp, high noise screeched making Valen frown in his sleep and Merlin whirl around, eyes searching. Baffled she stared at the tiny light that seemed to be flittering around her room.

That was until the tiny light threw fire at her. She ducked and the ball of fire hit the wall uselessly, the noise of it startling Valen awake and causing him to wail out in fear.

Merlin stood, scoping Valen up and trying to work out what to do. Any second now the guards down the hall could burst in and Gaius' magic wasn't responding well to her...

Another fireball flew towards her and she tried to throw it back at the fairy. Instead Gaius' magic caught most of it and angled it away at an awkward direction. The rest hitting the arm that wasn't carrying Valen.

Gasping in pain Merlin scrambled for the door and tried to open it.

Nothing happened.

It was only then that she realised the fierce pounding she could hear wasn't her heart at all, but was instead the guards pounding on the door.

Another fire ball blasted towards her, missing as she ran for the bed and what was under it. A quick fumble with her bad arm had her hand closing over the staff and she whirled aiming it at the hissing thing that was trying to hurt her son.

The bolt hit the target with a strangled scream and she threw the staff away and heard it clunk as it hit the floor behind the bed just as the door gave way to Gwaine and the guards.

"What happened?" Gwaine asked, looking around at the scorch marks.

"I...there was this...thing. A light...I don't..." Merlin scrambled to come up with some explanation as she stood there trying to soothe a howling Valen.

"You're injured."

Merlin stared at the newest guard...Farrel she vaguely remembered he was called and then at the burn on her arm.

"Get Gaius." Gwaine ordered striding over and inspecting the damage.

"He's busy." she heard her voice say, hoping they didn't walk in on Gaius when he wasn't expecting it and cause him to ruin the potion.

Gwaine gave her a scathing look and guided her back down to sit on the edge of the bed. He tried to take her arm but she shook his off, desperate to calm Valen.

"Put him down, I need to have a look at your arm." Gwaine muttered.

"He's scared." She shushed at Valen, hating the tears that splashed easily down the baby's rosy cheeks.

"Merlin would you just_"

"What happened?" Arthur's voice echoed around them as he stepped into the room, "Merlin what_"

"Her arm's burnt." Gwaine offered, throwing up his hands in frustration as Merlin wriggled out of his grasp again to calm Valen. "She won't let me_"

Arthur plucked Valen from her and it took everything Merlin had not to hiss at him to give her son back. The guard that had returned with Arthur set about lighting all the candles to inspect the damage.

"What on earth happened here?"

Merlin stared at Arthur beseechingly as Gaius entered the room, looking as if he'd been fast asleep when he'd been called upon. Arthur met her gaze and his jaw clenched in annoyance.

"Gwaine, take the guards and search outside for the culprit. They may have been using magic from downstairs."

"Magic?" Farrel gasped.

"You have another explanation?" Arthur asked coolly, not dropping Merlin's gaze.

Beside her she could feel Gwaine's hesitation, "But_"

"Gaius will see to the wound." Arthur finally looked away and instead glared at Gwaine. "Now."

"You're not a morning person m'lord are you?" Gwaine muttered as he stood. "I'll return as soon as I can."

"Imagine how relieved I feel." Arthur snapped, shushing Valen whose cries had now become sobbing hiccups.

Merlin glared at Arthur as Gaius took Gwaine's place and examined her arm. "You don't need to be so rude_"

The second the door closed Arthur interrupted her, "You've both been lying. Again. What's going on?"

Merlin winced as Gaius prodded at her burn and produced some ointments from a bag that she knew was going to sting. "I...Elena's possessed."

"Possessed?"

"By a fairy. She doesn't know it though."

Arthur huffed out a disbelieving laugh. "I can't believe this. I really thought we'd gotten past this."

"I know, you'd think after the last time the sihde tried to plot against you they'd have learned." Merlin agreed hissing as Gaius smeared a green goupy paste into the burn.

"I didn't mean...what do you mean after the last time?" Arthur glared.

"Sophia?"

Arthur rolled his eyes, "Sophia was a sihde?"

"Yes...well...i think she was banished or something. But_"

"Merlin." Arthur pinched his nose with one hand, "I'm getting a headache."

"We're fixing it." Merlin offered and felt the sigh from Gaius as she brought him into it again. "She'll be fixed tomorrow. In time for the wedding."

Arthur's eyes widened almost comically. "And if she isn't? I'm not marrying her now Merlin."

"You can't say anything." Gaius commented quietly. "We have no proof."

"No proof? Have you seen the state of this room?" Arthur snapped.

"It proves nothing Arthur." Gaius started to wrap the bandage around the burn. "Nothing about Elena at least."

Arthur let out a frustrated noise that had Valen starting to whimper again.

"It's annoying, isn't it. Not being able to say anything." Merlin snapped.

"Don't get me started." Arthur snarled.

* * *

There was something really ridiculous about chasing a pixie nurse around the corridor to keep her from a possessed princess. Grunhilda seemed to be incredibly resistant to the staff. It took far too many strikes to destroy her.

The fairy that came out of Elena was unfathomably easy in comparison.

* * *

"All done." She announced striding into the ante chambers to the throne room as Arthur stood, in full ceremonial armour, holding Valen. Their son seemed fascinated by the armour and the circlet around Arthur's head an kept reaching for both depending on his mood.

"You are sure?" Arthur sounded carefuly modulated now, a sharp contrast from his angry sniping earlier.

"Yep. As is Grunhilda, much to Gaius' relief." She added, hoping to make him smile. Instead Arthur just nodded and turned his attention back to Valen.

"You need to cheer up." Merlin offered a half hearted smile, "You can't go in looking like you're walking to your doom."

"You have no idea what it's like." Arthur sighed, his voice heavy with despair. "To have a destiny you can't escape."

The urge to laugh bubbled up inside of her. But as she stood watching him and realising just how much she was still keeping from the Prince she realised just how alone he must feel.

"You feel trapped. Like your whole life's been planned out for you and you've got no control over anything and sometimes you don't even know if the destiny decided is even really the best thing at all."

Arthur looked at her for a long time. "More secrets?"

Merlin sighed, "No longer relevant." she conceded. "The destiny that I was meant to have will no longer happen."

"And what was this destiny?" Arthur asked, fixing her a heavy gaze.

Merlin swallowed nervously, "To protect you with my magic."

Arthur's gaze both softened and seemed to become sharper as he searched her for something. Suddenly there was something in the air that Merlin didn't want to really explore. Knowing it was cowardly she looked away and stared out the window to the glorious day beyond.

"What do you meant sometimes you didn't think protecting me was really the "best thing at all"?" Arthur suddenly asked in full blown arrogant prince mode.

"You were a prat when I first met you. You locked me in the dungeon."

"You interfered in my training."

"You weren't training. You were throwing knifes at a target carried by your servant who was terrified." Merlin snapped, folding her arms.

Arthur smiled. "You should take him." He said holding Valen out to her, "The ceremony's about to begin."

Valen snuggled into her, though he was fascinated by the armour his father wore it probably wasn't the most comfortable thing to lean against.

"Merlin...do you think I should marry her?" Arthur asked suddenly looking so very young.

"It's not my place to_"

"Just answer the question."

Merlin looked down at her son, trying to imagine what she'd say if it were Valen standing before her. "You really want to know what I think?"

Arthur nodded.

"I think you're mad. I think you're all mad. People should marry for love, not convenience and if Uther thinks that an unhappy King makes for a stronger kingdom then he's wrong because you may be destined to rule Camelot but you have a choice as to how you do it."

Arthur blinked in shock. "I thought..."

"What?" Merlin shifted Valen in her arms, mindful of the burn. "I don't want to see you unhappy Arthur. And I don't believe Valen will be any safer because you marry. Do what you think is the right thing. The things you want to do."

Arthur closed his eyes and swallowed. "Merlin_"

The doors to the chamber opened and Merlin backed up to the side door, trying to stay in the right corner of the room so that the people outside wouldn't see her. Arthur opened his eyes and she would almost swear he looked disappointed.

Then he walked out into the hall.

* * *

Merlin stood by Arthur's side as he watched Elena and her father ride away.

"She seems a lot better." Arthur commented as he stood straight and proud, hands clasped behind his back.

"Regretting your choice?" Merlin teased.

Arthur shook his head, a faint smile on his lips.

"Mmm, just as well, she was far too good for you anyway."

Arthur turned his head to her, "I could still have you thrown in the dungeons you know."

"You must be in a good mood, I much prefer the dungeons to the stocks. And the guards are rubbish at playing chess."

Arthur paused, "What?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me the guards don't play chess with prisoners."

"No, just unfortunate manservant's who annoyed the Prince." She smiled at him. "Or at least they used to...I haven't been down there for a while."

Arthur looked down at the wall and then in the distance, his eyes following the riders. "You sound as if you miss it."

"I...I do. I wouldn't trade Valen for anything though." Merlin shrugged. "Fun as being your manservant was."

Arthur's mouth twitched upwards. "I'm glad to hear it. It's...nice to know."

Suddenly uncomfortable Merlin stepped back, "I should go and relieve Gaius from Valen watching."

Arthur nodded sharply, still looking away, his jaw suddenly tense.

Merlin turned to walk away but something made her turn back.

"I...I'm glad you didn't. Marry her." Merlin offered some distance from the Prince.

"You should get Valen." Arthur said in an expressionless voice.

Unsure Merlin nodded and darted away.


	21. Chapter 21

AN

The episode ordering is a little mixed up, I know. But this chapter has huge spoilers for "Eye of the Phoenix" and is not my take of the "The Castle of Fyrien". My sort of take on that episode will feature around chapter 23 (You'll see why at the end of Ch22!)

Thanks to those who have reviewed and are still following the fic. This stupid dongle won't let me open up my emails or press on return buttons (I'm so not impressed) so I can read them on ff but can only reply when I'm using someone else's internet. I will have a go but just to let everyone know that I'm not ignoring you and it's so lovely to see the reviews. I get so excited still and love reading what people are thinking about it :)

Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Valen slept soundly as Arthur stood staring into the fire. His son's little face scrunched up he dreamt and Arthur couldn't stop himself from smoothing a sword calloused finger over Valen's plump cheeks and fanned eyelashes.

"Shush," he murmured to his son, enchanted by the little person that slept on his shoulder as if an army marching through the room wouldn't wake him.

"You are ready for the ceremony tonight?" His father asked from where he ate at the table behind.

Arthur nodded, "I am."

"It is an important rite of passage." The King continued on.

"Mmm," Arthur traced Valen's fist that was curled into his shirt. "You've said."

"The boy's asleep Arthur. You should put him down or return him to his mother."

Arthur gritted his teeth in annoyance and chose to simply ignore the comment. Instead he curled his hand around his son's bare feet, trying to work out if he was warm enough.

"Arthur I am trying to have a conversation with you." His father's voice had taken on that familiar tone of irritation. Rolling his eyes, Arthur turned back to the table and sat back in his chair opposite his father. Carefully he shifted Valen and was amused when, apart from a petulant frown, the baby didn't stir.

Quickly shifting his gaze back to his father, Arthur caught Uther with a rare affectionate look directed at him.

"You are good with him." Uther said eventually. "Better than I expected if I'm honest."

Arthur snorted at that, annoyed at how everyone seemed to feel the need to point that out.

"Still, it is easiest when they are this age. When it is possible to keep an eye on them, to keep them from the world."

Slowly Arthur took a deep breath, "Merlin says he is starting to crawl."

"Hmm," Uther made an unsurprised noise, "And so it begins. Wait until he learns to walk!"

Staring down at Valen, Arthur tried to imagine what his son would look like in a few years. Valen had his own colouring with Merlin's almost elfin features. Shaking his head Arthur sighed, unable to picture it.

"You should return him though. You will need to prepare."

* * *

Merlin opened the door to him, flushed and bright eyed, grinning up at him and reaching for Valen. Behind her the guards were trouncing Gwaine at chess.

Unamused, Arthur fixed her with a steely gaze.

Merlin shrugged, "What? They're guarding me very well."

Arthur looked up to the ceiling beseechingly, all the while feeling a part of him relax at seeing her so carefree. The months before Valen's birth haunted him some days. She'd been so quiet, so unsure and so sad.

Just so...un-Merlin.

The relief flew away as his mind went somewhere else. To that damned cave and the faces of the men that watched, egging him on and laughing at his torment.

Laughing as he...

Shaking it away he stepped in and allowed himself an arrogant pleasure in watching the man freeze at the sight of him and look slightly guilty.

"Gentlemen." he greeted, "I trust you are teaching Gwaine what Camelot men can do."

"Aye M'Lord." One of the older guards grinned, easing back into the game. "For such a good swordsman he's a piss poor strategist."

"That doesn't surprise me in the least." Arthur muttered as he lowered Valen into his cot. "Gwaine's always been one to act first and think three days later."

"It gets things done." Gwaine defended with a grin.

Arthur glanced at the game. It wasn't without hope but Gwaine didn't have the patience for such a game. The swordsman would probably loose within the next ten minutes.

It was tempting to stay. For a moment he contented himself with the belief that he could just take the empty seat next to Merlin and watch Gwaine loose spectacularly. That he could laugh and trade jokes without a care in the world.

Gwaine frowned into his empty tankard and then turned to Merlin beseechingly. Arthur watched as his former manservant rolled her eyes and swapped it for the one on the table beside her. A little drunk Gwaine tapped her cheek in thanks.

"I'm never loosing to you at this again." Merlin muttered, standing up straight and removing the empty tankard.

Gwaine laughed and looked down at the chess board with a frown. He glanced up at Arthur.

The two men stood looking at each other for a moment. Arthur knew he was glaring, that he was clenching his jaw and balling his fists.

And he knew exactly why he was doing it.

"A word Gwaine." His voice rung out in a perfect imitation of his fathers.

Gwaine nodded and stood without a word.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Arthur said coldly to Merlin, nodding in her direction.

"Good luck with the vision...thing." Merlin seemed to be unaware of his tone and was instead staring at the game as if trying to see a solution.

It annoyed him that her reaction annoyed him.

* * *

"She is not your serving girl." Arthur hissed as the door closed behind them.

"Relax. It was just a bet_"

"No. You do not make bets with the mother of my son." Arthur snapped.

"You might want to tell her that as she was the one who suggested it." Gwaine folded his arms looking frustratingly unrepentant. "In fact I could have asked for a whole lot more."

Arthur fixed him with a long look. "What was that?" he asked, his voice daring Gwaine to repeat his words.

He could see Gwaine weighing his options. "Nothing. That was uncalled for." He said finally.

"Good." Arthur leant forward a little. "I'll make it clear Gwaine. You stay under my rules or not at all."

Gwaine's eyes flashed and Arthur could see that fury buried underneath. But it seemed Gwaine had some semblance of strategy or self preservation as after a moment his face relaxed and he stepped back.

"Understood."

Arthur debated waiting for the correct title to go with the petulant reply, but he was already late for the damned ceremonial bathing.

* * *

He knelt for the entire night. It took hours to get his mind clear, to relax into the meditative state that the vision called for.

He hated the dark now. The feeling of a creeping draft made his mind go back to that night...trying to ignore the pained gasps beneath him, to get the task done quickly. The burning need to close his eyes because if he didn't he had to look at the tear streaked face of his manservant or the smiling face of the one he hated more than anything else on this earth.

One day he would find Griffith. One day he would make him pay for every terrified look he'd had to endure. For every flinch Merlin made and every night Arthur woke up in a cold sweat, convinced that this was the night that Griffith was going to come for Valen.

He bit the inside of his lip, trying to refocus. To find the calm centre and the balance a Prince of Camelot needed.

* * *

He was beginning to wish he'd just faked the vision. There were at least nine completely different maps of the lands of the Fisher King. There didn't even seem to be much of a common link between them all.

"Of all the tasks you could have chosen." Merlin huffed as she walked in with Valen. "You go and choose something to do with the Fisher King."

"I wasn't aware you knew much about him." Arthur replied holding two of the maps side by side trying to spot the similarities.

"Of course I know..." Merlin's voice was trying to sound indignant. Deciding to humour her, he put the maps down and raised an eyebrow at her.

"...To go to Gaius and ask about these things." She pouted a little, "Fine, but Gaius says that the legend is that Fisher King is still alive."

"Then I hope he's in a generous mood." Arthur muttered picking the maps back up again.

He'd almost managed to tune her out, hoping that she would take the hint and leave when a loud hiccup broke his concentration.

Arthur glared at her over the top of the map.

"Blame your son." Merlin protested.

"You're the one who feeds him."

"That's not how it works!"

"Merlin," Arthur scrubbed a hand over his eyes, "I'm trying to concentrate."

Instead of leaving she just perched on the edge of his bed, Valen standing on her lap and peering over her shoulder as she rubbed his back.

"What do you want?" Arthur asked putting the maps down again.

"This is stupid." Merlin said simply.

"What is?"

"This quest. The whole alone thing. It's stupid."

Arthur paused from studying which maps to compare next. "Merlin, under no circumstances are you to follow me."

"But_"

"No. If nothing else I refuse to have Valen left alone. Not with Morgana around."

Merlin pouted again and leant back so she could see Valen's face. "You're ruining Mummy's chance of adventures young man."

Arthur swallowed as he watched Merlin giggle and nuzzle her nose against Valen's; their son shrieking with joy and babbling nonsense.

The quill in his hand snapped in half, dragging him back to reality and Merlin's attention back to him.

"What was that?" she asked, moving as if to get up.

"Nothing." Arthur dropped the quill pieces on the floor and out of sight before she spotted them.

"Why have you got so many maps?" Merlin asked untangling Valen's hand from her hair.

"Because hardly anyone has ever been there. And no-one's explored it properly so everyone has a different map." Arthur replied wishing she would just leave him alone.

"Couldn't you have picked something a bit easier?" she asked sounding rather doubtful.

"I'm meant to be proving my worth the people. A quick trip to the lower town to collect a bundle of herbs probably won't cut it."

"You've clearly never been down there during the Saturday market." Merlin muttered.

* * *

Arthur waited in the shadows as Gwaine appeared in the stables, laughing and joking with a few of the hands. Gwaine was too good to be taken unaware and Arthur could see in his shoulders the moment that dark haired man became aware of him.

"Skulking in the shadows now your highness?" Gwaine muttered as he came close and away from the hubbub.

"I wanted a word."

"Go ahead," Gwaine spread his arms as if to welcome it.

"Merlin is not to follow me."

"She won't_"

"She will." Arthur snapped, "I know her, she's already unhappy with the idea. She's to used to being able to come with me."

"You do realise that she hasn't been your manservant for more than a year? Surely she's kicked the habit to follow you around wherever you go."

A year? Arthur shook that thought away, "Well if she has it makes your job a whole lot easier."

Gwaine huffed, "Fine. I'll keep her occupied."

Arthur didn't even want to think about how Gwaine would manage that.

* * *

Arthur checked the bags upon the horse one last time, the bracelet that his father had given him catching on the light, and turned seeing Merlin coming towards him with Valen. Turning back to the horse he tightened the strap, staring at the gleaming flank and trying to find some measure of control before he turned to face her.

"It's reasons like this that make me so glad Valen's not legitimate." Merlin's voice travelled to him. "Solitary quests are ridiculous."

He hated seeing her in a peasants dress. The sight of them made him remember walking into Ealdor with his father and seeing her for the first time in months. Her belly had been starting to swell and she had stared at him with sheer terror as if any second he would lash out.

Besides the cloth itched and scratched and she had such pale, smooth skin...

Attempting a smile he nodded and swallowed at the sight of her, switching his gaze to Valen instead. The baby was staring at the horse with wide solemn eyes while chewing absently on his fingers.

Unbidden his eyes flickered over to the stone steps where his father and Morgana stood. Merlin and Valen should be standing there with them, acknowledged and protected no matter what happened to him on this quest.

Shaking the thought away he reached out to smooth down Valen's wild hair. The boy had clearly woken up recently if the state of his hair and red, rosy cheek was any indication.

For the first time in months Valen turned away from him, a whimpered cry coughing itself out and into the hollow of Merlin's neck.

Stepping closer Arthur made to take Valen from Merlin to soothe the baby himself, but the second he did so , Valen's quiet sobs turned into full blown howls.

Merlin was trying to shush him and kept sneaking wary glanced at Arthur as if worried what he would do. Behind them Gwaine was clearly restraining himself from stepping forward to help.

Jealousy stirred as Arthur caught Gwaine's gaze and he looked away, suddenly aware of the eyes upon them. Merlin was avoiding his gaze and staring at his arm as if her life depended on it.

"Keep him safe," he ordered as he turned back to the horse.

* * *

The moment Arthur woke from his unguarded sleep he knew something wasn't right. Usually when he woke to an attack he was instantly alert, the adrenaline pumping through him and keeping him sharp. This time however, he was sluggish and struggling, his sword arcs where embarrassingly wide and he felt as if he was drunk or dehydrated.

The second attacker was dealt with quickly, just as the first rose off the floor from where Arthur had shoved him. Any other day and Arthur would have killed him the instant he woke. Instead he was finding himself on the loosing end of the fight, pinned underneath and pressing his sword against his attackers to keep it from the downward strike that would slice his chest open, armour or no.

He was not dying like this.

Twisting the angle of his sword, Arthur shift the balance of his attacker, causing the man to slide to the right and giving Arthur an opening.

Even in his bleary state he couldn't fail to take advantage. It was such a big opening that Merlin could have done it.

The attacker stumbled away, dying as he fell. Arthur rolled to get up but it was as if someone was pressing on his chest. He was too hot, the armour to heavy and uncomfortable, his throat felt as if it couldn't open properly to get enough air. For long, embarrassing moments Arthur simply lay on the forest floor, trying to get enough air and strength to stand.

What the hell was wrong with him?

He had to leave the horse at the top of the cliff, stumbling his way down, looking for a way to cross over to the other side without going all the way to the bottom and climbing all the way back up again. In the state he was in it would probably finish him off.

He just needed to get across. He could sleep then and perhaps this...illness, or whatever it was, would fade after a good night's sleep.

He stopped in surprise, first at the bridge and then at the dwarf that guarded it.

"Who is it that wishes to cross my bridge?" The Dwarf asked , arms spread to literally prevent anyone from going past.

Arthur eyed him carefully and stepped forward, sheathing his blade in a move he hoped would assure that dwarf that he meant no harm. "It is I. On a quest to find the trident of the Fisher King."

The dwarf seemed amused at the act, but nodded to himself, "Then you must be courage."

Arthur pulled a face, "Noo. I'm Prince Arthur of Camelot." he said slowly, not sure if he'd heard the man right.

Arthur was vaguely sure he heard an impatient sigh as his questioner walked forward but the man's face remained friendly, as if he was part of a joke that Arthur wasn't quite in on yet. Still, when he held out his hand for Arthur to shake, Arthur took it still a little bemused as to what was going on.

"I'm Grettir" The Dwarf said, backing away again a little and leaning against the bridge post as if they were at the local alehouse and having a relaxed chat. "I have to say you're not as short as I thought you'd be."

Arthur glanced down at himself out of some strange reflex, unsure whether Grettir meant that as a n insult or a complement. Feeling uncharacteristically unsure of himself and blaming the strange weariness for it he decided to simply let it go and step forward to the bridge.

Instantly Grettir stepped into his path, chest puffing out and hands clenched by his side.

Great.

Arthur backed up a little and folded his arms, waiting.

"Before I let you pass, let me give you a little advice."

Arthur tried not to smile at the idea of Grettir giving him advice about the quest. For a moment he pictured Merlin's attempt at advice earlier, namely "Pick an easier quest."

He missed her.

Annoyed at himself he shook the thought away and focussed on Grettir's words.

"As courage there are two more things you'll need; strength and magic."

Arthur felt his heart stop as his befuddled mind twisted this information over and over in his mind. The longing disappeared in an instant and was replaced by something else. Something distinctly not longing.

Annoyance.

"Magic?" he asked.

"Yes."

Arthur nodded to himself his thoughts racing despite the ache that filled him and the bone deep weariness that made him want to just curl up there and then.

She wouldn't dare.

Would she?

"Can you do me a favour?" Arthur heard his voice ask.

"It depends."

"If...When she turns up tell her to turn back. And tell her I am not pleased about this."

Grettir raised an eyebrow and tilted his head back, a wide grin spreading over his face. "You cannot complete this task without them."

"Them..." Arthur didn't even let his mind wander over that. "The quest is meant to be completed alo-" He stopped himself, bored of trying to explain it to everyone. "I have faced magic before."

"Alone?"

"I..." Arthur trailed off as he tried to remember the last time he had faced magic without having Merlin convenient at his side or had been battling strangely clumsy aggressors.

"Soon you may be able." Grettir said stepping aside, "For now you will need help. The rules in the and that you're heading to are quite different from those that you know."

Arthur stared past him to the land beyond the bridge, "I need to learn sometime."

Grettir nodded thoughtfully, then his eyes snapped down to Arthur's wrist.

"That you do." He murmured and waved a hand at the bridge, indicating that Arthur should go forth.

"Thank you for your help." Arthur nodded at Grettir as he walked by.

When he turned back Grettir had vanished.

* * *

It was a waste land. Arid and dry; it seemed there was nothing in the Fisher King's kingdom that wasn't dying and that awful shade of dull brown. The sun beat down with a tired light that made everything seem like a desert and hotter than it was.

Arthur stumbled on. The direction burned into his head from reading the maps so much.

Just keep walking.

Keep going.

One foot in front of the other.

For Camelot.

For Merlin and Valen.

And then the ground below him gave way. He was too exhausted to even let out a cry as he instantly sunk, the weight of the armour sucking him down until he was chest high in mud.

And then he kept sinking.

Dazed he looked around. There was no way he'd get out without pulling himself out and the very idea made him want to scream.

He just wanted to close his eyes and rest.

Just for a moment.

The mud was rising, he could feel it just under his chin, the smell of wet dirt nudged at him. The last time he'd smelt it like this had been in the Valley of the Kings with an arrow in his back and his face in a shallow muddy puddle that had cradled his cheek and bubbled as he breathed.

He'd thought he was going to die then too.

And then there had been cool hands and the smell of wild storms and herbs. A strong, determined voice calling spell after spell at him with borrowed magic. And then had followed days of holding a tiny baby who no longer cried when Arthur went near him. Weeks of seeing Merlin start to smile at him again. Months of having both of them watch him at practice sessions.

He'd rested long enough.

With an almighty push of sheer stubbornness Arthur swum towards the tree branch and gripped it, pulling. The branch broke under his weight and he fell back, deeper into the mud.

He was not dying like this.

Damn it, he wasn't dying at all. He wasn't leaving them unprotected. He was not letting his son grow up being called a bastard because his father wasn't there to beat the holy hell out of the men who muttered it in the darkness of the corridors. He was not letting Merlin become sad and withdrawn again because she felt like she had no-where safe to go. He was not leaving Gwen at Morgana's mercy or his father to remain acting out of bitter blindness against magic. He was not letting Gaius shoulder the burden of protecting so many secrets he wanted to scream with it all. He was not placing his duties and responsibilities on the loyal and dedicated Sir Leon.

He was not going to sink.

He raised his sword out of the mud, using it to untangle a thick vine and grabbed at it. Pulling.

This time it held.

Gritting his teeth he tugged himself forward, feeling muscles scream in protest and part if his mind beg earnestly for a reprieve.

He pulled until his hands reached firm land.

He threw the sword away from him, ignoring that in the state he was in he could barely heft that damned thing. He didn't even allow himself to worry at how on earth he was going to pull himself out, armour and all.

He just had to do it. No fears, no back- up plans and ifs and buts.

And then he was on land and barely able to move before everything went dark.

* * *

When he woke again it was light. Arthur stared up at the sky confused at how much brighter and less orange it all seemed. He could have sworn it looked as if the sun was about to set last time he'd looked up.

Had he been asleep? He couldn't remember.

Get the trident and go home.

But still he couldn't move. The mud had seeped into the armour making it heavier, stiffer than it had been previously and moving even a little felt like he was trying to pick himself up.

Get up. Get the trident and go home.

He pushed a little, trying to rise and managed to just get his shoulders off the floor before he sunk back down again. He felt even worse for sleeping.

Had he slept.

There had been mud. Thick mud that had pulled him down to sleep. Had he slept in the mud.

Why was his sword out and filthy?

_Never drop your sword. It is your life, the thing that will either keep you alive or kill you._

His drill masters voice from years ago. Before the quests and responsibilities, before he had to make decisions about the lives of others.

Rolling he grabbed it and stumbled to his feet, not allowing himself to be surprised that he actually made it to his feet.

And then he continued on.

And up. His sword used as a walking stick half the time and he distracted himself by imagining the look of apoplexy on his drill masters face.

At the top of the rocks he had stumbled over he was greeted with a sight that made his heart thud with relief.

The tower.

Finally.

Not far now.

Arthur allowed himself a small smile and started forward before a screeching cry had him shooting his head back up.

There, circling the tower where creatures that looked like mini dragons. And Grittir's words form yesterday - had it only been yesterday? - echoed back to him.

He was the father of a Dragonlord.

He'd faced the Great Dragon.

He could do this.

* * *

Inside the castle he stared through the gate he'd just yanked down and at the mini dragon thing that screeched at him through the bars.

He needed to find somewhere to catch his breath, to think.

And so he ran as fast as he could in the state he was in. Up into the tower until he found a room with a door that he could bar.

All he needed was a second to think.

He could barely hold his sword up and steady. His vision started to swim as he backed away from the door that bulged and crashed as the creatures squawked behind.

He just needed...

He stumbled as he backed up, falling to the cold floor and old sacks.

The door shook under the assault and then went fuzzy as his vision wavered again.

And then it was as if he was underwater. The noises seemed so far removed that he couldn't concentrate on them.

"Arthur?"

Merlin. He had to do something for her. He heard a sound like a sword crashing to stone and couldn't figure out where it had come from or why his hand was still stretched out.

He had to do something...

His heart thudded in his ears, worryingly fast and he tried to keep still. It was strange, there was the manic beating of his heart and then an almighty thud and sound of splinters that were off beat and erratic in their timing.

Why was he on the floor.

"ARTHUR!"

He had to do something...

The last thing he heard was a strange, double toned roar that sounded strangely familiar.


	22. Chapter 22

Oh, my god! I deleted this chapter and then screamed in horror when I realised. Thankfully I managed to reclaim it but I actually nearly cried! So I think I need to thank the Fanfic gods for their mercy!

I have a feeling that certain parts of this chapter might go down well...It's sort of like the end of the beginning, which sounds a little odd being that we're so far in!

Warning: Spoilers and dialogue from "Eye of the Phoenix" in series 3.

Thank you to those who reviewed and alerted and favourited. :)

* * *

It was as if a weight had been removed from his chest and all of a sudden he could breathe easily again. Stirring he shifted and stared up.

Straight into Merlin's very blue eyes and cheeky grin.

Annoyance was followed be anger and then by frustration.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Arthur asked with disbelief. "I told you, it's a solitary quest and that you couldn't leave Valen_"

A gleeful squeak made Arthur freeze in horror.

"You didn't?" he breathed, feeing his eyes widen.

Merlin tilted her head to the side as if considering how best to break the news.

"Tell me you didn't_" Arthur broke off as he scrambled to sit up and caught sight of his son sitting on the dusty floorboards, staring up at him with equally wide eyes, looking utterly at home as he played with the thick dust.

"Merlin!" Arthur exploded, "Do you have any idea how dangerous the perilous lands are?" he asked, watching as Valen's nose wrinkled and sneezed from the dust he was sweeping up with his fist.

"Not that perilous if you have a mini Dragonlord with you." Merlin shrugged.

The things that were chasing him! "We have to go before_"

As Arthur sat up further the two creatures that had been after him came into his view. They were sitting on the floor almost purring. Seeing his gaze Valen pointed eagerly and babbled something with a huge smile that reminded Arthur far too much of Merlin.

"Why is Valen in between us and them?" he asked, trying not to strangle Merlin. "Do you not think it should be the other way around?"

"He's a Dragonlord." Merlin repeated as if Arthur was slow. "They won't go near him."

Arthur darted a glance between his son and the frustrating woman that was the bane of his existence. "I do not want him near them."

"Then you pick him up." Merlin stood up and dusted herself off. "I've been carrying him for ages. Gwaine's been brooding all the way here. Almost wasn't worth having him with me."

Clicking his tongue on the roof of his mouth in frustration, Arthur stood and scoped Valen up, relieved when the boy just plucked at his chain mail instead of howling like last time.

Suddenly something clicked in Arthur's mind.

"Gwaine?" he asked, rounding on Merlin who was watching the things thoughtfully. "Gwaine's here?"

"Uhuh." Merlin seemed to be miles away. "You said I needed to be guarded. I was just obeying you_"

"Obeying me?" Arthur snarled. "You have damned selective hearing then. I specifically told you not to follow. And I definitely told Gwaine to stop you from following me."

Merlin huffed, "You can never just say thank you." She tilted her head to the side as if listening for something.

"Shoo." She muttered at the things curled up in the corner. The creatures gave her an annoyed look and then slinked off down a passage somewhere.

"I really don't think we could have explained that to Gwaine." Merlin explained as the footsteps came closer.

Arthur leant against the wall, trying not to simply scream as Gwaine walked through the door. "Great. This just gets better and better. Are Gwen and Morgana here too? Are we going to have a surprise party?"

Valen babbled happily looking up at Arthur solemnly for a moment and then chattered to himself in his own little language, as if bored of what was going on. Arthur studied his son for a moment to reassure himself that the little boy really was alright and then glanced up at Gwaine who was looking about him in some confusion.

"I could have sworn I heard...", Gwaine shook his head, "There are Wyverns outside, circling. We need to leave."

As Gwaine turned to look down a corridor Arthur stared up at the uneven ceiling and then shot Merlin a look, who shook her head with a smile and sent a pointed look at Valen.

Arthur looked back down at his gleeful son who was now trying to cram his fist into his mouth.

Would there ever be a day where he would be used to the idea that his son could turn dangerous creatures around just with a look? He briefly had an image of the huge dragon bowing to the tiny baby in his arms and shuddered.

Uncomfortable he shifted Valen. "We may as well get the trident on our way out. It was the whole point of this quest." He snapped in the most arrogant tone he possessed.

Gwaine spun on his heel and stared disbelievingly. "But_" He glanced at Valen and Merlin.

"If you cared that much about them you shouldn't have allowed them past the front gate." Arthur snarled as he marched past Gwaine.

"Do you want us to help you or do you want to find it alone?" Merlin's far too amused voice echoed down to him a moment later.

"_MERLIN"_

* * *

"Do you know where the trident is?" Merlin asked as they climbed the stairs.

Arthur clenched his jaw and stared ahead, trying to ignore the way Valen kept turning his head as they made their way up the spiral staircase. His son couldn't seem to work out what was going on and the last thing Arthur wanted was to let go of the temper that was currently snapping his voice at the very unconcerned witch behind him.

"If I did, there wouldn't be a problem. Would there?"

"Any clues you can give us?" Merlin asked after a moments pause for thought.

"It's a quest Merlin, not a treasure hunt." Arthur gritted his teeth, keeping a wary eye out as one arm held his son and the other his sword.

"Well it is sort of_"

"Merlin!" Arthur stopped where he was and looked at Valen, "So help me but if you have half her lip_"

He broke off as Valen yawned.

Amusement finally broke through him and he huffed out a laugh, brushing his lips against Valen's head. "Point taken." he murmured softly.

They continued on, Arthur not even sure where he was going but figuring that they should start at the top. The treasure was always at the top of the tower in the old stories his nurse had told him.

"Look at this," Merlin's voice echoed from some way behind him, not at all loud and sounding half curious and half distracted. "It looks like a throne room."

Throne room.

Gwaine had started back down the stairs as Arthur turned, both of them twisting their way back down the stairs until they reached Merlin's form silhouetted against the light of the room beyond the gap where Merlin stood.

How had he missed that?

"If the trident's going to be anywhere..." Arthur said shifting Valen and considering giving the baby back to Merlin for the moment.

A harsh grating sound echoed and Arthur saw Gwaine glance up and then shove Merlin forward roughly. Before Arthur could even draw breath to demand what the hell he thought he was doing, a large stone slab, the exact size of the doorway came crashing down and landed on the stone floor with an almighty crash.

"Merlin?" Panic set in as Arthur banged his hand against the stone slab, trying not to worry Valen as he did do. "Merlin?" he repeated, almost screaming it this time.

Nothing.

"You pushed her clear?" he asked, turning to Gwaine with some desperation.

Gwaine nodded, "Yeah. She wasn't caught by the slab. I promise."

Some of his worry faded at those words as he stepped back to survey the slab. "There has to be a way through."

"We'll find it. She'll be fine."

Arthur nodded and looked at Valen who still seemed rather calm.

* * *

"Arthur? Gwaine?" Merlin tried tapping on the stone. "Arthur?"

She pressed her ear against the stone slab and waited, part of her knowing she wouldn't hear anything. The slab was far too thick for noise to penetrate.

Frustrated she stepped back and looked around the stone, hoping for some answer as to how she was going to get out.

There was nothing that looked promising.

Well, if that way was blocked, maybe there was another way out.

Turning she stared at the eerie throne room, hating how quiet it was. Camelot's was always lit and there was always noise...even when everyone had been asleep there had been Arthur barking orders and the sounds of the knights swords. Suddenly aware of how vulnerable she was she edged forward, fingers flying to the damned necklace and mind trying to nudge Gaius' magic awake.

In the centre of the room was an old throne, dusty and ancient it looked as if it was mere moments away from crumbling to dust. Hesitantly Merlin stepped towards it. There was something...pulling her. Unable to take her eyes from the throne she continued towards it. It was covered in cobwebs, thick and heavy like the ones created from the spell she'd first saved Arthur from all those years ago.

And there was a hand. An arm and shoulder disappearing behind the back of the throne, covered in thick heavy robes that spoke of wealth and royalty.

"So Emrys." A thin, weak voice trembled out, "You're here at last."

The hand upon the throne arm, shook as if it's owner was remembering how to move again. Swallowing nervously, Merlin continued forward, ready to dart away.

Slowly an old man, so still and grey it was as if he was stone, appeared. She's have thought him dead if not for the heavy rise and fall of his chest that shook the rest of his body, telling of the effort it took just to breath.

And then the head moved, turned without a hint of hesitation or speed. It was almost as if the head was independent of the body and she let out a startled gasp at the sight of it.

And then she stared at him, amazed. The robes, the throne, the crown.

It was the Fisher King.

"So you are still alive." she whispered, feeling like a child would when faced with a real life fairy tale.

The old man smiled sadly, "For now."

* * *

"Now I'm sure if we just reach in here." Arthur said, balancing his son on one arm and removing the brick from the wall with the other hand. The brick came out easily enough but was replaced by swarming insects that ticked as they spilled out from the gap.

"We'll be able to find something to release the door." he finished, voice betraying his disgust at what he saw.

"Go on then." Gwaine said, taking Valen from him and stepping back. "Don't be such a princess." he added when Arthur glared at him. "It's your quest after all."

Arthur narrowed his eyes.

"And your woman."

The two men stared at each other, Arthur not knowing whether to hit him or agree with him.

"What makes you say that?"

"I'm not blind." Gwaine replied. "You have feelings for her."

"She's the mother of my child."

But Gwaine's eyes were too knowing as he nodded slowly. "That's not the only reason you were trying to bring down the door with your bare hands."

Arthur dropped his gaze to Valen and then, adjusting his glove pointedly, put his hand in.

* * *

There was a noise of something falling far away and Merlin glanced past the Fisher King.

"That'll be_"

"Your friend. Your son. Your prince. Without their help you would not be here."

"What is it you want?" Merlin asked wary.

"I want..." The old man let out a sigh, "I want an end to my suffering."

Softening Merlin stared at him sadly, "You want to die."

"I have been waiting all these years for the arrival of a new time. The time of the Once and Future King."

"I've heard these words before, "Merlin whispered glancing at the door and thinking suddenly of Taliesin.

"And you will hear them again. For that time is dawning and my time finally can come to an end."

"It has not changed then?"

The Fisher King smiled, "Destiny cannot be changed Emrys. Simply the journey."

Confused Merlin tilted her head to the side, "But_"

"You have talked with Beings of great power and wisdom Emrys, but there are some things that will remain forever a mystery to them. It was your quest to come here, to end my time so your Kings may begin. I doubt somehow that this meeting is quite what they thought it would be."

"My quest?" Merlin asked, feeling as if she were missing something.

"Indeed. Arthur thinks the prize is the trident." The Fisher King didn't even spare a glance as he dropped the sought after object to the floor, the discarded metal ringing out as it clashed against stone. "But the real prize is something far greater."

And he held out his hand to her. In it was something that resembled a timer that Gaius had on his desk. Except it was different, instead of two compartments there was only one; filled with water.

"Water" The Fisher King explained holding it up, "From the lake of Avalon. I've kept it safe all these years. Waiting for the right person to claim it." And he tilted his head to the side his voice sounding stronger, younger for a moment, "And that is you. You are the one chosen."

"What are you talking about?" Merlin asked, starting to shake, feeling strange all of a sudden. As if she were cold and hot at the same time.

"Albion's time of need is near. And in that dark hour you must be strong. For you alone can save her. Your powers are great but you will need help_"

"No," Merlin shook her head, feeling her stomach lurch, "I have no power, nothing but that which I borrowed."

"Come here."

Merlin stepped forward, the Fisher Kings eyes never leaving hers.

"That stone. It is what hold you down."

Looking at the necklace Merlin nodded, her hands and feet tingling like needles were being set upon them.

The Fisher King nodded and held up the water to her, "When all seems lost, this will show you the way."

Nodding Merlin took it from him slowly and stared at the water that seemed to glow with it's own light, wondering if she would have felt something from it had she her magic.

"Thank you." She said sincerely.

He caught her hand, the movement quicker than she would ever have imagined. "The bracelet your Prince wore."

She glanced at him then at her pocket, putting his gift carefully on the floor to retrieve the bracelet when the Fisher King refused to let go of her hand, "This?"

"Yes,"

"You will die." She said staring at the orange glow it gave off.

The Fisher King just looked at her sadly and finally she slipped it onto his arm.

His hand didn't let go.

Panicked she looked at him, his steady gaze never leaving hers as his free hand stroked a finger across her cheek.

"I wish...I wish I could have felt your power." He murmured gently.

"What are you doing?" she asked feeling her heart start to thump wildly in her chest.

"What I can."

* * *

There was something...he just couldn't quite get a grasp on the mechanism. Patting around the bugs and god knows what else he fumbled again.

Then there was a scream.

Merlin.

It was as if everything stopped.

Merlin was screaming.

He needed to get to her now. Beside him he felt Gwaine stiffen and Valen wail.

"No," he whispered, reaching for the mechanism again that seemed to elude him. The more desperate he became the more his fingers slipped and couldn't move the thing.

Slamming his other fist against the wall helped. Pain blossomed from it and focussed him slightly.

He was not loosing her. He couldn't, he wouldn't. His son was not growing up without a mother, he was not going to loose her smile, her laugh. The way her hair never seemed to stay tame for more than five seconds or the snarky insults they gave each other. He wasn't loosing those wide blue eyes and the devilishly full lips that he had tasted too few times.

He couldn't loose her.

He bent to see into the hole better but the bugs kept hiding what he wanted to see. It was as if there was a never ending flow of them.

He plunged his other hand in to help, ignoring the fact that the glove on his other hand was torn.

There was no way he was leaving without her.

"Arthur."

She was calling out his name.

He hadn't realised he'd closed his eyes until he opened them again. He wouldn't let her down this time, couldn't.

He loved her too damn much.

And then a scream like nothing he'd ever heard before shrieked through the castle, almost ringing out with another tone in it. He could hear glass shattering as the windows burst and the sound of the creatures howling in response.

And then his fingers closed around the mechanism and he finally managed to twist it the right way.

He ignored Gwaine's surprised shout and tore into the room, not even stopping to wonder what was happening as he saw Merlin kneeling front of the throne, and then the old, worn man holding on to her, looking as if he was about to crumble.

He grabbed her by the hand, pulling her from the old man's grasp and yanking her back into his arms, sword ready in case the old man...The Fisher King decided to attack.

Instead the Fisher King smiled and nodded to him, reminding him of the few times the Kings from other lands had nodded at his father as they rode away. He didn't allow himself to relax but pulled Merlin closer into him.

But the Fisher King closed his eyes and started to fade away, crumbling away in front of Arthur's eyes. In the few seconds before he completely vanished Arthur spotted the bracelet his father had given him, crumbing with the fabled King.

And then he was gone, completely and there was nothing but the sound of a small stone falling to the floor.

Not one part of Arthur was surprised as he stared at the hated necklace that lay on the floor, it's glow fading. Instead he simply wrapped his arms around a now unconscious Merlin and raised his eyes slowly to a stunned Gwaine.

* * *

"She's out-cold." Gwaine said after he settled Merlin on the floor, trident and odd water thing next to her. "What happened?"

Arthur ignored him and glanced at Valen who was still in Gwaine's arms. "Keep them both over there."

"Arthur_"

"Do it."

Gwaine fell silent, blessedly and Arthur advanced on the necklace, kneeling down to stare at the tiny thing that had caused so many problems.

Thoughtfully he touched it with his blade, waiting for something to happen.

There was nothing.

"Are you done?" Gwaine muttered, "I didn't know jewellery was so fascinating to you."

Arthur ignored him shifting his grip on the sword.

"Seriously are we-"

Arthur slammed the hilt down upon the stone, his arm going numb as something from the stone shot out and blackened the stone around it as it split.

Feeling somewhat satisfied Arthur stood and kicked at the pieces, part of him tempted to keep going until the stone was nothing but dust.

"What was that?" Gwaine asked after a few seconds had passed.

"It doesn't matter." Arthur turned, "We need to leave."

* * *

They stopped to camp once they crossed the bridge. Merlin was still completely out of it and Arthur watched Valen sleep on her chest, the baby sprawled out as if he were a grumpy teenager.

"I'll get more firewood," He hear Gwaine say distantly.

Arthur just nodded, unable to take his eyes off the sight in front of him, his heart feeling suddenly nervous as if he could fade away as easily as the Fisher King had.

He shifted forward, bring his palm out to cup Valen's head and study his son carefully. The baby had worn himself out today, his little eyes struggling to stay open as they rode. His face was now cast into shadows by the camp fire, his tiny straight nose twitching every so often and full lips pursed open; a tiny snore erupting from him every so often.

Arthur let his eyes trail up to Merlin's face, marvelling at the relaxed way she slept. His eyes slid down to the hollow of her throat where the necklace usually lay and he swallowed at seeing it bare. He needed to get her something to replace it, he was so used to seeing something there now. Something that was his that he could give her to protect her, so that all in the land would know what would happen if they dared to lay a finger on her...

...wincing at his thoughts he settled back. His father would never allow...anything. In fact he was amazed his father gave him as much leeway as he did.

Tired Arthur allowed his head to bump against the tree he sat against. Morgana had to have given Uther the bracelet. A tiny part of him quivered at that; as far as he knew it was her first time attempting to kill him. It hurt even though he had expected it to happen for some time now.

He'd grown complacent with the girl he'd once thought of as a sister.

His mind tried to stay focussed, to come up with some plan that would see them all through this but the exhaustion of the day crept up on him and soon he knew no more.

* * *

Merlin was gone when he woke up and a quick glance at Gwaine had him shifting in the spot he lay, swivelling about until he caught sight of her and Valen standing by the edge of the river.

"She has magic, doesn't she?"

Arthur glanced down at his blade. "If you value your life Gwaine you will never say those words again."

"Then it appears we're on the same page sire."

Startled Arthur turned his gaze back to Gwaine.

Gwaine seemed miles away as he watched Merlin, "The King will not be pleased that we left."

"I'll deal with him."

"You were on your quest sire." Gwaine still seemed to be on another planet.

Rolling his eyes Arthur stood, wincing as the aches of the previous few days caught up on him. "I will handle it."

Gwaine licked his lips nervously, "Fire me."

"What?" Arthur froze from where he was buckling his scabbard around his waist.

"Tell the King it was my fault. I was being irresponsible and...I'm sure you can think of something."

"Gwaine-"

"Merlin was terrified. That stone on your arm would have slowly killed you." Gwaine looked down at the floor, "She didn't think, hasn't thought since she came up with her scheme. But she took your son, Uther's grandson from Camelot and crossed the border with him. Uther will not accept that easily."

Heart sinking Arthur closed his eyes and watched Merlin as she crouched and let Valen's toes dip into the quiet water.

"She needs protection."

"Not any more."

Arthur bit his tongue to stop himself from demanding to know exactly how much information Gwaine was privy to.

"She needs you."

"No Arthur." Gwaine stood, "She doesn't."

And when Arthur finally met Gwaine's eyes, he understood.

* * *

Merlin stared down at Valen in his cot, asleep and home at last.

And Gwaine was gone, banished from the kingdom for as long as Uther lived.

It was all her fault and she couldn't quite bring herself to regret anything that had happened.

"Is he asleep?"

Merlin nodded, surprised that Arthur had managed to get out of the meeting with the council so quickly.

"Did they believe you?"

"They had no reason not to." Arthur seemed unwilling to come into the room properly as he stood hovering at the door.

She was pretty sure she knew why. There was no way he'd missed her naked throat or the way Gaius had straightened just a little more when she'd given him back what he'd so kindly leant her.

She wouldn't even pretend to keep any more secrets.

"Arthur, the necklace-"

"I know." Arthur's voice cut across hers quickly, his shadow not flinching at all. "We'll discuss it another day."

Merlin nodded, swallowing back tears of relief at how un-angry he seemed by it. "I...I thought it would never come off. Griffith...I really thought the only way to take it off would be if..." she shook her head, "It doesn't matter now."

But Arthur seemed to stiffen and then walked into the room, the few candles catching his face and the determined expression that firmed his lips. She watched him as he made his way to her, stopping less than an arms length away.

"It would never have happened."

She tried desperately not to flinch from the certainty of his words and ducked her head, avoiding his gaze, "I know...I never thought you would..." She hated how sad she sounded and tried to shake it away.

Warm finger dared under her chin and raised her gaze to Arthur's. They looked at each other for a long moment, Merlin watching as Arthur's gaze narrowed in suspicion.

"What did he say to you?"

Merlin shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.

And then something jolted through Arthur, his eyes widened in shock and his mouth dropped a little. The next instant he was stepping closer to her, very close now and almost trapping her against the wall.

"What did he tell you?" Arthur demanded not budging an inch.

"I...the same thing he told you," Merlin replied not sure what to make of his sudden switch in mood.

Arthur's eyes narrowed and he studied her for a long moment, Merlin simply watching him, unsure what else she could do.

"He told you that hate would end the curse on you?"Arthur asked, his tone almost careless.

What?

She felt her mouth drop open and her heart stop.

_Arthur swallowing and looking at her with something burning in his eyes, the cave light playing on his features and making him seem so sinister._

"_It won't work" his shoulder sinking even as his fists clenched. But then he looked up at her, his mouth twisted in a way she'd never seen aimed at her before. _"_I hate you."_

She couldn't make her mind work, didn't want to think about it, remember it.

"No...look it doesn't matter now." She tried to flash a wobbly smile at him, "The Fisher King ended it, so why go through this_"

"What did Griffith say to you?" Arthur didn't move back, didn't break his searching look.

"It doesn't matter_" She tried again.

"It does." Arthur was crowding her now, forcing her to back up further against the wall. "It was...love wasn't it? That's what he told you."

"It doesn't matter the Fisher King_"

"Then it was a bloody great coincidence it happened at the same time," Arthur roared suddenly slamming his palm on the stone wall by her head and then, wincing, looked away from her.

"What?" her voice barely made a sound but he heard it.

"I broke it." His voice was tight and firm.

Now it was as if everything in her froze. She just stared at him.

"But you don't_" she whispered, her voice finally starting to work again.

"I do." Still he wouldn't look at her but instead sighed, "And you don't."

And he moved away, giving her space again, but still close enough that she could have reached out her hand to grip the fabric of his shirt had she wanted to.

"I..." How could she possibly explain that she'd never really thought about it. Because, if she was being honest a tiny part of her had thought about it. Always had. But had considered and then dismissed the idea as absurd.

He'd never feel that way about her.

Except here they were. And he did.

"You're not ready," he stared at his fixed point. "For this, for me and...after what I did I wouldn't blame you if you never were."

"You didn't_"

"Don't. And don't pretend it's not an issue because it is."

Determined, she lay a hand on his arm, "I'm not afraid of you, of that any more."

The arm under her hand tightened to the point where she thought he would hurt from straining himself. His eyes closed and he looked like he was struggling with something.

"Arthur_"

And then he sprung, terrifyingly fast and unbelievably careful. His lips brushed against hers, giving her the chance to pull away.

It was chaste. Sweet. Incredibly gentle.

He pulled away, tilting her chin up with his curled index finger.

"You're not ready," he whispered, swallowing hard.

She couldn't help shaking her head fractionally.

She could see the disappointment in his eyes as he tried to duck his head before she saw. He pulled away, observing a certain distance that made her want to scream at him in frustration. Made her want to scream at herself because she hadn't a clue what she wanted.

He turned away, walking down the hall and about to summon the guards that watched her rooms.

"Arthur."

He stopped, but didn't turn.

"Not ready is not the same as no," she said softly.

He turned very slowly, face unreadable.

"Though how_"

He shook his head, "I'll worry about that." he stared at her for a long moment. "Just...when you're ready."

She smiled at him sadly and nodded, suddenly not trusting her own voice. The look he was giving her made her feel...

...like she'd just given him hope.

"Go to sleep," he mouthed at her, turning for the guards again, looking suddenly so much stronger and older than he had moments ago.

* * *

_The image jarred and flickered. The sight of Gwen kneeling in front of Arthur dressed like a Queen seemed to be disrupted, fading._

_The golden lit hall jumped as if being forced from her vision and it all darkened except for Arthur's gleaming crown..._

_...In the corner of the room the fire danced and cackled casting the bedchamber into shadow. Outside a storm crashed delightedly across the sky._

_The door opened gently and the light from the hall showed a sleeping figure on the bed. The silhouette closed the door and became a stalking shadow._

_The woman on the bed stirred, her face catching the moonlight. It was apparent suddenly that she was naked under the sheets, pale skin gleaming from both the moon and the fire._

_The shadow came closer and reached out a hand, stroking down her face, his ring catching, winking._

_Midnight blue eyes opened lazily and a sleepy, cheeky smile crossed the woman's face. Twisting, she pulled on his arm, bringing him closer to the bed._

_Their lips met as if they couldn't keep away from each other. Pressing on top of her he frantically tugged the sheet down from her body as she scraped away at his clothing._

_Gasps echoed through the room as the pair grabbed at each other desperately. He tangled his hand in her hair and tugged to get better access at her throat. Her hands clawed into his back, white on gold, trying to get him closer to her._

_He sat back, taking her with him. The sheet tangled where their bodies joined and he stared up at her as her legs wrapped around his waist and her long wild dark hair hung down her back. The pair stared at each other, never breaking contact as they started to move together. They kissed as if trying to get inside each other, eager for even more contact from each other._

"_Arthur" Merlin whispered as he cupped her face with both hands and pulled her head back to stare into her eyes._

The pair faded into shadows as Morgana woke up screaming from her vision.

* * *

Umm...there you go?


	23. Chapter 23

AN - Sorry for the chapter delay - it took me a while to get past the first section! And huge thank you to ACDiNosey for betaing! (Is that the right verb?)

And I have 300 reviews! Wow! Thank you all ever so much :D

* * *

_All she can hear is the harsh panting of one who has run too far, who is not going to stop, who cannot stop. The forest leaves and twigs catch as the figure flies on through them, legs pounding as the young boy flees from those behind. The wind catches his blond hair and the familiar blue eyes are narrowed in concentration and full lips are pouting with determination._

_Slowly in the distance she hears a familiar sound._

Merlin's eyes flew open, her hands gripping the bed covers as she threw herself into a seated position, struggling to get herself under control. Closing her eyes and clenching her jaw she waited, losing herself in the depths of the magic within her, warm, familiar and burning to do something.

A slow, measured walk to Valen's cot showed her that he was fine. Fast asleep and seemingly content.

And so Merlin watched her son, her mind turning as she stood, hands gripping the bars so tight she worried they'd shatter.

* * *

It was lonely without Gwaine.

Merlin missed him more than she'd thought she would when she and Arthur had ridden back to Camelot, flanked by the knights that had been sent out after her. Somehow the castle seemed too quiet.

Or maybe they were all dealing with the after effects of Uther's black rage. In all truth it was a wonder he hadn't sent assassins after Gwaine given the mood he had been in.

Still, she had a new pressing worry to concentrate on.

Valen was crawling.

Everywhere.

And he was terrifyingly quick about it too. Clearly, her son had decided that nothing in life was more enjoyable than a race and that there was no better time to start that race than when she turned her back for a second.

Arthur's genes had a lot to answer for.

And, though she had her magic back, it wasn't as if she could wander around shouting spell after spell after her errant son. The damned guards that were now posted on her door under Uther's orders seemed to trail her everywhere and god only knew what would happen if they saw her eyes flash gold.

Maybe there was a spell to stop her eyes from flashing?

How on Earth had Morgana managed to do any magic at all with protection like this?

For a moment Merlin entertained a slight flight of fancy, imagining making her way up to Morgana's room and swapping tales about escaping guards. Merlin could tell her of the time she'd released a dragon on Camelot and Morgana could lament on her failed attempts at killing Uther...

With her newly acquired sixth sense kicking in, Merlin whirled just in time to see her son's foot vanishing from the doorway.

The guards outside would catch him and hand him back. Some would do it with an air of amusement, others with that snotty look in their eyes that suggested she was the most useless mother on the planet for allowing her gaze to wander away from her child for even a moment. In a peak of frustration she threw the baby blanket down on her bed and glared at it when the cloth merely floated softly to the bed like a cloud drifting across the sky.

Huffing, she slammed her hand down and the cloth whipped the rest of its way to the bed, landing with a rather satisfying crack.

The greatest sorceress to walk the earth, foretold for generations, was relegated to towel whipping with her magic because the Pendragon line was driving her mad.

And there was no guard coming through the door to return her errant son.

Worried she flew to the door and rounded the corner.

Only to see Arthur holding Valen up to the high ceiling of the corridor, their son shrieking with laughter as Arthur grinned up at the baby.

Heart returning to a steadier beat, Merlin leant against the door frame and watched, a smile tugging at her lips as she watched the pair. And that gnawing feeling she'd felt flicker over the past week when she saw Arthur grew until she wrapped her arms around herself trying to keep it in.

Shaking herself she turned back to her rooms picking up a book from the table and sitting herself down. The moment she sat, she stood again, unsure of herself and ridiculously uncomfortable.

What was wrong with her? It was only Arthur.

Retrieving the blanket which had been the victim of her earlier bout of temper,she folded it slowly, hoping the task would last long enough that she'd still be doing something when Arthur came in to return Valen.

Or was she meant to go out into the hall to greet him?

There was no rule against it.

Feeling foolish she wandered back to the doorway again and hesitated when she saw Arthur speaking with the guards.

Without Valen in his arms.

Dropping her gaze to the floor, Merlin scanned for her daredevil baby feeling her panic rise when she couldn't spot him.

"Where's Valen?"

Deep in conversation Arthur simply pointed towards a location Valen was no longer in.

"You...you prat!"

She barely had time to notice the stunned look of the guards or the bizarre grin that broke out on Arthur's face as she stormed forward, eyes searching madly.

"Oh god, what if he's fallen down the stairs?"

"Merlin he's right over..." Arthur's voice trailed off. "He can't crawl that fast!" but his voice had risen several octaves in panic.

She didn't even spare him the incredulous look she wanted to murder him with.

"Valen?" she called as she helplessly stared down both ends of the corridor. "VALEN!"

"Are you missing something?" Gwen's voice echoed from around the corner as she appeared with a squirming Valen in her arms.

"Thank God," Arthur breathed behind her, his voice sounding like he'd just run the entire length of the castle.

Rounding on him she swatted at his head. Hard.

"You utter clotpole. It's entirely your fault he speeds off every time I turn around_"

"My fault? How is it my fault?"

"Because you speed off every time your father's back is turned. I never ran away from my mother_"

"You left home when you were sixteen!"

"Yes and I walked away. He gets the speed thing from you!"

"That doesn't even make sense."

"You were meant to be watching him."

"He crawled out of your chambers first." Arthur snapped narrowing his eyes, a dangerous expression looming.

"I checked on him. You had him. I went back to...to..." Merlin struggled for a something, "...to folding."

Arthur glared at her and she saw his mouth twitch. Smartly avoiding making any comment on what she'd just said, he looked at Gwen over her shoulder. "Thank you Guinevere."

"You're still a clotpole." Merlin muttered, folding her arms.

Arthur caught her gaze, amusement and something else showing in his eyes as he held hers. Feeling that fluttering again, she shifted under his gaze, unable to pull away.

"Sire?"

Arthur visibly shook himself, "Yes?" he asked, turning back to the guards. Even as he did so, he seemed to remember what they'd been discussing. "Oh...No. I will discuss the matter with my father and inform you of any decision made."

Merlin ducked away from the conversation and took Valen from a thoughtful looking Gwen. As she took the frustrated little boy, she saw something like sadness pass over her friend's face.

Oh.

Merlin opened her mouth to say something, but had no idea what on Earth she would say. What did you say to your friend who had feelings for the man who had, just last week, declared his feelings for you? And whose child you'd carried. And who was the prince that neither of you could have?

But Gwen flashed a smile and stepped back, "I must go, Lady Morgana's breakfast will need to be cleared."

Merlin nodded and watched her flee.

* * *

It was on the seventh night that she woke haunted by that dream that Merlin finally succumbed. The following morning, she sat in Gaius' chambers, watching as Valen sped his way around her old room, delighting in the open space he had.

"I'm having visions."

Gaius froze as he poured the tea and raised his eyes to meet hers. With a deep breath, he placed the pot back on the table and took the seat opposite hers.

"You did not have them before." He said quietly.

"I know." Glancing at Valen she scooped a spoonful of sugar into her tea and stirred without really noticing the action. "It's the vision I saw in the crystal cave." He let her eyes travel to Valen pointedly.

Gaius frowned and leant forward, linking his fingers thoughtfully. "The whole vision?"

"No. Just Valen being chased." Merlin took a deep breath and then a long sip. "I'm seeing it almost every night now."

"Perhaps it is merely your own worries rather than a vision." Gaius suggested.

"No..." Merlin huffed, "It's exactly the same as what I saw in the caves. It's as if it's haunting me."

Gaius hesitated, "Perhaps...perhaps it is a warning."

Rolling her eyes Merlin glared at him over the rim of her mug.

"I do not know what you want me to say Merlin." Gaius sighed, "I'm afraid visions such as these are a little beyond my expertise."

"Well," Merlin swallowed, "I wanted to run an idea by you, before I talked to Arthur about it."

Now Gaius looked suspicious and on the cusp of annoyance and, at the familiar look, Merlin relaxed as she started to tell him about her plan.

* * *

Merlin nodded at the guards to Arthur's chambers, waiting for the normal interrogation as to why she needed to go in at this time of night.

To her surprise they simply nodded at her with a slow bending of the neck that was never directed at her. Valen let out an indignant whimper and she started in surprise, releasing the sudden grip she'd clamped on his arm.

Opening the door she peered around, not spotting Arthur immediately. Peering round, she spotted him by the table, bent over it and naked shoulders tense, as his manservant tidied the plates away.

In that moment she hated the guards for just letting her in.

Spotting her, Fabian froze and glanced back at Arthur, looking desperately unsure as to what he should do next.

And Merlin stared at him, hoping he'd come up with something.

"Um...I'll just leave you both alone… Not alone but... I'll return later..."

Arthur turned, "Both?" He questioned, sounding annoyed, "What are you..." Merlin caught his eyes widening in surprise when he spotted her and she slid her gaze past him and to the table.

The not half naked table.

The uncomfortable silence was almost unbearable.

"You're dismissed for the night." Arthur said suddenly.

Startled, she glanced up at Fabian's relieved face and then over to Arthur who was now leaning back against the chair and was watching her carefully.

"Of course sire, have a nice... I mean... Good night, sire." Fabian stumbled over his words as he scrambled out of the room.

Merlin dropped her eyes to the floor and let Valen wriggle in her arms. Her thoughts were flying around and she suddenly couldn't work out how to speak.

And then the light was blocked as Arthur stepped close to her. Her view of the floor was obscured by his boots as he gently lifted Valen from her arms.

"I didn't intend for you to act this way around me." Arthur said as he produced a tiny knitted puppet from a pocket and waved it in front of Valen's face. Their son broke into excited squeals and made a grab for it.

"I'm not..."

"You're uncomfortable." Arthur said, still focussed on Valen and letting the baby waggle the puppet about. "I feel like we've gone about five paces backwards."

Closing her eyes Merlin let out a deep sigh. "I...I haven't been sleeping well. And I don't know how I'm meant to act_"

Arthur tilted her head towards him with a gentle tap of his finger under her chin. Chewing on her lip Merlin met his gaze apprehensively. Arthur stared back and smiled slowly, then shook himself.

"I'm glad you came tonight." He said shifting Valen.

"Dada" Valen offered the puppet back to Arthur.

Both of them stared at the expectant baby, Merlin dragging her eyes from her son to his father who was staring at Valen as if the boy had just announced he'd conquered the whole of Albion in an afternoon.

Something swelled within her as she stepped forward and stroked Valen's hair. Big blue eyes turned on her and a dribbling smile answered her own grin as he handed her the puppet instead.

It was of a knight, beautifully stitched and so soft she rubbed her thumb over the fabric just to feel it a little more. It was a toy that noble children played with, not the son of a servant.

She glanced back up at Arthur who had pulled himself from his stupor and was trying to get Valen to say it again.

"Arthur this must have cost_" She trailed off at the look he gave her.

"He's my son." Arthur brushed a possessive hand over Valen's head, "It's hardly a secret."

Nodding slowly, she handed the puppet back to Valen who babbled as he curled his hand around it and then stuffed it into his mouth.

"Sweetheart_" Merlin started to try and pull the puppet back and save it from Valen's mouth.

"Merlin," Arthur captured her hand, "It's alright, he can do what he wants with it."

"It_" Merlin winced and shook her head, "Why's this so hard?" she asked sitting herself down on the nearest seat and placing her head in her hands.

She could hear Arthur shifting around for a while and then he was kneeling in front of her, gently tugging at her arms until she looked up at him.

He'd put on a shirt.

It was strange that she wasn't sure how she felt about that.

The fire caught on his face as he watched her calmly, hands moving up to hold hers as he seemed to think about what to say. Beside them, Valen sat shaking the puppet as if he expected something to come out from it.

Slowly, Arthur's thumb started to smooth the back of her hand, her skin tingling as he trailed a path back and forth.

And then she couldn't take her eyes from his.

"I...I want to be ready," she heard herself say.

Arthur winced and looked down, his thumb stopping and simply resting on her knuckle.

"I never said you had to be ready now." He muttered avoiding her gaze.

"I know," she replied, "I...it's me. I just don't know what to do. I want to...I don't know...I want to be able to come here and spend an evening with you and Valen but..."

Arthur leant up and pressed a gentle and long kiss to her forehead. When he pulled away he cupped her cheek and stared into her eyes.

"I can't believe I'm about to say this to you," Arthur begun and Merlin felt her heart plummet, "But stop thinking so much."

Merlin let out a surprised laugh that sounded almost wet to her own ears. "And I can't believe you said it."

Arthur smiled and sat back watching as Valen, seeing a spare lap within reach, scrambled over to him. Arthur lifted the baby up and onto his knee as he sat crossed legged and rested his chin on Valen's head.

Shutting off the babbling voice in her head, Merlin slid off the chair and sat opposite them.

"Baw" Valen demanded, switching his attention from the puppet to her and clenching his fist as he held out his hand to her.

Noticing Arthur's puzzled gaze, Merlin took a deep breath and, without any effort, summoned a silver-blue ball of light within Valen's reach. Familiar with this game, Valen reached for it and batted it about.

"I've seen that before."

Chancing a look at him, Merlin watched his face. Arthur was staring at the ball with a faraway expression on his face, his shoulders relaxed and grip on Valen light.

"Sorry?" she asked, dragging her attention away from his nonchalance about the use of magic.

"The light. I've seen it before. In a cave when I was searching out for the flower to cure you."

Merlin racked her memory to remember what he was talking about. "You got me a flower?"

"When you drunk the poison meant for me."

It seemed so very long ago now. She could vaguely remember those few days – the fear that Arthur would drink from the chalice, the burning pain that crawled under her skin and bubbled up in her head. Arthur's tired expression when he had come to visit her that night and the mutterings about the state of the dungeons.

"You were using magic for me even then?" Arthur asked, a hint of something else brewing under the layer of the calm tone he used.

"Even then." she replied gently. "Gaius said he'd never been so stressed in his life; he had to keep thinking up reasons to get Gwen out of the room!"

Arthur smiled at that and watched Valen's hand pass through the ball. "It doesn't hurt?"

Reaching out Merlin took his hand carefully and the ball rose out of Valen's reach and passed through their joined hand; a strange warmth flowing through their fingers as it hovered for a moment and then ducked back down to Valen's waiting hands.

"Is that what it feels like? To have magic in your hands?" Arthur asked so softly she had to strain to hear his voice.

"A little like that." Merlin agreed. "It depends on the magic."

Arthur nodded, still not letting go of her hand. "You must have missed it."

Merlin nodded and pulled her hand back. "I did." Taking a deep breath she continued on, "Icame here to talk to you about something."

Looking a little put out, Arthur dropped his hand down to Valen and tensed in the way she'd expected him to when magic had been used. "Yes?"

"I've been seeing that vision of Valen running. I've seen it almost every night since I got my magic back."

It wasn't just in her imagination that Arthur held onto Valen a little tighter, "What does that mean?"

"I don't know. But...you and I, we had a destiny_"

"We had a destiny?" Arthur asked. "What do you mean we had a destiny?"

Ignoring the dangerous tone in his voice, Merlin shifted a little. "The druids have a prophecy that you will unite Albion and return magic to the lands."

"And how are you part of this?" Arthur demanded, jaw setting.

"I...I was meant to ensure you stayed alive to do all that."

"How_"

"This isn't the point." Merlin interrupted holding out a hand. "The point is that some who know this will see Valen as a threat to that destiny and those with magic who don't know the prophecy will simply see Valen as a chance for revenge."

Arthur's teeth gritted together. "And?"

"And I've not used magic for over a year. Not my magic. I need to...I need to be able to practice it. To remind myself of what I can do and re-learn it in some way."

"It's too dangerous. If my father_"

"Which is why I wouldn't do it in Camelot."

A stony silence met her last words. Arthur seemed to straighten as if preparing himself for battle and glared over the top of their sons head.

"My father will not let you and Valen_"

"I wouldn't take Valen with me."

Shock flared on Arthur's face and he stared at her as if she was mad. "You wouldn't take Valen with you?"

"I talked to Gaius. All we need to do is pretend my mother is ill. I say I need to return to Ealdor for a few weeks and Valen stays here with you."

Arthur didn't move. "No."

"No?"

"No."

Merlin glared at him, "Why?"

Shaking his head Arthur stood up swiftly, taking Valen with him and leaving Merlin sitting on the floor with her skirts puddled out around her. Waiting, she watched him place Valen down and then stand with his back to her and head bowed.

"Arthur_?"

"No."

"I'm starting to worry that's the only word you know."

"Don't be flippant." Arthur whirled around shaking his head, "This isn't a game Merlin. Where would you go? Who would you trust? Not to mention that Morgause, the druids, Griffith are still all out there, all eager to use anything that would hurt me_"

"You're worrying over nothing_"

"Over nothing?" Arthur repeated incredulously. "The last time you wandered around a forest on your own you ended up kidnapped. Or have you forgotten?"

"Of course I haven't forgotten. And I wasn't on my own, I was with you_"

"Then, can you imagine what will happen when you're on your own?"

"Yes! This time I won't hold back because I'm worried about your reaction."

The remark seemed to hit Arthur as if she'd slapped him. He stood, gaping at her, almost shaking with an emotion she couldn't quite decipher.

"Arthur_" she stared, regretting her words.

"These aren't the type of people you can defeat by tripping them over their shoe laces or breaking a branch on to them." Arthur ploughed on, the hurt still evident in his voice, "They are strong in magic_"

"I'm stronger."

Arthur huffed out a bitter laugh, "This has nothing to do with willpower_"

"I know." Merlin agreed fiercely, "I'm stronger." she repeated firmly.

Slowly the annoyance and fury drained from Arthur and he just stared at her and suddenly, seeing the obvious pain in his expression, Merlin wished she could just start the conversation all over again.

"Arthur_"

"Just go." Arthur slumped defeated. "I'll watch over Valen."

"I haven't told you_"

"I don't care." Arthur replied listlessly, turning his back to her. "Go."

Merlin raised herself to her feet, heart thumping wildly at his reaction. "Will you let me_"

"No." Arthur gripped the bed post. "I'm so sick of this, of being drip-fed information by both you and Gaius. Every time I think I know everything, you add something new."

God, she just wished he would look at her, "Some of it doesn't seem important_"

"Right, You just forgot that you have strong magic and saved my life countless times."

"Arthur_"

After all the years she'd been his manservant, she knew the wordless order he somehow gave to let her know to shut up. He hadn't often done it but when he had she'd known that it was an end to any and all discussions.

But stubbornly, she stayed and stared at his unyielding back. Several times she heard him draw in breath to speak, and several times he changed his mind. Until eventually he uncurled his fingers a little from the post.

"I cannot...the next time I see you, I want to hear everything. No more laters and unimportants. Either you tell me or whatever we have here is done. Your choice."

Merlin stared hopelessly at his back, her mind racing and trying to work out everything she hadn't told him.

"Please just go. I'll make your excuses to my father."

Merlin stood, feeling more alone than she'd ever felt in his chambers. She glanced over at the door and, hating herself, made her way to it.

Yet as she reached the door she paused and glanced back to where Arthur remained, still stood in the same position.

"It's going to upset you. Hearing all of it."

Arthur's head turned fractionally towards her.

"And..." she took a deep, wavering gasp of air, "I...I wish I'd done things differently now. I would do things differently now. So...Arthur, the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you more."

Now Arthur did turn around, his eyes dark and narrowed.

"Hurt me more?" he asked hoarsely.

Nodding, Merlin shrugged, "In the cave...with Griffith..."

Clearly confused and disbelieving, Arthur took a step towards her, "Merlin what are you_"

"When he told you what I was, what Valen would be, when he offered you the choice...I know how all of that hurt you and still you..." she took a deep lungful of air to give her strength, "Arthur, everything you did in those months, everything you've done now...you've protected me the most and you the least. You can't blame me for doing the same with you."

He was trembling.

Arthur never trembled.

He took one step towards her, then another and another, until he was close. But still not close enough.

"I'm not yours to protect." He whispered.

"Yes, you are."

Bright blue eyes met hers and she watched Arthur swallow thickly.

"You've always been mine to protect." She continued, "The only difference is now I'm not just protecting my friend and prince."

Arthur closed his eyes and swallowed. Fascinated, she trailed a hand up to his face, feeling the roughness of his jaw as his stubble started to set in, the grace of those artful bones under the golden skin. His eyes stuttered back open and he stared at her, so utterly open to her that she almost gasped in awe.

Instead, she raised herself up and pressed her lips to his.

Arthur uncoiled, pressing her back so she slammed against the wooden door behind her, his mouth fierce and possessive on hers, desperate and pleading. It took her only a breath to get over her shock and push back against him, hands curling around his hair, pressing herself into him as much as possible. He was so wonderfully warm and hard against her...

Arthur pulled himself back and stared at her, his pupils blown and body tense again.

"Go before I change my mind," he gasped, pulling himself away as if he was being dragged back by an unseen force against his will.

She panted, trying to catch her breath and her mind as he stepped back again. Nodding, she scrambled her hand against the door, trying to find the latch.

"We'll talk when I get back." She promised and, after one long longing look put a door between them.

* * *

Hope you all enjoyed!


	24. Chapter 24

AN - Hi, sorry for the delay! This chapter was a bit tricky to get through, but my fab beta helped loads! In a bit of a rush so hope you all enjoy! x

* * *

Being old was extremely unfun! It had been bad enough walking over the uneven rise of fields and the dips of the woods when at her normal age without adding in the stiff ache of old age in her limbs.

Merlin panted as she got to the top of the hill, feeling glad (and not for the first time) that Arthur hadn't seen her like this or even asked what her plan was when she announced to him that she was going to stretch her magic. Knowing him, he would have followed just to laugh at her. And it was all his fault too that she had to do this; after all, the former manservant and mother to the prince's son could hardly be seen hunting down druids for a chat.

Besides, as Gaius had pointed out (with a surprising amount of bitterness) people responded with a lot less suspicion and fear when faced with a bent double, elderly woman wandering about the place and asking questions. She'd even managed to sweet talk people into giving her a few scraps of food on her travels.

It had taken days to track down a druid encampment, far longer than she'd hoped. Already she was missing Valen terribly; her arms felt far too empty and the air around her too quiet. She shoved the feeling aside and she begin her descent, aware of the risk she was taking as she walked towards Uther's enemies.

The children that had been running around the tents spotted her first. They froze like startled squirrels, their eyes darting to each other and then to the tents behind. Within moments the adults started to appear, all of them silent. Waiting, watching.

Merlin waited.

Behind the adults, the smoke from the fires drifted up to the sky and for the first time her withering eyesight picked up the shapes they'd been casting with the smoke. A deep and welling longing rose up in her as she imagined growing up like this; in a world where magic was shared and used for childish play.

Swallowing sadness back, she refocused on the adults that still stood as if part of the landscape. She half expected them to fade from sight as they were all so still.

Still they made no move to protect their camp, their people, their chidren. She knew that the druids had a certain way about them. Even before she'd come to Camelot she'd heard that they were quiet, that they viewed outsiders with distrust and disdain and that those who spoke with them often felt as if they were missing something entirely.

Her aching bones had sharpened her temper and eroded her patience. Curious and unsure as she was, she wanted to sit and it seemed as if the druids could stand and watch all day without making a move.

"Well? Are you going to stand there staring all day?" She snapped, the ache of her bones irritating her.

A flash of an amused grin appeared on the face of one of the young girls who'd been playing but vanished when one of the older boys glared at her. The seven adults that had appeared remained impassive.

"Hmph" Merlin huffed and started to make her way forward. The action seemed to spring the adults into action and one of the men stepped into her path, his face still indecipherable but hand raised and eyes starting to burn. Behind him, the others made some signal to the children which caused them to suddenly flee towards the adults.

"Oh, do calm down," she waved an impatient and gnarled hand at him, pushing her magic behind it. She'd intended to drop him to the floor but instead he just swayed unsteadily as if he'd spent the day in the tavern.

Damn it! Her magic still felt wobbly and clearly weaker than it once had been.

"You have magic." One of the women murmured stepping forward.

"So?" She challenged snapping her head in the woman's direction, "Who're you going to tell?" Merlin added with contempt.

The druids exchanged somewhat baffled looks and seeing it, Merlin closed her eyes, aware this was not going the way she'd wanted it to. When she'd first come up with the idea she'd imagined she'd be a lovely wise old woman, like a female version of Gaius in fact. Instead she was snappish and waspy from the aching and found that her patience had become practically non-existent.

She should leave, sleep and try again with another camp.

But how long would that take? She'd already spent far longer trying to track the druids down than she'd intended.

"What is it you seek?" A woman, older than Merlin, or at least older than Merlin would normally be, asked. She seemed regal, tranquil and commanding. The woman's soft blue eyes seemed to stare straight through her and into her soul.

Merlin stared at her and then at the others and felt some of the tension ebb away.

"To rest." She said, surprised by the change in her tone, the fierce soothing sound of it and the honesty behind it. "Just to rest."

* * *

Arthur stared at his son not too sure what to do as they boy stared back up at him with a familiar look in his eyes.

Valen was far too much like his mother for comfort.

In fact the mess was entirely like Merlin's, Arthur thought as he stared at the ragged remains of what had once been his favourite shirt, now thrown into the corner.

"That was very wrong, Valen." Arthur began.

His son stared up thoughtfully and then grinned, as if he hadn't pulled the shirt towards him, misaimed and ended up with the damned thing in the fireplace.

Annoyed, Arthur looked away and shook his head.

"And the fact that you waited for your mother to leave before you started all this was even worse."

Utterly unperturbed, Valen looked about him as if searching for the next thing to destroy.

Taking a deep breath, Arthur knelt down by his son and caught the baby as the boy tried to wriggle into a crawl. Hoisting him up Arthur stood again and stared at Valen, catching one of his fists in his free hand.

How was he meant to explain to a baby that he wasn't allowed to do magic? In fact how was he meant to deal with a baby doing magic in the first place? All his life he'd been told that people chose to practice magic, to let it corrupt them because they wanted power and now he was staring down at a child, too young to read or speak and whose eyes flashed golden simply because he wanted something.

Ignoring the urge to just sit down and put his head between his legs to get rid of the hideous thumping feeling he felt between his temples, Arthur merely sighed at his son and let his thoughts drift to Merlin. Merlin who was out somewhere in the woods, doing who knew what and who was probably the only person equipped to deal with this situation.

Valen's eyes flashed gold and the knight puppet on the table flew up and thudded against Arthur's chest. It was caught between them and Valen struggled his fist out of Arthur's hold and then grabbed the puppet, fiddling with it as if it were the most important thing on earth.

"Dada" Valen said hopefully holding the puppet out to Arthur.

Arthur took it absently as his mind raced, trying to figure out what the hell to do, other than pack up right that second and leave to find Merlin. What was he meant to do with Valen?

For a moment the hideous nightmare that someone would discover Valen or Merlin's magic came storming to life. What if someone saw? What would his father do? Even the thought of Valen being handed over to some unseen figure to suffer an unknown fate made Arthur's blood run cold.

Valen frowned, looking so much like his grandfather that it startled Arthur back into paying attention. The puppet flew from his fingers and back into Valen's.

"Dada." Valen repeated, moving the puppet away from Arthur when he reached for it with his hands. Instead the baby's eyes flashed again and the puppet magically flew in the direction of Arthur's face. The aim wasn't great but Arthur reached up and caught it easily. Valen raised his hands in a clear demand.

So Arthur threw it back, gently and watched as the baby followed it with his big blue eyes. The little face rose the puppet arched and then looked down to watch the toy thud rather pathetically against the ground. Valen watched it expectantly, his head leaning against Arthur's chest, clearly tired.

Arthur bent to pick it up and Valen started to wail into his chest, clearly upset.

"My Lord?" A voice came from the door and Arthur looked up as Gwen stepped in.

"Guinevere." He greeted, trying to calm Valen.

"The knights are asking where you are. Practice started a while ago."

Arthur winced and pressed his face into his sobbing son's hair. "The door." he warned.

Understanding dawned on Gwen's face and carefully, she shut the door, stepping forward. "Do you need Gaius?"

Arthur shook his head and stood again, "I can't miss any more of practice. My father will start to ask questions." Hesitantly, he watched Gwen. "Would you mind taking Valen?"

Gwen nodded and reached out for Valen, "What's wrong?"

"He's using magic." Arthur dropped his voice so low that he was amazed she'd heard it. Even saying the words made his heart thud and terror beat in his head as he thought of his father's potential reaction.

"Merlin said this might happen." Gwen's voice offered after a moment.

Arthur nodded, "I know. I just don't know how to explain to him...Gaius may be able to help." He passed the sobbing child over to Gwen, "I think he's tired himself out using it."

Gwen nodded as Valen howled into her neck, squirming, and turned to leave.

"Guinevere?" Arthur queried as something occurred to him. Gwen paused as she reached for the handle and looked at him expectantly.

"Yes?"

"You understand there's a chance he'll use magic in the halls as you walk down?"

"I always have my lord." She replied and, with that, she opened the door and left.

* * *

"How long have you been on the move?"

Merlin stared into the fire, feeling more relaxed than she had since she'd started the aging spell. "Not as long as you might think." She replied absently.

Isuelt seemed to accept this and merely nodded. "It has been a while since you've used your gifts."

Merlin nodded, "I have forgotten so much in such a short space of time."

Isuelt sighed, "We will be of little help I fear."

It had been obvious soon after being invited into the camp that this would be the case. Merlin didn't say anything but found herself captivated by the fire. She barely even knew why she was doing this now. It had started as a desperate attempt to regain her power, tempered by a stubborn urge to not see Kilgarrah, who seemed incapable of answering any questions without asking more.

The fire crackled, the log collapsing as she watched. More than anything, she just wanted some answers, some knowledge from something that wasn't a dusty old book or a man twenty years out of practice.

What would she do when Valen came to her with all these questions?

"But I can direct you to someone." Isuelt seemed hesitant now as she startled Merlin out of her thoughts., "The man who taught me."

Merlin dragged her eyes away and stared at Isuelt. "You have no reason to trust me." Merlin pointed out, feeling something stir within her.

"If we cannot trust our own kind, then who can we trust?"

Merlin looked away and back into the fire. "Sometimes it is not always possible."

Isuelt nodded, "There are those whose hearts are withered by what the King does to us. Those who are consumed by bitterness and rage and vengeance. All that they do simply confirms their belief that we are evil and dangerous."

"You do not want vengeance?" Merlin asked.

"Of course I do." The frankness of the answer startled Merlin. "But wanting and doing are two different things."

Merlin scanned the woman's smooth features and nodded.

* * *

_The cot was bathed in the moonlight, the figure standing over it looked like a __menacing __shadow come to hurt the precious child below._

_The sword was in his hand and he swung __it__, not caring who it was but desperate to get them away from his son. His boy._

_The figure fell to the ground, crumpled like a puppet with the strings cut. Blue eyes stared up at him hurt as Merlin bled onto the floor._

_NONONONO!_

_As he ran forward, trying to do something, __flames_ _started to lick at her. Somehow she was on a pyre, burning as his father watched. He couldn't move. He just stood and, though his heat screamed in protest, felt himself nod next to his father as Merlin screamed..._

_...there was a laugh behind him and he stood in the room again, Griffith before him with Valen in his arms._

"_You're getting complacent Prince."_

_Arthur lunged for his son and found himself in the throne room, a boy standing before him with a naked sword and golden eyes. His father stood behind him._

"_You'll have to choose." Griffith's __voice_ _blended with Merlin's. "You know you will. You cannot have both alive and happy."_

_The boy gasped, falling to his knees and his head bowing._

_You'll fail them. _

_Behind the boy stood Morgana, eyes alight with triumph. Morgause stood with her and they laughed. They were sitting by the fire in great chairs that looked more comfortable than anything he'd seen in his life._

"_Arthur is weak. He will never break from Uther." _

_Arthur spun, confused and underbalanced as he tried to ignore the deep hurt that rose within him at that statement. _

_Merlin leant forward, wine in her hands and looking bored. Morgana nodded in agreement. "Those without magic can never understand us. All they do is hurt us."_

_Merlin's terrified face, streaked with tears flashed in front of him._

"_It's all they will ever do." Morgause agreed pouring more wine. The three women turned to study the boy that stood by the fire. "Do you think there's too much Pendragon in him for him to be saved?"_

_Griffith circled the boy thoughtfully, "It's useless. Arthur will just kill him. May as well burn the boy now."_

_And they were back in the throne room again, a pyre being built and __the_ _boy upon it._

"_Father__, please...help" The boy looked terrified._

"_I tried to tell you." Arthur heard his own voice, laced with boredom, "But you destroyed my shirt. It was my favourite."_

"_See," Griffith appeared behind Valen. "I told you you were always mine more than his."_

Arthur's eyes snapped open and he leapt out of bed and towards the cot.

His son slept. Peaceful and perfect. Little lips pursed and brow smooth. Arthur stared down, aware that he was shaking in terror and trying to calm himself down.

The image of Griffith with his son burnt into his head as Arthur stood staring. It was so easy to forget about Griffith when Merlin was around. She seemed to have entirely banished the man from her head; her way of coping, Gaius had said. But Arthur found it impossible to forget.

_"I will always play a part in this child's life, Arthur Pendragon." _

For a moment, instead of the cot and his son, Arthur could see the cave, feel the uneven scrape of the stone against his back as he was held with ease by magic. He could see Merlin, curled up to make herself as small as possible; watching with huge wide eyes that shone with terror and reflected his utter failure to protect her.

Arthurs hands curled around the wooden bars of the cot so hard he feared he was about to break it.

He needed Merlin back. Now.

* * *

"Hello Emrys."

Merlin paused at the edge of the clearing, watching the old man who stood as if he'd grown from the earth. "You know who I am?"

"I can feel it." The man stepped towards her. "Your magic rolls with the power of the earth and the fierceness of the storm. It's a beacon in the dark and can be seen from wherever I am."

Merlin stayed where she was, "Can others feel it?"

"No." His voice was soft like the sound the wind makes as it pushes through trees and leaves. "It is an old technique, one we train very few in."

"You're trained a boy in it, Mordred?"

The man, Iseldir paused, "The boy is too young to have undergone such training."

"Yet he knew who I was when I met him." Merlin risked a step forward until she could reach out and just touch the man's outstretched fingertips.

"Mordred's destiny cannot be changed."

"Mine was." Merlin snapped. "I don't believe that everything is written in stone."

"You will learn." Iseldir replied after a long moment.

"Do you know why I am here?" Merlin asked awkwardly as the silence stretched between them.

"You vanished for months. Some thought you had died."

"My magic was taken, blocked." She swallowed nervously, "I need to...I don't know. Fix whatever it is that is wrong with it now."

"You think of it as a separate being. It is not. What happens in here…" he touched a finger to her head, "…affects it."

Merlin stared down at her hands, "I'm not sure…"

"There was a time, Emrys, when you used magic fluidly. Without spells and force, without thought or will. Then you used spells, chanting, potions_"

"I needed to learn what I could do_"

"That is your problem." Iseldir cut her off. "You alone should not learn that."

"Why?" Merlin challenged, crossing her arms.

"Because you alone have no limit to what you can do."

* * *

"The boy is bored."

"Bored?" Arthur stared at Gaius in disbelief. "Do you honestly mean to tell me that my son is running us ragged because he'd bored?"

Gaius peered down his nose at Arthur and shrugged, "Yes."

Flummoxed Arthur sat back into the chair, shaking his head and running his forefinger across his mouth. "He's far too much like his mother." Arthur concluded after a moment, then winced again as he thought it over, "He's bored?"

"I'm not sure how many other ways you'd like me to say it," Gaius replied with an irritated sigh, "He simply wants attention."

Rolling his eyes Arthur stared heavenward for patience. "I cannot play magic tricks with him Gaius, I don't have magic."

"That is not the only way to entertain children." Gaius pointed out, starting to prepare an ointment.

"Gaius!" Arthur protested, "I need help!"

"With all due respect, no sire, you do not."

"Then what do you suggest I do?" Arthur demanded.

"What do you do when you're bored?" Gaius asked, pouring out the necessary ingredients into his bowl.

"I'm not taking my son to a tavern." Arthur huffed.

"Given all the years I have known you, Arthur, a tavern is not where I would expect to find you."

Arthur frowned and stormed in the direction of the door, "This had been a complete waste of time," he huffed.

* * *

"Where are we going?"

"You will see."

Merlin bit her tongue as they made their way through the forest, tempted to tell Iseldir to forget the whole thing. But curiosity and some deep urge made her follow.

Eventually they came to the lake. The very familiar lake where she had taken Freya and thrown the sword. Startled, she stopped at the sight and then looked around.

Iseldir was nowhere to be seen.

Annoyed Merlin looked around and walked closer to the lake until the edge of the water just stopped short of her skirt and cloak.

"Feel the water."

Any other time, the suddenness of the voice would have caused her to jump. Instead, she merely closed her eyes and reached out as the books had told her.

"Open your eyes and feel." The rebuke wasn't harsh, it was simply matter-of-factly.

The water was calm. Still. Deep. Cold. Wet.

Powerful.

Connected.

The air above it stirred with every roll the water gave, brushing trees. Down into the depths and heat of the earth and then back to the water that lapped by her feet.

"Feel."

The water was deep. The sword below hummed with power that fed the water. Spirits fluttered in the great openness of it. One more familiar and stronger than the others.

"See,"

Gold weaved its way through the world, like veins in a body. Thin wires traced everything until she could see the gathering shape of Excalibur, the outpouring into the water, the bodies below and the power in the surrounding trees, animals, creatures and sky. The light and the shadows, the warmth and the cold.

Her hands.

They glowed as if she had cupped the sun in her palm. Her breath was coming out in trembling gasps as she saw the magic around her. The deep river of connection that sprung from every living creature, every beat of life and every flicker of movement. It was as if she could see the very essense of magic and the way that it was created, the way it ebbed and flowed.

The way it connected to her and her connection with it.

"It takes us years to be able to accomplish what you have done in minutes." Iseldir told her calmly. "This must be what you understand as you leave. That you are more connected, more intuitive, more powerful than any that have come before you and any that will come after. You no longer trust yourself or your magic and that must change. I cannot teach you tricks and spells as I would another that came for help. It would ruin what you have."

Merlin felt tears in her eyes as she stared at what was before her.

"You could blot out the sun and crack the earth. You could freeze fires and call up storms like nothing this world has seen. Your only limit is your belief and what you choose to do with this power. You could rip the world apart."

"I wouldn't" she whispered.

"I know. And that is why you could."

* * *

It was late when Arthur finally had an epiphany.

Bundling his son up against the cold, he took him out to the moonlit practice field, enjoying the silence and calm of the world around him. The weapons had been put away but he'd retrieved a little wooden practice sword he'd used himself eons ago.

He sat with Valen on the floor opposite him, his son examining the dulled wood with interest, and tapped a similar sword against his son's.

When Valen stared up at him in shock, Arthur had a moment of pure terror, thinking that he'd done completely the wrong thing and was about to scar his son for life.

Then Valen giggled and clumsily tapped back.

Grinning Arthur played the silly game with his son until the baby tired of it. Gathering the boy up he took him to the wooden benches that overlooked the practice yards, the same spot that he'd sat with a pregnant Merlin just under a year ago.

Sitting Valen on his lap, Arthur rested his chin on the soft head of hair and stared out. The moon wasn't as high as it had been on that night and the castle seemed more in shadow than anything else. That night had been so clear. He'd seen the rounding of her stomach and the hesitation on her face as if they'd talked in broad daylight. It seemed so long ago that he'd been staring at the child in her belly, trying to sort out how he was meant to feel about it. How foreign the idea of being a father had been and how determined he'd been that the child, his son, wouldn't learn magic.

But he'd seen his son's delight in the power he had, seen the way Merlin had returned to life when she'd been able to touch magic again. The quiet moments when she used magic to make Valen giggle and smile.

God help him. Because if he could finally, finally admit that magic wasn't evil then he had to admit that the people he'd seen sent to their death might not have been evil too.

And then what did that make him?

Tightening his grip as if Valen could save him, Arthur closed his eyes and tried to refocus himself.

"Your mother will be back soon," he murmured to Valen. "And she's going to tell us all about her adventures and the silly things she's done."

Valen hummed as if in agreement and snuggled closer into Arthur's chest.

"And she's going to tell me everything she's done." He continued staring at the footprints left in the mud from the knights sparing.

"When you're older we will spar together properly, I'll teach you the right footwork and how to hold a sword before your mother can teach you how to trip over."

Arthur looked down at the blond head of hair that was starting to nod against him as Valen slowly lost his battle with sleep.

"You'll have the best of us." Arthur murmured as he pressed a kiss to the soft hair. "And because of it, my son, you'll be a better King than I one day."


	25. Chapter 25

AN - Sorry for the delay. School's finished, uni assignments are in and lesson planning is mercifully over for a few weeks so suddenly I have time to write again! I am hoping to get this fic done beforeI go back properly and then start the sequal at some point when I have free time again...maybe summer?

Hope you all enjoy. Spoilers for 3x11

* * *

It was nearing midnight when she slipped past the guard on the gate and back into Camelot. A month had seemed like such a short period of time when she and Gaius had thought this plan out.

Now it seemed as if she was coming home from a six month search.

And she hadn't even made it a full month!

It was only when she got to the stairs that she hesitated. To go up would mean seeing Arthur. To go down would lead her to Gaius and, in all likelihood, Valen.

With a sigh she started up the stairs. There was always a chance that Valen would be with Arthur. Besides, she'd tried waking her son up at night before and had learnt her lesson. As much as she missed him, her son could be a little dragon when he was woken up in the night for no good reason.

The guards started in surprise when she walked towards Arthur's door. They glanced at each other as if questioning what to do and simply waved her on.

"Is he awake?" she asked, reluctant to enter while the prince was sleeping. Valen had certainly inherited his foul mood to being woken up from his father. Plus the idea of Arthur in a bed made her squirm a little.

They nodded, "He's been trying to get ahead on the reports for the tournament." One offered.

The tournament. It had been all she'd heard about in her wanderings. She and Arthur would be having a discussion about that soon, make no mistake. Merlin nodded her thanks to them and

entered.

Part of her wondered whether he had a shirt on this time.

He was sitting at his desk, scribbling something with a quill while his mouth pursed in annoyance.

"I sincerely hope that's the drink I asked for an hour ago," he said in his dangerously, overly patient voice that she'd hated as his manservant.

Even acting like a complete prat he was gorgeous.

Merlin blinked.

Where the hell had that come from?

But still the thought remained. She wanted to go over and brush the stray hair from his eyes or check if those shoulders really felt as tense as they looked. She wanted to stroke the strong fingers that were curled around the fragile quill and stained with ink from his work.

"Honestly Fabian, have you been getting tips from Mer..." Arthur trailed off as he looked up, annoyance instantly fading to surprise.

"Merlin." He finished, or perhaps started. His voice had turned softer, sweeter. She tried to smile in response but the suddenly false smile wouldn't stay on her face.

Just seeing him made her want to burst into tears.

Arthur raised himself from his seat, his motions so slow and careful she was reminded of when he was hunting alone in the forest. He seemed convinced she was suddenly about to bolt.

She needed to say something. Anything.

Merlin started to shift uncomfortably under the weight of Arthur's gaze. The look in his eyes stopped her words, dried them up on her tongue before she could push them out.

God, she wished she knew what he was thinking.

"I_"

She didn't even get to finish.

The wall was hard against her as the force of his movement forced them both backwards. Like raindrops on leaves, his mouth found hers perfectly and all of a sudden he was there. Firm, full lips against hers, warm skin permeating through their clothes. One hand tangled in her hair, as if he was holding on for dear life, the other wrapped around her waist, pulling her as close to him as possible.

She shook her head against his mouth and felt him freeze and pull away.

"You said I had to tell you all about_"

"Don't care." And his mouth was back again, fingers curling and scrunching as if to gather up every vital piece of her. It was intoxicating, having him so completely, so utterly focused on her. She was almost sure if the walls themselves were breeched he wouldn't have pulled away.

Unless she asked him to.

A deep, hot feeling in her chest twisted and she pressed herself against him, trying to meld them together. There was a choked gasp from Arthur and then more.

Just more.

Until, with a ragged breath Arthur pulled away.

For a second.

Then he was back, as if she'd cast a magnetising spell. Gentle, tiny soft kisses were pressed to her

lips, her cheeks, her jaw line while both his hands came up to frame her face and let the fine strands of her hair fly through his fingers.

Eventually he slowed, their foreheads resting on each other's as he closed his eyes and his hands spasmed a little tighter.

"You missed me then?" she asked, still not quite in control of her breath.

She'd expected some flippant remark or a roll of the eyes. Not the deep swallow and wordless nod from the man who still clutched her as if she was as vital as air. Moved, she ducked her head and pressed it into the nook of his shoulder and throat. Arthur adjusted his grip on her as if they'd been doing this for years and simply folded over her, enveloping her from the world and just letting her take deep gasps of his smell and delight in the feeling of having him in her arms again.

A sword-calloused hand stroked her hair, occasionally catching in the mass that was now getting rather long. Unbidden, tears flooded her eyes and she twisted her head more into his neck, wanting to keep the unbelievably safe feeling just a moment longer.

"You're crying." Arthur murmured.

"Missed you." Merlin whispered back, surprised at the sheer honesty in her own voice. Her hands had fisted into his tunic top and she tried to steady herself.

"I know."

Merlin pulled back and felt Arthur tighten his grip before he stepped back and allowed her some room to get herself under control. The blue eyes didn't leave her for a second, as if he was committing her to memory and couldn't bear to look elsewhere.

"How's Valen?" she asked.

Arthur smiled, "He's fine. Talking a bit more now." His smiled widened. "He's so much like you it's scary sometimes."

"And I was just thinking he was like you." She grinned, "I didn't dare wake him."

Arthur choked out a laugh, "Probably wise."

Merlin caught his gaze again and felt something glow a little at the relaxed expression on his face.

"I...I just wanted to let you know I was back."

Arthur nodded and then seemed to rouse himself. "Yes." he said, a little too loudly. "Yes. Thank you."

Somehow she managed not to giggle at him. It was like watching him with Vivien all over again.

The thought made her toes curl in pleasure.

"I...I know you have the tournament tomorrow."

"Day after next," he automatically corrected.

"Right." Merlin nodded, "Well...do you want...shall we talk now or later?"

Arthur blinked in confusion.

"You know..." Merlin said, trying to remind him, "You wanted to know about magic stuff."

"Oh." Arthur looked suddenly nervous and seemed to search her face, "Did something happen?"

"No. Well…" Merlin smiled weakly, "I just meant you wanted me to explain. No more secrets."

The small smile on Arthur's face had to be an unintended response and made the warm feeling inside of her burn. He stepped forward again, his thumb gliding down her cheek slowly.

"It can wait." He said gently, "Go and get some sleep, Merlin."

Grinning she studied him, "You just want to swot up on the tournament."

Arthur nodded, his smile gentle in answer, "Of course I do. I want to win after all."

Shaking her head at him with an amused look she dislodged his thumb. "After the tournament

then?"

"No." Arthur took a deep breath, "Just not at some ungodly hour of the morning please."

"Ok." She backed up, not wanting to take her eyes off of him. "I'll just...go to bed then."

It wasn't just in her imagination that his eyes lost that gentle look and took on a whole other expression. She continued to back up to the door, inches away from the wall that ran parallel to her as she kept her eyes on him.

"Good." his voice was shaken, despite the fact that he was standing so still he could have been a statue.

"Your bed looks nicer." She added, almost amazed at the words that came out of her own mouth.

A strangled sound came from the prince standing opposite her. "Don't start this, Merlin, unless you're going to finish it."

Amused at how easy it seemed to be to make him desperate, she grinned cheekily, "Sorry my lord, I forgot. You need rest for the tournament. You can't be up at ungodly hours of the night doing ungodly things."

His eyes widened with startled shock as she winked and left.

And if she only made it to the corner of the hallway before leaning against the wall in shock at her own words and the delighted feeling she'd had at his response, then so what?

* * *

She was never ever, ever letting him go again. No matter how much Valen was now starting to wriggle in protest.

"He used magic while you were away."

Merlin breathed in the smell of her son as she buried her face in his hair, "And?"

The weight of Gaius' glare could almost be felt burning into her back. "Arthur was not prepared for it at all."

Merlin sighed, shifting Valen to one side as she fixed Gaius with a look. "I told him that Valen had magic."

"You did not mention that the boy might accidently burn his shirt."

Pausing Merlin looked down at her very innocent looking child. "Valen created fire?"

"No." Gaius leant back, "He tried to pull the spare shirt towards him. It went into the fireplace instead."

"I'll talk to him." Merlin said, distracted by the cooing child in her arms. "We'll talk to Daddy, won't we, and tell him to keep you warm and to pay attention to you."

Valen nodded as if he understood, clearly reacting to her coaxing tone.

"See," Merlin beamed up at Gaius. "No big deal."

But Gaius' face remained stony. "You are able to cover his magic up Merlin. None of us can. What would have happened had he used magic? Uther would have needed someone to blame."

Merlin shifted Valen, stroking his cheek, "Arthur would never have let anything happen to Valen."

Gaius sighed, his face finally softening, "I know that Merlin. But you need to consider your use of magic around the boy. His attitude towards it places so many in danger if you are not around to control him." A knock sounded at the door. "We will continue this later."

Nodding, Merlin looked down seriously at her son, mind lost in thought.

* * *

That night saw her in Arthur's chambers again, waiting for him to return from his meetings. Valen sat munching...or rather sucking and slurping on a soggy biscuit from the kitchens, his face utterly content as he grinned up at her.

Merlin rested her chin on her knees and stared back.

She didn't react when Arthur walked in and instantly dismissed Fabian from even following him into the room. Nor did she move when Arthur gave his orders to the guards for the night.

"Are you alright?" Arthur asked as he sat down beside her, so close they were almost touching.

Merlin nodded, still not taking her eyes from Valen.

"Merlin?"

"I'm sorry," she shook herself. "I know we were meant to talk about..." she sighed, "Everything but..." she swiped her tongue across her lips, considering her next words. "Gaius thinks it's dangerous to continue doing magic around Valen."

Arthur remained silent.

"I get it. I do. He's a baby and your father...but I don't want him growing up like Morgana. I don't want it to become a terrible secret that makes him feel lonely or apart from everything." Merlin shrugged and then shook herself. "Sorry, I just-"

"Gaius is wrong." Arthur said quietly, but with such steel in his voice it made Merlin turn to him in surprise.

"And if something happens?" Merlin asked.

"Then we'll deal with it." Arthur replied as if they were talking about the weather. "But I won't have him grow up like that. No matter the cost."

Merlin stared at him, "Arthur_"

But Arthur shook his head, dismissing the issue. Instead, he leant over and picked up the now sleepy looking Valen, who rested his head easily on Arthur's shoulder, peering at Merlin with tired interest.

"Where should I start from?" Merlin asked, watching them both.

"The beginning," Arthur said simply.

And so she did. She told him of the Dragon's call, of Druid boys with destinies and poisoning Kings' wards. She told him of Lancelot's help, Freya's death and every single lie that had poured from her mouth over the past four years.

And strangely, when she finally made it to bed after tears and tales, she slept better than she had in years.

* * *

"You told him then?" Gaius asked as they busied about, preparing for the onslaught the tournament was likely to bring.

"Everything." Merlin nodded, pouring the paste into bottles, keeping an eye on her son as he played with some badly woven bandages.

"And?" Gaius asked, looking up from his pestle and mortar.

"We talked." Merlin shrugged. "I don't know...it was a lot for him to take in."

Gaius' hands shook a little as he transferred the crushed seeds to the powdered root. "Was he angry"?

"A little." She thought of Arthur's snarling rage when he'd heard about Edwin and the witch finder.

Or the long silence when she'd talked of Mordred's destiny. "It depended on the tale."

Gaius nodded, swallowing. "Were there any he was pleased about?" he asked with a bit more bite than she'd usually expect from him.

"The sword." Merlin rolled her eyes. "I swear, if I'd created a piece of weaponry every time I lied to him, he wouldn't care. I think he was a little relieved to find out that I hadn't helped him directly as often as he'd thought. He seemed to be worried I'd tripped up every man that had faced him in combat."

Gaius didn't smile.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Yes." He snapped himself out of whatever he'd been thinking. "I need you to deliver these to the holding area for the contestants."

Merlin nodded, "You'll watch Valen."

"Of course."

* * *

It was easier to dismiss Gaius' strange behaviour once she was out in the fresh air. He'd probably slept badly or something. Maybe he was peeved at her for telling Arthur everything, who knew?

Still, the general buzz around the tournament had her forgetting her worries quickly. It was good to see people again, Mary from the kitchens, Adam who was just getting the hand of mucking out the stables.

She even spotted poor Fabian cleaning Arthur's leather in the preparation room.

"Do you need a hand?" she asked, stepping in.

Fabian glanced up with a worried expression. "No my lady." he hurried to say.

"My Lady?" Merlin laughed, "Come on, I'm not that bad at it."

Fabian looked pained and desperate. "I_"

"Oh look, if it isn't the prince of Camelot himself." The newcomer was a rather imposing man, built thickly like a bear and a sneer on his face.

Fabian froze in his task, "Oh...noo...I..." he looked at Merlin as if for help, "I'm his servant."

"Really? I've always wanted a servant." The newcomer slammed his boot on the chair next to Fabian pointedly while his companion laughed.

"Go and get one then." Merlin snapped.

It was a mistake. She knew it the second the words left her lips. Both men turned around while

Fabian stared at her in disbelief.

The first man smiled, "Are you offering yourself girl? You're a bit skinny for my tastes but I'm sure we'll find something for you to do."

Merlin tilted her head up as he advanced, clearly intending to intimidate her into backing up. "Try it." she suggested with a snarl.

Fabian moved to leap across the desk but the second man gripped him by the scruff of the neck

holding him in place.

"Servants don't interfere." He hissed.

"Lay one finger on her and you'll regret it." Fabian hissed back.

The first man chuckled and shook his head. "Clean my boots, girl."

Merlin switched her gaze to meet Fabian's, her stunned look mirrored in his. Slowly, she tilted her chin and swallowed back the insult that rose to her lips.

It wasn't worth it. And it wasn't as if she hadn't cleaned boots a thousand times before.

Stiffly she turned to the bench, looking for a rag.

"Don't do it." The voice was new, younger and far more nervous.

Turning, she saw that her first aggressor had a whip in his hand, poised to strike. Both had turned to stare at the young man that stood, eyes wide with barely suppressed fear but determined.

For heaven's sake, this was getting stupid. Merlin raised her eyes wondering when the preparation rooms had become so popular. She could still count on one hand the amount of times someone had entered while she was working as Arthur's manservant.

Turning, she saw that her first aggressor had a whip in his hand, poised to strike. Both had turned to stare at the young man that stood, eyes wide with barely suppressed fear but determined.

For heaven's sakes, this was getting stupid. Merlin raised her eyes wondering when the preparation rooms had become so popular. She could still count on one hand the amount of times someone had entered while she was working as Arthur's manservant.

"Oh so you've decided to join us after all." The stocky man with the whip crowed. Over his shoulder Merlin caught Fabian's eye as the manservant struggled in the taller, bald man's grip. Fabian kept flicking his eyes pointedly to the corner where they both knew a small door was that led out to the practice yards.

Merlin ignored him and, out of the corner of her eye, saw Fabian huff in frustration. The three men seemed to know each other, though she couldn't imagine where the younger man had met the other two. He seemed so naïve, talking to the pair as if he were still a child in a school room.

The bald man shoved Fabian down on to the table and then let him go, joining the stocky one. Fabian lifted himself up a little, eyes staying on the trio and every part of him ready to move if it was called for.

And, from the way he was eyeing up the corner, Merlin could pretty much guess his first reaction would be to remove her from the fight rather than try and stop it.

She would have to talk to Arthur about that. His manservant couldn't go around acting like her personal bodyguard after all.

As it turned out neither of them should have bothered. The stocky man drew back his arm to crack the whip in his hand but the young man already had a sword in his. The whip got caught around the sword and then the young man had both weapons, ducking to untie the whip from the sword quickly.

The stockier man tugged out a knife from his belt, hefting it as he prepared to throw it.

"Watch out," Merlin said, stepping forward just as Fabian leapt and grabbed her back. But the young man just cracked the whip and knocked it to the floor, a red gash appearing on the red knuckles as if by magic.

"Get out," The young man whispered, swinging the whip with surprising ease.

Fabian pulled her back even further, planting himself in between her and the men. But it seemed that for now their quarrel was at an end as she saw the three glare at each other before the two aggressors left.

Fabian still didn't move. When the young man stepped towards them he tugged her completely behind him.

"I won't harm her." The young man said, sounding quietly offended at the idea. "I just wanted to thank her, for the warning."

Fabian still stayed where he was. With a huff, Merlin just side-stepped him.

"It's me who should be grateful." she paused as Fabian shifted again, "Us." She added pointedly and had a slight satisfaction of seeing Fabian squirm a bit.

The young man looked her up and down, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks as he turned away to replace the sword, occupying himself a little to completely with the weaponry. "It's alright. I've already had a run in with those two." He seemed to be revelling in the moment, unused to it as he was.

"You have?" Merlin asked stepping forward, eyes narrowing as she tried to work out of he'd been hurt by that previous run in. It had been sheer luck that had kept him from a beating, surely he couldn't have been that lucky twice.

Fabian made an uncomfortable noise as he looked between them and then at his work and then at the door.

"I dealt with it." The pride in the young man's voice was easily apparent as he tried to imply it was no big deal to him. He turned, looking at her with more confidence now. "They shouldn't have treated you like that."

Merlin smiled, charmed by his sweetness.

"No they shouldn't" Fabian muttered darkly.

The young man suddenly eyed Fabian suspiciously, his gaze darting between them. Then his eyes seemed to pick up on something.

"You're a healer?" he asked with what sounded like genuine interest.

Merlin glanced down at the vials still hanging from her belt. She still needed to deliver Gaius' potions to those standing at the edge of the ring.

"I...sometimes." she flashed a grin, "Depends on the day."

The young man opened his mouth to say something but was drowned out by a loud, infuriated shout that echoed down the halls.

"FABIAN."

Arthur.

Eyes widening with horror Merlin whirled about to Fabian, "Don't you dare say a word."

Fabian backed up a little, "You want me to lie to him?"

"He'll overreact. You know what he's like." Merlin pleaded. "Just...conveniently forget."

"If there is someone threatening you_" The young man said, stepping forward and gently taking her arm.

"Don't_" Fabian started moving forward.

Merlin stared at the hand on her arm in confusion, trying to work out what had got the young man sounding so concerned.

"What is going on?"

They all turned to the prince that stood in the doorway, hands frozen in the middle of pulling his gloves on. Arthur's eyes seemed to scan all of them before resting on the hand on Merlin's arm.

Merlin stared down again.

"He saved us." she cheeped quickly. "From, you know, those people that have come to compete in the tournament. You know, the kind of people that are attracted to things like fights without rules, money and general violence." Her voice became stronger as Arthur rolled his eyes at her. "The kind of people you think it's good to welcome into Camelot and then compete against."

"And that requires his hand on you?" Arthur asked, relaxing a little but still not seeming completely happy with the situation.

Merlin looked down and then at the young man. "Probably not." she said, giving him a pointed look.

The young man hesitantly dropped his hand, looking between them all.

"Thank you." Arthur said, "For stepping in." Despite his words his tone remained a little icy and was a clear dismissal. "Fabian could you take the leather to my rooms please."

"Of course, your highness." Fabian said ducking his head a little and putting far too much emphasis on the "your highness" for Merlin's liking.

The young man's eyes widened in shock and then narrowed on her.

"You are competing in the tournament?" Arthur asked, stepping forward and continuing to put his gloves on as Fabian collected the leather and bolted for the door.

"I am." The young man nodded, stepping away from Merlin.

"And your name?"

"Gilly." There was defiance in the young man's tone that Arthur, after years of putting up with Merlin could hardly ignore.

But he did. Merlin blinked at him as their eyes met and Arthur somehow managed to herd her away from Gilly without even seeming to.

"Then Gilly, I look forward to watching you in the tournament." Arthur shot him a clear look which this time Gilly could not ignore. With clear annoyance in every line of his body, Gilly turned and left.

Arthur stared after him for a moment.

"Were you waiting for a bow?" Merlin asked as Arthur kept staring at the door.

Slowly Arthur turned back to her with a raised eyebrow and the look on his face that invited her to say more even though it wouldn't end well. Wisely Merlin rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"I should go. Gaius needs me to deliver these." she glanced down at the vials to check they were all still intact.

Arthur followed her gaze and then bowed, "After you then." he said with a suddenly dangerous smile.

Unsure, she stepped forward, keeping a careful eye on him as she passed. But he didn't reach out for her as she thought he would.

At least not until she'd past him.

A hand slithered around her waist, pulling her back against him as he ducked down to whisper in her ear.

"Point them out to me."

Closing her eyes Merlin let out an annoyed huff, "Arthur, they asked me and Fabian to shine their shoes. We're servants it's hardly_"

"Then I'll ask Fabian." Arthur said in an even voice, his nose brushing against the side of her face as the breath of his voice as he whispered made her shiver.

"Don't make it more of an issue than it is." Merlin warned, amazed that her voice remained even.

Arthur just breathed in and tightened his grip. "I want to see you properly before the tournament."

"Tonight?" she asked. "I can bring Valen_"

"No. I have dinner with my father and Morgana. It won't put me in the best of moods." Arthur took a deep breath, "Come and see me in the morning. Before."

Merlin turned in his arms, their lips brushing faintly before she pulled back to look at him. "This isn't going to end well Arthur." she warned, her hand reaching up to the back of his neck, even as she said it.

"Tomorrow morning." he reiterated, ignoring her words. A smile graced his face, "We can even start to teach Valen how to dress a knight. We should start combating whatever he'd inherited from you in that regard as early as possible."

Merlin just raised her hand from his neck and swatted him across the back of the head.

* * *

Valen unfortunately showed himself to be her son the next morning when he turned his back on the proceedings and sat babbling at a puppet Arthur had left on the floor.

"Not a word." she muttered to the amused looking prince who looked far too happy about the situation.

"I wouldn't dare." Arthur watched as she fastened the straps. "I missed you doing this." he confessed, his voice dropping to the more serious tone that she was starting to enjoy hearing.

"Well...I missed talking to you before you did something stupid." she offered as she tightened the buckle.

Arthur glared at her. "The tournament is not stupid. Many use it to show their prowess."

Merlin nodded, "Thus my point."

"Merlin_"

"I mean, the last time they held the tournament three men died," she said, dropping her voice to a pointed whisper. "And that was just on the first day."

Arthur looked a little ill. "Merlin_"

"And on that second day_"

"Then let's just get through the first shall we." Arthur suggested, holding up his hands for her to give him the sword.

"You're right," Merlin said, brightening up. "'Cause that's when most people die." She allowed him to take the sword, despite the fact that he looked as if he'd dearly love to whack her over the head with it. Accepting it Arthur looked as if he was clenching his jaw together as he tried to decide what to say.

"Merlin?"

"Yes?"

Arthur plucked her chin up and kissed her. "Shut up."

* * *

Hope you all liked! Update news about chapters is on my profile - i do try to put something on there if it's been a while just to let you know the fic hasn't been forgotten about.


	26. Chapter 26

Hello all, sorry for the delay but it is a long one! Huge, massive thanks to my wonderful beta ACDiNosey for slugging through it over the past few days with me!

Spoilers for 3x11

Hope you all enjoy :)

* * *

Merlin placed herself at the edge of the ring where she could see the events and help Gaius should he need it. In her arms, Valen stared as the contestants lined themselves up.

"Dada," Valen pointed and looked at Merlin seriously, then babbled something at her.

Hefting the baby, Merlin stroked the arm that pointed to Arthur.

And Uther.

What on earth was the King doing? At his side, Arthur leant forward to catch her eye with an annoyed look of his own.

Clearly he felt the same way she did.

On the royal stand, Morgana stood, looking every inch the perfect royal as she declared the tournament's start. And for a second, just a second, Merlin noticed the similar shade of both Uther and Morgana's eyes.

Shaking her head, Merlin refocused as the contestants moved out of the ring, leaving only Uther and a long haired northerner who swung a mace with ease.

Arthur made his way towards her, his face like thunder.

"What happened?" she asked as she watched Uther circle his opponent before putting his helmet on.

"Morgana." Arthur snarled. "She was making all sorts of cutting comments last night about the tournament and my father not competing."

Up on the stands, Morgana was watching them with a frosty gaze. Merlin caught her eye until Morgana smirked and looked away, turning back to Uther's fight.

"She wants him dead."

Merlin shook her head, "He's the reigning champion. This is hardly the greatest assassination attempt in the world."

Arthur couldn't seem to tear his eyes off his father. "No-one would ever accuse Morgana of patience. She's probably just seized an opportunity."

"Or she's trying to drive a wedge between you and your father." Merlin said after a moment.

"She hardly needs to try at that." Arthur snapped, the worry in his eyes belying his words.

Merlin glanced over at him. "Arthur, despite all he's done, he is still your father."

Arthur's only response was to tighten his jaw.

* * *

Arthur stared at the scorch marks in the door as his father nodded at Gaius' explanation for the smell. Opposite him, Merlin leant against the wall looking anywhere but at the King.

"Very well." His father turned to leave, "Arthur, I shall see you in the tents."

Arthur nodded, "Yes, father."

Gaius also turned to leave but Arthur shot him such a look that the old man ducked his head and waited.

"Well?" Arthur asked, once he was sure his father was out of ear-shot. Gaius looked hesitant and desperately unwilling but Merlin just leant her head back against the wall with a sigh.

"Gilly has a magic ring." She said sounding tired. "He's trying to use magic to win the tournament."

Arthur glanced back at the door. "And the light?"

"It was probablya rudimentary healing spell." It was strange hearing Gaius talk about magic so freely. Even stranger still to hear the waver in his voice. "The heat cauterises the wound."

"He refused to be seen by us earlier when he was wounded." Merlin piped up, still leaning against the wall as if she had the weight of the world upon her.

Arthur studied her and took a deep breath, "What do we do?"

Merlin wordlessly shook her head.

"I'm afraid, sire, that are options are limited." Gaius still sounded worryingly hesitant. "We can leave him be or expose him to the King."

"He could kill someone." Arthur muttered, looking away and staring at the scorch marks once more. He hated the secrecy, the crumbling weight of it all, the trapped feeling that made him want to snap and snarl at his still gloating and absent father.

"It's a tournament without rules." Merlin pointed out dryly. "Any weapon is allowed."

"You condone this?" Arthur asked with a hiss.

Merlin opened her eyes and turned her head, "No, but I won't send him to a certain death either, Arthur."

Arthur stared between the two of them. "Is there no other option?"

"I'll talk to him_"

"And say what?" Arthur snapped at Merlin.

Merlin and Gaius exchanged a look. "Sometimes just talking to them, listening, can prevent disaster." Gaius said gently. "It is often our only other option."

Arthur closed his eyes. "Do it then."

"Arthur_"

"I need to practice." Arthur shook his head, "Who knows, I might be facing him next."

He pretended not to see when Gaius slipped something, a small something that caught the morning sun, into Merlin's hand.

* * *

The Rising Sun inn was busy. Busy enough that no-one really paid Merlin any attention as she made her way up the twisting stairs and to the rooms some of the competitors were using.

She knocked, knowing only Gilly was in there.

"Who is it?"

Gilly sounded so frightened, so childlike that Merlin almost wanted to back away from what she was about to do. But still she opened the door.

"Merlin." She said with a smile.

Gilly looked tense as he sat on the floor, in the corner; every part of him was straining like one of Arthur's greyhounds.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I've come to see how you are." She smiled in what she hoped was a non-threatening way. "Can I have a look?" she asked motioning to his bad arm.

"Shouldn't you be seeing to the prince?" Gilly retorted, leaning back sullenly.

Merlin sighed and sat on one of the beds, turning her profile to him. "You know who I am then?"

Out of the corner of her eyes she saw him frown, "One of his...women?"

It would have been easy to take offence if not for the hesitancy in his tone. Either he had no idea who she was or didn't like to say it.

"I was his manservant." She smiled and turned her face to him. "A magic user discovered my secret and..."

_The laughter echoed in the caves as a sharp, stabbing pain invaded her thoughts before fading to a dull, uncomfortable and full throb._

"Are you alright?" Gilly asked, leaning forward.

Merlin shifted back a little and nodded, "We have a son together. That's why Fabian reacted the way he did. Why the Prince reacted like that."

Comprehension dawned on Gilly's face, "You're..." He winced and seemed to look anywhere but at her. "I've heard the stories. I..." he hesitated and watched her like one would watch a wounded bird, "It must have been terrible...I'm sorry"

She held up a hand, stopping the earnest tumble of apologies before the sheer pity made her scream. Instead she looked away and smiled weakly, "Good," she said trying to move on, "Makes it easier." Her smile was weak and faded at best. "The prince...he can be overprotective because of this"

Merlin nodded, "Good...makes it easier."

Gilly shifted on the blankets. "I...my arm is fine, thank you." He seemed to be avoiding looking at her now.

Merlin nodded, "Good. I'm looking forward to seeing you again in the tournament. The way you fought the other day...it was incredible."

Gilly tensed even more, "Yeah?" he asked, guilt heavy in his voice.

"For someone your size...to beat a man like that," Merlin smiled gleefully, "I'm sure a lot of people are going to think you're using magic." She turned to him, her voice dropping to toneless as she glared at him questioningly.

Gilly froze, his eyes betraying him.

"I...I'm not."

Nodding to herself, Merlin pulled out the ring that Gaius had slipped her as Arthur was leaving earlier. When she turned back to him, Gilly was staring at the ring in her hands with surprise.

"It bears a mark of the old religion." Merlin said contemplating it for a moment as the metal caught the firelight.

Gilly stood slowly.

"I don't use it like those people do. Like the ones who hurt you." He stepped forward. "I want to help people. You saw_"

She cut him off by tossing the ring to him. He scrambled to catch it, as if it were the most precious thing in the world.

And that, she thought, was dangerous.

"Where did you get it from?" she asked.

"My father. He left it to me"

"Did he have the same powers as you?" Merlin asked, curious.

"He was a gifted man. But he would not touch magic. He vowed never to use it. He feared it." A petulant look passed over Gilly like a shadow. "He wouldn't even let me talk about it."

Merlin looked away, unable to cope with the idea that Valen might one day speak with the same disenchantment, the same bitterness. "Why?"

"He was scared Uther would find out. That the King would discover he was a sorcerer. Even when he was attacked; he had three men on him and he still wouldn't use this." Gilly held the ring up to the light, eyes unnaturally bright.

Merlin took a deep breath, wishing she could believe Arthur when he said he wouldn't care if Uther dropped dead in the middle of battle tomorrow.

"I know you might think magic is evil." Gilly said after a moment spentcollecting himself, "But I'm just using a tool, a skill,the way others use a knife or a mace or a shield."

"But magic is banned." Merlin said quietly, still staring off into the distance.

"But I can use it. To help, to show people that they shouldn't just dismiss us because we're peasants." Gilly took a gentle step towards her. "The prince...do you not feel trapped, helpless and at his mercy."

"No." The answer was so simple in her mind that it didn't justify explanation.

"What about the King?" Gilly challenged.

That Merlin couldn't answer so easily.

"You are more protected than most and still you are at his mercy." Gilly sounded so...earnest that Merlin had to shut her eyes. "Without magic I'm nothing. Nobody."

And god, couldn't she see another teenager, years ago, yelling that at Gaius.

Opening her eyes she looked up at the young man.

"You're not a nobody, you're-"

What?

Just like me?

"-Special." she finished.

"Then let me prove that." Gilly asked.

And Merlin couldn't find it in herself to say no.

* * *

As she entered, Arthur was sat staring moodily ahead while Fabian polished his sword.

Merlin took the tools off the manservant and nodded to the door. Flashing her a grateful look, Fabian darted out of the chambers.

"You're getting good at that." Arthur muttered, his chin resting in the arm that was sprawled across the table as if he'd just collapsed on that spot.

Merlin just smiled and started up the familiar routine, Arthur's eyes following the stone as she scraped.

"What do I do?" Arthur asked.

Merlin paused and looked down at him.

"If I fight my father tomorrow, the way I can..." Arthur seemed to consider that for a moment, "I'll show him up, I'll humiliate him in front of his people."

Merlin put the sword and the stone down.

"Or, worse, I could even wound or kill him," Arthur sat back, hands gripping the table as he sulked.

"He's not going to back down, is he?" Merlin said watching him, "He's determined to prove himself..."

Arthur searched her face before wincing and looking away and out the window as if to escape the only possible answer he saw.

"You have to let him win." Merlin said, cringing in sympathy at Arthur's obvious pain at the idea.

Arthur turned his head back from the window, lip curled in distaste as if he were a twelve-year-oldat his first feast.

"You don't have to put up with the gloating." Arthur whined. The idea seemed to suddenly irritate him so much that he pushed himself out of his chair. "Do you have any idea what it's like to live with a man who constantly thinks he's the best?"

That was too easy.

"Mmm," Merlin nodded as he walked by her. "Must be irritating."

His stomping footsteps paused.

"Don't think I didn't hear that." He muttered before continuing over to the far table to check all was there, ready for the following day.

"Well...just think. One day, Valen may be complaining to someone about having the exact same problem."

"My father's stubbornness? Probably." Arthur muttered.

"Prat." Merlin muttered under her breath as she checked the sword in the light.

"Speaking of whom, where is Valen?"

"With Gaius." Merlin shook her head, "He's been acting strangely since the tournament begun.

"Valen?"

"No," Merlin turned to glare at Arthur, "How on Earth would Valen be acting strangely. He's not even a year old."

"He could be refusing to eat." Arthur muttered.

Unwilling to concede the point, Merlin just switched back to the subject. "I meant Gaius. He's been snappy for days. Ever since the tournament began."

"No, he's been snappy since you told me everything." Arthur corrected, seeming unconcerned as he held up gauntlets to scrutinise.

"I never knew you checked your armour." Merlin muttered, watching him.

"It's a habit I began when you were my manservant." Arthur retorted, putting the gauntlets back down. "I'll speak with Gaius."

"Why? What would that achieve?" Merlin asked leaning against the back of the chair.

Arthur studied her and then shook his head, "I'll talk to him."

"You're not going to tell me?" she asked.

Glancing heavenwards Arthur huffed, "He's waiting for me to react."

"To?"

"To everything. He's been the person guiding you. If I disagree with anything then the most obvious person for me to take it out on would be him."

"Or Kilgharrah." Merlin added, feeling a little numb.

"I'm not going to yell at a dragon." Arthur muttered as if she were a silly three year old.

"Are you going to yell at Gaius?"

Arthur shook his head, "Not yell."

"But_"

"It's between him and me." Arthur said, trying to dismiss the topic.

"I'm not some mindless obedient idiot." Merlin snapped.

"I had noticed_"

"Then why would you blame him and not me?" Merlin asked pushing off the back of the chair and advancing on Arthur.

"Because at some point, Merlin, he should have come to me."

"He was protecting us both, if Uther had found out about the magic_"

"Not just the magic." Arthur hissed. "You had two ridiculously dangerous secrets. He'd have been furious if it had been revealed I had a girl as a manservant, especially as he appointed you to the position. As it was, Valen was the only reason he let it go. You were unbelievably lucky not to have ended up in a situation where either secret could have been exposed_"

"As opposed to the situation I did end up in?" Merlin snarled.

Arthur took a step away from her as if she'd hit him.

"I didn't..." Merlin closed her eyes. "I didn't mean it like that."

They stood in silence as Arthur seemed to struggle to collect himself.

"Gaius told you not to come to me. Not to go to Morgana. I can understand his reluctance but if I had known...if you'd felt confident enough to talk to Morgana then a lot of this wouldn't be happening." Arthur said in an overly careful manner.

"You can't think like that, Arthur_"

"But I do." Arthur shook his head. "If he hadn't said half the things he said_"

"Then I'd be dead a thousand times over." Merlin said gently.

Arthur looked away, "I understand that. But he and I still need to talk."

Merlin sighed and reached out for his hand. "Not tonight though?"

Arthur shook his head, staring at their interlocked fingers and then back up at her.

Merlin took a deep breath, "Should I stay?"

A look of wonder crossed Arthur's clear blue eyes and he swallowed heavily, his eyes sliding by hers and in the direction of the bed.

"I'm not ready to...I...but I would like to wake up with you." Merlin squeezed his fingers feeling so fragile that she might blow away into the wind at any second.

Arthur leant forward and pressed a very careful kiss to her forehead. "You have to go," he murmured.

Hurt, she pulled back and yanked her fingers from his.

"What?" she asked, her voice sounding terribly loud after all their soft words.

"The guards will talk." Arthur's rough voice just grated on her nerves.

"So? They always talk." Merlin hissed.

"And they always know the gossip is unfounded." Arthur scraped a hand through his hair, "In truth you should stop coming in here alone."

Merlin's mouth dropped open as she stared at the prince in disbelief.

"Why does it matter?" she asked after a moment, shaking her head in bewilderment.

"It will matter." Arthur said, staring at the wall behind her head. "You need to leave. We've been alone long enough."

It was as if he'd cracked a whip.

"By all means, then," she yelled storming over to the door. "I wouldn't want to get in the way of the almighty alone-time of Prince Clotpole."

On the other side of the door, the guards looked torn between amusement and horror.

"And you lot are worse than village hags on a Sunday afternoon." she finished, storming down the corridor and wishing she could just blast passers-by with fireballs.

* * *

Losing to his father was painful.

Far too painful.

Even worse was Merlin glaring at him the whole way through and Gaius's half looks in his direction.

It was insufferable.

Arthur was tempted to wait until the following morning before he made his way down to Gaius. If for no other reason than he could imagine Merlin had spent a great deal of time pacing the room and sniping about him and might still be complaining about him, even if it had been almost twenty four hours since their fight.

Thankfully there was no sign of Merlin as he walked through the open door. Instead, Gaius was standing, bent over an old, scarred wooden desk as he made some poultice, checking through his notes with a tight mouth every so often.

Very slowly, Arthur turned and shut the door.

He then drew the old and rusted bolt across.

When he turned back, Gaius had stood and was swallowing nervously.

"Did it ever occur to you to tell me?" Arthur asked leaning against the door and folding his arms.

Gaius watched him carefully, "Which secret?"

Arthur took a deep breath, "Either."

"I almost confessed to you that Merlin was a girl during her first week of service. You seemed determined to do anything to get rid of her and I found this to be most unfair. Afterwards, the more time passed and the less important it seemed."

Arthur nodded very slowly, "And the magic?"

Gaius searched his face with tired eyes for a very long time. "I never considered it seriously. After your recovery from the questing beast, you scolded her for something I happened to hear. I wished nothing more than reveal to you what she'd risked, what I'd risked."

"You never trusted me?" Arthur asked, his voice betraying little.

Gaius sighed and sat suddenly, "You had your moments, Arthur. Moments of greatness, of understanding and deep kindness. But you also were petty and vindictive and spoilt. Some days it was hard to know which Prince I would be talking to."

Hurt, Arthur looked away.

"But this is not why you came down to see me, is it?"

Arthur looked back to see Gaius still staring at him and suddenly felt like he was ten years old again.

"I would not allow Merlin to risk everything for Morgana." Gaius said, his voice wavering. "And, mark my words, Arthur, I have no doubt that it would have made a difference, that if they had connected before Morgause arrived then Morgana would at least be wavering about destroying Uther. But Morgana was very similar to you in many ways; you both had a capacity to be exceedingly good and gracious and then be thoughtless and childish."

"She was better than I" Arthur snapped suddenly. "She was always standing up to my father for some waif or stray."

"But can you swear, hand on heart, that she was doing it for selfless reasons or simply to be stubborn and annoy the King?"

It was on the tip of Arthur's tongue to deny it but the words died before they started as he remembered the eager glint he'd seen in Morgana's eye when she and his father had fought.

"You cannot conceive, Arthur, how terrifying it is to be a member of the court, at Uther's mercy. The King's word is law, which means that everything, every single thing depends on his mood. What would have happened if the King had been in a different mood when Merlin saved you for the first time? Perhaps he'd have simply felt it was any citizen's duty and Merlin would never have been your manservant."

Arthur shook his head, "I don't believe that."

"Then consider this: I have been his physician since long before you were born. I relinquished magic when he asked me to do so and he knows how painful that was for me. I stood by his side as he hunted my friends and watched as his actions transformed loved ones into bitter and twisted versions of themselves. Whatever you have felt at witnessing Morgana's decline, I have felt a thousand times over. I have seen children die for no other reason than their parents having a gift. Your father knows all I have seen, all I have done and that yet I still work here. And after all this, when the witch-finder came, he was in such a foul mood that he believed I should be thrown into the dungeons and burnt.

And for that matter, Arthur, so did you."

Arthur stared at him.

"I have cured you, tended to your first wounds, given you advice and never turned you from my door. I told you stories about your mother when you asked and have had you in my sole care many a time. Tell me Arthur, the magic that was used that pushed your father to call for the witch finder, what was it?"

"A horse made of smoke."

"A horse made of smoke." Gaius shook his head, "And for that I deserved to be tortured and die?"

"I..."

"Should I have sought you then? Should I have explained to you that Merlin had acted unwisely and out of boredom that morning, and so had resorted to a child's trick? That she had returned home a little worried that she'd been seen but sure that no-one could link such harmless magic to her and that no-one would care. At what point when you were preparing for the witchfinder should I have told you that the witch was in my chambers? When should I have gone to you to explain that the witchfinder was falsifying evidence? How would that have made me look to you? When should I have confessed I was lying to protect Merlin? During the "interrogation"? Should I have tried to have a conversation with you while standing on a pyre about to be burnt and waiting for you to give the order?" Gaius' voice remained soft, calm and unhurried, as it had when Arthur was a boy and Gaius told him all the common wounds from jousting so Arthur could avoid them.

Arthur closed his eyes.

"If it is any consolation Arthur, I would tell you now."

Curious, Arthur looked again.

"The man you are now is much calmer. Much more independent and infinitely stronger. Far more forgiving and understanding. You are wise enough to know you do not know everything and now you listen to people."

Gaius's hand trembled as he reached for the pestle. "I have served your father for years, for many reasons, not all of which I'm proud of." His knuckles turned white as his grip tightened. "I look forward to the day, Arthur, when I follow a king I respect and trust."

"Gaius_"

"Merlin has gone to talk to the young sorcerer again." Gaius started to grind the seeds, seemingly still refusing to look up. "It may benefit you to listen."

Arthur nodded, then shook his head, "I'll be seen. People will wonder why I was at the tavern."

"And don't you think they will be curious as to why Merlin is there?"

* * *

The Rising Sun was just as Arthur remembered it from when he'd snuck in years ago and swept through it during a patrol. It was crowded and smoky with bawdy laughter and the rather tempting smell of fresh ale.

Disinclined to draw attention to himself he simply wandered through the inn, peering into rooms as he went. The further up the inn he got, the easier it became, as the loud voices of the men below became a distant rumble in comparison to the loud, angry voice above him.

"How can you defend him? He's killed our kind and yet you stand there and defend him? And his son?"

Arthur moved quicker up the stairs, heart fluttering at the idea that someone else could be listening to this argument. Thankfully, most seemed as if they would be too drunk to care and most of the men staying here wouldn't care anyway.

Still, it incensed him to hear the secret shouted.

And it scared him.

With his stomach churning, he got to the landing.

"Good man? After what he did_"

Merlin's reply was too soft to be heard but he could recognise the sound of her voice.

"Then you're a bigger idiot than I thought if you believe that." The boy snapped.

Arthur opened the door. There was a gasp, and it flew back at him. Clenching his jaw, he stared at the wooden planks in front of him and tried to push it again.

Merlin relaxed the moment she saw it was him, but he still saw the way her shoulders sagged in relief and let out a long breath. Behind her, the boy from the tournament...Gilly?...stiffened ever further. There was a wild, desperate look in his eyes that Arthur had once seen in a man he had hunted down. The man had found himself on the edge of a cliff and had flung himself over it rather than to be arrested.

Slowly, he reached out a hand to Merlin, determined to put himself between her and Gilly.

Merlin, being Merlin, just ignored it and focused her attention back on Gilly.

"He won't arrest you." Merlin said as if coaxing a baby animal out of its hiding place. "I promise."

"He's Uther's son." Gilly snarled, eyes wholly fixed on Arthur. "He doesn't even think we're human."

Merlin swallowed, "Gilly," she took a step closer to the boy, much to Arthur's annoyance. "I know it's hard but you have to trust me. I know Arthur and I trust him. One day we won't have to live in fear. And what happened to your father need never happen again."

It was on the tip of Arthur's tongue to ask what had happened. He'd have to ask later. Gilly seemed to hesitate for a moment and then shook his head.

"No. No. He and his father won't be happy until we're nothing more than ash." Gilly's voice was so full of loathing and bitterness that Arthur nearly took a step back.

He expected Merlin to refute this, to point out that Valen would never be marched to the pyre but Merlin remained strangely silent on that topic.

"If you use magic in the tournament tomorrow to kill the King_"

"Then we'll have him on the throne." Gilly sneered, "If what you're telling me is true then what have we to be afraid of?"

"I can't change the minds of the kingdom overnight." Arthur snapped, regretting it when Gilly's eyes narrowed challengingly.

"Then do what he did and kill anyone who disagrees with you. Perhaps it will be good to give people a taste of what we've had to endure." Gilly snarled.

"It will never end." Merlin's voice dropped suddenly, sounding colder, older. "It will be an unending cycle of bloodshed and hatred."

"But we'd win." Gilly said in a chilling voice. "If we all stood together, we'd win."

"That won't happen."

Gilly took a deep breath. "Look," he said, "Watch how easy it is."

And his eyes went gold.

There was the strangest sensation in front of Arthur, as if the air was being churned in multiple directions and was becoming as thick as treacle.

Gilly staggered and panted.

Merlin stood utterly still.

"You're still protecting him." Gilly whined. "He's a killer. The things he's done in his father's name to our kind… if you knew..."

"Enough." Merlin said simply.

Gilly shook his head, "He should pay." The table and beds started to rattle as his eyes went gold again. The fire started to burn higher and the panes in the window shook.

"I said enough." Merlin ordered.

And everything went still.

Arthur watched Gilly carefully, having seen that look on young knights' faces before. It was the look of someone humiliated and desperate to prove something.

"Merlin," Arthur started, "Let him calm down."

Even as he said it a knife hurtled in his direction. Arthur moved out of its way but it stopped dead.

Then there was something like an explosion in front of Gilly and the boy was flung backwards and into the wall. But instead of dropping he was slowly raised up the cheap paintwork.

"How dare you_" Merlin begun.

"What are you going to do? Kill me? You're as bad as he is." Gilly muttered, his cheeks burning red.

Arthur saw Merlin's breath hitch.

Stepping forward, Arthur placed himself at her side. And this time, when Arthur reached out and gently tugged on Merlin's wrist, she went to him. Gilly dropped to the floor into a graceless heap as Merlin shook slightly in Arthur's arms. Over her head, he caught Gilly's eye with a silent command and then looked down at Merlin.

"Go outside and calm down," he suggested gently.

"I'm not leaving you with him_"

"Merlin." Arthur squeezed her wrist, "Please."

For a moment, he thought she would defy him as she searched his face, a thunderous expression crossing hers. However, whatever she saw made her drop her shoulders and nod.

But not before she tugged her hand out of his and whirled on Gilly again.

"If he comes out with so much as a hair out of place, so help you." she muttered before yanking the door open and slamming it closed behind her.

Gilly eyed him up suspiciously. His mouth was still curled into a sullen frown and there was a clear look of hatred in his eyes.

"I understand-"

"You understand nothing." Gilly snapped. "How could you. You're the prince. Uther's son. A knight. People listen when you speak."

"And yet I have to hide." Arthur replied, watching the young man carefully. "I have to pretend. To say things I don't want to say, to do things...I don't want this."

Gilly narrowed his eyes but listened.

"I know why you'd want to kill him." Arthur said after a moment. "I have days where all I can think is how much easier it would be if my father were dead. But to kill him...the people would never trust magic again. This isn't something we can fix, there is no quick answer."

"You haven't been terrorised by him," Gilly snarled.

"No, but those that I love have." Arthur took a step forward. "He'd have Merlin on the block quicker than I could blink." And god help him, he couldn't even think about that image. "The court physician is one of his oldest friends and had been tortured under my father's orders. So many have suffered..." Arthur shook his head, "And if you do this, you are only continuing that suffering."

Gilly's eyes were damp. "No. You're just saying this. The world would be a better place without either of you in it_"

"To what end? Civil war?" Arthur shook his head, "Think beyondwhat you are doing."

"I won't be ordered about by you." Gilly's voice had now taken on an hysterical edge. "I won't. I'm not another servant for you to lord it over."

"Can you not understand the power you have in your hands?" Arthur snapped. "Your actions will decide what happens in Camelot. You can choose what to do."

"But no-one will know."

"Then no-one will know." Arthur snarled. "That's what Merlin did for years. She served me as a manservant, put up with all my remarks about how cowardly she was when in fact she'd risked more than half my knights put together. And she's the strongest person I know."

"That's not being strong." Gilly protested, "It's being weak. She's been pretending for so long now that she's become nothing more than your pet sorceress."

Arthur clenched his fists at his sides.

"It's time someone took a stand." Gilly, tilted his jaw at Arthur. "Neither of you will do it."

* * *

"He won't listen, will he?" Merlin asked as Arthur stepped out of the room.

Wordlessly, Arthur shook his head.

Merlin's eyes were bright in the light and she nodded.

* * *

"Shall I show you how to win a tournament son?" His father joked as he stood in the tent. He was staring down the line of the sword, checking for imperfections, just as he'd taught Arthur when he was seven years old.

Arthur pulled what he hoped was some appropriate expression and looked away.

"You will be watching closely?"

The tone wasn't teasing now, but more concerned, softer somehow.

Arthur nodded.

"Really,Arthur, there is no need to sulk." His father said frowning. "You will join me for dinner tonight and we can discuss matters."

Discuss matters? Discuss what? Either the man would be dead or Arthur would hate him even more for what Merlin had been forced to do.

Why was he hoping they would have dinner?

"I need to go." Arthur said turning without waiting for his father's leave. Surprisingly the King let him.

There was the odd occasion when his father knew exactly how to react to him.

That only made it harder though.

Across from the tent stood Merlin, without Valen, staring ahead as if lost in thought.

He wanted to go to her, to bury his face in her hair, in her neck,and pretend there was nothing else in the world but her. To reassure himself that nothing would change after today.

But if his plan with her was to work he couldn't.

And wasn't that another thing that rested on his father no longer being around.

Instead he simply stood next to her, close enough that he could pretend he could feel the warmth radiating from her.

"I have to sit in the stands." Arthur murmured.

"I know." She said, not looking at him.

He reached out with his gloved hands and brushed a finger across the back of her hand in an all too fleeting touch of comfort.

"I will not blame you for what may happen." Arthur swallowed against the cool wind. "Don't do anything you can't live with."

Merlin closed her eyes and nodded.

"I love you." his voice was almost lost in the wind, he half hoped it was because to his ears it sounded more like a plea than anything.

Merlin turned to look up at him and then back at the ring.

* * *

For a instant, it seemed as though Merlin wasn't going to do anything. Then silly things started to happen, the sword got stuck in the shield, Gilly overcompensated and then missed an easy swing.

Arthur risked a glance at Merlin whose eyes were trained upon Gilly.

It amazed him how utterly relieved he felt.

On and on it went. Next to him, Morgana seemed surprised at how well Gilly was doing. At times she became almost eager.

It made Arthur want to scream.

And then Gilly was on his back and his father stood with his sword poised over the boy.

Arthur couldn't look at Merlin.

And then, to his shock, his father turned away; a look of disgust on his face before he turned to smile at the crowds cheered.

It had never even occurred to them that Uther wouldn't finish Gilly off.

Arthur dared once again to look at Merlin.

She and Gilly were staring at each other. Her with tears in her eyes and him with anger. Slowly her blue eyes dragged from Gilly to Arthur and she nodded at him, just once.

There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do but close his eyes with the relief that swamped him so hard he thought he'd black out from it.

* * *

He left Merlin alone. Whatever she needed to say to Gilly or needed to hear from Gaius was probably more important.

Besides, he didn't have a clue what he would say to her. Instead, he took Valen from Gwen and went to have dinner with his father.

He arrived before Morgana and his father. Valen sat happily on his lap peering with interest at all the food on the table.

"You're a very lucky little boy to have such a mother." Arthur whispered to his son.

Valen twisted to look up at him and stared solemnly up, then offered Arthur a grape.

Chuckling, Arthur pressed a kiss to the soft blond hair.

"I thought the boy was going to kill me." His father said as he walked in with Morgana on his arm.

"So did I." Morgana said and Arthur wondered how his father didn't hear the vaguely bitter undertone in that statement.

"Then, suddenly, the old fighting spirit kicked in. I dug deep, found my strength, and the whole thing just began to flow. I felt at one with the sword," His father sat himself slowly into the chair and took a moment to tickle Valen's cheek, "My feet moved instinctively."

Arthur resisted the familiar urge to roll his eyes and instead plucked a few more grapes for Valen, trying to ignore the glowing feeling that his father was alive to be blabbering such nonsense.

"And now you're champion once again." Morgana's voice was sickly sweet and soothing. "And maybe you can give Arthur some lessons." Morgana tilted her head and smirked at Arthur.

His father shook his head as he offered some bread to Valen, "It is I who learned a great deal from our fight." he said in that warm and fond voice that always managed to relax Arthur. Surprised, Arthur looked over at Morgana who sat back in her seat.

"I can't see what," she said rather smugly.

"He's a far better warrior than you think. It is Arthur who should've claimed the prize." His father smiled over at Morgana looking utterly at ease and not at all the gloating, child-killing ogre Arthur had thought him to be earlier.

"But sadly he wasn't good enough." Morgana pulled a childish face at Arthur.

"Because he threw the fight." His father said in a very calm and strangely proud voice.

"You knew?" Arthur asked, spluttering on the deep sip of wine he'd taken. In his lap Valen squirmed and looked up at him with annoyance at the sudden movement.

Across the table Morgana's gleeful expression turned sullen.

"I've followed your progress with the sword since you were a boy. I know your abilities better than anyone." His father smiled fondly causing Arthur to place his goblet down with a weary thud.

How had he ever thought he would be fine with losing his father?

"I am eternally grateful." His Father continued with such pride in his voice that Arthur had to look away. "I can only hope that one day this little one shows you the same consideration you've shown me."

His father reached out and took Valen in a rare show of fondness that had Arthur staring. Uther smiled up at the baby who giggled in delight and babbled nonsense.

The sight of them made Arthur want to freeze time, to borrow Merlin's powers just for a moment. Because at that second he was sure, so very sure that his father would never, ever allow harm to come to Valen.

"In fact," His father continued, easily arranging Valen in his lap, "The most satisfying outcome of the tournament was that Arthur's actions have shown me that he is now truly ready to be King."

Not trusting himself, Arthur merely nodded.

"You are lucky little one. You shall witness two great Kings in your lifetime." Uther chuckled as he ruffled Valen's hair, an action Arthur knew was responsible for the scowl that crossed his son's face seconds later. "It is gratifying to see how much you have learntArthur. You have come a long way."

"I...thank you father." Arthur ducked his head, catching his father's happy gaze.

"And who knows," Morgana said from her chair, "One day Valen may see your heirs upon the throne and be able to tell such stories about the pair of you." she said to Arthur, smiling far too sweetly.

Uther nodded, "Indeed," he toasted her, "To Valen and the stories he may one day tell of us all."

Arthur nearly choked on the toast, unable to look into his son's blue eyes for the rest of the meal.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed! :)


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